They hyped up the Summerslam Kickoff, which will be an hour deal instead of half an hour. Sandow brought his case and cuffs out. I demand he start bringing Chase Sandow, complete with adorable dress shirt, around once he turns face. They showed Cody being a dickhead and preventing Sandow from cashing in, despite that possibly making his match at the PPV a world title match. They hyped up that either the WHC or WWE Title case could be cashed in right after their matches, which tells me they're certainly not doing it for either case on the PPV. Doing it on Raw is entirely possible. They did some moves, went to a break, and came back with Cole saying it had been "more of the same". Cole defended Cody by saying he was a thief...but he did it FOR FUN! JBL went on a glorious rant about car theft, Cole driving Priuses, and basically sounded like Hank Hill here. Flip neckbreaker got 2 for Sandow. Flash cradle got the win for Christian. They're putting that over like crazy for him. Post-match spear ensures that Sandow's winning at the PPV. Alberto assaulted Christian afterwards to set up their match that has no real storyline behind it. Armbar was teased, but it led to the Killswitch. So he's losing at the PPV, despite Alberto saying he'd never hold the title again and that being a good way to set up a title win. RVD hopped into the interview area and said BOOM to talk to Renee. "I am going to obtain that United States Championship" is a sentence RVD would never say. Thank God Show came in there. He's apparently a good guy now because he was tired of sitting at home and wants some gold. Show's mugging during the RVD point ruled.
Kaitlyn and Nattie are out for a divas tag against AJ and Layla to hype up the mixed tag. JBL talked about Layla and AJ being two car wrecks in one garage. Layla did a booty shake and Emma's dance before a lockup. According to Cole, Nattie and Brie have a big match on Summerslam because THEY HAVE EXCHANGED SLAPS. JBL was never a Jessca Rabbit fan until he met "Even Maria". Cole said that AJ said that Dolph was a little man who wasn't over...her! Flying boob tackle from Kaitlyn took AJ down. Kaitlyn got the gutbuster and didn't kill her. Layla broke up the pin with a dropkick to the ass. Shining Wizard got the win for AJ. Layla celebrated by trying to jump into AJ, stopping when she realized that wouldn't work, and then just shook her tits around for a while. Ryback did an interview with Renee wearing a vest with RYBACK RULES on it and not wearing a shirt. Oh, and he's off Summerslam because he's too brutal. Ryback bullied some goon. Idiots yelled HELP HELP HELP.
Cole thanks THE 20 MILLION MEMBERS OF THE WWE UNIVERSE FOR WATCHING WWE. Then said that Brock-Punk has everything - friendship, betrayal, yada yada yada. They showed some clips of his doc with Heyman talking to set up their friendship. They should've put this video on Raw too, because it was amazing. It showed Punk kicking ass, Brock kicking ass, and at Summerslam, there's gonna be more ass kicking! Shield 6-man is up. Ambrose is actually wearing the U.S. Title, and has slightly different gear without the flak jacket. Little things like that make me think he'll be the one to split off from the group.
They came back with a recap of the Bray-Kane deal from before. Show came out and they recapped the battle royal and Show's return. Rollins was sent sky-high off the corner monkey flip - great stuff from him. Roman attacked Show's hip which he just had surgery on. Everyone went down, with Roman being taken out with a beal over the table and him being taken out by a Rollins flip dive, Show got in, hit the KO punch, and a five star frog splash gave RVD a win over Ambrose. Shield felt like nothing here. I was wondering what the main event could be, but they reminded everyone of Bryan-Barrett. Miz-Swagger is next. I'd rather have that than another talk show segment.
Got a local DC market ad for FS1's launch. They referenced the channel number, which is very helpful since it's been eons since I watched the Speed Channel. Swagger, Zeb, and CESARO'S CAPE came out. Zeb said that everyone hated Miz, that he's a phony, and he only has two friends. If Hollywood had any sense, they'd put Cesaro and Swagger's name in lights! This promo ruled. They brought up Arnold, Hercules in New York, and Shakespearean stuff in Terminator. MICHAEL COLE got on Zeb for exaggerating things. Swagger has shaved his beard, and looks so much older facially than he did before the beard. Weird spot where Miz went to kick Cesaro, didn't, he got distracted, and then Miz fell to the floor and decided to just throw himself into the barricade. Ref threw out Zeb and Cesaro. Cradle got Miz the win within seconds anyway, so it really served no purpose. Zeb made some gloriously silly faces here. Axel's out to destroy someone next so Heyman can cut a promo.
WWE Magazine's 1,000 Most Awesome Things ad was quite bizarre, but amusing. Ryder is Axel's victim. JBL referenced the ref talking on Facebook about the divas tag without referencing it directly. Paul Heyman is a SUPER AGENT according to JBL. I wonder if he's friends with the SUPER COPS from Beverly Hills Cop. Ryder looks so pale next to Axel. Crossbody off the top missed, and it led to a short backdrop. JBL referenced Buster Douglas losing without a cornerman and how that could happen to Punk. Hatchet reverse neckbreaker won for Axel. Heyman speaks after the break.
Another Jobs ad - the more they show of that, the worse it seems. GHOST SHARK is airing Thursday at 9. Fangasm was hyped. That name doesn't see too appropriate to hype up on a PG show. Heyman said he was outsmarted, and gave Punk credit for pulling off the impossible. And instead of Brock-Punk being about Punk's revenge, it's now about Brock's revenge for Punk's attack. Cena-Bryan hype vid was more of a McMahon family one with them as special guest stars. This whole deal reminds me of two years ago where they hotshotted five million big angles in the midst of one hot one and wound up hurting everything. According to Cole, HHH is the guest "reeferee". I figured that would be RVD. They talked about Cena's injured elbow and an article on it on the site. Cole said that Cena said Bryan COULD BE THE NEXT ROCK, or the first Daniel Bryan. JBL said that Bryan is rising up just like Austin did. JBL demanded a Spanish announce table at ringside to take the abuse in this match instead of theirs. I loved JBL saying that if Barrett won here, after the Raw win, and Bryan won, he'd had to be the top contender - it makes Barrett seem like a bigger deal to have a logical, linear road to the title. Missile dropkick led to the VINTAGE HBK kip up. Vince came out after apparently robbing a use car salesman of his red and white grid paper design suit jacket.
They came back and the fans chanted "this is wrestling". Vince looked weird when fans did the YES bit, so he did it back when Barrett was on offense. Barrett went for New Jack's flying chair elbow drop and missed. JBL said that Kendo Nagasaki's smiling when Bryan grabbed the cane - which one? The alternating cane/kick combo from the Orton match returned. Schoolboy was teased for a win, but it led to 2 and the YES lock. Vince took the ref out. Bull hammer got 2 even with Maddox as the ref. Vince looked so offended at that. Bryan got a high kick, and Vince played to the blinded members of the audience in the back row with his silly faces and body language. Vince's hand slid towards the cane, which somehow found its way into Barrett's hand. It didn't help him though as it led to the corner dropkick taking out Barrett after a cane shot hit Maddox. Vince tried to put on a shirt that was too small, which gave HHH time to lumber down in a shirt 19 sizes too big. He looked like a 10 year old in daddy's dress shirt. Flying headbutt won. This was a cluster, but put Bryan over big and served to show that HHH would be impartial. Then he did the YES bit. I call bias there. Orton came out to close the show and tease a Summerslam cash-in.
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