Tuesday, February 23, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 2-23-16

We get a hype video for Lockdown hyping it as a show with a STEEL DEATH TRAP! JB's commentary sounds overdubbed, and we start with Beer Money. Heels come out and we get brawling outside the ring here in THE OPENER OF THE ALL-CAGE MATCH SHOW. Of the many things about Josh that annoy him, his moniker of "THE TERRIFYING TERROR TWINS!" for the heels is one of them. Heels trap Storm on the floor by closing the door. Storm comes in and slams Bram's face into the cage a bunch. Super lungblower and a super rana by Storm. Superkick by Storm to EY. Synchronized swimming kneeling punch exchange from everyone. God, this show is just depressing to look at - the building is dark, everything looks dingy, and Beer Money wins with DWI on Bram.


EC3 comes out for a promo. He talks about his head being caved in with a chair and Reby giving him hepatitis Hardy. He calls out his friend Spud. EC3 says that a year ago, they tore the house down and he's really sorry he shaved his head. EC3 said Spud was brave, and Spud said that Matt was pure evil and rotten to the core now. Hardy and his big PJs came out and talked for a bit. Cable went out and when it came back, Helms was hyping up Trevor Lee while Josh called him GS Helms. They really do nothing of note for eons until Uno gets a dive off the top of the cage for 2, here in MATCH 2 OF LOCKDOWN. Lee gets up, hits a jumping knee and wins with God's Last Gift. So the moral is don't do dives off the cage, because if you do, you'll lose - and you're a real idiot to do it with a bad shoulder. Gail and Maria argue a bit and Gail challenges her to join the team because Madison was taken out. Match is next.


Rosemary's weird ex-boyfriend and/or stalker gave her a gift and then she cackled with Crazzy Steve. Jade and Gail start off Lethal Lockdown. Jade gets a rana and thrtows Gail into the steps before kicking her face. A break eats up a lot of the five minute portion. Marti rushes in and attacks Gail. Velvet runs down and attacks basically like a sugar-rushed kid with things resembling lariats and elbows. Rebel comes down and hits some bad kicks before doing an STO, but first doing a bridge. Jade goes for a cane shot, but ala Kurt, Gail ducks and she bonks herself. Maria comes out in her hot assariffic gear before leaving, locking the cage, and man do I wish that Pop's feed looks like true HD this week. Double team flapjack to Jade off the top. Everyone does stuff with a kendo stick, but Jade hits the package piledriver on Gail on a chair for a win. This was an entertaining, but bad match - best part of the show though. EC3 meets with Kurt, who reminds him that it's his farewell tour - but EC3 IS THE GUY. Decay video highlights mist and Rosemary's cleavage.
 
Kurt comes out and talks for a second before LASHLEY COMES OUT TO CARRY THE PROMO. Lashley says he wanted to light a fire under Kurt, but he didn't - so Kurt's all pissed and wants the match now. Eli is mid-ring cutting a promo on Grado before ODARG comes out and Josh says that it's Grado spelled backwards and stumbles over calling himself a private investigator. Pope says that it needs to be proven that Grado is Odarg, and Josh points out that WE ALL SAW THAT LAST WEEK. They have a bad match and Odarg pulls down Eli's trunks for a really long moon spot. Odarg gets the cannonball as his singlet lettering falls off. Josh and Pope bury Odarg for going for the cage instead of using the door. Odarg wins when he falls while Eli holds the mask, and we get more and more maskless shots. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS ANGLE!?
 


Decay meets with Jimmy Havoc, who is standing up for her - she's his muse. They beat him up and leave him with his mask on the ground. Backstage, Eli says he should be fired and Billy Corgan...just agrees and he's fired while Josh says "that's one last pay per appearance check!". So now the company is mocking how poor it is. They try a big-match feel by showing warmups and each guy walking to the entranceway. It isn't doing much for me, but they're trying.

Tyrus throws a chair into EC3, while Pope says it's not right - but it's okay. Side Effect gets 2. Side Effect on the chair gets 2.5. TK-3 hits for 2 and then Tyrus comes in while EC3 gives him a double bird and a hearty "fuck you!". Tyrus tries to lock EC3 to the rope, but EC3 tricks him and locks him on the rope. Chairs to the big man. Twist out of nowhere for 2. Super Russian legsweep by EC3 gets 2 and a punch exchange leads to a ballshot by Matt. Matt yells NOW YOU DIE! and goes for the necktie Twist and hits it for 2.9. Reby comes out with a hammer, but Spud prevents her from hitting him with it so he can slam the door on EC3. Well, EC3 was a dick to him a year ago - why should he suddenly be friends with him? Matt gives him a chair and tells him he deserves it for all the sins against him. Well, Matt is bringing up a logical point here. EC3's head is against the steps and Spud chairshots him. Josh says that Matt is both REPULSIVE AND REPUGNANT!
 


Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/djcomtj5h218n51sg572xbp92ln3wdla

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