NXT 3-30-16

It's the go-home show for Takeover...and I fell asleep after LU because work just tired me out so much. This is a pretty squash-heavy show, so it should be a breeze to get through. American Alpha beats a pair of jobbers, and Gable saves one of them from certain doom as he tried to spin into the back suplex of the finisher and Gable just caught him and moved him into the proper position. The Revival is unamused and Corey is in an amazing white suit. Finn talks about beating Joe in Dallas. Crews faces Riley and Bull faces Joe.

Corbin squashes a dude. Excellent highlight reel for Nakamura using RevPro clips and NJPW pics. Dubstep video for No Way Jose. Revival squashes two jobbers, including a pretty fat dude. Fatty eats the shatter machine for the loss. American Alpha watches them like the Revival did to them earlier. Bull cuts a hilarious promo about being in better shape than Joe and Joe just being jealous. Joe is gonna learn that Fit Happens. Crews squashes Riley, who looks just awful now. Corey points out that he looks like he needs a good night's sleep. That and a shave and a haircut. The Drifter sings a song to Crews. Baron and his receding hairline talk shit about Austin Aries and tells him that he'll send him back to pleasing crowds in front of 50 with his fighting spirit, and when he's done with Aries, he can go sell photos of Corbin beating him next to Virgil at some convention. Glorious!

 

 

AWESOME BAYLEY HYPE VIDEO about how she IS women's wrestling and God is it so sad that this is going to be her peak and not the main roster. Speaking of which, ASUKA KICKING ASS RECAP VIDEO. Emma swore for the first time on WWE TV in this, saying that Bayley isn't ready for the ass-kicking she'll get at Takeover. Sami talks about the Nakamura match for a bit. Joe runs through Bull with his by-the-numbers house show match. Joe chokes him out, then re-chokes him after the match with Regal yelling at Joe. Finn saves him and they brawl around ringside. Joe tosses him into Graves before Finn dives off the table onto Joe with a big forearm.

 

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TNA Impact 3-29-16 - The Life Support Tour Continues

In the past week, both Bobby Roode and Eric Young have left TNA. Young is featured on this week's show teaming with Bram against the BroMans - a match that in no way has any of them pondering the life choices they took to get that point. Gauntlet recap starts things off. Oh yeah. Jeff faces off with Matt, beat him, and faces Drew. Well, I forgot about that - so the recap was good.  Matt and his entourage come down. Reby's cleavage is out of control here. Matt yells, and Tyrus looks calm - probably due to his giant 24K gold Monster headphones. Mike tells Matt that he's getting old and that TNA needs a miracle. Well, he's not wrong. Reby's cleavage calls Maria a firecrotch, and she asks if she even knows what it means to be a lady - while Reby responds by saying I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO PUT AN EARRING IN YO FACE! Awesome!

Mike tells Matt that he's a future hall of famer, but now, he's old and washed up. Mike wants a fight and given that he's walking into a 3-on-1 beating, I guess he's a face here.  EC3 comes down and says he has a show to pitch - following Schitt's Creek, we can get EC3'S Three Bitches, Matt, Spud, and Tyrus. And Bennett is Shemp. EC3 asks the dear lord of pro wrestling to find a career for Mike Bennett. This was amusing, and Bennett's hairline is receding now. Bennett says he doesn't need TNA, that they need him, and he isn't gonna fight tonight. EC3 tells him he must have other plans - like getting a $4 haircut. Matt pitches a wacky match with EC3 against The Matt Hardy Brand group. This ate up 13 minutes, but was pretty amusing.

EC3 and Tyrus square off, but Spud jumps EC3. Lots of nothing here. LONG NERVE PINCH by Tyrus. EC3 presses the very small Spud above his head, but gets eye raked. Twist attempt by Spud is met with a cobra clutch, but Bennett attacks EC3. Beer Money comes down for a save. Roode says they can keep the fight going. I kind of like the idea of Impact just being one long, inter-connected event where everything leads into everything else in almost real-time. It's a bit ridiculous because it leads to so many guys doing double-duty here though.

Storm hits a slingblade and attacks Tyurs on the apron. Josh rattles off the great many events leading to this match. Bennett throws Maria in front of him like a shield, leading to EC3 running to the back with him. Beer Money suplex to Tyrus! Another to Matt, and they go for the DWI, but Tyrus jumps them. Heart punch to Tyrus leads to a Twist and a pin on Roode. Drew works out a bit, and Jeff draws on his face with a big paint marker. Dollhouse 3-way recap. Gail says she's been DYING FOR 2 MONTHS to fight Maria, and wow is that a bit much. Gail says that she has convinced TNA to make a number 1 contender's match with Velvet against Madison. Weird ad for some show called Nightcap where they talk about not giving a shit if Bieber gets sick.

