Monday, February 29, 2016

WWE Raw 2-29-16

Recap of last week's finish. Look at that DASTARDLY HEEL HHH as he kicks the ass of his enemy who violently attacked his elderly father in law! YES, RAW STARTS WITH A RECAP OF HHH FOLLOWED BY HHH! And then we see Roman's face post-beating. Boy is Roman getting over great here. HHH rambles on about authority before Dean's putt-putt theme hits. HHH with "comedy" about the Oscars. Dean rambles on a bit about HHH being scared of him before HHH says that crazy stuff was THIS SCHTICK YOU PUT ON SO PEOPLE WOULD THINK HE'S COOL. Jesus. Taker returns later and we hear "And remember, if Shane wins, he gets control of WWE". Shocked that this is such an afterthought.

Becky vs. Sasha is up. Fine back and forth stuff before the break, but nothing special. Charlotte and Flair are at ringside next to the commentators NOT TALKING. They try to redo what they're doing with Joe and Sami by having a double pin off the sunset bomb. This was a weak way to finish what was otherwise a fine, but unspectacular match. Dolph's out to face Miz, who beats him with a schoolboy off a chest-first buckle bump. WHAT?! Next, we get a recap of last week's show.

Steph comes out after a long recap of that and we get a RANDY SAVAGE chant followed by a WE WANT SHANE chant. Long story short - SHANE, I'M ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M A MCMAHON - BUT HOW DARE YOU BE ENTITLED BECAUSE YOU'RE A MCMAHON. She was both horrible and great at times here, and did get out the venom when talking about Shane and how EVERYONE WILL BOW TO THEIR QUEEN - HER!

Lucha Dragons against Rusev and Sheamus. Heels win with a superkick on Kalisto, who eats a big double stomp. Nattie and Renee plug Subway in the worst way ever. Ryback promo where he says the spotlight is going to be on him or he'll take it. Ryback beats him up and lands an awful backpack stunner and worse mounted punches. Rose in tiny bike shorts really make his legs look tiny, and he jobs to the Shellshock.

New Day promo about how they're the best three-man team ever. Surprisingly, this doesn't lead a Freebirds HOF video or a Hayes promo - instead, they face Y2AJ.AJ flies around like a champ for Big E, leading to Kofi and Jericho having slow-motion exchanges. Jericho catches Kofi's kick and wins with the Walls. Jericho really looks like 2016 Dave Coulier trying to look like 1992 Dave Coulier in the close-up replay of the finish. Taker is next.

Chrisley shows up for half a second in the crowd. Before Taker, we get Vince cutting a promo about how he loves Shane more than Shane loves him. He loves him so much that he'll pit him against WWE's most destructive force - THE UNDERTAKER. No matter how many times you see it, Taker's intro is amazing. Vince says Taker is HIS FORCE and Taker chokes him. "The blood of your son is gonna be on your hands - not mine!" So now the storyline is that THE POOR LITTLE RICH  BOY is gonna be less super-rich if he loses. What stakes. And also, that Vince will renounce him as his son - he will just be a son of a bitch. This is pretty weird.


Dudleys heel turn recap. Bubba's out to face an Uso, and they're back in their stupid glasses. Devon hits an Uso with a table and then the other one eats a Bubba bomb for a loss. Golden Truth skit backstage with Truth just telling him off before he can say anything, so Goldust slinks away and now Truth feels guilty. Show vs. Owens gets a quick verbal recap and the match starts with Show hitting a spear. They fight on the floor so Owens can get a 7 count, and then a DDT hits on the floor too. Owens gets crotched up top and counted out. YES - THEY'RE 50/50! Renee welcomes her guest, Brie Bella who faces Naomi. Brie. Was. Not Ashamed. Of losing. She put up. A strong fight. Lana tells her that she bites the big one. She has a figure and Brie has no body, while Rusev is a BIG MAN and Brie is married to a little goat-man!

The match begins and Naomi just runs wild before Tamina pulls Brie's ankle and she bumps on the apron. Tamina distracts her and Naomi wins with That New Submission From Naomi! Dean faces Alberto and we'll hear if he gets a shot at HHH for the title later. Becky and Sasha argue for a bit before Charlotte informs them that they'll get a second match on SD. Good God. The ac-ting. Here. Dean vs. Alberto in the main event gets very little reaction from the crowd. They brawl on the floor and ADR gets the wacky double stomp on the barricade. Dean dives to the pile on the floor with the elbow and then HHH comes down. League jumps Dean and it's a DQ in the Raw main event. HHH talks shit and Dean attacks. Wow - it's possible for a babyface to get a pop against HHH! HHH pedigrees him and that's it. They've got something in Dean, clearly - hopefully they see it after WM.  Preferably before though, and HHH gives him his title match.


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