Thursday, August 8, 2013

TNA Impact 8-8-13

Like last week, the show begins with the credits of Cops and now Tenay is gone. No Tenay and Taz is not a win. Rampage's wooden promo during the recap video was something else. Taz is out with the Aces and looks to be well over 300 pounds. Anderson is abusing JB, but thankfully isn't replacing him on commentary. Bully cut an awesome promo about Tito, making him seem more like a star in 10 seconds than TNA did. He also called him blondie, which was true a few years ago. Bully's also pissed about being in a tag match tonight against Sabin without knowing his partner. Oh, and he's going to face Sabin, take his title, and demand his theme being shut off. Sabin responded by saying Bully's so full of crap that his eyes are brown and his breath SMELLS LIKE FECES. Never let this man speak. Bully demanded Hogan, and he got Brooke. Hulk's out "with the board". Which one? DVDVR? Torch? F4Wonline? She read a formal letter from Hulk that included "brother", and the title match is now in "North Fork, Virginia!" Anderson is now on commentary. Oh, and according to Brooke, Bully's got a small dick. Bully signed the contract for the title, not one confirming his small dicked status. Sabin signed, and this somehow only took 10 minutes. God, Anderson has a headset. He'll be on for the whole show. Hardy-Joe is next, and they each have black and green gear.

They replayed Tito's debuted with his three-note version of "Mosh". They didn't even bother futzing with the audio to make it seem like he got a reaction. Joe, of the middle-aged mafia came out doing his wacky gang sign. Anderson earned his contract with "touch me, Jeff, touch me!". And then he said that Taz being locked out was both a tapestry and travesty. Oh, and he's wrestling next. Tope suicida into Hardy onto the shitty announce table. "Jobs" looks dreadful. Taz of all people told JB to use the TNA workout app. JB recapped Bully's title match having a stip attached that if he loses, he'll never get a shot at the title. I hate that stip, and don't even remember it being talked about it by Brooke. Taz called the legdrop Hardy does a shot to the yambag region, which confused Anderson. I guess he's smart and never actually listens to Taz on commentary. Twisto countered into the choke, which was countered into a jawbreaker and then Hardy won by jackknifing the legs. He didn't do the flip jackknife, so it looked ridiculous. Really good match outside of the commentary though. Daniels cut a fine promo on Frankie in an empty ring, and looked at least 50 with the lighting.

They came back from the break with Anderson being a happy dick again. He's shined brighter tonight than he has in at least a year or so. Taz said he's an even steven guy - maybe he's booking WWE. Taz waxed nostalgic about the ANDERSON. ANDERON bit, and then Anderson got backdropped over the top and smashed his head hard on that shitty announce table that was way too close to the ring. Taz tried to say modus operandi, and failed. It was glorious. JB pimped Magnus's merch on ShopTNA. Divorce court got 2 for Anderson. One guy did the YAY-BOO deal when they exchanged punches. Taz said he doesn't like Magnus or anyway - even himself. Poor Taz. Northern Lights bomb countered a flying bodyblock from Anderson. Sweet stuff. Flying elbow missed, and then Roode came out, hit Ken with a chair, and cost Magnus 10 points. That made me wonder if Aries takes Angle's spot in the 10-man tag next week.

Roode cut a promo and said he's back to being selfish, and took 10 points away from the leader of the series. Logically, he should be doing that every week to whoever the leader is until he's the leader.  Magnus talked with the ref and said he didn't hold it against him. For some reason, there was action in the ring. Bro-Mans talked and Robbie said they kicked Tara to the curb cuz it's about Bro-Mans, not Ro-Mans. Mickie came from the shower in her getup to get them to take out the tag champs. #august1warning recap killed more time and Tito's coming out for a top of the hour deal. He's in a tanktop, shades, and hat - looking even less like Tito than he did last week.

Sabin talked with Sting and Angle thanking them for basically giving him the world title. Sting's turqouise tie and shirt are something else. Tito came out to his shitty theme and looked bored. He then said about three sentences in half a second before Kurt came out in his, as Taz called them, 7-11 sunglasses. Angle and Tito had a faceoff. Tito was at least a head taller, but Angle was much shinier. Angle will respect him if Tito respects him, and goody - MORE GUYS COMING OUT TO TALK. Bully said he'd double-leg Tito and take him out, and that he's been beating up Kurt for ten years, so that's nothing new. This was awkward.

The awesome Rampage/Angle/Hogan wrestling ad aired. They recapped Angle saying stuff to Tito. Turns out that the Bro-Mans deal with Mickie was to set up a 6-person tag with her tonight. ODB is teaming with the tag champs. Goddamn have they fucked up Storm. JB shilled the TNA 10 PPV for Friday. JB talked about Jesse being on TMZ - great way to make him seem like a bigger star instead of just a mid-card geek. Mickie's ass is facing the hard camera constantly - I approve. Great finish with the Gun Rack being used as a setup for the superkick after a save was made, then they did the powerslam/neckbreaker combo. Gail attacked ODB while looking really hot in a short top and skinny jeans. Loved Mickie waving while grabbing her belt and scurrying away from being beaten up. Nice promo from Kaz backstage - they're really playing this up nicely as a battle between friends, and having Kaz talk about his family was a way to set up a face turn at some point.

Bully cut a promo with Devon, which is good because I'd completely forgotten about their match. Great bit with Devon being pissed that Bully said Testify. Kaz and Daniels got new themes - they both suck. Jesus Christ, both guys had themes before - in Daniels's case, really good ones. USE THOSE. Taz hyped up that they went from holds to a strike, and then said that a strike was in fact a striking blow. I loved that they decided the friendship meant more than the series right now, since a double countout would only cost them 2 points. Roode came out with a manic look in his eyes with that chair again. Roode said that people have been talking about the Aces, the Mafia, and the arrival of Rampage and Tito and that people have forgotten about Kaz, Daniels and Roode. They comprise 25% of the BFG series and there's strength in numbers. Sadly, there's no name for this new faction. It seems a bit odd to move Roode into a new alliance so soon after his team with Aries that never really got a satisfying breakup, but this should be good for a couple of months. Main event is up next.

They came back and re-re-recapped the Angle-Tito-Bully bit. This second taping show feels like an average SD with tons of filler. Tito cut a better promo backstage teasing that he could be doing something physical on Impact next week. Also, a 4-way unhyped ladder match for some fucking reason to determine 20 points. OH FUCKING HELL. A RECAP OF THE ACES AND MAFIA. They showed Sting saying NO ONE HELPED HIM AT SLAMMIVERSARY, so he reformed the Mafia with guys that didn't help him. This was a really good video. Sabin did the stupid NWO point deal for Sting. BUT IT WAS A SWERVE. Angle's his partner. Angle said HERE'S YOUR WORLD CHAMP towards Sabin and the crowd reacted, sorta. There was clearly a ceiling to Sabin as world champ - it wasn't likely to set the world on fire, but they've really done him no favors as champ. Wazzup leads to an ad break.

Taz mocked Kurt's Captain America singlet. Corner chop from Bully to Sabin sounded sick, and led to Taz calling it like a flapjack shot to the chest. Angle got the hot tag a a huge USA chant.  Angle Slam got 2 on Bully. Uranage got 2 on Angle. Ankle lock to Bully led to a German on Devon. Sabin got a blind tag, ran wild, got hit, then hit an enzuiguri with the funniest sell ever from Bully. That got 2. 3D on Angle and they set up a table in the corner. Bully charged the table, ran through it, and Sabin then took Devon out. Crossbody gets the win over yeah, he's actually losing the title next week. Wow. What a shitty title reign this has been for him.

Screens -

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