 

BroMans meet backstage before talking about how you have to Bro before you can Man and then Eli talks about how Jessie hopped off the Eli Drake train. Jessie tells Robbie that they do need to get darker. Velvet comes out in her mini-skirt and tiny panties gear. Madison goes from "Killer Queen" to "Generic Music #3" here. Velvet gets a small package for 2 and kisses Madison's hand. Cradles a plenty get 2 for each. Josh congratulates Angelina for giving birth to her son and we get an awful forearm exchange in the corner. Velvet's clotheslines are now called "skylines". Madison wins and they reluctantly hug.

 
Drew talks about his brother imitating a swanton bomb 17 years ago. Jesus I now feel very old. Drew says that now he gets to be in a company with the Hardys, and he gets to face Jeff tonight. Okay then. Pope says he just needs to talk next. Pope gets the whole crowd cheering him - so clearly they haven't heard his commentary. Pope says he's gone from being happy go lucky, to bad, but when he's good, he's great and when he's bad, he's better. Pope talks about how it's time to be the Pope that everyone knows him to be. Pope literally hasn't been a wrestler in TNA in six years. ELABORATE ON THIS STUFF. Lashley comes out, hopefully to not talk. Nope. Pope says he's been on TV, in movies, and been in the ring with the greatest of all-time. Pope calls him out for a fight and Lashley says that's nuts - he fought Kurt and now he's gone. Pope cheapshots Lashley with some awful punches. They brawl and Lashley misses the spear and Pope attacks the refs. Good God, this is a mid-card SD feud from eight years ago at best and it's on TV now as a big deal.

Another video of last week's gauntlet. Decay music video. AJ ad. Matt Hardy promo on the main event tonight. Recap of Pope-Lashley while EY's music plays. TIME FOR THE EY/BRAM TAG! JB is out for commentary. EY is the King, God, and most dangerous man in pro wrestling. He's HHH now? EY says he'll sit back and let Jeff win the title and then take it from Jeff. Well, he lost before - but he could win, and...then he threatens to kill Jeff. Ugh. Robbie cuts a promo on the Angry Beards. Robbie goes all GIF-worthy when Jessie insults them. A match  occurs. Nothing of note happens and I left to get a drink and missed the finish. Okay then.

Grado's celebration is up, with "Phil and Scott From Chicago" are invited. Grado meets with Shera and Al Snow - Grado says he always wanted to get head at a party and Al beats him up. And beats him up. And beats him up. He then traps Grado's arm on a box and smacks it with a pipe to break his arm. Gregory Shane Helms talks about TNA being built on the X Title. Helms has invited EDDIE EDWARDS OUT FOR A PUBLIC CONVERSATION!? Why would you invite Eddie to cut a promo? Helms says that the Wolves are one of the best-ever tag teams. Eddie says that with Davey being hurt, and Davey carrying on as a single when Eddie was hurt - he'll do the same. Helms says that with or without Davey, he's owed a tag title shot - and Helms says his TNA debut is coming soon and he's been a world tag champion before, and been in the ring and beaten some of the best ever. Helms is really good as a talker - he's far better at hyping up guys as a manager than he was as an active wrestler. I just noticed that Eddie not only has a giant scar on his forearm, but also a tattoo covering it. Helms give him a week to think about the offer. Pope-Lashley re-recap leads to Pope cutting a promo on Lashley. He wants a one-on-one fight with Lashley next week. Well Hell - they've made me care about that through all this, so the bumpy road to that match worked.

 

Jeff comes out for the World title match. Nice face vs. face action to start, including Jeff doing a run-up headlock takedown. Jeff gets a plancha and we go to break. Whisper in the Wind gets 2. During the break, Drew hit a Celtic Cross for 2. Superplex by Drew gets 2. Claymore kick gets 2. Super powerslam by Drew is turned into kind of an armdrag for 2. Twist and a swanton gets 2. Plancha swanton to the floor hits for Jeff. Damn - this is a really good match, and yet there's no heat at all for it. There we go - "let's go Hardy" time. Jeff clotheslines him onto the steps and SWANTONS ONTO THE STEPS, but Drew's knees go up and...man is everything about that a bad idea for Jeff at his age and with his really screwy knee. They come in and Drew gets the Future Shock for the win! This was excellent - makes me wish I recorded it. Matt comes out and says he's disappointed Jeff didn't win so he could beat him for the title. Instead, he'll face Drew on next week's show. A close-up of Matt's greying beard greets us. Drew wants it tonight, but EY and Bram attack Jeff and Drew. Jeff makes himself against EY for Revenge next week.


