Monday, November 10, 2014

WWE Raw 11-10-14

This is a pre-taped UK show, and boy do the spoilers not look amazing. Show-opening video has Vince and the Authority-Cena deal recapped alongside the Orton beatdown. Ryback is shoehorned into the end of this making it seem like the Authority is sicking Ryback on him, in which case, why not shoot SOMETHING at some point for that. Cena's out in new yellow, white, and red getup. Damn it - the budget cuts haven't prevented that stupid English set from being used. They sing the LET'S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS song, which he loves. Cena tells the story about The Authority threatening everyone, and cites HIS BROSKI ZACK RYDER sending out one tweet and being out six months. Randy Orton is his b-level citation here. Cena says he's found guys to stand by him, including FORMER WORLD CHAMPION JACK SWAGGER. Okay, if you KNOW THEY'RE OUT TO HEADHUNT YOUR PARTNERS, WHY WOULD YOU ANNOUNCE THEM!? So he's got the former Team Vickie with him between Swagger and Dolph. He rattles on about Ryback being held back by the Authority. When? "THE BIG GUY'S BACK!" brings out the Authority to a huge pop. Hell of a heel group here.

To prove WWE isn't racist, The Authority brought out Henry. Steph talks about The Authority being a monarchy while HHH yells about EVERYTHING BEING ON THE LINE AT SURVIVOR SERIES. So...what title matches are on that show? And HHH is God now in addition to being the King of Kings. He's making Jeff Jarrett's inferiority complex seem minor. HHH laughs Swagger off, so if you though his World Title reign meant something, well, you're wrong. HHH calls Dolph "the little tiny guy". Cena gets in a quick mention about Bryan while HHH buries him more amid a yes chant. Steph cuts a LOOK AT THE STRIATION promo for Vince about Ryback. Cena calls them wankers so you know they're in England, in case the phone booth from 1965 and car weren't enough. He rambles about Sellout Shield and Sellout Sexual Chocolate. Ugh. Cena asks Ryback to join him, and Ryback says Cena's name isn't on his checks, so he spinebusters him while Steph does the worst Yes chant ever. Well, at least now, after the match was announced, they gave a reason for the match to happen. Rollins-Swagger is up after the break.

Nope - first, we get Cena singing "Yeah yeah yeah" and a clip from the Beatles Museum while a badly-edited clip of the prior beating cuts out Steph's YES bit. Seth gets no intro since he was already out while Swagger's out and gets his theme partially sung by the crowd. Cole told everyone to join the WWE Network on FOR FREE. Oh the LULZ of this plug in the UK. JBL buries Oklahoma while the fans go nuts with WE THE PEOPLE. Swagger and his paleness throw Seth around from corner to corner and border to border! Swagger does WE THE PEOPLE on the ropes and that's a break.
Seth does something on the app to get a 2 after the break. JBL chant. Corner flatliner apparently happened then. Jerry chant off of the mid-match chinlock. Swagger sends him over the top while the goons scare Zeb. Love JBL saying that you'll never know when Jamie and Joey have to unleash themselves upon a war hero. JBL buries Swagger for the one time he forget the People part during the WE THE PEOPLE setup for the splash. Sunset flip is countered into the ankle lock! Ankle lock on the barricade after an escape. Goons distract him and he goes into the post. Cole and JBL argued over who gets to use "yayhoos". Curb stomp, but Seth sells the ankle - ha! And he wins. Doc checks on him, he gets up and eats another one. Seth bullies Zeb and threatens him with a curb stomp. This was so vile that they plugged what a great value the WWE Network is at $9.99 AND IT'S FREE FOR NOVEMBER, so why wouldn't you sign up right before the PPV? Isn't it a free full month or does it only cover November?

Generic years-old video of the Miz talking about the troops for Hire Heroes. Epic-ish Bray-Dean recap video. Dean cuts a fantastic promo about doing a lot of dirty things but not apologizing - he's not a hero. Kane talks to Ryback about THE WHOLE DIRECTION OF WWE BEING ON THE LINE at the PPV. Kane tells him he'll be out there to help Ryback, and Ryback is insulted. So Ryback's a face in this segment after starting the show as one and then turning on Cena.

