Monday, December 8, 2014

WWE Raw 12-6-14 - Slammys

This Week has seemingly changed the PPV name to TLCS. Holy shit, a personality profile on Neville! It's such a shame WWE doesn't have enough airtime to do these for the main roster. Love his mom calling him "Ben". Punk stuff. Love this being framed like WWE, not Punk, said the first public statement about this matter. That was so ridiculous, but funny. Riley can't wait for THE HASHTAG OF THE YEAR! Totally forgot that an Impact sign was all over the Jericho-Steph thing. I WISH YOU DIED IN THE WOMB! Love Rock pointing at Lana during the pie-eating bit. Rock won a Slammy on the pre-show. Rusev and Lana accept and Rusev teases a future match. So the Slammys are now in 3 stages - the pre-air, pre-show, and USA Network portions. Ridiculous. Rock has won TWO AWARDS on non-TV things.

Usos win tag team of the year. Batista's in two match of the year candidates - so his run really wasn't all THAT bad. Sami Zayn won NXT star of the year and Seth won four awards so far. Renee's speak for breakout star of the year was just hilarious. Love having three 2012 breakout stars in the 2014 awards. Dean wins, but he's still out with the injury. Byron says that HE MIGHT'VE HAD A CRUSHED TRACHEA, but he's cleared for TLC. So if he's cleared, why isn't he here? Booker will present Superstar of the Year.  Seth's up for that too. Hashtag of the year is up. LOL, they don't even give the award to the Network! All that hard-selling and what did it get them?

Raw opens with a hype video for Cena-Show. King opens the awards, then Seth's out and hypes up the WWD app. Miz and Mizdow are out. Seth can't keep a straight face thanks to Mizdow. Seth puts over Mizdow as the real A-lister, and man is Seth short. Sagrada is a giant compared to this dude. They hype up and show the video for This Is Awesome...and will reveal it after the next match.
DOLPH VS. SETH ROLLINS!? Isn't this theoretically a big match? Shouldn't this get a graphic? Dolph sends Seth to the floor in a flash with some punches. They come back and JBL rants about Sting and his PAINTEDUPNOSE getting involved with Seth's business. Seth gets the mid-match chinlock, Dolph gets out and Stinger splashes him. Sunset bomb is countered into a backdrop by Dolph, but J and J distract Dolph and he eats a foot stomp. Well, Dolph gets the title back on the PPV then. Remember when Dolph main evented a PPV, won, and saved the company? His reward is a loss before the PPV and maybe being in the opener. Sting wins the Slammy and Seth runs up. I hope Seth accepts every single award. He's yelling about Sting, so maybe we get Seth-Sting, which could be very good. New Day's out. Boy do folks in various shades of blue love them some church. They're getting boos, so this gimmick's going great. Kofi-Stardust is up. These guys are just dead now.

Kofi, however, is over. Huge Kofi chant to start. Good for Kofi - he's over and found more goofy bullshit to add before the double legdrop. He wins with a crossbody off the top. Crowd's literally doing nothing at all with this NEW-DAY! chant. Big Johnny's out with a yellow bowtie! Warrior, WHO DIED, is up for Comeback of the year. I'm tired of them exploiting that speech. Warrior wins the vote and we hear his theme one more time on Raw. No one accepts, which is awkward, and then they just go to Seth backstage with his boys and Heyman. Seth and Heyman banter about the TLC table match. The MITB case is being used as an excuse to have Cena beat Seth and not hurt Seth in theory. CHARLOTTE'S ON RAW! She's facing Nattie, so if they give this time, they can make a star.

Charlotte gets the early lead thanks to a Kidd distraction. MICHAEL COLE calls Charlotte Summer Rae. Chrarlotte chops her down then talks shit to Tyson! Awesome! Nattie's sharpshooter is countered into the figure 4, which is then countered into a cradle for a loss...well, they had a damn fine little three minute match here. Well, Charlotte still came off great despite losing and getting no real time to shine. Santino came out for the "omg" award and made weird shower jokes about Luke Harper and the divas. Heyman gave a great speech and then Bray's theme interrupted out of nowhere. Um, what? Bray rambles about Dean destroying Abigail's chair. Then he cuts to a video of the chair being destroyed, and then to him "crushing Dean's trachea". They showed Dean being lifted up and helped out. Boy does that make him look like a badass. Bray hates the fans for some reason. He's now rambled longer than Charlotte wrestled. An ambulance backs in with the back all whited out inside. If Dean had trouble breathing, would being in a dry ice-filled ambulance be a smart idea? Dean gets a table, ladder, and chair out of the ambulance as you're want to do. He chucks a chair right at Bray's head and connects. Dean says that Bray's gonna leave TLC in an ambulance, so is it now an ambulance match too?

