The show-opening vid showed Kurt being a complete asshole to AJ, who
"turned his back on TNA"...because Kurt was a dick. They managed to show
Abyss's return without exposing his slip too much. Hogan sauntered out
and did every generic intro he's done in TNA. Having just watched
Uncensored '95 on WWE 24/7, I, like Hogan, am amazed Hulkamania's still
running wild in Tupelo. Somehow, Abyss's return tied into TNA being
under a microscope. Abyss didn't come out, and boy does his current
theme not work as well as his prior one. I know he's had it for like two
years now, but it doesn't seem to fit as well as his other one. Loved
Joseph come out here and Taz saying "well that's definitely not Abyss!".
Devon and D'Lo came out when Joe started talking - I'm digging Devon's
look as a biker. Works better than a lot of guys in the group. Hogan had
his hair extensions in this week, so he looked a bit better than he did
a few weeks ago. Loved loved LOVED Joseph Park getting super-pissed and
basically saying he was tired of their shit and challenged them to a
fight. I loved Devon asking who he's beaten because didn't he START by
beating the current world champ? Hogan said he could face D'Lo instead
of the TV Champ Devon, who is obsessed with taking a chunk out of
Abyss's ass. Park's wacky leap of joy ruled. Storm was a bit of a dick
to the backstage interviewer asking what he was going to do after
superkicking the guys last week. All he said was "watch", and despite
showing clips, they didn't do a good job of filling in the blanks here.
They
showed a York highlight reel vid to hype him up in the Gut Check BFG
series deal. Roode came out to I guess give his thoughts on what Storm
did. Nope. Turns out it's a match with Chavo. Taz showed how little he
paid attention to the other guys when Tenay said that Roode had more big
match experience over the past few years, and Taz asked Tenay...how he
could say Roode hadn't had high profile matches...WHAT!? Loved Roode
taking a stomach-first bump off of a shoulder to the gut from the apron
leading to the slingshot senton. Storm came out and spit beer at Roode,
leading to a DQ. Storm just...stood there angrily. Maybe he's going to
join Sting and AJ in the rafters. Maybe there's like an HOV lane for
them that requires 3 guys or something.
They
recapped AJ's deal. He's facing Angle at the PPV, BTW. Lots of repeated
stuff from show-starting vid. Kurt came out to talk. Taz rightfully
called him a highly confrontational man. Angle whined about wanting to
face AJ now and not at the PPV. He wanted AJ and got Anderson, who came
out with a wacky carnoonish scowl and was sucking a lollipop. Helluva
badass biker. He did a nice wacky THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY intro for
AJ getting "patched in" next week before cackling. Good lord, the man is
about as annoying as Miz, if not moreso. Angle sucker-punched Anderson
before AJ came out from the...vague direction of the Aces and 8s area
and cheap-shotted Kurt. Well, he deserved that. They did a good job
building up AJ being patched in next week, even if it is pretty sudden.
THE SLAMMIN SALE gives you UP TO 25% off on DVDs.
Whoopdeedoo. The Gut Check guy with Boomstick on his elbow pad, whose
name wasn't said or shown, cut a decent heel promo about having the hot
girl now, getting paid to be in the gym and get better and be THE MAN.
Boomstick guy was Jay Bradley The guy who wins this gets a shot at
Slammiversary to be in the series. Well, that's different than what they
said before, where it seemed like the winner of this would get in the
BFG series. York's tan is very Hogan-esque. Nice flapjack and running
big boot from Bradley. Looked very sharp. Given that Tenay talked about
York's biggest win being at the Xstravanza PPV, they should've shown
clips from it. Sick snapmare>elbow to the chest combo from Bradley.
Boomstick lariat got the win here. Bradley's gear is really
generic-looking, but he was quite good here. York was fine, but needs to
either lose weight or modify his style. Bradley was quite cocky in his
post-match promo. He was great here. Best he's looked yet in TNA. Gail
and Velvet, whose lips couldn't be more pink, walked backstage before
their match up next.
Storm bitched and moaned more
and then Anderson cut a bad promo where he lost his train of thought,
then talked about "patching AJ's ass in next week.". AJ might not like
that much. KOs just had time to do their intros before the break, but
they also showed off Gail's path of destruction, so I'm fine with that.
Brooke Hogan's giant orange boobs in a more orange dress talked about
great Mickie's album was, but she's bitter over being excluded from the
PPV. Valid point, so Mickie was given a match next week for the title.
Bully and his underarm blubber intimidated Brooke. Bully leered at her
like a date rapist after saying he'd never divorce her. The match began
with Velvet IN DIFFERENT GEAR THAN BEFORE, and also throwing things
resembling armdrags. Then she walked around a bunch to wait for Gail to
get up for the next spot. Velvet's knee got a kneeling DDT and apron
smash, resulting in VINTAGE RVD owwie owwie owww! selling. Velvet sold
her knee a ton, which didn't result in the crowd caring enough to stop
whistling at her. Taz called a half crab a cloverleaf, which led to a
nice stretch muffler. Throughout this, Taz talked about ODB having a
walkman in her back packet along with the flask in the other and having
that make sense since she gets clothes from the Salvation Army. Velvet
JUMPED UP AFTER GAIL to get her off the top. She seemed to have no
problem doing this.
