Monday, January 27, 2014

Raw 1-27-14

Show starts with a Rumble recap focusing on the title match. It just went to the Wyatts and RKO. LOL @ Cena's bored expression in the RKO. WE'RE ON THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA! Gotta get out the shovels to carve that path out! Brock-Show recap screens. Poor Brock Lizzy as Cole called him. Nice OH MY BALLS sign. Steph got a YES chant leading to HHH making a tremendous booboo face. #hhhoneyboobooface Steph announced a chamber match for the WWE World that Rumble win sure meant a ton. Bryan came out and snarkily asked for them to ABSOLUTELY NOT CHANT YES or Daniel Bryan. The Authority are heels in this segment. Buncha words back and forth. Bryan wants in the Chamber because HE WANTS TO GET WHAT HE WANTS. Whiner. Reigns, take your talents to South Beach. SUBWAY EAT FRESH. Rude, Owen, Savage=HOFers...some signs tonight. Shield came down to attack Bryan, leading to Sheamus in his Halloween getup to help him. Sheamus picked the wrong season to dress in Halloween colors. Cena came down to help them out. HOLLA HOLLA 6-MAN! Yup, and it'll be for Chamber spots. Rey and Cara are out to face the Real Americans. Hunicara's got a slightly different Twitter handle than the real one. Rey is in his red and gold Iron Man gear, while Sin Cara's got gold and red. Zeb talked shit to Swagger, then slapped him. Swagger looked nine million feet tall there with Zeb. Rey and Cesaro were glorious together. TREMENDOUS bit with the 619>senton combo missing, so Cesaro hitting a European uppercut off a springboard whatever from Cara and hit the Neutralizer!

I love that #BNB is part of the Wolfpac. He has some BAD NEWS. The Miz faces Dolph. All of this to build up THE MIZ vs. Barrett. He is so great at this go-nowhere role. Network preview for the Monday Night War. WWE has done a marvelous job of optimizing this footage for HD. LOTS of Sting in this stuff. Fandango's out, seemingly for a match with Torito. Nope. Truth. They had a tremendous WM hype vid with jazz music and highlights. Emma did her wacky dance in a Partridge Family bus dress. JBL knocked Xavier's "genuine pleather" jacket. Xavier put over his PHD working with autistic kids, which JBL put him over for huge. Xavier's shining fairly brightly here just talking about how smart he is - it's not quite as good as those pieces TNA did on him with his friends and family, but still good. They did move and Truth hit Lil Jimmy for the win. Orton's out to cut a promo next!

The Raw GM appeared to be a ring announcer, after getting his own ring introduction. Orton said words, bitched, and then Batista came out in jeans, a purple shirt, a green jacket, and a grey hoodie underneath it. Batista said stuff, and then got DANIEL BRYAN'd. Big Dave is now just yelling a lot. YAY, THE BRINGER OF DOOM BROCK CAME DOWN! Heyman demanded that Brock get his shot instead of Batista. Batista and his nose ring didn't look amused. Seems like they'll do Batista-Brock at Chamber. Dolph's 69 Show Off jersey isn't very PG. THE BATTLE OF CLEVELAND got a main event intro. Miz climbs the ropes really weirdly. So Miz's reverse DDT/backbreaker thing somehow helped Dolph. Miz got the figure four. Terrible small package exchange and the Zig Zag got the win. Great image of Goldust - his scaly gear rules!

Rybaxel faced the Usos. Rybaxel should be renamed Crowd Death. The Usos' fancier floral gear looks less awesome than their indy-riffic pleather getup. Cole informed us that the Royal Rumble panel included past Royal Rumble winners, and included Duggan because he was a former Rumble winner...Perfect flip bump from Axel off the rope kick. Usos beat Ryback. Remember the Ryback push? And the Usos push? And the Axel push? I liked the blind tags and superkicks, but this was just a treadmill match. Next HOF inductee gets announced later. I would so love it to be Sting. OH THANK GOD THE MEGASTARS CONTINUE. IT'S KOFI! They replayed his Rumble spot before Alberto came down. Boy did he not shine at all in the Rumble. And then he cut a promo on Batista, so that'll either be at EC or just some random Raw. Kofi's Joker gear rules - I feel like making it in FPR. Crowd is Megadead for this match. Kofi hit the big D-Bryan dive to 1/100th of the reaction. Alberto's silver, black, and gold gear returns and is quite great. Giant JBL chant broke out, leading to ADR getting pissed. Big JERRY chant while they teased a superplex to the floor. It's so stupid to take a bump off the top in such a nothing match. King got up and thanked the crowd since he's from Cleveland and hey, no one cares about the match anyway. They came back and a Sting-Taker sign made air. Cole said that ALL MATCHES WERE IMPORTANT to build momentum. Boy was that ever a Verne Gagne strawman argument for a match being important. Reminds me of Verne saying he doesn't understand why the fans are chanting boring - he's loving all the mat action! SOS hits, and they reminded us that it was what he used to beat Orton. COMPLETELY forgot he beat Orton two weeks ago. Armbar missed, countered into the kick, which was countered into the Back Stabber for 2. Crazy video game bump for that from Kofi. Grounded superkick won for Alberto. SEE, THIS WAS IMPORTANT BECAUSE HE BEAT KOFI, WHO BEAT ORTON, SO THAT MEANS HE CAN BEAT ORTON! 2K14 hype. THE HOTTEST VIDEO GAME IN THE WORLD TODAY! VINTAGE "THE MAJOR LEAGUE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!" Brock actually faces Batista or Orton later tonight. Brock's actually got a graphic for a match on Raw. With no hype. Wow.

