Friday, May 31, 2013

WWE SD 5-31-13

ORTON. SHEAMUS. KINGSTON. TEAM HELL NO. ALL HAVE FALLEN TO THE HOUNDS OF JUSTICE. Holy Hell - SD's opening video is actually making last week's SD seem important! All 3 Shield members are in singles matches and this video would look even cooler without the WWE bug on it. Kane-Rollins is up - I'd prefer Bryan-Rollins, but maybe that would be best served on Main Event. JBL is putting the Shield over huge talking about how they got all the gold they wanted at the PPV, defended them all on Raw, and STARTED at the top of the card. All true. Rollins hit a sweet DDT out of a super chokeslam, and they came back FROM THE APP with a half crab. Loved Bryan helping Kane to win - furthers him NOT being the weak link. Loved JBL getting flustered when Cole brought up the Shield being upset over the loss.

Reigns-Bryan starts up instantly. ECW! ECW! Loved Bryan kicking the ropes into Reigns's face. Great kneeling figure 4/forearm combo by Bryan. I hope that move winds up being in the next WWE game. Nice basement kick/elbow strike combo too. Nice smooth Windham-style lariat from Reigns. More app bullshit. WATCH SD ON A 3 INCH SCREEN - IT'S THE NEW WAY TO WATCH TV...meant for 30+ inch displays. Reigns got some nice height on a Stinger splash attempt. Sting may actually be hitting that thing more than anyone else now. Loved JBL talking about Bryan's determination being either great or crazy, and that more people should have it. New wrinkle in his comeback with a crucifix into a No Lock instead of the Hart attack. Kane getting Bryan DQed was a different, and furthers their issues. I really don't like the idea of them breaking up now though - having them as main event-level guys in a team is a better option than either guy possibly floating around the mid-card aimlessly. Kane calling Bryan the best in the world was great though and they seem to be zooming to a breakup soon with Bryan ranting that he doesn't need Kane. Awesome first half-hour to the show so far.

YAY! SANDOW WACKY SKIT REPLAY! Good lord did Striker take a shitty bump in that. Dammit, Damien's just trying to play a shell game and Sheamus came out to ruin things. This skit was worth doing just to have Sheamus mocking him for having cups and tiny balls. Very un-PG reference to 2 girls, 1 cup by Sandow. I'M PULLIN FOR YA, BIG GUY! Sheamus has a big gash healing on the right side of his forehead. Loved Sheamus using his SILENCE! against him. A huge SHOW YOUR BALL chant is breaking out. THE BALL IS MISSING, but he's also a magician - IS THERE NO END TO HIS TALENT!? This skit was amazing. Sheamus was actually kind of fun-loving here instead of just an asshole, and JBL was great saying the shell game's never been on the up and up. CURTIS AXEL LOOKS TO KEEP HIS MOMENTUM OF...not really beating guys...going. Good for him.

Highlights were shown of Axel doing a couple of moves and "winning' via countout. Also, it should've been a DQ win for Cena given the clips they showed of Ryback and Cena brawling before the 10 count was finished. Sin Cara's gradiented blue gear looks awesome. Not sure why they waste pyro for him though since they clearly have no desire to push him. Axel's got his dad's rock remix theme back after losing it on Raw. I can buy Axel being told that HHH's...thing called a loss would be tantamount to a submission, while the Cena one really was just him being distracted by a shiny object. Digging the use of "perfect" as a mocking term for the fans. Orton's shitty new movie comes out Tuesday. Loved JBL bringing up not only Heyman managing the original Midnight Express at 21, which is astonishing in part because he looked 30 then, but also that if you're counting RVD, Heyman's managed five world champs. Lots of RVD references lately. Generic squash win with the Perfect Plex. This was functionally fine, but didn't do much for me. The elbow to the back of the head off of the springboard elbow looked terrible, and shouldn't have been replayed.

