Thursday, August 29, 2013

TNA Impact 8-29-13

So with the company in a state of chaos and the BFG series now a complete clusterfuck due to shitty planning. AJ's contract is also up, and at the perfect time - when they're set to give him the world title in the BFG series to finish up their year+ angle. If he's re-signed, I can see him winning. If not, he'll be in the final 4 and that's it. Brooke's ass in leather shorts in a close-up started the show. I'm all for more shows like that. AJ's face turn was the focal point of the video. Aces came out and there's a goof in a Hogan halloween costume on the hard camera side. Bully was pissed about Devon, and asked Garett what he thought - it was...a shame, and he should never be given a mic again. Knux was fine. WES DON'T KNOW. HE DON'T KNOW! Wes comes off like a biker version of 3MB. Bully then buried Devon six feet under, so I guess he's coming back to get revenge. Bully wanted to patch in Tito, which offended Anderson because they didn't vote. Why that's a big deal I have no idea. Bully's pissed at him again. Bully ripped off Devon's sticker, then gave Tito his cut. Tito looks so nervous out there and a techno version of the Aces theme is blaring. Bully cut a promo on Hogan and they cut to an old-ish guy looking super-skinny with tons of tats and a Sting shirt. The MEM will say words later and ODB faces Gail again. Hardy-Kaz, AJ-Roode, and Daniels-Aries are the BFG singles match tonight. Hardy talked about beating Joe via of course they showed him winning via pinfall. Really now? IT'S A PRE-RECORDED VIDEO - DON'T SHOW THE CLIP IF IT FUCKS UP THE STORY. Oh, and the creatures need to mount up or some shit.

Hogan is back after WEEKS OF MEETING WITH THE NETWORK AND THE LAWYERS...for reasons I'm sure they'll explain later. Kaz-Hardy is the first match up. EGO agreed to not interfere in this. I like that Hardy has his paint match up with Kaz's black and green gear. Nice running superkick on the ropes from Kaz - dug him mocking Hardy's wacky poses after it. Hardy hit the Mind Bender and Kaz took the greatest bump in history for it. Hardy hit the world's worst figure 4 in history. Twist>swanton got the win. Hardy moved into third with the win. Everyone in the B-squad of the Aces bitched about Bully. I sure hope he doesn't watch the show on demand - although if he did, he could save a bunch of money on some toys for Brooke via Adam and Eve. Gail-ODB is now 2/3 falls.

Winner of Gail-ODB faces some show or another. Gail and ODB did some basic wrestling and they ran a quick graphic for the KO PPV without giving you one reason to actually buy the thing. They're focusing on having Gail destroy the knee - smart for a 2/3 fall match, especially with the ringpost figure 4. Gail locked on a wacky Sharpshooter/cloverleaf thing. ODB tapped to it. They broke into the commercials to show 5 seconds of action. They came back and Gail did that jawbreaker-type move to the knee, but went for the wacky submission and got cradled, so they're tied up. Ringpost figure 4 looked like a real struggle given how big ODB's legs are - I dug that. THE STRETCH MUFFLER RETURNS! I love Gail busting out a ton of moves to destroy the leg. ODB locked on the cloverleaf and won. That was anti-climatic, although I liked the idea of ODB using Gail's submission against her. THE MAFIA SPEAKS NEXT!

But first, we've got some clips of the KO PPV and Velvet's talking backstage about it. Velvet was supposed to be at Hardcore Justice? Why? They're saying it's due to Sabin, but not saying anything and this is coming out of nowhere since she wasn't built up at all for that show. EGO met, and Roode drank some of the appletini. Aries cut a decent promo about doing his own thing because he can't count on others - only himself. Daniels mocked Miley's ass, and Aries said that since Daniels loves superheroes, he's going to grab his cape and hit Daniels so hard he grows hair. Tremendous. That was amazing. So much for "the mafia speaks next"...from 10 minutes ago.

