Thursday, August 22, 2013

TNA Impact 8-22-13

Pre-show promo involves Joe yelling a bunch and firing up the rest of the middle-aged mafia. Rampage looked really tired. Cops closes with a strong message - stay away from drugs! The show-opening video airing during the credits seems weird - and looks odd given how they alter the picture for it. I do love the Roode focus though. Oh, and Sabin lost the title. Bully's on the phone with Brooke, and bragging about his buddy Tito. Ken Anderson and Tito on-screen together is quite the sight. And Ken's offended over not knowing about Tito joining. Hardcore Justice continues tonight...which seems odd, but makes sense since they did bill the big tag match as being on HJ, and now that's technically still true. They showed a close-up of the goofy Hardy fan. Yikes. YAY WACKY NEW FACTION! I like Roode giving Bully some props for winning - since it gives them a solid target now. Daniels declared that the Extraordinary Gentlemen's Organization is 2-for-2! And Daniels is also the best street fighter in TNA. I demand he debut a dragon punch soon. Kind of odd to have Roode want Aries in the group after they split up...sorta. Loved Gun Storm coming out and giving Storm another chance to cut an awesome promo again. Nice little brawl between EGO and Gun Storm. Love the Flair flop from Roode. Now it's a tag match with Kaz and Roode against the champs. Holla holla. Break is up.

They're doing moves. Crowd gives very few shits about this. Love the giant bump for the Codebreaker. A Roode low blow and schoolboy gave them the mid-card SD victory. Aries is pissed at EGO for costing him points last week, and he doesn't trust them - he's also got a swank black shirt on. They couldn't have used a worse graphic for Bully's celebration tonight. They recapped the corny hammer angle. Nice wacky start to Dutt-Manik with Dutt rushing after him, but getting avoided at any turn. After the match began, they talked about the X division rule change for 1-on-1 matches. Why not do it before, I have no idea, but it's not like that really matters since the division only means jack shit in July anyway. Straitjacket choke from Sonjay was nice. Taz hates masked guys and wants to see Manik's face, so I guess he doesn't actually watch the show. Awesome running yakuza kick into the corner from Sonjay. Taz is singing again. Seriously, why did they re-sign this man? GTS face kick variant and the wheelbarrow Codebreaker got the win for Manik. Devon's ready to TESTIFY tonight. 4-way street fight is next.

Hernandez's intro was during the break. Bradley didn't seem to get one. A terribly-ADRed bit of dialogue happened with Tenay talking over a Mafia meeting. Daniels walked past all the goofy plunder. I think they stole about 20 roadside cones between the hotel and the building. Park seemed offended by all the weapons, by golly. They had a brilliant crawl - tiny white text against a grey ring for some contest. They did some stuff and went to a break. Mid-break, they had Tenay do a goofy Batman narrator bit when Kaz and Roode came down to help Daniels. They came back with Hernandez killing Daniels with a kendo stick. Why the fuck are there parking signs in a hardcore match? They look ridiculous with arrows pointing all over. AWESOME kick to the balls from Bradley when he kicked Daniels' boot out of the way and just punted him. Air Mexico hits Daniels out of nowhere after EGO got Bradley out of the ring. Get Off Me hits Daniels. Aries teased joining EGO, then hit a brainbuster on Daniels. That got a big YES chant. Brass knucks led to Joseph Abyssying up. Loved them focusing on a fan with the WWE Title replica, and another with a Mama Park sign dressed like Joseph. Bully celebration is up next.

MEM had a meeting and Rampage ACTED ANGRILY ABOUT TITO. HE IS JUST SO ANGRY! They showed an epic Brooke-Bully video with wacky music playing.  I completely forgot about Bully being a face. There's a fan with a marry me Sting sign in 2013. Amazing. Bully cut Sabin's balls off saying he didn't recognize the win because Bully beat himself. Bully for some reason gave Tito the mic. He stumbled over stuff, even with them being able to edit around things. They played Brooke Hogan's theme, which is pretty decent. Brooke somehow got a billion times hotter. Tenay did some more ADR through a tin can phone. His volume is super-low compared to everything else. Brooke sucked the ring off Bully's finger and spit it out...that was shockingly hot. Gail faces ODB next.

They did some stuff and Taz wondered if ODB's bra spots from last week used a watermelon holder. Taz was astonished that a low blow would hurt Gail. They re-ran that crawl with white text on a grey ring. Taz sang and stumbled over what damage could be done by the dirty dozen. Big superplex from ODB to Gail. This was a shockingly good match that was hurt by Taz on commentary.  Aces-MEM match is up next. But first, they played an awesome Jeff Hardy video package showing him winning the title last year due to it. He's fighting for the title this year to hear his daughter say daddy's the champ. This ruled. I'm a sucker for awesome shots of guys with the gold, and this had a ton of them and told a heartwarming story to boot. They replayed Aries turning down EGO earlier. And now he's talking again. Okay - last week, I could understand all the time killing stuff before the main event due to the cage, but this is odd. Great promo from Aries saying he doesn't need their help, Hogan's help, or Dixie going gaga over him - HE CAN DO IT BY HIMSELF! Hulk Hogan returns next week. Another recap of the Sabin-Bully deal. This show is starting to feel like SmackDown, only with an important world title. Sabin was all whiny with his promo. Sabin's chest was beyond fucked up from the chops. He. Can't. Believe. It! Now, after at least 10 minutes of filler, it's time for the main event. A goober held up a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME front of his face. MEM doesn't have the extra guy and we're going to a break, so I guess everyone will just stand around nicely for a while.

They're back and Ken Anderson has a mic to kill more time. He's inviting Bully out. I'll be astonished if he doesn't get a full intro. He did, and it led to Brooke's ass being highlighted in booty shorts. Not all filler is bad. It is now 10:40 and they began hyping this at 10:20. Ken is talking more, and got some horribly canned boos for saying the MEM should lay down. Emo AJ came out and instead of BEATING HIM UP TO GIVE HIS TEAM A MAN ADVANTAGE, Bully just let him walk by. AJ got to the ring, the lights went out and it was time to GET READY TO FLY. AJ's attacks had fire again and he had no beard. Dude looks a good decade younger without it. AJ and Sting have the exact same hair now. Rampage hit a club to the back and yelled at Knux. Great machine gun job spot from Joe to Wes. Nice death valley backbreaker to Garett. TO THE BREAK.

They came back with Magnus fighting a losing battle against the group. A big YES chant broke out. Knux hit a flying legdrop off the second rope for 2. DROPKICK from Sting, and two stinger splashes on Knux.  He had some decent fire here. Rampage did some basic stuff rather poorly, which was a fine example of there being a difference between being able to do moves and being able to wrestle a match. Sting hit the deathdrop and then got the deathlock. Spike feed got all weird. When it came back, Devon was in. AJ got tagged in and did the big flying forearm. Big enzuiguri to Devon got a 2.9. Spear hurt AJ, but didn't prevent him from hitting the clash on Devon. Bully was shocked. At least Devon got to go out in a match that also sorta involved Bully. Bully and AJ had a staredown, which was a great way to set up AJ winning the series and facing Bully at BFG.

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