Sunday, November 23, 2014

WWE Survivor Series 2014

Before the pre-show, they had a Countdown showing the 2001 Survivor Series main event THAT ALLOWED THE COMPANY TO CONTINUE. So somehow, The Authority is more important than that stip. Riley, Heyman, and Booker are on the panel. Booker's indoor scarves are amazing. They talk about who could be in charge next and Riley says maybe Heyman, who then gets nervous and talks about turbulence! Love this man. Barrett will be out later. THE NEW AND IMPROVED FANDANGO is next.

It's Fandango-Gabriel. King has a generic WWE logo shirt on. Rosa's here dancing to a salsa theme. Fandango is now dancing with her and this theme is rather nice. Fandango turning into a salsa dancer who wins instead of a ballroom dancer is...something. Gabriel's gone from sweet motocross gear to LA Park bottoms. They ramble on about those while talking about Ghost Rider and bitching about making outdated references. OH MY GOD I WANT A COMET TO STRIKE JUST THE COMMENTATORS. Holy Christ are they terrible! The crowd is making absolutely no noise. Lariat from Fandango spins Gabriel out. Flying legdrop won. This was nothing. Fandango might've actually been hurt by that since he didn't look good in there with Gabriel and they didn't even get time to have a decent match on an hour-long pre-show.
Awesome Ambrose-Rollins video sets up thanks. More words. Goofy stuff with Miz and Mizdow. Heyman talking about Mizdow is just bizarre.YES! IT'S BAD NEWS BARRETT! He says that Cena taking the Authority out would be good - HE'D RUN THE COMPANY, and that's bad news for Cena. Love this! AJ cuts a promo about the fun and games being over - it's time to be deadly-serious...over the butterfly belt. Long recap of the Cena-Authority stuff. Heyman and Booker talk about the stips, and then Cesaro's out saying he's neutral. THE REAL AMERICANS RE-EXPLODE! Zeb talks about Cesaro being a brown noser and I think we have another match. Swagger was too injured to be on Team Cena, but he can work here - although I can buy that hey, the match was made on Raw and he's already off the card officially there. Cesaro and Swagger had every match ever against each other, but with no drama since they just talked about the main event. They didn't even bury Swagger for his horrible haircut. Rolling Germans from Cesaro are a fantastic addition to his arsenal. After a billion ankle locks, Swagger won. I used to think Angle killing the ankle lock in main events was bad, but Swagger doing that in a nothing pre-show match is much worse. A LIMO PULLS UP AND WE GET SHOES and for the first time, see who wears them as it's Vince for a last-second BUY ME NOW thing.

Usos should really win the titles if they're doing a documentary on them tomorrow.UNAUTHORIZED VIEWERS #bewareandforewarned This video really should've aired before the PPV - it makes you care about every single guy on the teams. PPV opens with a Vince promo - well, I guess it should for this show. See, now I care - Cole said the announce team could change depending on the result. Vince says this will be a Survivor Series you never forget! He brought out The Authority. Wow, it actually is a $60 Raw promo. HHH put Vince over and Steph tried to get a VINCE VINCE VINCE chant going, which she couldn't say without sounding hoarse. Vince brings Cena out to tell him that if his team loses, he is personally responsible for firing his team - so Cena gets off the hook...why? HHH is doing an outstanding job of making these Superstars seem like 7-11 workers struggling from paycheck to paycheck. Steph says that even if they're not on TV due to the stip, they'll run the show. Vince clarifies, HERE ON THE PPV, that they would lose all power. After several centuries, Vince finally said that the only person who can re-hire Steph and HHH is Cena himself - so if you want to turn him heel, that's how you do it. And of course it has to involve HHH. Cole puts over THE BOMBSHELL - that if Team Authority loses, they lose power - so the stip we heard before, but with the Cena stipulation.

Match 1 - Fatal 4 Way Tag Team Title Match - Usos vs. Cosmic Twins vs. Mizes vs. Los Matadores

Usos are out in powder blue and orange gear that looks awful. Mizes are themselves. JBL references Harpo Marx. The Matadores took 20 years. Gold and Stardust came out, with Stardust going with red instead of blue trim. Cody's got a bad knee - he should stop doing shit that involves jumping off the barricade to the floor on a nightly basis. Stardust AND Stardust's Stumpers can fuck off. He's a fan of the '60s Riddler - great! Go buy the Blu Ray! JBL said a bull fighter could be RVD. Yup. Wow. JBL says that Papa Shango cursed Mizdow. I now want a skit with Papa Shango putting a curse on Mizdow. Guys did moves. None of them were called. I'm paying $9.99 a month to basically get screens to update characters in Fire Pro Wrestling Returns. Stardust hissed. Thank God I've got Smash Bros. to play on the Gamepad. JBL buries the stipulation since you should always want to be in or your partner or else you're guaranteed to not win. Miz tags himself in off of a Stardust sunset flip avoidance spot. Somersault dive from a Matador to Miz mid-ring.