Alicia's out to face Paige, who gets a huge pop and is now in stockings as well. Paige grabs the hair and hits the knees, then eats a boot. JBL jokes about losing in your home country or hometown. Alicia gets a wacky surfboard thing and turns it into a faceplant. JBL talks about Paige going through NXT and it being DeMott's birthday. Rampaige kills Alicia, Paige gets the win and a huge pop. And how about that - she comes off like a huge star in the UK. Steph met with Lana and congratulated her on the U.S. Title win. She said there was no politics in WWE and that AS A RUSSIAN TWIT, she should give Steph her answer about Rusev joining their team. Well, Lana came off like a face here.
A New Day promo. This stuff isn't doing a thing for me. Steph and HHH watch last week's clip of Vince adding the stip and they talked about his standard lines. Okay then. Steph talks about FIGHTING FOR ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ALONG THE WAY! They got sad, and then did an Eskimo kiss. Rusev and Lana are out and they have a clip of the US Title match. Goofy ceremony time. Rusev's using his thumb to cover up the lack of a nameplate. A silly dude does THE silliest Russian accent since Boris and Natasha to present them with a proclamation. They play Russia's kickass anthem but Sheamus has the audacity to interrupt it with his theme.
A Cena voiceover talked about Veterans Day. This was fantastic and like with the WWE 2K15 ad, it was a fine example of him being a good actor when he's given the chance. They brawl a lot and RUSEV DOES THE FALLAWAY SLAM ON THE TABLE! Awesome! King talks about an Irishman and Bulgarian representing Russia defending the U.S. Title in England. Cole talks about Lana loving the domination...excuse me for a moment. Wonky guillotine choke from Rusev leads to, of course, a chinlock. Sheamus starts his comeback but eats a spinkick for an ad break. They come back and exchange punches. DROPKICK sends Sheamus down. Clubbering sets up the cloverleaf, but Sheamus can't lock it on and just stops to kick some ass - smart, it wasn't working, so go with what will. Rusev clubs in the corner while fans chant ECW for whatever reason. Rusev puts him on the top to club. White Noise gets 2. Brogue is avoided. Sheamus is covered in sweat here - they're working their asses off here. Sheamus gets distracted by goons and counted out. Moron. They ran down Dolph-Henry and Cena-Ryback while the heels left. Sheamus looked absolutely devastated here, and while I'm not a fan of the non-finish, he sold this perfectly.

They run down Team Authority vs. Team Cena with Cena outnumbered, and of course, a recap of Raw's intro. 9:30 and they've already had ton of filler. Seth talked to Ryback about putting their issues aside for the PPV match, where THE COMPANY IS ON THE LINE! Seth tells him to take orders from him, not Kane, and he's THE BIG MAN. Ryback says HE'S THE BIG GUY and sets himself up as a guy who takes no shit from anyone. Seth and Ryback also have great chemistry. Matadores and Torito are out to face Team Miz next.

Miz and Mizdow have MIZSWOGGLE! He is so perfect in this, and like any role they put him in. Cole puts over the Matadores beating the tag champs, and boy did that do them a world of good. Zero mention of the TAG TEAM TITLE CAGE MATCH from mere days ago, or the main event Kane-Dolph one, so they sure got the most out of not only one cage match, but two on one show. Miz straddled the buckle in an awkward manner to set up the sledge for 2. Miz sets up the DDT, but plays to the crowd and gives them what they want with Mizdow. So are they faces?  He tags back in and allows a hot tag and eats a flying chop. They do midget comedy, Miz gets sent to the apron and suplexed, but Sandow plays Heenan and holds the leg down for the win. JBL references Chono! Cena meets with Dolph and his bizarre hair. Cena tells Dolph to jump ship because he understands - HE'S THE CHAMP! God bless him for making the IC Champ seem like a big deal. HHH dances in and made gay jokes about Dolph and Cena. HHH of all people doing this. He then sings Another One Bites the Dust and dances out. Lead heel everyone.

