Sunday, May 17, 2015

WWE Payback 2015

I honest to God forgot this show was tonight. I didn't even realize it was on until I got home from sales training (and passing my test - woohoo!) and I saw the Observer daily update on it. I was going to watch the Simpsons season finale with Harry Shearer's last episode (not counting holdovers), but that can wait  - BY GOLLY, IT'S MACHO MANDOW TIME. And boy does he have the worst Savage impression ever, in every way. During the pre-show, they talk about the Kane stip. Oh yeah - if Seth loses, Kane's out of a job - so he's not losing the belt tonight. Dolph says NOW IT'S PERSONAL. Why - dunno, it just is. Great Rusev-Cena hype vid. BI Bro comic plug from Booker. Bryan Raw recap. Bellas talk to Eden and Brie has improved to the point of almost being able to emote about her husband. TE vids. Truth is out for the kickoff. Why, I have no idea.

OH FUCK, it's Stardust vs. Truth part 2000. Tons and tons and tons of buffering. Things come back and Stardust is...thwacking Truth's back with a glove. Truth hits whatever his jumping flatliner and wins. From what I saw, that was an ice-cold opener. STONE COLD PODCAST WITH HEYMAN on June 1! Nice. Ryback-Bray video. Sheamus is mean to Tom. Sheamus, A FORMER WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION, considers this nothing match one of the biggest of his career. NXT ad. Ascension vs. the Meta Powers is up. Boy that fat guy in the Ascension's gut has gotten even bigger. Axel is now dressing like Hogan during his WWE '02 run - so this is a great way to kill Hogan's drawing power. Axel eats two punches and he's already Hulking Up. Christ. This is like a low-budget indy doing the lowest-budget impression of Hogan and Savage. Mandow jobs to the fall of man. THIS SUCKED. Great fatal 4 way hype vid.

AWESOME hype video to start this off has the 4 way guys against glass. Sheamus's incredible intro presentation are being wasted on an opening match guy. Dropkick sends Sheamus to the floor and Dolph dives on it. I would ask why Dolph has a patch design sewn into his ass, but why bother. JBL goes on and on about Dolph being a great kisser. Sheamus catches the superkick and elbows the knee - I love that move. JBL goes off on Cole for saying Dolph's being bullied. King sides with him as well. King and Cole talk about "backside" and "arse" for a while. JBL rambles on about how a good big man can beat a good little man any day of the week. 12 minutes in and JBL's already killed my interest in this show.


After some leg work, Dolph gets a surprisingly jumping DDT. Dolph gets Sheamus down in the corner and gives himself a wedgie to pay off LAST MONTH'S STIPULATION. Fameasser gets 2. Big headbutt splits Dolph open huge and he gets 2 off a superkick, but eats a Brogue kick for the loss. Dolph got about half a second to soak in a cheer. Kane then said words on the phone before Seth and the goons came in to say more words. I loved Kane chuckling at the goons bowing up to him.

WOOHOO, THE NEW DAY! They talked smack to an Oriole! Cesaro has now added a swank tight jacket and Sub-Zero face mask! The challengers are also now in purple and white gear and it looks great. Nice back and forth between Kofi and Kidd before Cesaro tags in and hits a lariat. BIG E-CESARO! Great bit with Cesaro gutwrenching Big E, then deadlift DVD-ing Kofi and double stomping each. Delayed suplex powerplex gets 2. Swing gets the first fall! Big E sends himself through the ropes, and he catches Kidd and overhead belly to belly suplexes him! X says he's the mastermind while E gets a bearhug on Kidd. BIG SPEAR TO THE FLOOR TO CESARO! Great bit with the crowd chanting "this is awesome" and X says "yes, WE ARE WELL AWARE!"  Big E mistimes the Big Ending/DDT and falls too early, but they win - so it's now 1-1.

UPPERCUTAMANIA'S RUNNIN WILD when Cesaro comes in. Cesaro goes for a delayed butterfly something, but he has to drop him. Big uppercut right after to Kofi gets 2. TILT A WHIRL DEMOLITION DECAPITATION GETS 2! Sharpshooter, and Cesaro sends E over the announce table. Great move where Cesaro balanced Kidd on his back on the apron leading to a pop-up uppercut. Xavier sneaks in and scores the win with a small package. "New Day wins because they all look alike."
Byron asks Ryback generic questions, and he responds with generic answers. Pre-show video package sets up Bray's intro. Ryback's out and Bray nails him with the crossbody pretty quickly. Bray sends him to the floor and hits a senton off the apron. He comes in at 9.5. DAMMIT, that countout tease didn't end this. Shotgun lariat on the floor by Bray. Ryback comes back and gets a superfall splash for 2. Bray avoids Shellshock and shoves Ryback into the exposed buckle to hit Abigail and get the win. This was some kind of not good.

