Sunday, May 31, 2015

WWE Elimination Chamber 2015

AN HOUR BEFORE THE PRE-SHOW, WWE announced that Rusev was out of the top chamber match. Watching This Week in is a guy taking off breakway pants to reveal a banana hammock athletic? WWE dubba wubstep introduces the kickoff. OH THANK GOD BYRON HAS FACTS! Booker reveals that the replacement will be a former World champion...Joe maybe? Human Friend is in the social media area for a Q and A with Lana later.Some woman - Okay, we're going to go a wide shot and then throw to the truck. Whoops. Kane met with the New Day, in new shiny purple and silver. Owens-Cena recap. Bo-Neville recap. Booker gets to plug his books, comic books, and his brother's legends deal. Fantastic. WE GET A BONUS MATCH - Ryder vs. Stardust. Recap of Ryder-Cena.

Stardust came out to an Absolute Zero reaction. The crowd is in darkness here. Dropkick off the apron from Ryder. JBL plugged The Arrow on The CW Network a few dozen times. Broski boot gets 2. Crossrhodes won, and it's now the Crossbow while a fan holds up a RUSEV LOVES ANAL sign. Lana-Rusev recap. She thinks Dolph is good-looking and he's funny. Lana likes the fans liking her and she was misled by Rusev or something.

Summer Rae now does Miz's intro. The Sound of Silence Starring the Miz, who is in some new outfit. Miz plugs their movie being at Redbox. Bryan came out and actually got a reaction from the crowd. They plug Bryan's book, but not the DVD. What is all of this? Beyond a waste of time, I mean. Bryan says he'll be presenting the title to the winner of the Chamber match. Also, his career isn't over. Bryan brings out the Meta Powers. Jesus. This is the worst Savage "parody" in history.  Mandow is in the absolute worst Savage gear ever. The goofs beat up Miz, and Cole talks about ratings. How does a Network special get ratings, Maggle!? Dean talks to Eden for a bit. Love him saying he'll hit J, J, and maybe HHH. THE BIG DAWG came down to tell Dean he got some brews for them. Okay then. JBL rambles on about The Chamber for a bit.

Awful buffering right as Byron does a British accent horribly. Is there anything he does well? Show-opening video hypes up Owens-Cena and Dean-Seth nicely. Cole hypes up the Chamber matches. Tag title chamber match starts things off. PTPs are out first. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, MORE THAN ONE MAN WILL BE LOCKED IN A POD! Hell of a selling point. PTPs got silence. Ditto the Matadores. CK's out. Nattie as a Fujiko Mine cosplayer rules. Cesaro has a new jacket. I love Torito being on top of the pod. LOL at Lilian saying "WWE...TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!" Dragons are out. YES, LET'S START THE MATCH WITH THE ASCENSION! Dragons kick away at them. Sin Cara HITS HIS FINISHER and...poses? Oh, and HBK's return was now in the Chamber.  H bomb hits for the Ascension and Kalisto goes on top of the New Day pod and he's held down by them.

WHY IS KALISTO DOING HIS GOOFY SHIT WHILE STILL NEAR THE NEW DAY!? Love New Day doing the LU-CHA bit. CK in - Kidd's got Hart colors on again. 3D European uppercut gets 2. CESARO HAS HART COLORS TOO! CESAROPLEX off the top rope to Kalisto on the pod gets 2 thanks to Cara's save. Dominator by Bald Ascension Guy gets 2. RANA OFF THE POD BY THE BULL ONTO CESARO! Kalisto falls off the top of the chamber. Fucking hell, there went Kalisto's knees. Also, they showed the JoMo version of this RIGHT BEFORE THIS SHOW. BULL DIVES OFF ONTO ASCENSION and gets tossed. The Bull is killing himself to save this match. Ascension take the Matadores out. Cole blatantly lying about never seeing someone do a spot off the top of the chamber. Dragons out by the Ascension.

Horrid camera work as the PTPs came out of the chamber. Deathly silence here. PTPs beat the Ascension. Titus kicked everyone until Cesaro lariated him to death. Okada dropkick from Cesaro! GUTWRENCH TOWER OF DOOM as one guy chants "this is awesome" NICE spinebuster by Titus. It took for guys to suplex the champs. They toss Xavier into the pod and THEN KIDD IS BEATEN BY DY!? E went into the pod hard. E just lost 2 inches in height on that spot. Great intensity from Titus as he tossed E around.

D-Young hits the gutbuster, but it only gets 2. Cole was shocked that D-Young's finisher that never wins didn't win. Big overhead belly to belly to Young on the floor. Trouble in Paradise and a dogpile win beat Titus. THIS. MATCH SUCKED! THIS. MATCH SUCKED!  Dolph MITB video recap hypes up MITB in TWO WEEKS. Rusev injury clip. They teased doing back to back chamber matches. Dolph is backstage with a The Brian Kendrick jacket and Lana. Nikki's out, followed by Naomi in blue and Paige rocking out to her theme.