Now we get clips of the Kane-Dolph match. Wacky Harper video with the eyes says "I SEE YOU BOY!" So I guess he'll be the next IC Champ. Henry ass-whooping recap. Dolph starts by being a moron and charging into Henry with no game plan. Dolph gets beaten up and takes Henry down...somehow. Dropkick sends Henry to the floor, where he can toss Dolph into the barricade from the ringpost area. Henry goes to the timekeeper area and tosses a chair at Dolph for a DQ. Show and Henry get into a goofy war with the steps.

Kofi hops in looking awesome in a blue and white shirt that is eerily similar to one I own. Big Show joins Team Cena. NOBODY HATES THE AUTHORITY MORE THAN HIM. How about Bryan, the man whose career was possibly ended by them? Sheamus joins too. Nikki Bella's Personal Assistant is out to face AJ. They had a skit on the app with dressed in a suit for whatever reason. Okay, she's a butler. All right. This is stupid. Girls did moves while they talked about Team Authority vs. Team Cena the entire time. Brie went for a spinning something that got countered into a DDT for 2. Brie Mode dropkick gets 2. Black Widow's on and Nikki attacks AJ after the tap. AJ took the Rack Attack perfectly - went all limp for it. JBL called Batman's butler Albert. Oh lord. They recapped Dan Rose walking from SD. This was really beautiful, but I have a bad feeling it's just going to be another thing WWE pats themselves on the back for doing for a long time. Henry meets with Ryback who just looks annoyed. Henry tells him that he whooped him at WM. Ryback is NOT AMUSED! A Next graphic pops up, which either means we're getting a ton of filler before or after since it's only 10:15 or so.

Rose came down to face Kidd and they recapped Adam Rose being a dipshit and losing due to his own distraction. Rowan came out in black and stalked the ring in his sheep mask. He's upset that SHE'S NOT HERE! So he goes through the crowd and...yeah this match means nothing. They say maybe it's Nattie since she's not here. Bunny tries to fly in, but Rose prevents it and eats a sharpshooter - well, after Tyson physically forces him to stop moving so goddamn much so he can actually do the move. Rose re-turned heel or something by attacking the bunny. WWE NETWORK IS FREE FREE FREE! Fuck. Right. Off.

OH MY GOD ANOTHER RECAP OF THE VINCE THING! HHH rallies the troop in the WWE 2K15/Survivor Series poster room. Steph calls the team a bunch of kindergaterners for some reason. Steph's a mother and mothers LOVE THE BIG GUY. To show how much filler they needed, we actually got clips of the Peep Show again. Still nothing on the tag title cage match. They basically played all of Bray's long, rambling promo here. Good God. Heyman and Styles plugged ECW Exposed next after the show. After a "next" graphic, the main event started at 10:50. RECAP OF THE RAW OPENING. Ryback and Cena punched around for a bit until Cena knocked Ryback into Kane to piss Kane off. An Ole chant broke out and Ryback did the Thesz press/head pound bit. Splash gets 2 for THE BIG GUY! Cena avoids the Shellshock and hits the shoulders. Ryback goes for a powerbomb but Cena backdrops him. Cena avoids a shouldermount powerslam with an awkward shove in the corner and punches. Falling powerbomb out of the corner from Ryback hits and gets 2. Trip leads to an STF, and Ryback makes it to the ropes.Flying butt-ugly dive over the top onto Cena from Ryback gets 2.

STF. Cena made silly faces, but Ryback still wouldn't give up! Kane gets taken off the apron to set up a Ryback spinebuster and Cena taking the safest bump in history for it. Kane runs in for a DQ. Ryback and Kane argued, because that's what we need in nearly 2015 - Ryback versus Kane. Ryback hits Seth, Kane boots Ryback, and a clusterfuck ensues with Team Cena coming down one by one instead of as a they can all eat beatings. Ryback attacks and powers out of the chokeslam and Shellshocks him! They awkwardly cut backstage to show Dolph bumping, and then Harper appearing on the opposite side of where the beating happened and saying he's a team player. He's in his old getup, but now has a blue version of Rowan's top on. So yeah, this was a one night big angle to make up for weeks of shoddy storytelling.

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