HHH got a nice " you sold out" chant, and then buried Miz for being all talk, Show for being just big, and implied that Dolph wasn't big enough to be the best. Well, Dolph tried that once and looked ridiculous. HHH brought up that Orton as the face of the company made more money for everyone in the ring, which is a valid argument. HHH says that Miz is bitter because he was WWE Champion long ago and hasn't been anywhere near it since - I was a bit surprised they'd basically bring up his career downslide, but it was nice to see it not only brought up, but remedied a bit here by giving him a match with Orton tonight. He gave Dolph a handicap match with the Shield to make up for him looking sad on Raw. HHH demanded that Show just sit at ringside, and man does the back of his head/neck area look weird with the buzzed head. JBL brought up the iron-clad contract and said that if Show didn't comply, it would be torn up - I'm glad he referenced that because it is a gaping plot hole involving something they've referenced fairly recently. Dolph was sent to the back, while Miz's match with Orton is next. Well, so much for this seeming like even an on-paper elevation of Miz - if it was in a main event spot, it would help that a lot. Thanks to HHH and Orton being on it, SD feels quite important tonight.
Nice basic wrestling to start the match off. I liked JBL saying that while HHH helped Orton win the title, he didn't help him get the case he earned to get the shot in the first place. JBL and Cole didn't talk about the match in the slightest and just debated the lead storyline. LOLed at JBL saying Bryan was champion for 18 minutes. Miz countered the draping DDT with a backdrop to the floor, leading to the Shield coming down. This has been an awesome first half-hour of the show so far. Minus the Popeye's ad with the sassy black woman who loves her some fried chicken and choir singing.
JBL went on a glorious tangent about how great it would be if Big Show got fried - there'd be big, giant tears and he could hold up a tin cup on Broadway. But because he's so big, HE COULD HOLD A HOTEL! Cole said he would be surprised, but that he shouldn't be given that JBL forced HBK tow work for him. Skull Crushing Finale was countered into the draping DDT. RKO countered into a backslide for 2. Standing Knee-DT led to the figure four. Orton got the ropes, went to the apron, hit a neck snap and then landed the RKO for the win. If this was on Raw in a prominent spot, it would've helped Miz a lot. This was his best match in a while. The Shield ganged up on Miz until THE COMPANY'S TOP BABYFACE DANIEL BRYAN MADE THE SAVE and ran them off with a chair while "Flight of the Valkyries" blared and the crowd chanted yes. This ruled. Diablo III's orgasmic orgy ad aired.
Los Matadores vignette aired. Their theme should at least be really exciting if they stick with the music used here. JBL then sang the OLE song. Vickie was in her wacky office with a flower, a WWE Magazine, and a giant poster for The Call. She called Bryan a bully, and HE WHO BULLIES GETS BULLIED BACK! Ryback called himself the big guy and said he can't stand bullies. He's got an awesome white, black, and silver singlet on. LOVED JBL saying that Show shouldn't be so upset - he's got a job and a front row seat! Outstanding recap of Punk-Heyman-Axel from Raw. As great as it was live, it was even better with clips of their history playing alongside it. I hadn't noticed Heyman doing Dreamer's pose, but it was perfect with him doing it while calling himself a martyr. They showed the Punk-Axel/Heyman match graphic and they're going with a nice black and white look for them. PAUL HEYMAN SAYS WORDS...later. YAY! Ricardo came out and shilled for Vegas saying there are many great shows, but only one WHOLE DAM SHOW! Ricardo nixed the suit jacket and just wore the shirt here. He looks like an unmade bed. RVD faces someone next.
They replayed RVD beating Alberto thanks to Ricardo. RVD's pre-match stretching is pretty amazing given his age. Sandow came out as his opponent and this bothered me because he's theoretically a world title-level guy, moreso facing RVD here, yet he wasn't even worthy of getting a graphic. Superkick by RVD started the match and got a quick 1. Loved JBL saying that he isn't sure why Show's so sad - it's been a great broadcast so far. RVD brought back the straddling top rope diving kick, which he's able to do perfectly. Five star hit perfectly and he won. RVD being nearly as good as he ever was, not aging much visibly, and being motivated really helps him out right now. Alberto cut a promo on "Robbie D". RVD has rolling thunder, BUT ALBERTO WILL RAIN ON HIS PARADE! Okay, they're either setting up a turn on RVD or he's getting the belt. Also, Alberto's face has finally healed so he's back to looking like a smug shit instead of a mugging victim. Dolph-Shield is next.