Wacky starting bit where Nikki catches Naomi's foot, throws it to Paige, and she forearms Naomi. Fallaway slam by Paige to Naomi gets 2. Cutter to the knee by Nikki to Paige gets 2. Nikki missed a Disaster kick by 20 miles. Naomi has the absolute perfect body type for using a legdrop as a big move. Tower of Doom double powerbomb by Nikki gets 2. Nikki gets Paige up for the Rack Attack as Paige talks to her and Nikki eats the rear view for 2. PTO is mafia kick'd out by Naomi. Nasty rewind rana by Naomi there. SO OF COURSE THAT IN THEORY GREAT MOVE GETS 2. Rack Attack wins. This was better than the tag chamber.


THE OFFSPRING in 2015.Wow. What a theme. Cena-Owens is up already. Owens comes out in his new shorts and red, white, and blue Fight Owens Fight shirt! Owens headlock is countered by a LOUDLY-CALLED Cena shoulderblock. King says he's faced Owens and he's as tough as they come. Great forearm strike from Owens takes Cena down hard. Cena eats a DDT off an AA counter. Great punch from Owens with Cena begging him to avoid a beating. Mounted punches from Owens. Back and forth boo/yay punches. Owens hits a fallaway slam>spinning White Noise for 2! Cannonball gets 2. Cena hops over the powerbomb and gets his comeback, literally called a momentum shift. POP-UP POWERBOMB HITS FOR 2!

Great slow-mo of Cena killing his elbows on that bump. MOONSAULT MISSES! AA GETS 2...and boy should they have maybe saved that for this match. AA getting 2 would mean more if it wasn't done in every US Title match but the Ryder one. Boo/Yay exchange leads to a superkick from Owens! YOU CAN'T SEE ME from Owens leads to an STF! AA BY OWENS GETS 2.9! Cena's tornado DDT gets 2. Ditto the second rope legdrop. PACKAGE...SIDESLAM...?! Gets 2. More back and forth punches. Springboard stunner gets 2.9. Steenbreaker counter to a superplex! SWANTON OFF THE TOP GETS 2.9! Cena lariat! SECOND POP-UP POWERBOMB GETS THE WIN! #RIPCenasElbows. Owens says he started a fight with Cena and finished it! Owens says Cena's time is up and THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Poor Neville and Bo - they're up. Neville moonsault off the top to the floor! Nice! JBL buries flyers for not having long careers. Lots of chinlocks. Neville caressing Bo's tits before the standing SSP. SU-PER DRA-GON guy chants LET'S GO NE-VILLE! After seemingly 20 years, Neville wins with the Red Arrow. Dean and Roman talk and HHH tells Roman he can't be at ringside. IC Chamber time here at 9:41. Bryan title vacating recap. Henry comes out to replace Rusev right away. Sheamus gets a reaction. Truth gets none. Ryback comes out and they talk about some Facebook video. Thank God WWE didn't have an hour of programming before this show to actually show the Facebook video they're talking about. Barrett and Dolph exchange holds for quick counts.

Dolph now has a knockoff Harley Davidson logo on his ass for some reason. Barrett talked smack to Henry and Sheamus while beating up Dolph. Ryback said he'd eat his ass alive. Not PG bro. Barrett immediately beats up Truth. Missile dropkick by Truth to Barrett. Axe kick hits. YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A FINISHER BEING HIT AND A GUY DOING A TAUNT. Barrett puts Dolph through the pod of Henry, and Henry logically just comes in to kick ass. Ryback comes in after that little bit. TRUTH BEATS BARRETT! Sheamus gets stuck in the pod and everyone does cradles.

Boy is this offense against Henry looking shitty. Shellshock to Truth beats him. Delayed vertical to Dolph by Ryback gets a Goldberg chant. Meathook meets a superkick. Sheamus used his cross to pick the lock and get in. Sheamus tossed Dolph through the pod. Poor fucker. Brogue kick takes out Henry. Sheamus, A FORMER WORLD AND WWE CHAMPION, has the IC Title on his bucket list. Sheamus takes out Dolph. Sheamus gave Ryback the worst White Noise ever on the floor. Great bit where Ryback counters the Brogue into a powerbomb against the cage, then mid-ring before Shellshocking him for the win! The Big Ryback Push of 2012...right? FINALLY results in him winning a no reaction.


Kofi, Sheamus, Orton, Neville, Dolph, and Roman are already in MITB for...some reason. Cena-Owens II is set too. AWESOME hype video for Ambrose-Seth here with Dean talking about he and Seth being brothers. Seth's out first. Seth takes him down with a side headlock while JBL talks about how horrible things would be with Dean as champion. After a few MINUTES, we get interference. Seth gets the Warrior's Way double stomp for 2. King compares Dean to Austin. Double down off a double crossbody block.

Dean dives onto the pile over the announce table. Kneeling superkick gets 2 for Seth. Cactus clothesline by Dean. Barricade bomb by Seth. Curtain Call gets 2 for Seth. Seth countered the rebound lariat by lariating him first. Buckle bomb is no-sold for a lariat. Dean chooses to dive on the goons on the floor instead of the champion in the ring. Seth pushes the ref in the way of the diving elbow. Phoenix splash misses, Dirty Deeds...DEAN WINS! Wow! Shame they're doing this with Dean having so little momentum going into it. And then Dean gets a DQ win because of the ref shove. BOO-URNS!

Big Dog saves Dean - of course. Dean says he won the match, so he's taking the belt. Well, at least Dean gets the benefit of having the belt in his hands, getting photos, and not being booked like a chump.

Kickoff Screens -

EC screens -


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