Tuesday, January 19, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 1-19-16

We see Matt, Reby, and Maxil come to the building. EC3 saunters in with his big guy and his gigantic headphones. World Title Series recap leads to a bigger EC3 vs. Hardy video. Jeff Hardy comes out in his pink and black getup. Jeff talks to the creatures about Matt's deal, and something doesn't feel right about it to him. He invites Matt down to let him know how he feels. Why he couldn't text him in the last seven days is never quite explained - it is his brother after all. Jeff says that they've made themselves famous off of taking risks and the fans consider him the artist of the family, because he is - but Matt is the wrestler of the family.  Jeff says he doesn't feel comfortable about the main event. Matt says that tonight is the night to gamble - and gets a light yes chant.

Matt says tonight, it'll be checkmate and he'll make Jeff, his family, and the fans proud. He'll show the fans who Matt Hardy is - the premiere wrestler on the planet. Jeff says he has a prediction - the fans will chant Hardy by the end of the night. Tyrus comes out in his GLORIOUS UNICORN SWOLL gear. It's amazing how much better this Tyrus name fits him than Brodus Clay - it's a really good "not WWE" name for a guy. Tyrus tells them that tonight, their dreams become a nightmare. He isn't here for Matt since EC3 is gonna take him out- he wants Jeff. Tyrus yells at him to look at him, and until now, everything he's done in TNA has been about business. But tonight, it's personal - and Jeff said he was stupid and couldn't read. "Nobody makes me stupid!", and aside from that, he doesn't tolerate a smartass. Jeff says if Tyrus can't tell time, it's on now. Hah!

Tyrus bowls him over to start. Jeff "slips off the ropes" and hits the knee. Tyrus attacks the knee more, while Josh says he's cleared so Pope should stop worrying. Pope says hey, I've been in the ring - being medically cleared isn't the same as being healthy. Jeff gets crotched on the post and Tyrus grabs a chair, and then shoves the ref for a DQ. Spike is countered with a stunner-style Twist. We see Pope and Josh while a fan holds a "HARDY YOUR MY HERO!" sign. Feast or Fired is back next week, and we get a history video of it. KOTM Title, Tag Title shot, a World Title shot, and the pink slip are in this year - so the X Title shot is gone. Eddie talks to Davey about what a big night we have here. Davey says that two years ago, they entered TNA and now they have a million strong and they've beaten the BROMANS, Team 3D, and now they'll get to beat Beer Money. Crazzy Steve and Abyss jump them. Okay then. Kong comes down with the Dolls to face Gail.

Gail comes down with the BPs on Gail's side and the Dolls on Kong's. Kong dominates with a body bump and a swinging sleeper before locking on a camel clutch. Josh rattles of Wikipedia facts about the Knockouts title while Kong clotheslines her on the apron. Josh hypes up EC3-Hardy and we get a horribly-edited plug for the Easiest Game Show Ever. Gail locks on a kinda Rings of Saturn and turns it into a crucifix for 2. Gail goes outside and the Dolls attack, so she takes them out with Three Stooges offense before doing a dive off the top to the floor. Gail attacks Jade and the BPs come for a save. Velvet's back in her hooker gear. Gail hits Eat Defeat and tosses Jade onto Kong for...I guess that qualifies as a clean win in 2016. Replay of Jeff vs. Tyrus from before - so it looks like I was blessed and missed a Tyrus match. Beer Money is up next and they want a fight.

Beer Money comes down while Josh begs the fans to do TNA's work for them and tell everything they're on Tuesdays and on POP TV now. Pope puts them on par with the Rock and Roll Express and the Horsemen. Storm says he and Roode haven't been Beer Money on TNA TV in five years. Roode begs for fans to want to see them kick some ass. They want EY and Bram, but they get Eli Drake and Jesse Godderz. Eli says it isn't 2006 and Beer Money's time has passed - it's time for E-LI DRAKE. Storm said there was a guy that was gonna chew gum and kick ass - and right now, he's out a beer. We get some out of the ring brawling before the match itself begins. Jesse gets two short-arm lariats and kisses his bicep before the third, but eats a Storm boot. Roode and Eli are in and Eli eats a knee to the gut. Wonky Hart Attack hits Eli, while they hit a slingshot DDT on Jesse. Double suplex to Eli. Got, this whole Beer Money act would be so fantastic in NXT. DWI hits and they win. Beer Money is "the best tag team this side of the era" according to Pope, which I'm sure means something. We see the challenger and champion hop around a bit backstage. Angle's retirement tour continues.
 We get a second replay of the Tyrus-Jeff Hardy match. Matt and Reby are backstage, with her bossing him around. Jeff ices his knee down and it's badly-bruised, while Reby and Matt are telling him to go the hospital now. Jeff says he'll call Beth and tell her she'll be fine. Matt says it's time for Jeff to take care of Jeff. Kurt's intro hits and we see clips of Kurt-Drew from last week with epic-sounding audio editing. We see him walk backstage past some garbage cans while in very red shoes.
Kurt tells the fans he's been coming down the aisle for nearly 20 years, and hearing the fans cheer makes it all worth it. Kurt says the match with Drew was a five star match, which it wasn't, while some old guy in the crowd texts. Angle asks who's next, and while it isn't Goldberg, it is Lashley. Josh calls these two TWO OF THE BEST OF ALL TIME. It's true for one of them. Lashley says that he got signed because of Kurt, and he waited and waited and waited and waited and waited to face Kurt and to be the man, you got to beat the man. Lashley says his match with Kurt was the best and worst night - because he had a great match, but lost the title. Angle says it's on and it'll be real - damn real. Lashley says he's going to beat his ass in the least-intimidating way humanly possible. The Miracle makes his in-ring debut next.

