Monday, May 4, 2015

WWE Raw 5-4-15

Show starts off with Orton coming out and Booker says that IN WWE, NOTHING IS FAIR! Randy said "WWE Universe" here...ugh. He says Roman's name and sure enough, he comes out. MASSIVE RKO chant. Orton comes off like a megastar here. BIG BOOS FOR THA BIG DAWG! Randy says that he's been in 12 WMs and is a 12 time world champ, while Roman's never been the champ and only has 3 WMs. I think it's two. Randy pointing out Roman's shortcomings is a great way to get him to the next level. IT'S A NEW DAY-UH and Randy bops his head to their theme!  I was just thinking "man, I sure do love it when the tag champs job to major stars" and WWE HAS HEARD MY PRAYERS! Orton clapping alongside the New Day is something else.

Basic stuff to start. A Super Brawl Saturday sign in 2015. More...moves...nothing really going on before the break. After it, Kofi gets a post-break chinlock and Booker buries Woods. Kofi's got speed, Big E's got power AND THEN THERE'S WOODS! This is sure dragging on a lot. Crowd chants CM Punk. Woods gets a chinlock and there's a "we want Randy" chant. Fulcrum kick by Kofi, but he leaps into a powerslam! Draping DDT to Kofi. Orton RKOs Woods, but ROMAN SPEARS HIM trying to spear Kofi. So Roman's selfishness cost the team the match. So glad that the New Day didn't lose here. Excellent booking. Kane comes out and makes Orton vs. Roman since they hate each other more than usual tonight. Backstage, The New Day's happiness greatly annoyed Kane. Then he bumped into Seth and the goons and put him against Dean because of interference on SD...from him.

WWE HAS OVER 2 BILLION VIEWS ON YOUTUBE THIS YEAR! Cole of course thanked the fans instead of the company - gotta be humble. Ryback's arms are gigantic and more veiny than ever.  Ryback is no stranger to facing fear - he goes in for wellness tests like the rest of the roster. Ryback stumbled over his words and said he was told he'd never wrestle again after a leg break...and hey, he never did. Ryback talked about the time for talking being done, so of course Bray talked more. Bray said words and some idiot yelled "Wyatt's gonna kill you". This was a thing.

WWE is really supportive of the Special Olympics. Cesaro and Kidd come out to face The Ascension. Oh yeah, them. They've added black trim to their facepaint, and got buried by JBL. Ascension's on offense. NEW! CHIN! LOCK! Cesaro comes in with uppercuts a plenty! Great chance to make Cesaro look like a star there and they did it. Jesus does he have a nasty thigh bruise. Giant swing dropkick gets the win! Seth walked backstage and alerted us to the fact that Kane is a moron.

SD clips of Dean losing to Seth. Dean's out...why is THE WWE CHAMPION'S MATCH THE HOUR 1 MAIN EVENT!? Kane comes out and says that this match now has a point - if Dean wins, HE'S ADDED TO THE MAIN EVENT...they could save him with that. So then last week's app vote was not in fact historic, like Cole said. Christ, the commentators just keep yelling over each other. Pretty basic stuff before the break beyond Seth busting out an HBK corner bump.

Crowd's going crazy for Ambrose. Big "holy shit!" chant after the suicide dive. Kneeling superkick from Seth gets 2. They fight to the floor and Seth hits a barricade bomb. Rebound lariat hits! J and J come down and lead to a schoolboy win. DEAN WINS! This was a very good match technically and had a hot crowd, but the commentary really hurt it. Recap of the WWE Title-level events. Byron asks Lana what it's like to be greeted positively by the Universe. Fandango tells her to embrace it, and Rusev is upset - so Fandango's doom is next.

Fandango comes out and ONLY JBL IS DANCING and he says they're just not caught up with him. LANA FANDANGOED on the floor and Rusev attacked Fandango for it. Rusev destroys him with the superkick and three spine kicks before winning with the Accolade. ESPN doc plug. TE videos.

Truth's in the ring to face Stardust. Oh fuck off. Stardust now has a little star-covered bag and this is about some KOTR bullshit. Booker concluded that perhaps the bag could have a snake since Jake's did. The commentators talk about snooker for a while before I presume Vince yelled at them to talk more about that damn bag. Fans chanted "holy shit" for no real reason. Truth gets the bag and it has plastic spiders. So Stardust went and made this elaborate...okay, goofy bit just to win via distraction cradle? FUCK OFF STARDUST!

BIG DOC preview. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANNA MISS SMACKDOWN. A CONTRACT WILL BE SIGNED BY 4 MEN! Cena's out for the US Open Challenge. Great JOHN CENA SUCKS song here. Cena cut a passionate promo while the crowd chanted for Sami and RVD. Bret came out to introduce a great Heath came out. Bret comes out, lays him out and introduces SAMI ZAYN!

After the break, he dropkicks Cena. Cole says that in two weeks, Zayn goes one on one against Owens for the NXT Title. Doctor comes in after a back suplex. Cena gets his comeback, but Zayn cradles him when he kneels over for the fistdrop taunt. Diving crossbody off the top gets 2! AA, but Zayn lands...on his ass and they do a double down off a double clothesline. RINGPOST DDT FROM ZAYN TO CENA! POP UP AA GETS 2.5! GIANT Sami chant gets going after that. BLUE THUNDER BOMB GETS 2.5! A "THIS IS AWESOME" chant breaks out. Springboard stunner>AA gets the win! This was awesome!

They talk about NXT Takeover: Unstoppable in two weeks. Why would anyone care about Unstoppable? SHOW A HYPE VIDEO. THE NEW DAY IS STILL CELEBRATING BACKSTAGE as Nikki walks backstage to face Naomi next. But first, Renee wants to interview Sami, but THE NEW DAY IS STILL CELEBRATING! They sang "Victorious!" Nikki came down and Naomi and Tamina attacked her. OH NO. WE'VE BEEN ROBBED OF NIKKI VS. NAOMI! And now, the heel who was WRONGED ON THE PPV BY THE 2 ON 1 TACTICS OF THE Bellas, gets backup to even the odds. KOTR finals recap in photos.

King Barrett's out and teaming with Sheamus. IT'S THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSSATIONNEVILLE! Or rather "the man from gravity forgot!" And he's teaming with Dolph. We get no explanation for oh...the Bellas turning face, but goddamn do we have to go into detail about the particulars of this kiss me arse feud. Pretty much nothing before the break...and we get a post-break chinlock. Dolph gets the superkick. Neville gets a high kick and a suplex for 2. Sheamus dumped Dolph over the timekeeper's area with a powerslam and Neville sprung right into a bull hammer.

Roman comes out first, then Orton. After a break, Kane and the goons come out. Just like the Over the Edge '98, we get wacky jobs for everyone - only that was done well. Roman cheapshots Noble. Funny bit where they brought up Buddy Rogers defending in a triple threat and Cole says he wishes he could watch him now. Me too - sadly, there's nothing of him on the Network. Booker calling them all the Lollipop Gang was amusing. Roman avoids the powerslam. They might almost talk about the match at some point. Super Brawl Saturday sign guy now has a SU-PER DRA-GON sign. Roman avoids an RKO, but eats a Superman punch. Kane attacks, and that's a DQ. Roman dive saves Orton from a beating from the group. A big WE WANT AMBROSE chant breaks out. The faces trap Seth in the ring and he eats a spear. RKO to Roman. Dirty Deeds to Orton.

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