Friday, January 3, 2014

SD 1-3-14

IT'S THE FIRST SMACKDOWN OF 2014! Wyatts bit interrupts the "then, now forever bit" and leads to a Bryan/Wyatts vid from Raw. I'm digging the new black and gold Rhodes logo for the tag champs. Shield opens the show with a promo. Ambrose talking with his hands reminds me of Savage. He should never say WWE Universe though. LOVE him putting his arm around Reigns and leering up at him saying that "SOME EGOS HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL!" Ditto the greatness of Reigns looking at Ambrose while saying "weak link". Rollins was pretty good for his few words. It's U-SO time. It's so odd for them to be one of the few acts in the company to get pyro, but it makes them stand out. Great shot of a granny in a Henry shirt when the Usos came out. Cole said they're taking on "Romans and Reigns". Ambrose just rolling in on a chair to do commentary was great, and he's better than every commentator they have. I love him saying that he and Reigns close down every bar they go too - leading to JBL asking about the bars in Singapore. I'm picturing Rollins being the designated driver between them.

 Usos get some momentum by tossing Rollins onto Reigns - this is a bunch of fun so far. Great bit with Ambrose saying he's got an ego the size of a watermelon, and he talked about the US/IC Title unification rumors saying he's against it since he doesn't want to carry more stuff. Love him saying that Cole should stop bullying him and Be a Star - treat him with respect! Ambrose saying Reigns isn't "just all beauty and hair" was something, and it led to him hyping him up at Georgia Tech, NXT, and WWE as a whole. Ambrose is killing it on commentary. Ambrose prevented the double dive and led to a DQ. The in-ring action was good, but secondary to Ambrose being amazing. Punk's out to make a save and I'm sensing a holla holla six man! It'll be a night of new years resolutions. Titus wants to make lives better, while D-Young wants to make over the rainbow macaroni. Vickie's out to make a mysterious announcement...after a break. Holla holla.

The WrestleMania DVD outsold both the Super Bowl and World Series DVDs. Yes - those exist. ON THE APP, Vickie made a 6-man tag match event of the Shield vs. the Usos and Punk. Why not just do that now WHEN THEY'RE ALL OUT THERE, I have no idea. Of course, then it wouldn't kill enough time. Summer Rae's black and red dress is something else. I guess Fandango gets a win over Truth here. A grandpa in a Macho Man shirt is textting instead of saying what's up. Summer Rae's plugging her ears - she should hear "Right Time". Xavier's on commentary. TIME FOR A SELFIE! Xavier says that he's going to be the only guy in WWE with a PhD, leading to JBL talking about Jerry Graham and Tom Prichard. Xavier and JBL have good chemistry together. Xavier said that Truth helped him with "his first professional match", which is about as much of a TNA reference as we're going to get for this. Woods got bored and summoned THE GIRLS. Truth won thanks to this goofy shit. Woods danced with JBL's hat, and JBL didn't mind it at all. JBL said the girls were "held prisoner by the funkasaurus." Cole played off a replay package of ALL OF THE TROOPS SHOWS as being what they did over the past year. Gail Kim got in this video. Bryan-Wyatts recap video is coming after the break.

Before they could do a video, it's time for Big E to be interviewed by Renee. Henry was apparently challenging Brock to a match on Raw. Axel giggled at Big E's buddy's misfortune, and he dared to say he'd win. Big E said he'd make sure Axel wasn't laughing. Raw was full of SURPRISES, TWISTS, TURNS, AND MYSTERY! Superbomb got recapped. As expected, the post-match stuff worked far better in recap form than it was live. Bray's singing being accompanied by a music box made it even creepier. Tag title match is up next, with no recap of the champs losing to the Wyatt clan. I love the tag champs being a main event-level act, and it involving Goldust makes it even sweeter. Sandow says that he has no new years resolutions because he just says he'll do something and does it instead of giving up by February. No Wyatt or Bryan, and yet the chair is still out there. According to Brie Bella, Bryan is OKAY. Well that's wonderful. They hyped up the moonsault off the cage from Cody at MSG. JBL said he did that, while Cole said that JBL was usually getting landed on and didn't go too high in cage matches. JBL brought up THE CAPITAL WRESTLING CORPORATION name since they were in DC. Harper and Goldust had some good stuff to start things off. Cody got a hot tag and hit the missile dropkick, then the high knee to the face of Harper, then the back ala Macho Man before hitting the disaster kick on Rowan on the apron. Great deal there. A Harper barricade slam led to an ad break.

Clawhold beal shocked JBL. Sitout Powerbomb gets 2 for Harper...I really hope they plan to change Batista's finisher, because it's purely a setup move now. Moonsault block saved Cody and allows him to tag Goldust in. Cody's gotten a lot better at being a face in peril. Goldust got a blind tag, then hit an O Conner roll into a schollboy while Rowan had his back turned after backdropping Cody. Nice to see the partner sacrifice spot return in some form. This was a fun match. Miz's new years resolution was to be a better person, and said that HATERS WERE GONNA HATE ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA! Aksana and her hot ass slinked around the ring in her tight gear. Aksana's win was recapped. Nikki's gear now has tassles on her tits...that doesn't seem too PG. AJ is three days away from being the #2 longest-reigning divas champ. JBL wonders if she'll skip to the days. JBL compared Aksana to Hannibal Lecter, resulting in Cole burying him for it. This was so great. Nikki won with the knee-first Shock Treatment. Cena-Orton at the Rumble was hyped.  Steph's Orton video was replayed. Big E-Axel is next.

Bad News Barrett should tell Axel what his win-loss record is, and then Axel can point out Barrett's. TREMENDOUS pounce counter to an Axel dive. Nice rabbit lariat from Axel - he's got a snap to it that Roode's lacks. According to Cole, Axel is THE GRANDFATHER of Larry Hennig. Or grandson. Great almost Backlund-like lift from a front chancery position by Big E. Ultimate splash by Big E, and it led to a Big Ending attempt that was countered. Sadly, it did reveal his bald spot. Straps are down, Big Ending for the win - with the crowd chanting along with his pins, they should bring back the five count deal soon. BROCK MASSACRE VIDEO IS NEXT!

But first, HHH is the #5 most popular WWE guy on Facebook. The video gave The Authority credit for stuff before they became a thing in the fall - including WM. The video hyped up the Brock-HHH issues by showing HHH prevailing over him at WM and leaving out the Extreme Rules match entirely. Wow. This video package ruled. A Cole-Heyman video said that Brock wanted to come back now since he can be THE MAN since there's only one world champion. They teased Brock-Batista a bit here. Brock will be on Raw as well to do something old school. I'm hoping for a mariachi band. And instead of that, we get BAD NEWS BARRETT! Barrett tries, but this gimmick is death. And he's got SOME BAD NEWS regarding new year's resolutions. Main event time. But first, the second Batista hype video aired. Punk made his intro before a break. Usos got no intro, while the Shield got a partial one - so they didn't have much filler there.

Punk's got new black, red, and yellow gear. Big Uso dive was teased, but prevented by Reigns. They came back with Reigns kicking ass. JBL said the word reporter and reporting about nine billion times, then got mocked for saying Warshington. Whisper in the Wind from an Uso on Reigns. Punk gets a tag and could've hit the flying elbow had it not been for an Ambrose distraction. Crossbody rollthrough into the Vise. GTS teased on Ambrose, but Reigns saves him - however Ambrose getting in his way leads to a high kick, then a double Uso dive and a GTS to Ambrose. Ambrose is doing a metric ton of jobs. Wyatts stuff breaks into the post-match celebration so Bray could cut a promo about Bryan. 

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