They came back and the Shield was in the ring...while they shilled Popeye's and THOMPSON'S WATER SEAL! I wouldn't if Dolph could use it to avoid treading water. Show rocked back and forth in the chair with his head in his hands - the guy's one of the few good actors in the company, so I'm glad to see them make use of that. JBL then said that Show could do whatever he wanted - he'd just have to risk his job to do so. Loved Reigns busting out a Samoan drop on Dolph. They showed a chunky kid behind Show chanting WE WANT BIG SHOW with the rest of the crowd. This show has greatly benefited from feeling like a natural evolution of what happened on Raw as opposed to being its own sorta self-contained thing that has no bearing on anything. Flash cradle from Dolph got a 2 on Rollins. He countered the fameasser with a RUNNING BUCKLE BOMB, then Dolph died via from Reigns right after it. They choked Dolph against the ropes right in front of Show while Rollins mocked him and they nailed Dolph with the triple powerbomb. One great thing about this angle involving Dolph is it gives them a logical reason to explain why Dolph's out of the world title picture. Heyman's promo is next.
Total Divas ad aired and they hyped up Vegas with JBL and Cole TWERKING ON YOUTUBE! Axel and Heyman came down and JBL said that Punk has beaten Axel every time in the ring recently, so Axel's winning at NoC and they do something to result in Punk getting Heyman inside the cell. Axel hyped up Heyman's beating on Punk, then showed it. That was such an amazing deal that is a guaranteed "best of Raw" clip for a long time. Paul then cut his new best promo since returning saying that he's not going to apologize for beating up his prodigal son, and hyped up that buying NoC will VIRTUALLY GUARANTEE that Punk kicks his ass - so that won't be happening. He also said that if you thought what he did to Punk on Raw OUT OF FATHERLY LOVE was bad, you should see what he'll do when he absolutely has to fight him or face being eradicated. This was glorious, and it made me wish that this show was three hours long instead of Raw. Nearly 90 minutes in and everything has been at least good and mostly very good. One of the best shows all year.
So of course, Tons of Funk is facing the Wyatt Family. Loved JBL saying it's like Barney twerking with ToF in purple, and Cole saying he said wow after ToF took their pants off. Cole talked about the bizarre Sister Abigail promo on Raw - and he officially named the finisher that...while calling it a neckbreaker. Spinning lariat from Harper led to the standing frog splash from Rowan and the win. Bray delivered Sister Abigail while a giant TWERK sign was behind him and Cole recited the line about Abigail's touch saving the world, and her touch burning it to the ground. Everything about this act outside of matches rules.
Los Matadores video re-aired. They're coming soon. OLE! They came back to show AJ's promo on the divas from Raw. I think they boosted the audio on the divas' comments because they were far more annoying, and they nixed the blowjob reference from it. Ryback came out and I'm not quite sure how to explain how he sauntered out. It was like a Vince Walk, if Vince didn't move his elbows and knees. It was glorious. I also just noticed that the singlet is half-white and half-black. Glad to see Ryback in a main event slot - he's not the greatest worker in the world, but they had something really special in him about a year ago and this feels like the best chance yet to recapture some of that.
Bryan came out and they showed the Escalade bit. IT WAS A YES-UV! Well, they had a day to come up with a new Yes joke and did. Nice spinebuster to Bryan started things off. Bryan took the buckle in the corner to his chest, but nowhere near as well as Bret. Nice kick to the gut from Ryback. Ryback dominated, and it's a shame Bryan didn't go for the Steamboat shot every few moves, because things died a bit when Ryback was doing stuff. It picked up when Bryan had some hope after a missed shoulder charge and the giant dropkick series in the corner. Show did the yes bit and Bryan did the dive to the floor. Shockingly, Ryback didn't do a flip over the announce table for it. Orton came down and distracted Bryan for a Meathook to the back of the head.
They came back and Ryback had a chinlock/armbar on Bryan, who got a YES from the crowd and Show with every blow he landed to escape the hold. Meathook got 2. Super belly to belly attempt was countered by headbutts. Missile dropkick landed, then he kicked the shit out of Ryback while Show smacked the announce table with each blow. Yes Lock on Ryback, who was saved by Orton. He got the move on Orton, showing he COULD do it at NoC. Then the Shield saved him. Big Show got up, got in the ring, and was ordered to leave by HHH. I liked him taking as long as humanly possible to do this to buy Bryan some time - a point I hope is brought up on Raw. Crowd chanted KNOCK HIM OUT and booed heavily when he left. HHH insulted him constantly as he left. They're doing an outstanding job of building up Show-HHH. Shield got back on Bryan. Orton demanded they hold him up for a beating, then did it over and over again before having them walk Bryan around to show him to everyone. Great little sinister touch there. Triple powerbomb took him out. They gave Orton some paint, he put No on his chest, then was handed the WWE Title by Ambrose and stood over Bryan. The only thing that would've made this better was having the Shield join him and hold their titles high alongside him to further the idea that the titles are held by anarchists, but they can always do that on Raw. This show was incredible and further solidified how much fresher things feel with the post-Summerslam direction.
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