Crowd makes no noise and Cole puts over THE UNIVERSE IS ON THE EDGE OF THEIR SEAT. Goldust tagged himself in after a quick Mizdow bit, which was funny. Back elbow to an Uso and Stardust gets back in for 2. Usos tag in after everyone does dives and a tower of doom back superplex spot leads to Miz tagging in, then Mizdow AND THEY WIN! Miz grabs the belts and the crowd goes crazy. Miz and Mizdow did a fantastic Boo/Yay bit!

Larry the Cable Guy spot. They plugged a live Stone Cold Podcast with Vince after Raw on 12/1.  Rose and the Bunny did a goofy action figure skit. Slater Gator came in and spoiled the party. Loved Titus bonking the bunny with a figure and Adam Rose kept calling himself a God and a hero, leading to Titus saying he was like a gyro. That was great - the rest, not so much.

Match 2 - Paige, Summer Rae, Cameron, and Layla vs. Emma, Nattie, Naomi, and Alicia

King couldn't remember his team, and made a slew of old references. King sounds like Grandpa Simpson tonight. JBL put over AJA KONG as the most dominant female in SurSer history. Great stuff with Paige and Emma. Wheelbarrow stunner by Naomi gets 2. Back bridge beats Cameron.Cole, like HHH, is obsessed with 1999 by talking about the Posse. Layla's out. Now it's 4-2, advantage faces. Luke Harper's finisher was just a transitional spot.Paige tagged Summer in and she did her knees and scream leading to a great bit with Paige - I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE AN IDIOT! EMMA WINS WITH THE EMMA LOCK! EMMA WINS! A massive LET'S GO PAIGE chant breaks out. Emma's actually getting over here - amazing! Yakuza kick can't beat Emma, who tags out to Nattie and she eats one too. Naomi hits the Rear View and then whatever her facebuster finisher is that isn't over...for the win...I don't know what this really does unless Naomi's going for the title. Like NXT, we're getting a bit of progression for Emma here that's helping her. She's gone from a total jobber to one that got A CHANCE to shine. Love Tyson mugging in front of Nattie.

TLC plug led to the Network plug. They shockingly didn't bury PPV buyers spending $60. They covered Fandango, Barrett, and The Panel, who we heard more from. Ugh. The same Bray/Dean video played here. Ambrose come out followed by Bray, who's still got a great entrance.

Match 3 - Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

Frye-Takayama exchange to start. Nice flying forearm off the apron from Dean - I'll have to update my No Mercy CAW with that later. Muta elbow hits, but Bray hits the bodyblock for 2. Bray gets a nice catch on the floor and chucks him to the floor. Mid-ring full nelson by Bray is countered WITH BITING! Dean's been watching some Minoru Suzuki with that escape. Double crossbody leads to a double down spot. They run it at 8 and start clubbing - so another NJ spot that works. Dean does a forearm version of Raven's lariat/bulldog AND THEN DOES THE SPIDER BIT in the corner.  Tied-up dropkick hits and gets 2. Dean struggles out of a superplex and takes you along on the struggle with his hands moving wildly. REBOUND LARIAT INTO THE URANAGE FOR 2! Diving senton off the second rope misses for Bray - he overshot anyway. REBOUND LARIAT hits.

FLYING STANDING ELBOW GETS 2! Bray murdered the fuck out of his jaw with a lariat as a counter. Wow that was amazing. Bray drops him on the steps with the uranage and gets 2.5. Bray grabs the mic and bonks his own head a few times with it. He cuts a promo and hits Dean with it. No DQ there. Bray is going for a Raven circa '98 deal here, and I don't really mind it. Bray brings chairs in and Dean threatens him with one while the ref threatens a DQ. Why is a chair a DQ, but a mic isn't? Chair to the back is a DQ, and he hits the Dirty Deeds DDT afterwards. We could be getting THE DREADED CHAIRS MATCH at TLC. Now he's got a table. I don't see them using TLC for these guys without a main event spot involved, but...maybe. Dean blows Bray a kiss and elbows him through the table! He piles on tables and chairs on him, which is sure awesome, and shouldn't be done in the third match on the show. NOW HE'S GOT A LADDER! Well, they're definitely giving them the TLC match - so their card positioning will be back where it should be next month. Dean got the ladder and stood atop of it - so he lost the battle...kinda, but damn sure won this war. King said "DEAN SAID THIS IS WHAT THE UNIVERSE WANTS AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO THEM!" Thank God he didn't actually say that.

HHH talks about how the real winners tonight are his team members - more title shots and money. Steph then screeches - ugh. HHH said that if you guys lose, you won't be fired - but you'll wish you were. If you're a champion, you won't be and if you're like Seth and not champ, you won't be. HHH ONCE AGAIN BURYING EVERYONE WHO ISN'T HIM. Jesus.

