Thursday, August 15, 2013

TNA Impact Wrestling 8-15-13 - Hardcore Justice

The pre-Impact Cops show started with a frightening DWI with two people getting in a wreck, flipping the car, it going into flames, them getting out and a dude getting tased due to resisting arrest. This was fascinating given that Angle's off the show, in part, due to a DWI. During a domestic dispute call, Hardy's backstage cutting a promo and Aries is being a complete dickhead. Isn't he a face now? I think the ladder match is starting the show. The credit roll video is just a bunch of bloody dudes and fire. Boy, the Hardcore Justice name sure doesn't seem to fit this given that there's nothing like that booked here. Yup, ladder match 4-way starts the show. They'll be fighting over a contract that just says 20 on it. I'm pretty sure they made that in MS Word between the time of the pre-match Aries-Hardy deal and showtime.  Taz called Hardy the charismatic egomaniac engigma and laughed at his own joke. Tenay busted his chops for that. They plugged Dixie's twitter, where she ran down the stips of Hardcore Justice - no hardcore matches. Taz called Hardy Harvey. Oh lord. Neck snap to Kaz led to AJ bonking his head with the ladder. Taz is screwing up shit left and right here. Less than 10 minutes in and I already want him gone. Aries and Hardy brawled on top of the ladder, then fall onto AJ and Kaz on the apron to take them all out for the break. Great ad break spot.

They came back and showed part of the area above the ring - I think they've got pictures of the BFG series guys with their point totals taped on it. Looks super bush-league compared to the banners Bellator uses. Turns out it doesn't even have their photos on it. God, that's even worse. Crazy sunset bomb off the top of the ladder. Corner dropkick from Aries to AJ with the ladder instead of the buckls. Styles Clash on Aries led to a flatliner from Kaz at the same time. They talked about the TNA work out app - it actually costs $2. Aries climbed but was distracted by Roode and Daniels. AJ lept perfectly onto the ladder. Appletini to the face blinds AJ and Kaz wins.  MEM is walking backstage. Magnus's suit is amazing, while Rampage's camo suit jacket is ridiculous. They're clearly both trying to outdo Vince's suit from Raw.

Sabin did a backstage deal talking about being a fan and watching Team 3D put a guy through a flaming tack table...why remind people of things they won't have on this show? Dixie was in the ring with the MEM in a neon yellow, pink, and white dress. She talked about Kurt being in rehab - everyone supports Kurt. Aces came out and said that only gave them 1 week to come up with a replacement. Anderson's bragging about ending careers in the goofiest way possible. His delivery is ridiculous. They showed a close-up of Sting, and he looked like a young-looking 60 year old. Anderson talking about a guy not fulfilling his potential is hilarious. According to Magnus, Norfolk is MAFIA COUNTRY. And that one of the Aces was going home with a pink slip, baybee! Is there a way for a babyface to not be annoying in 2013? Rampage got shockingly physical here taking a beating from Devon and Anderson. Tito arrived in his Wrestling is Real tee.KOs are walking - their 4-way hardcore match is next.

I liked having the heels start so the faces would get a big pop. Wisely, Velvet is nowhere to be seen in a hardcore match. Great "LET'S GO MICKIE!" chant for the champ. Taz sang Mickie's theme. No Surrender will apparently be the big September Impact show. They talked about Hulk being away for meetings. Sure was...making sure everything was good with his WWE 2K 14 deal. At least someone in TNA gets a gaming royalty check. ODB laying out the heels with a kendo stick. Mickie's ass is outstanding. ODB ripped off one of her bras and used it to do a beal, and then hang Gail over the ropes. Okay. That was definitely unique. Ringpost figure four led to Mickie holding ODB's arms back, then ODB made a combeack and hit THE BAM on the chair to win. This was not exactly Gail-Taryn, but was damn sure memorable. Sting was pissed backstage with the MEM, and is dressed like Gordon Gecko. He wants Aries for the Mafia, so that means he won't join.

Sting asked for Aries' help since he looks great in a suit and is a former world champ. Aries agrees that he's the main event in every match, and they got a great shot of him through the lockers. They cut away from Aries' full response to show him losing earlier. Roode was happy about Kaz, and he'll get 20 more later tonight. Rampage looked like the most awkward man in human history asking a question to Magnus. Then he sounded more awkward saying that since Aries said no, he. has a. solution to it. and he needs to. go to the ring. Hour 1 is about over and this has been a pretty good show so far.

