WWE Raw 5-25-15

The show starts off with an overly-produced "everyone says a different sentence" Memorial Day video. Eden introduced a 10 bell salute for the fallen - that was nice. Despite Cole saying during the "five minutes before Raw" bit on USA that Dean would start the show off, The Authority did. Seth asked for a tribute for Dean Ambro...? Can they either get to the point or just air that tribute video again? Seth exposited for a long time about things. Love Dean dancing along to the "Ambrose" chants. Everything about this can fuck off. Well, actually HHH's midnight blue suit is a good look for him. Ambrose got the Bieber deal going again. HHH's beard is greying. Dean was called a cockroach by Seth, and responded by saying he'd rather be a cockroach than the wrong end of the Authority's human centipede...is there a right end to that? Roman comes down to help his little buddy Dean. WOOHOO - KANE IN THE MAIN EVENT! Pyro boom period incoming! Or it's right now.

 JBL honest to God just compared Roman to Barry Horrowitz. Guys did moves and Cole talked about this being the last WWE event in the Nassau Coliseum. Booker T is the one human being on Earth who just called WM 2 one of his favorite WMs. Well, I guess Bundy would say that as well. Seth locked on a chinlock. This is riveting. RAINMAKER by Dean! Superman punch after a blind tag sets up the diving elbow block for 2 from Dean. Dean beat Seth with a backslide - so he's losing. Poor guy. Renee meets with Her Guest at This Time Dean, who isn't given the contract, and beats up J and J for screwing with him. Dean knocks them into the camera guy and either the guy or Dean swears and Dean is visibly surprised by all this.  Awesome Owens hype vid.

 

 

 

Rusev came out in Bulgarian colors with a Bulgarian tron and is back to being "The Bulgarian Brute". Well, this came out of nowhere. Backstage, a limo came in with the Entourage guys having the show's theme play. Rusev's going to face (and seemingly destroy) Truth here. WOW! Rusev was so stunned by Truth's forearm that he fell before it hit him. Truth gets destroyed. Great guy to have in the chamber - far better than THE GUY WHO FLIES AROUND A TON AND DOES COOL THINGS in Neville. Rusev asks Lana come to down - he even says please.

This gets an ad break, and Rusev says words in some other language. "This man is speaking with his heart right now." He is literally speaking at least one other language, how would Booker T know this? "I came, now I'm waiting" Poor Rusev. Rusev said he forgives her for mishearing him say he quit and NOW IS NOT DA TIME FOR USA. Rusev is back to hating America and I think liking Russia again. After several more minutes of dramedy, they hugged. He wants her to say three magical words - I was wrong! HA! LANA WHERE YOU GOING!? RUSEV NEVER QUIT! She calls him a liar and quitter who can't even take responsibility for his own actions. Dolph saved her and Rusev cried. Dean met with HHH and Seth about the contract signing. Camera guy "presses charges" on Dean while Cop 2 literally reads him his rights off a script. I think actual cops would've done a better job acting than that. Goofy epic-in-theory video on the chamber.

Dean gets taken away and the goons (and the champ) fist bump. King Jobber faces...I'm gonna guess Ryback given tonight's pairings. Yup. Ryback gets the win with Shellshock after Barrett hits his few signature moves. Poor Barrett - every on-paper push he gets buries him deeper. HHH talks to someone about Dean going to central booking, so there's NO WAY HE CAN GET BACK BY THE END OF THE SHOW. Steph pals around with the stars of Entourage, because of course she does. These men are professional actors, right? Yikes are they bad here.

 

 

Emocore Tough Enough hype vid airs to plug the TE app. The star of Arrow was gobsmacked by Stardust. IT'S THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE! THE ALTITUDE ERA HAS BEGUN! Neville could be like a huge star with the chamber, but instead, he'll face Bo on the show. NO ONE ON ANY PLANET IN ANY GALAXY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED CARES ABOUT STARDUST FEUDING WITH THE STAR OF ARROW! Neville beats Stardust. Bo attacks the knee, so if Neville wins, it will be a come from behind win against BO FUCKING DALLAS. The di-vas. Said words. With the. Entourage cast. Lana and Dolph are in theory saying words, but we can't hear them over Cole saying that he faces Sheamus again tonight.

BREAKING WWE NETWORK NEWS - season 3 of Total Divas is on the Network! Sheamus and Dolph have ever match they've ever had. I could really go for an Owens-Ryder squash now. Tilt a whirl on the floor! Okay, that's a bit new. Lana's out, then Rusev comes out and Sheamus kicks Dolph's head off with the kick. Riveting. Accolade while Dolph stares at Lana on the floor. Blah. YAY CENA'S NEXT!

Owens-Cena recap. Cena cuts a promo about hustle, loyalty, and respect and gets a "we want Lana" chant. He talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. The Entourage cast came out. Can Owens please kill these fuckers?! THE CAST OF ENTOURAGE INTRODUCED ZACK RYDER. C'mon Owens, destroy Ryder! Oh glory be to Jesus, they're going to be on commentary.

 Love them using #entouragemovie as the hashtag for this. And they're not on commentary - they're just in four chairs at ringside doing nothing. An Entourage guy comes into the ring and this isn't a DQ, instead, Zack gets 2 off a schoolboy. Broski Boot gets 2, ditto the Rough Ryder. Ryder dives off the top into a walking AA and loses. This was a thing. Owens jumps Cena in his new Fight Cena Fight shirt and black, silver, and white FIGHT shorts. More bad acting with the Authority backstage talking about Dean.

 

 

 

 Bellas are out for commentary on Paige-Tamina. AWESOME hype video for The New Day's tag title match in the chamber. Ryback faces Rusev for some reason on SD. Nikki defends against Paige and Naomi on EC. Brie thanked Steph for the therapy for her husband. Paige gets a shitty lariat after a shitty kneeling superkick, but holds onto her after the lariat to keep it going. Naomi distracts and Tamina hits a Samoan drop for a win to no reaction.

Recap of Rock outside a theater being immortalized. They're tired of being held back by being positive and bury the building they're in for being torn down - so Kane comes down. Kane made the New Day face every team they're facing on the PPV face them tonight in a 10-on-3 match. They're heels right? LOL at a DQ due to interference in a TEN ON THREE MATCH! Dragons dive on the pile, and the champs celebrate, but get beaten up by CK. Bryan doc gets a preview on the Network, and we get a preview of the preview. Boy is it amazing how poorly they've used him. They could've made a fucking mint with this guy if they hadn't buried him for the overwhelming majority of his run.

Miz TV returns with Daniel Bryan. Cell phone footage airs of Seth pushing the camera guy into Dean, and then JBL and Cole argue forever while the Authority comes out and Seth's promo is drowned out by more arguing. Steph rambles on about how great WWE is. So since Raw officially ends at 11, isn't it too late for him to come out? THE BIG DAWG comes out. Oh my God, they cannot actually be either making this a three-way or having him replace Dean. Roman gets beaten down and Dean drives into the building in his paddy wagon. Dean really is something else.

Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/381dri1x2kiha9s1uh2vfm1r5muwgx1j