DID YOU KNOW that the Rock is a huge movie star?! Lilian's cleavage introduced Ricardo and his hetero life partner, Alberto. After going through season 3 of the Office this week, it's apparent that Michael Scott and WWE have similar approaches to subtelty. Big E's out to continue their best of nine million series that no one cares about. I'm digging Alberto's new white, black, and gold gear. Super-smooth belly to belly from Langston after avoiding the back stabber. Sweet German suplex from Alberto onto Big E, who took a great bump for a big guy. Great Rampage powerbomb attempt led to a huge Vader-style bodyblock. JBL put him over as being a big deal now, and he'll be even more deadly in a year. AJ's eye rake helped give Big E get a win with the Big Ending - this was easily their best match yet. 3 stages of hell video is up next.

It's weird to see so much hype on WWE TV for Rock's show on TNT, even with the Monday night wars being over for 12 years and realistically over for a while longer. Cena exposited annoyingly during the Raw Rebound, and they've yet to show Ryback talking ONCE about deserving to be champion. Also, if he felt that, why didn't he dictate the match stips instead of just letting Cena do it? These stips really don't work for these guys or accomplish much of anything. They really played up how much Ryback gave Axel a...thing called a win here. Lordy. Ambulance came out, which they're really getting over. The sirens playing before his theme works far better than the FEED ME MORE bit - they should mix those in permanently since they make him seem more menacing. Also, according to JBL, "he's getting in better shape ever week." Maybe he's eating a lot of horse meat. Kofi's getting way too much wacky offense in on Ryback here. Nice springboard missile dropkick from Kofi there. Ryback has gotten about zero offense for two minutes so far. He's hit the boom drop, escaped some sort of wacky slam attempt, a crossbody, and then FINALLY Ryback got some offense. This would've been a great match to start off a bigger push for Kofi since he looked dominant in there before he took himself out and Ryback hit the lariat and shell shock. Great powerbomb through a table to Kofi. Crowd chanted one more time, so he obliged. While a table was used at the PPV against Ryback, it seems like they should've waited a week to introduce that stip to the PPV match since this was so intense and came off as a big deal, while that was an afterthought. This was a tremendous deal though - great for both Ryback and Kofi in the end.

Heyman-Jericho highlight reel replay ruled. And then Jericho said a whole bunch of words leading to a MANGE payoff. Did love him bringing up Bob Barker's spay and neutering deal to build this up. Bizarre deal though. Jericho's out for a match against...someone...I really hate that practice. Poor Cody is his victim. Should be a good match though. JBL calling Cody "one of WWE's future great stars" annoyed me. He's been on the roster for SIX YEARS and is a multi-time champion - shouldn't that alone make him great? JBL not being sure about Cody's stache when he himself had a terrible-looking beard was something. I love Cody STILL using Hardcore Holly's moves to great effect. It's such a relatively little in theory, but really make their team seem more important in hindsight than it appeared at the time. Disaster Kick into the walls was a nice finish. Really fun match here. The JBL and Cole show has ZIP LINING! Great hype for the Wyatt family from Cole, and that video is amazing. Orton's out to face Ambrose, so the main event is up, sadly without an Ambrose promo. Digging the cute blonde in the blue shirt singing Orton's theme.

Ambrose didn't get much of an intro here. THIS IS MY YARD NOW, RANDY and ALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHT from Ambrose ruled as did Orton countering Ambrose's forearm face rakes in the corner with a boot-lace rake of his own. JBL describing both guys as nuts because one hears voices and the other wrestles like a psychopath was great - sick backdrop on the barricade from Orton to Ambrose. I dig how Ambrose clutches any limb he can to attack - using a hand grab to give himself the opening for a headbutt after a break. Orton countered with some headbutts and good body shots of his own. Sleeper attempt from Ambrose led to a back suplex and some tremendous mat-slapping selling from Ambrose, who excels at the little things like someone out of the '80s. He knows all the tricks to make everything seem important. PERFECT dropkick to the jaw off of a double axe handle from Ambrose here. It couldn't have hit any better. Shield interference led to a DQ, and this match was great for both guys. Orton is seamlessly back into main events and Ambrose fits in perfectly there too. Bryan WIPING OUT THE SHIELD ON HIS OWN ruled. YES chants came back here in a major way and Bryan came off like the company's biggest star here. He's now able to admit that he's not the weak link, and it's a real shame this didn't happen on Raw, because on SD, it seems like it will be swept under the rug on Raw.

Screens -

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