Lashley talks about the match briefly, while some hot purple-haired girl flirts with him. Maria is out in a tiny white dress and says she feels our pain. The Miracle comes out with his slick theme and a new tron and...less of a tan than his wife and new Fire Pro Returns gear. He'll be facing Pepper Parks and we're told that IF YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH THEIR ONE NIGHT ONLY SHOWS, YOU'VE SEEN HIM. Well, that appeals to zero people on Earth. This gear is just shockingly low-rent for Bennett. A blue and yellow on the side and The Miracle in blue and white on the back.
Bennett takes him down and gets some mounted punches. A pair of corner lariats from Bennett. Suplex by Bennett...wow is this ever just a match. Smooth spinebuster hits for Bennett, followed by a Rainmaker punch and a fireman's carry Cradle Shock for the win. This win was apparently a miracle. This gimmick is dead in the water already. Mike's just not the guy to play this role - whatever it is. He's building a "kingdom of miracles", which explains the kingdom logo on the gear too. Well, the theme is good and Maria's hot and a good promo. So basically, Maria just needs that theme because Bennett adds nothing. Feast or Fired returns next week with BEER MONEY. So yeah, let's tease them being gone after three shows. EC3 talks to the belt about ending Matt's TNA career. EC3 says that Matt will go home tonight in this - an ambulance. He then recites poetry about how Hardy's career is over. Now THIS motherfucker has it - and this would've shined brightly on Raw. Short and to the point - EC3's best promo yet.

The title match is up and the challenger comes out first - so at least TNA keeps that tradition alive. EC3 does his intro and commands the screen. God, if he'd been around in this gimmick in 2010, he'd have at least had a chance to be a legit star. JB gives us a big-match intro and Matt hops. God bless him, but STOP DOING THAT. Also, wear a shirt - you've got tons of merch out there, plug it and downplay the biggest negative of the act - the cosmetics. Intense start with some ground and pound punches by EC3. EC3 beats the shit out of him with chops and punches on the floor. EC3 chucks him right into the steps hard and establishes himself firmly as the dominant heel. Matt rebounds and puts him on two tables. A legdrop is teased, but thankfully, EC3 nixes that. EC3 goes for an inside-out suplex through the tables, but Matt avoids that and suplexes him before landing a few legdrops before a break.


Matt brings a ladder in and we've got two tables mid-ring too. So this is basically a 2K16 Extreme Rules match. Well, maybe more like 2K14 since you have more weapon variety in a match there since you can stack chairs. STO hits for EC3. EC3 punches him onto a table and an EC3 chant breaks out with Let's Go Hardy - teasing a face turn here easily. V1 pose on the ladder leads to a superfly dive through a table. EC3 does a nice splash. Matt lands a low blow to a chorus of boos, while Pope says it's okay due to the stip. Matt yells at the ref to speed up the cadence of the count. Twist off the apron through a table! Well, that ruled. EC3 is barely up at 8. EC3 collapses down, and Hardy bullies him around a bit. This is so great - you know exactly where things are going if you pay attention, but it all makes sense. Matt brings in yet another weapon, a stood-up chair for the Twist, which lands. EC3 comes up bloody from the mouth and just barely comes up at 9.  Matt goes to Reby, who grabs a HAMMER OUT OF A DIAPER BAG! This is so great. EC3 ducks the hammer and EC3 low blows him and hits the One Percenter! Tyrus comes down and glares at EC3. Tyrus lifts him up for a Big Ending and takes him out! EC3 is up at 9.5! EC3 avoids a charge and hits Matt and then Tyrus! Matt hits him with the title belt that this all started over and holds it high above his head.

Post-match, Matt says that he's the World Champion and he beat the unbeatable for himself. He ended the streak FOR ME! And he won the Title FOR ME! He came to TNA to give back and to help, but he doesn't listen to the fans now because they're ants. He is a self-made multi-millionaire that has a life everyone dreams about. Well, he does have a throne, and a wife, a big car, and the perfect family. Two weeks ago, Reby said it was time to stop giving and start taking. She was right and is the only thing that matters in his life. He says the Iconic Matt Hardy is here, and man was ROH Matt great before - and even better now. Matt places a chair under EC3 and then smashes..the other side of the chair with his chair. Well hell, the visual looked good and got the point across. This heel turn couldn't have been done any better, and it's such a shame this wasn't on Spike. They could legit gain traction with this if they had done this there and it been a time where they had solid viewership numbers.

Screens -


  1. Adding it now - thanks for letting me know, this was a real late post due to a late shift.


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