Velvet's knee went out in the
most comedic way possible as she just threw herself on the ground, and
she got a fluke win, leading to Gail killing her knee with the figure
four on the ringpost. I'm hoping this leads to Mickie not only winning
the title, but holding off her heel turn for a bit since Tara just
turned sorta-face. Camera man zoomed in on Velvet's tits quite a bit
here. Sabin said that King was only the king of male strippers, which
was a great line. Fantastic recap vid of their deal last week, and it
made their X division title match seem way more important. I love that
with Sabin around, they're actually giving a shit about the division.
Shame they made a ONE ON ONE FEUD for a division with mandatory 3-ways.
SUICIDE
returns next week, hopefully cutting wacky Ole Anderson voice box
promos. Kenny King defends the X Title next against Petey and Sabin, who
got no intros. OUCH. Now is not the time to be giving THE ENTIRE
DIVISION jobber intros. Match began with King leaving so Sabin and Petey
could do some swank-looking technical exchanges that were more
impressive than anything seen in the division since the days of the Guns
and GenMe. Nice capoiera kick from King - Sabin looks great in there
with both Sabin and Kenny. They showed the ref with the wacky camera on
his head, which made him look ridiculous. Thankfully, they didn't show
anything from it this week..so why use it? T-bone flatliner from Petey
looked wonky, but a bit cool too. Only got two for that and the La
Mistica Russian Legsweep>cradle combo. Sweet dropkick to the top rope
while Kenny was on the mat by King to Sabin. Spinning Irish Curse got 2
for King. Hesitation dropkick was interrupted by Petey, who then got
DVDed onto King in the tree of woe - nice spot there. Flying knee from
King took Sabin out while King hit the Royal Flush to Petey to take him
out of contention. This was Kenny's best match in TNA yet and the best
3-way they've had in a while. Kaz and Daniels had a great wacky meeting
backstage. Kaz is now the secretary of offense and SUPER KAZ!
D'Lo
thanked Anderson for not allowing Bully to CAVE HIS SKULL IN WITH A
HAMMER. They did a nice job making D'Lo sympathetic by showing he's
remorseful for hurting Garett and Wes by big-footing them,a dn trying to
make up for things. Hernandez's new Texas-state flag gear rules. Loved
Taz talking about Bad Influence: The Movie's trailer being great, and
Tenay asking who lives in the trailer. Air Mexico off the ramp to the
ring now gets built up with a ton of clapping, and it worked nicely
here. He's also got new ink on his back. Dixie's always breaking THE
LATEST NEWS ON TWITTER, FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER (and don't forget to buy
her action figure either). Storm distracted Daniels, who got Pounced for
a loss. Storm came out, recapped him being told there were consequences
for his actions...and instead of that being brought up, he talked about
a 3-way for the tag titles, but with a twist...IT'S A FOUR WAY, with
Storm and a mystery partner of his choosing. I wouldn't be surprised if
it was Harris since the match will be at Slammiversary and they were on
the first show.
The MAIN EVENT OF IMPACT is D'Lo
Brown vs. Joseph Park. Sure, the contract signing really is, but wow. I
loved Tenay getting excited over the idea of D'Lo cooling beer. Todd
called D'Lo a "time-tested veteran". Yup. Former WWE mid-carder. Former
ROH mid-carder, and TNA main eventer in 2003 and 2013. D'Lo ruled it
here though, busting out a shining wizard and a sliding basement lariat.
Then he busted out the flying leg lariat, clearly feeling his oats
here. He appears to have lost a bit of weight in the past month or so
too. D'Lo "busted Park open", leading to him Abyssing up and winning
with the Black Hole Slam. Now he can get a match with Devon whenever he
wants, I guess leading to him becoming TV Champ at the PPV. I wouldn't
mind that. PPV rundown - tag title 4-way is an elimination match. X
title will be on the line in an Ultimate X with Suicide. Bully came out,
did his deal, and said he's from God's country - HELL'S KITCHEN NY! He
called Hogan out too, and I just noticed that Hogan's shoes match his
outfit. Bully was an outstanding asshole here talking about how he
screwed Sting over, screwed Hogan, and how EVERYONE KNOWS HOW GREAT HE
SCREWED BROOKE. Sting then talked about him wanting Bully to snap his
arms, why? Because if he doesn't, THAT'S WHAT HE'LL DO TO BULLY.
Tremendous. This was the best Sting promo since '09, and I liked Bully
agreeing to Sting's no holds barred stips ONLY if he would never wrestle
for the world title again. Also loved Bully saying he's doing this and
not demanding him to retire if he loses because he wants Sting to
wrestle until the day he dies knowing he can never hold the world title
again. This ruled and really put over the importance of the world title.
They exchanged punches for a few seconds before the show ended
mid-stuff. Weird bit there, but a great angle overall.
Screens -
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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/e3r49wi8peo0m6i4juhpuva8af2mrb75
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