Tuesday, February 16, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 2-16-16

Pop's pre-Impact ad features wacky sound effects for strikes. Decay-Wolves recap video starts things up. BIG MONEY MATT recap. Dixie and EC3 have a meeting and Dixie says EC3 will have his rematch at Lockdown next week. Also, LOCKDOWN IS NEXT WEEK. EC3 comes out and slaps hands while jogging around the ring - this act works as a face act surprisingly well. EC3 says that he will bring vengeance and fury, but he needs to use his fists tonight and he wants Tyrus - who he says might be breastfeeding Maxel. EC3 calls him salami tits - EC3 is strangely obsessed with Tyrus's man-boobs. EC3 bonks him with the mic and they have a bad brawl on the floor. Matt jumps him in new wacky silver zebra-print PJs with gold trim. Crowd chants for Spud, so it seems like we'll get a tag match main event later. Matt makes just a challenge.

EY says that HE'S THE KING because he's KOTM champion and he's also God. He challenges anyone in the crowd to take it from him, and between the King deal and England, it's a shame it isn't Barrett. EY says that Jeff Hardy won't be taking it from him, but Beer Money's theme hits. EY says that he already beat Roode, so he's nothing. Storm says this isn't Springer - it's Impact, and he looks so much older with the Beer Money headband on. Storm faces him and he gets a quick 2 off a DDT. Everyone gets into a fight and we get a double countout. They fight into the crowd, which goes to hell when they go into the darkened area. Why it's darkened when they actually have fans there, I have no idea. And they just cut away to Drew talking to EC3. Drew volunteers to team, but EC3 wants to go it alone - and Bennett is in action next.

After a break, the brawl continues. Roode and EY fight in the laundry room. This is reasonably-good stuff, but Josh just won't shut up. Maria talks for a second and then Josh talks about impressive Mike has been. Bennett talks about the Kurt deal and how he was cheap-shotted. Now he wants Drew and his case. He says he'll face the UK's own Mark Andrews, and he skateboards down for a second before just running. Bennett hits the Rainmaker punch and the MIP - Cradle Shock. He beats him down after the match, so Drew makes a save - finally, a babyface with character and morals. Rosemary talks about DECAY some more from their lair, I guess. Some crazy British guy says he hasn't forgotten about her and blows a kiss. Okay then. So it took them three weeks to give her a name on-air, and then she just suddenly has this backstory or something. Monster's Ball is next.

Drew says that Bennett's good at jumping guys, and then gets jumped for YET ANOTHER BRAWL BACKSTAGE - and the first hour isn't even over yet. DAMMIT D'LO! ODARG the Great video. Spud is in one of his more ridiculous suits on his phone, but Tyrus bullies him a bit. Matt tells him not to stick his nose in their business again and says that EC3 isn't a good guy. Great bit as Tyrus teases a choke, but just adjusts the suit a bit. Angle-Lashley hype video with clips of their first match in England last year.

Decay's font is the same as Bram's logo. Rosemary just has "it" walking to the ring. The way she carries the belts around is just eerie - and it's shouldn't be, but she's just carrying them like they're heads in a bag. Wolves land stereo baseball slide dropkicks. Within two minutes, we get tables and a barb wire board being brought out. Ad break. After it, we get Steve being sent into Abyss's balls with a ladder and dual chairshots. Chairtoss leads to a wolf going through a table on the floor. Now Abyss has Janice. Christ. This is a video game match in the worst way. Exploder into the ladder in the corner by Davey to Steve. Chokeslam by Abyss leads to chairs being tossed onto Davey.


 Pope yells about Abyss going for a superplex, but it's turned into a sunset bomb onto chairs and trash cans. Chair-assisted double stomp to Steve. Crazy bit with Abyss catching a dive on the floor, but then eating a dive and being sent through the board with a suicide dive from the other wolf. They do a downright stupid thing here with Steve putting Eddie's head in a chair, then Rosemary pours tacks on his face. Steve hits the chair and tacks just fly all over the place. Davey kisses Rosemary to prevent more misting, and then spits it at Steve before they hit Chasing the Dragon on a chair. This was fucking crazy.

EC3 walks into Spud who tells him to let him talk first for once. Dollhouse is in the ring to face Madison and Gail. Jade hits a beautiful suicide dive to the floor onto Madison. Marti lands an awful Samoan drop on Gail. Jade runs wild with kicks, including an awful spinkick that misses but gets 2 anyway. Jade turns the standing octopus hold into a double knee gutbuster for 2. That ruled. Gail counters the package piledriver and eats a lariat with a neck bump. Madison lands a clunky strike combo before an even worse discus forearm. Marti loses via 69 position cradle. Madison apparently has a new, very generic theme and then they get beaten up by the Dollhouse anyway. Velvet runs down to return and lands a stunner on Rebel that Rebel doesn't take well, and then we get a Nova DDT/Stunner combo. She calls them the Doghouse and says she didn't fly to England just to have them leave - she wants history in a knockouts Lethal Lockdown.


Shera and his GIGANTIC MOUSTACHE are backstage and "HE LIKE YOU!" He likes Odarg the great, who is clearly Grado in a very small mask. Wacky serious Grado is rather amusing. Beer Money vs. Team Angry Guys are STILL BRAWLING BACKSTAGE. They brawled and brawled and brawled and brawled. Roode tells the cameraman that next week, it's Beer Money vs. those guys in a cage. Eli is in the ring with Jessie to face Shera and Odarg. Josh mocks JB for saying that Shera is representing India. Shera does his shuffle while fans do other dances and Eli buries his stupid music. Odarg comes out to Grado's theme, does a hybrid intro of Grado's, Rock's, and Savage's and they talk about how Grado had proof he shouldn't have been fired. "He turned his gear inside out so his gear says ODARG". Pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Shera has flying mare skills about on par with several wrestling bears - so he's getting better. Odarg runs wild, and PULLS THE STRAPS DOWN OH GOD WHY. He lands the worst-looking cannonball ever, but Shera gets the sky high to take Jessie out. Eli goes for the mask, but Odarg takes it off, then trips him up with a schoolyard trip and a shitty cradle while staring at Eli with his mask off. The logic in all this is somewhat illogical, but whatever. 

Goofy ODARG, Eli, and Jessie deal backstage.  Lockdown's card is run down and we see Tyrus and BIG MONEY MATT come down. EC3 comes down while the fans sing the "WWOOOOAAAAH" part of his theme. Tyrus runs wild for a bit before an ad break. After a break, Matt hits the flying elbow - but SPUD COMES DOWN. It buys EC3 time and he gets a lariat. Spud wants a tag, but EC3 keeps attacking Matt. A "we want Spud" chant breaks out before Matt hits a sloppy sleeper drop for 2. EC3 eats some chops, but fires back with a few of his own. EC3 tosses Matt off the Twist and lands a dropkick. Spud tags in and runs wild on both guys. The bowtie comes off, but Matt attacks from behind. Tyrus tags in and heart punches Spud. Tyrus misses an avalanche and the Underdog hits rather poorly. Matt gets tagged in, followed by EC3, who Pope calls well-rested after several minutes of a two on one match. Stinger splash and a flapjack hit.

EC3 low-bridges Tyrus, who s-l-o-w-l-y goes over. EC3 does something he should never do again - a crossbody off the top where he flies vertically and not horizontally so no one caught him. Spud ballshots Tyrus, but eats a Twist. One Percenter to Matt gets the win - so EC3 once again proved he can beat Matt clean, just like he did in their LMS match. This was pretty effective - not a great match, but effective at building up the main event. And then we get a Lockdown hype video with...clips of next week's show. How very odd.

Screens -

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