Silver and black trunks, GREEN AND BLACK VEST. Nasty color combo, Cody. Goddamn, the penny belts look good on the Outlaws!  Total face promo from Dogg and he referenced Selena Gomez! So...are the Outlaws heels or what? Billy looks shockingly great for 51. Billy working in a shirt is weird. Nice diving bionic elbow from Cody onto Road Dogg's elbow. Road Dogg is better in 2014 than he was at any point in TNA...maybe outside of the original 3LK skits. Road Dogg is so great stalling here. Good lord, I just got the best wacky cheesy local ad ever for Bob's Furniture - THE OFFICIAL FURNITURE SUPPLIER OF THE REDSKINS. They appear to have gotten CGI done via Fiverr. Cody yelled SUCK IT to Billy after the low-ish high knee. THEN BROCK CAME DOWN AND KILLED DUDES! Brock didn't get what he wanted, so he beat the hell out of the Rhodes Bros. with a chair after some F5s. They showed the mangled chair afterwards. This ruled.

8 divas tag. Digging Brie's white and black gear. It's got pinstripes. Aksana's in her new bootyriffic gear. Nikki's gear shows more skin, but Aksana's got a better ass. Flying snapmares from Nikki look terrible. AJ's wrestling with a hat on her hip. Aksana hit by far the worst elbow drop of the decade on Nikki. Naomi's got the shiniest lipstick and outfit ever. TRIPLE SUPLEX spot. Naomi won with the Rear View. The next HOF inductee is next. With King doing this statement, I hope it's Lance Russell. Yeah, I know it won't be, but they should be doing SOMETHING together in the HOF. YAY IT'S JAKE! The video was just promos, the snake, and DDTs. GREAT STUFF. WM Rewind show hype for the Network - that looks quite awesome, and the WWE Network bug looks okay although I hope they just shorten it to the basic WWE one with the Network styling. They hyped up Sheamus coming back tonight. Faces are out. No Punk or Wyatts on the far. Cole talked about the Yes Movement. I can't wait for next week's Raw where HHH compares the Yes Movement to a bowel movement. I hope this match leads to the Shield vs. the Wyatts not only at EC, but in the Chamber so they can do a pseudo-War Games ala the WWE games. CHRISTIAN GETS A HYPE VID!? He's returning...on SD. Ouch.

Cena looks absolutely ridiculous with bright green arm bands and wrist bands, a bright blue belt, and bright purple boxers. It would appear his shoes are also purple with neon green trim. So he's also going for a Joker motif. Great ROMAN REIGNS chant when he got in there with Cena after they hyped up his Rumble performance. They ran down who Reigns threw out. Hearing that list aloud... having him eliminate Torito was stupid. Sheamus did the clubbering bit to Rollins. Bryan did the corner kicks to Ambrose, who kept guarding his head for body kicks. Cole said they're in THE QUICKEN LOANS ARENA!? Is it anywhere near the DVD Decrypter Dome? Reigns did his badass ground to apron dropkick to Cena. AND THEN HE REVVED LIKE A MOTORCYCLE! He has MASTERED the Superman Punch - it's a thing of beauty every time he does it. Great stuff with Ambrose and Cena led to an AA and a tag to Bryan. Great stuff with Bryan and Rollins. TREMENDOUS sell from Ambrose on the Brogue Kick. SPINNING STF by Cena, but Reigns powered out. Wyatts teleported to beat up Cena. Faced went into the chamber FOR A TITLE SHOT, via DQ. But it sets up the Shield-Wyatts nicely.

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