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Raw 3-28-16

Raw starts off with THE UNDERTAKER'S ENTRANCE. He says this WrestleMania could be his last...to a HUGE YES CHANT!? WHAT!? He says he'll have Shane's blood on his hands, maybe Vince's, and Shane will rest in peace. So sad that this match peaked with the first night - when it had no reason to logically occur. The more layers they add, the less I care. Shane says that if he has to cement his legacy by ending Taker's, he will. Taker calls him "rich boy" and says he can't talk about his legacy. The middle-aged businessman is threatening the 30 YEAR VETERAN, BEST OF ALL-TIME PRO WRESTLER by walking sternly towards the ring. And getting a "holy shit" chant for it. Shane's mocking Taker... so...Shane's a heel, right. Taker eats some shots.

 

So they have a match that really needs the appeal of "just what will happen when X MEETS Y" and give us the second extended beat-down segment in a match that already needs tons of smoke and mirrors. Leap of Faith...and he clearly missed Taker and landed right next to him. Well, that was needlessly dangerous for a middle-aged non-wrestler to do 6 days before WM and it almost bit them in the ass. Shane botches this and gets a "you still got it" chant. WHAT IN THE FUCK!?
Jesus. Taker got all fucked up - his eyebrow is sliced up badly.

On the pre-show, Jericho talks shit to Ryder. Jericho to squash POSSIBLE IC CHAMPION AT WRESTLEMANIA, Zack Ryder here. AJ says that Jericho won't give him his match. Ryder gets his ass kicked constantly, but a fluke rollup hits. Ryder WINS...and gets squashed immediately to huge boos. Well, it feels like they kinda have Ryder over as a cult deal again - good. He gets accidentally over in all this again, and right around WM time too. AJ wearing his ballcap backwards like it's 1996. Jericho makes Jericho-Styles, and says it's hits 12th WM and AJ's first, so he'll beat the rookie at WM. Charlotte vs. Becky is up next.

Cena's FOX show actually gets an ad on an NBCU network. How bizarre. Speaking of bizarre, it's Gears and Goggles: The Becky Lynch Story. Zero buys for the Beck-Plex name. Not much to the match. Ric grabs a leg and Charlotte wins with the facebuster. Vince talks to Renee for a bit before Shane talks shit. Shane's white hair is even worse than his grey hair. This Shane vs. Vince thing makes both guys look even older. Shane said that Vince stole the company from his father, so now Shane will do it to him. Modern-day wrestling - where the faces lower themselves to the level of the heels instead of rising above it with grit and resolve.

 

 

WM rewinds BEGIN here on the go home show. HBK-Flair. EIGHT YEARS since Ric's last WWE match. Wow has time flown. Wait, why are they partners? KANE ATTACKED HIM LAST WEEK! Well, they're facing the outcasts - maybe now Show turns on Kane. Now everyone's brawling in a battle royal-style thing, including tons of guys. So we're basically getting all of the action we'll actually get in the match here on Raw. So if this isn't the Andre battle royal, then why bother doing all this physicality in a non-battle royal battle royal? Graphic the FOR THE GAME, THE 15 TIME WORLD CHAMPION, ONE OF THE GREATEST OF ALL-TIME, THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN HHH against some guy named Roman Reigns. Not sure if I'm ready to watch a Thank You Daniel show right now.

HHH and Steph come out and they hype up both of them being on ESPN. I'm sure they'll be in character heels. HHH has competed for a World Title at WM more than anyone else. Wow. HHH is the most successful WWE superstar of all-time. God, the inferiority complex he has towards Austin and Rock is astonishing. HHH talks about being a corporate suit, but he's just too much of a badass and as the greatest of all-time, he had to defend himself against Roman as he was beaten up by him and put through a table. Shocked he didn't bring up having to fight Roman because Roman beat up his father in law, and himself in a cowardly attack. Stephanie says that WM isn't about ladder matches or legacy, it's about HHH! Roman's out to huge boos, but HHH puts a stop to that to cheers. "Roman sucks, Roman sucks!" Oh God is this doomed. Roman is doomed. He was doomed last year, and he's even more fucked this year. Next year, they'll gangbang bury him. Andre Battle Royal will be on USA at 6PM. Tapout gear at JC Penney's ad. 

Big E's big clap rules. Booty-Os chant. They need to sell Booty-Os posters ASAP. Kofi vs. Alberto is up. New way to avoid Alberto's double stomp...just lean towards the buckles. "SOS, I HEAR THEM CALLIN..." by Woods! Armbar is countered into a cradle for the win - so the League wins the bronze at WM. Coach FROM ESPN as Cole calls him comes out. Sportcenter will be at WM and Coach loves him some Booty-Os! He also loves to dance horribly.