Rusev comes out with Lana in white. Rusev tells Cena to quit now and he'll spare him the pain. Cena eats body shots and kicks, but refuses to quit. Rusev has Lana get the flag so he can parade it around. Fallaway slam - Cena still doesn't quit. Ryback chucks him into the steps, then brings them into the ring. Cena backdrops him and Cole calls this high drama. I beg to differ. Spinning sideslam into the steps for Rusev. AA on the steps...outta nowhere! Rusev avoids Cena tossing the steps, but Cena tosses him into the post. Cena threatens Rusev to quit or he'll put him THROUGH THE WALL. Rusev refuses to quit, so he does it. What a dick. Superkick on the floor leads to Cena saying the most bored "no" ever.

Cena gets put...kinda into a table, but no sells it. Cena whips him with some cable and he goes into hiding behind the re-set table. Cena gets Alabama Slammed through the table! Rusev goes into the pyro area, but eats an AA on the stage, which suddenly blows up. RUSEV REFUSES TO QUIT. Great character babyface here. Cena has an "old school barricade:...that we have in 2015 for some reason. Rusev gets chucked into the steps again, now with the barricade. Cena gets suplexed through the barricade.

Rusev gets the Accolade, but Cena shoves him into the buckle, and gets put in the move again. Cena passes out and Rusev celebrates. Rusev takes the ring connector off the post. Rusev gets a water bottle to revive him. Cena ducks and gets the STF with the rope against the nose. Lana runs in and quits for Rusev. Oh boy was this way too cute for its own good. Kickoff panel says words. Pre-show recap.

New Day is backstage celebrating - they're now the top 5 tag teams ever! They're role models and don't swear...until they found out about the tag title chamber match. Then it's all WHAT THE HELL! Bellas are out. Naomi and Tamina are out. Wait? This is a tag match!? Bellas have new gear that is pretty great - black with red stripes. Nikki eats SHECALLSITTHEREARVIEW for 2. Naomi slams Nikki off the top and...that gets a win. Really? This wasn't good. Swerved ad - this looks awful. Rusev is mad at Lana and kicks her out of the locker room.

ALL HAIL KING PISSBREAK! Neville should really win the IC Title with a 450 off the top of the chamber. Neville gets a schoolboy for 2. Barrett attacks the back with moves. After several more minutes of things happen, Barrett decides to take a walk of sorts and loses via countout. He attacks and puts his goofy stuff on. Well, that put each guy under.  Barrett eats a German, which...I guess makes up for this. Red Arrow hits. Eh. Recap of the Kane-Rollins saga. And also some other guys.

Kane's out first and then the challengers. They fight to the floor and Dean dives on the pile, then Roman does. After some stuff, Kane chucks Roman into the barricade. Seth stomps away at Dean. Kane strips and chokeslams Dean. Roman sliding kicks Kane. Orton blocks the buckle flatliner and hits an exploder for 2. Superplex. Buffering. VINTAGE SHIELD powerbomb to Orton through the announce table. Great bit with Seth going for the fist bump and getting beaten up. Dean and Roman powerbomb Kane on top of Seth. Crowd chants "one more time", they get it, and the table breaks!

Well, that was pretty fun. Dean and Roman say there's not much to do, so let's go buy some beers because it's time for a fight. Powerbomb gets 2. SUPERMAN PUNCH gets 2. SPEAR AFTER THE REBOUND LARIAT, but Seth saves it! Dirty Deeds hits to Seth, but Kane prevents the pin. Kane hits Roman with the steps. Chokeslam on the steps. RKO to the goons. Draping DDT to Seth! PEDIGREE HITS ORTON FOR THE WIN! I enjoyed this match quite a bit - wouldn't rewatch it, but I enjoyed it the first time around.Good buildup for HHH-Seth at Summerslam (hopefully).

Payback Kickoff screens -

Payback screens -


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