BUT FIRST, Hulk's backstage saying stuff. They ran a video of AJ kicking all kinds of ass last week so AJ can show WWE what he's done recently. Joe throwing around gang signs remains the best part of the new Mafia. Rampage was given the mic for God knows what reason and said he won't settle for a real ass-whoopin, HE'S GONNA FAKE-WHOOP TITO'S ASS A BUNCH UNTIL THEN. Sting gave out a big WOOO for AJ and the crowd ate it up. Sting and Hogan get big pops - why hire both of them when their role is accomplished just fine by one? Emo AJ returned so he could transform again. Why? Does he go from being Tommy Oliver to the White Ranger because his theme changed? Big AJ chant hit and then he told the Mafia, WHOSE SEGMENT THIS WAS HYPED UP AS BEING, to leave and they just did. AJ then bitched and moaned about why he's been bitching and moaning. He's upset at the truck for airing the Claire Lynch stuff FOR GOOD TELEVISION. Then he used his shoot name. Also, everyone's had that job that sucks, and this is his. HEY MIKE, HE DESERVES BETTER. HE DIXIE, HE DESERVES BETTER! He's been the go-to guy for 11 years, only to be screwed over for the next big thing that went nowhere...well, he's right. AJ bitched and moaned for about 90 years. Bobby Roode's theme hit and thankfully ended this. WWE just decreased AJ's potential contract by 20 grand. Crowdy McKill is coming soon to NXT!

AJ tried to get a quick win with the Calf Killer, which played into his promo saying he used it to tap dudes out for months. Nice moonsault off the ramp from AJ. They exchanged strikes, and the camera man showed a cute brunette in a Hogan shirt. Nice somersault out of the corner by AJ, followed up with a spinebuster. Pele led to the Flair flop from Roode. Springboard forearm was countered into a crossface from Roode - I demand that spot go in WWE's games ASAP. Fisherman's suplex was countered into a cradle. Great-looking finish, although it played against the story that Tenay was telling about AJ needing to win via tap. Aries-Daniels is up next, and could still get AJ into the finals if Daniels loses via DQ.

JB has heard that after this match, Hogan will speak - so he can main event again. Christy's tits-forward getup is mighty fine. Daniels has wacky thick black goggles on here. Suicide dive by Aries counted with a Sin Cara kick. They came back to Tenay saying it's a very important "bound for glowy" series match. Daniels tried to do the abdominal stretch with the ropes, but couldn't touch them, so it made Aries reversing the spot and using the ropes a bit odd. Protoplex led to that stupid pendulum elbow spot. Gorgeous back suplex into a sitout powerbomb spot from Daniels got 2. Dropkick on the ropes set up the brainbuster for the I guess AJ's out of the series, unless they're continuing this deal next week. Tenay did say "as of this moment" the final 4 was set. Bully told Tito to fuck Anderson up if he tried anything. 

Hogan came out and they showed that ridiculous-looking Hogan fan in the costume. Hogan got a big pop, and I've got to admit - it was way above Sting's. Then he put over HIS NEW PITTER PATTER JORDANS, BROTHER! Also, Hardcore Justice was great stuff...nothing about Sabin yet. Hogan said that he was meeting with Spike to give the BFG series ONE MORE MATCH. A 20 point gauntlet, so that's why Hogan had the script in his back pocket. Bully and Brooke's ass came down. They focued on Brooke's ass a lot. Hogan presented divorce papers to Bully, so without Bully's consent, they're done. Brooke's fuck-me boots are tremendous. Hogan's booking Bully against a member of THE ACES OF 8S, at No Surrender. And THIS WEEK, or next week...Sting gets another shot out of absolutely fucking nowhere after having his title shots ended at Slammiversary. Whatever. Should be fun. The last 10 minutes were a clusterfuck though - a divorce and TWO WORLD TITLE MATCHES were set up. I like that Hogan's own plan for No Surrender revolves around Sting losing.

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