They came back and had an awesome video for Sabin-Bully. All it was missing was showing Sabin beating Bully years ago to end 3D. Bully's talking to Brooke, and said that tonight, he's destroying the boy and next week, CALFZILLA'S COMING HOME TO CELEBRATE! "I love you too, Brooke." DUN DUN DUN! Rampage and Joe are out. Rampage's theme is ungodly bad. Holy shit, Rampage got his charisma back. He cut an awesome promo about people calling him a sellout, but pro wrestling being the reason he got into pro wrestling and slams dudes in MMA. Rampage called out Tito to join the Mafia. I just now noticed this goofy Stronger Than Death shirt guy with a silly haircut. He's somehow taking attention away from a guy in a camo suit. Rampage said they should take over Impact Wrestling like they did in MMA, and then Tito said a bunch of stuff. Bully came Tito's theme. He said he WOULD kick both their asses, but he's got a cage match tonight. Anderson came out to the Aces music because the table match is next. I'm astonished they didn't play his WWE theme.

They came back and showed Rampage asking Tito to help. They showed a better shot of the stuff above the ring - it's just a bunch of b-ball jerseys for the arena itself. Taz, the bad-ass biker gang member, talked about Magnus wearing a white tie and it reminding him of wearing a white tie for his communion as a kid. I like that Taz says that Magnus and Joe are working together because they were tag champs, and not because THEY'RE IN THE MAFIA RIGHT NOW. Joe rang the bell on Roode's balls, leading to a HOLY YAMBAG BELL-RINGING call from Taz. Ringside face wash on Anderson was redone for a good reason - a kid was at risk for the first attempt. Suicide dive by Joe after an irish whip, and a crossbody attempt from Anderson led to the Northern Lights Bomb from Magnus. Even with his whole body covered, Anderson looks really skinny - he can't be more than 230 now. Muscle buster done to Anderson, but Roode moved the table before hand. Punch/chop combo from Joe on the apron to Roode. Kaz tried to help Roode. Appletini to the face led to a powerbomb from Roode through the table out of the corner to Magnus. It's only 10:25 and the cage match is up, so the new MEM member deal will close the show. It's the only non-4 way on the card. Strange to have a show called Hardcore Justice with so many 4-ways. 3-ways would at least be VINTAGE ECW!

Sting was asked about Tito, he said that "Tito is...Tito...". That about sums him up perfectly. They showed an awesome No Surrender video package saying that there we'll find out who faces the champ at BFG. Anderson talked shit to Bully about him losing, and Bully said that he got the hammer from him. Anderson placed the blame on the Tooth Fairy. Bully doesn't know if he can beat him. They yelled a bunch. I forgot about them having to set the cage up - that explains hyping it so early. Another 4-way, or maybe a tag match, is up for 20 points with Hernandez and Bradley with Daniels and Park. Bully's out, and Sabin will be out after the break.

Sabin came out and Taz said that Bully was gonna go through Sabin like a hot knife through butter after admitting he's a big cliche guy. At 10:40, it's time for the main event to start. Taz is putting Sabin under something fierce, calling him scrawny. Hesitation dropkick to the gut from Sabin. A Bully Ray/Sabin Sucks dueling chant is going on. Yikes. Taz name-dropped Ted Arcidi when Bully held a press slam for about 30 seconds, then went with Jeep Swenson. Wow.

They came back to show Bully throwing Sabin into the cage with a press slam. Taz once again compared Bully to Ted Arcidi like it was a good thing, leading to Bully giving him a shoutout before landing some crossfaces. It's a shame that no video game ever put those in all that well. They're telling the same basic David vs. Goliath match as before, but this is way more entertaining than the first match. Tenay begged viewers to watch Fight Master after the show. Taz then called Bully the Ring Master. Sleeper from Sabin led to Taz yelling to Bully about wrist control. Outstanding vertical chop>elbow to the jaw exchanges here. DEATH VALLEY DRIVER FROM SABIN! Sabin whipped Bully with his own vest. This match rules. They fought on top and Sabin did some kicks to the ribs. A super rana was attempted, but botched with Bully taking a nasty landing on his shoulder. He still counted the Hail Sabin with a suplex.

 Ref was taken out with a spinning powerslam attempt, then avalanched against the cage. Dropkick against the cage for Sabin, and a missile dropkick. Sabin got a visual pin, but the crowd counted instead of him. He tired to go through the door, but WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT, the cage door got slammed on him. Loved Ken's YOU SHALL NOT PASS. Rampage came to slam him into hte cage, but Tito bonked him with the hammer. So now a Bellator PPV is being built up with a hammer angle. Bully hit a powerbomb and won the title. Now that Sabin lost it, the title is THE POWER again.

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