Divas of the year is AJ, who gets a CM Punk chant. She said she'd redefine diva, and puts over that one of the NXT divas should win next year. AJ's going to be buried for putting over NXTlike that. Cena said that Show was ALWAYS WITH THE AUTHORITY. WHAT!? Cena said that if he lost, he'd have to consider stepping down after burying Seth for not being able to pin him or make him submit. Rowan's out. Shouldn't wine racks and the like be part of Rowan's tron now? WE'RE GETTING ROWAN-HARPER HERE!? WHAT!?

Rowan and Harper start with brawling because...why not? Harper chucks Rowan into the ladder for a DQ loss. Rowan bonked his head into THE DREADED STAIRS. Fireman's carry face drop onto them now. Rowan very angrily throws the stairs slightly to his right. This helped no one. I get that in theory it was supposed to build up both the ladder and stairs match, but it helped no one. Naomi's in the mirror while her husband walks behind her. She got a call from Miz's agent and is taking a screen test and goin TO HOLLYWOOD! Swimming pools and movie stars! Adam Rose and his greying beard came out for the LOL moment of the year. WeeLC and the pudding bit got wacky sound effects. Mizdow should win. Opera music for the pudding bit ruled. King talked about "pintest". Mizdow wins and Miz grabs the award. Mizdow's payoff for this is going to be so great.

Rusev came out and they announced Rusev-Swagger at the PPV for the U.S. Title. A fan held up an RNR Express 4 2015 HOF sign. They playfight and then Swagger gets the ankle lock and Rusev taps. Well, they theoretically made Swagger look great here.

Gold and Stardust face The New Day at the kick-off. Ryback's teaming with the Usos to face Kane and the Mizes. What a bizarre team. They talk about selfies for a bit and talk about their last selfie breaking the internet. Love Seth Green actually going in-depth on what a screen test is. Oh my God is Seth great here - he's playing everything straight. Mizdow suplexed himself and threw himself to the floor too. Big Guy kills Miz. Miz is distracted by Jimmy, eats a Shellshock and loses. They lift Seth up and parade him around. Slammys '86 recap, which isn't on the Network. Steamboat comes out for Match of the Year! Steamboat looks fantastic all things considered. He rambled on about how the superstars are in THOUSANDS OF MATCHES EACH YEAR. Shield-Evolution should win. AJ's out for a match with someone.

They hype up WWE Week with SUPER SMACKDOWN LIVE next week. SD can now bore everyone live instead of on Friday. I figure AJ's match would happen before the announcement, but nope - winner is the Survivor Series tag. Ugh. At least Dolph gets to do the speech. He's so happy and said nothing of note. AJ's facing Summer. They do a lot of nothing for a few minutes and AJ wins with the Black Widow. ROB VAN DUDE is out!

Jericho wins extreme moment, and then THE NEW AND IMPROVED FANDANGO accepts it. Santa Mick and Noelle shilled more merch. He gave Al from Lima, OH what he wanted, and Noelle's facial expressions here were great. Show said some stuff about Cena.

They run down more pre-pre-show Slammys. Superstar of the year is up. It's 10:46, so they're giving Show-Cena no time. I hope Dean wins, gets a new injury, and is still cleared for the PPV. ROMAN WINS FOR...what did he do? Roman talked about GRABBING THE BRASS RING! At 11 PM, the match got going. 800th recap of Show punching Cena. Cena got a really lose sleeper, won via guys coming in and then bullshit happened. Everyone in major matches brawled and Show chokeslammed Rowan on the stairs. Kane hits Ryback with the chair. Harper put Dolph through a table and Cena eats a curb stomp. Rollins powerbombs him through the announce table to close the show.

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