Match 4 - Bunny/Rose vs. Slater Gator

Then after this, it's Adam Rose and Bunny bullshit. What a bizarre tonal shift this is. "LET'S GO BUNNY, OUTSIDE!" Poor ref.  Ten billion bunny jokes. Bunny wins and Adam's pissed. Rose's greying beard makes this gimmick so much funnier.

 After a fairly hilarious video with Bryan's Lego beating HHH, we got COLE TALKING TO ROMAN REIGNS AGAIN! He and JBL had horrible banter and this sucked. Dolph whispered backstage to Ryback and then they all do this big "we support you" deal. Nikki's out for the Divas title match leading to a recap of everything. A very long recap at that. AJ came out and gave the title she got a tattoo for, something she didn't do for her wedding, a goodbye kiss.

Match 5 - AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Brie kissed AJ, leading to the KO forearm, the Rack Attack and the win. Wow that was quick! BRIE GETS REVENGE FOR HER HUSBAND! They said that 2 years ago at WM, this same thing from AJ cost Bryan the title, that would've been a nice story to tell. Now Brie is Nikki's ally or something. They recapped Ambrose-Wyatt and announced the TLC match for TLC - nice to see that booked so far in advance, and logically too.

It's main event time already, set up with a giant video package. HHH and Steph came out and Cole talked about how after the show, we'll hear from Vince - at least as of now. Last time, they nixed the post-show.Kane came out followed by Henry. Harper's vest is great - I'd buy it. Shouldn't Rusev be carrying the belt while she carries the flag? King called him an SOB - Son of Bulgaria. Stream died during Show's entrance, but it came back with Cena's. Rowan's apparently got a new dreadful theme and Ryback wasn't over. Cena's color scheme is just...weird. Red, yellow, neon green, camo green, dark blue, and white. Show KO Henry! Heels, like with the divas tag, are at a disadvantage. It's Rowan-Harper, but Seth tags in to prevent a loss. BIG GUY comes in against Seth. Ryback's bright red singlet with the giant black shorts underneath it ala RVD is a good look for him. Ryback vs. Rusev is up! SPINEBUSTER! MEATHOOK! Kane boots him out of a shellshock...boy did Rusev look like a jobber there. Ryback eats a curb stomp and a Rusev superkick to take him out. Now he looks like a jobber. Steph screeched a YES chant to Ryback. Show comes in against Rusev. Big kick, but Harper comes in. Harper dropkick sends Show down while Seth does the "I kick you and you get up" spot a few times. Dolph comes in against Harper and he's literally too fast or his own offense sliding around. Dolph has new, super-shiny shorts and kicks out of a Black Hole Slam for 2.

Harper gets a throat thrust out of a suplex counter for 2. Stream gets wonky and when it gets going, Rusev's back in. Rusev gets him in a fallaway slam and Dolph, like Rusev, is a big NWO fan. He's got OVR on his gear in the NWO style. Cole buried Seth's MITB win. Dolph got some hope off a jaw jacker and the DDT hits for 2. Parade of finishers. Something's up with Kane - Hogan-level leap for the chokeslam. Nice toss of Seth to the other heels. Dolph tossed into a bigger pile by Rusev. VINTAGE UMAGA DIVE! on the announce table leads to a countout spot despite THEM BEING OUTSIDE FOR AGES TO SET IT UP! Not even the goons could get Rusev in in time, which was a perfect way to take Rusev out. Cena attacks Kane, who can't bump. Nice of Cena to jump high in the air for the curb stomp. JBL ranted about things. Astonished JBL didn't add "let 'em entertain the Universe!" there. Harper and Rowan have outstanding chemistry as opponents too, but Seth's flying knee sets up the spinning lariat for the elimination! SHOW KOS CENA! Show wants out, so it's Dolph vs. the World here in the main event of "the most important match in WWE history". Love Seth waving Dolph's hand in his corner with no partners. Zig Zag to Kane takes him out! HE TAKES OUT LUKE WITH A SCHOOLBOY! Crowd's going crazy for Dolph, who they've possibly completely rehabbed and then some tonight. FLASH CRADLES GET 2 FOR DOLPH! FAMEASSER GETS 2! ZIG ZAG! HHH ATTACKS THE REF! So that should be a DQ, right? Dolph superkicks the goons! Steph knocked into HHH. Powerbomb in the corner, but he counters the stomp with the Zig Zag! A new ref, BUT HHH ATTACKS! Pedigree hits Dolph. Armstrong comes down for a fast count, BUT STING COMES OUT AND HITS HIM! A LONG staredown leads to Sting hitting the Deathdrop! This was amazing and sets up WM really well. Loved JBL's "HE'S MAKING AN IMPACT!" line. Goodbye song and Steph's screeching didn't do much for me though.

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