Goofy pandering #myherois ad. #MyHeroIsAnyoneButYouRoman. Cena on the Today Show announcement for Joan Lunden getting the Warrior Award for being a breast cancer survivor. Warrior wished death upon Bobby Heenan while he had cancer. Could they just rename it to the Courage Award or something? Bully Ray yells at Roman to finish what they started on SD. They goad him into a fight with HHH. I really dig this Dudleys as Authority henchmen deal. Them as basically a tag team version of the Bossman's role in the Corporation would be great - and a corporate makeover would freshen their look up. Kalisto vs. Ryback is announced on the Kickoff show. Kalisto faces Gut of the Ascension. So, this is a world in which we're seeing Konnor vs. Kalisto being used as a way to hype up WrestleMania. They could be using this time to air literally any bit of archival footage from NXT for either the women's or IC Title matches. SDS win sand Viktor runs in and eats a tornado DDT. Ryback stares at Kalisto and yells "feed me more". These men traveled on a plane to spend time away from their loved ones to do this. Heyman meets with Brock for a promo.

I don't watch hockey, but goddamned if seeing the journey of players from kids to finally achieving their goals as adults doesn't make me want to watch a game. I wonder if WWE could do that? Tell an effective story about a journey...nah, won't get over. Suplex City shirts literally look like bootleg shirts, and they're likely making a mint for WWE. Brock vs. Wyatt Family and Dean stuff is recapped from SD. It was so different - Brock kicked ass and then Dean got his ass kicked. Heyman talks about how Dean is now striving to be the man who conquers the one in 22-1 - one good thing about Taker still doing WMs is that Brock's match stands up that much more. Heyman cuts a promo on being told he can't say the word weapons, but "THEY'RE WEAPONS!" and says that the good news for Dean is that he can face Brock at WM, but that's bad news for his fans. Heyman says that Doctor Brock will give Dean a colonoscopy at WM.  So then Dean came out to hype up his WrestleMania match with Brock Lesnar with a little red wagon. He has nunchuks! We should've gotten a skit where Aero Star gave him glow in the dark nunchuks from outer space.

Muscle and Fitness hype. HHH talks about he juggles banging his wife, running a billion dollar company, being world champion, and being ripped at 46. "Lead heel" HHH. Team Bad and Blonde faces the Total Divas at WM. Team Bad and Blonde is a far better name than just Team BAD. EMMA ON RAW AGAIN! Emma lands a sliding dropkick for 2. They hold off on a finish for eons, and Lana hits a pump kick so Emma wins. EVA MARIE JOINS TEAM TOTAL DIVAS to a round of boos and her own partners hating her. I'm legit more excited for this than HHH-Roman. Golden Truth segment with Truth blowing his nose on a Goldust shirt for a "you think it's funny, but it's snot" joke. Snoop HOF announcement. 

So Stardust's new "lie on a bed like a teenage girl talking to her friends on the phone" pose is something else. Stardust, Owens, and Miz against Sami, Dolph, and Sin Cara is seemingly the "main event" of this show. We get a wave, a 'We are awesome" chant, a JBL chant, and a CM Punk chant during this nothing match. Dolph gets a suplex. "How you doing!" "RVD!" A SECOND COMMERCIAL BREAK FOR THIS MATCH. Everyone hits finishers. Kevin's partners leave him and Sami beats him. So yeah, Sami beat his longtime rival Kevin Owens on Raw and it meant nothing. HHH comes out and talks. "CHYNA!" chant. A bunch of heels and faces come out to brawl. Roman jumps on the pile and HHH goes to the back. Jesus.






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NXT 3-23-16

We get Asuka vs. Emma II tonight! That alone is better than anything setup for WM. The Drifter comes out to a chorus of boos to face Johnny Gargano. Johnny gets a schoolboy off the flying knee and wins! Drifter attacks him from behind. "YA GOT BEAT DRIFTER, LET IT GO!" Graves is great. He hits the neckbreaker and tosses him to the floor for some ground and pound before tossing him back-first into the post. Crews comes out for the save. AMAZING trailer for Takeover: Dallas that could make stars in a minute on Raw.

Rich Swann comes out to face Finn Balor. Even Finn's basic, everyday intro is artistically beautiful. Rich gets quite a bit of offense, but eats a double forearm blast to the jaw. Apron PK! Shotgun dropkick and the double stomp hit. Bloody Sunday gets the win! Dana says she's been hurt since Takeover: Respect, and it's all due to Asuka! Dana doesn't do the head pat - it's too important...PSYCHE!

Alexa's out to face Crazy Mary Dobson. Dobson hits an awful dropkick. Alexa lands a worse kick and corner stomp. Alexa gives her a wedgie and a bit of a curb stomp. Tons more sloppy offense from Alexa. More sloppy stuff as Dobson gets a kick and then overshoots on a crossbody off the top, clipping her in the face with the knee. Dobson is distracted by Blake and Murphy pulls Alexa out of the way of a...cartwheel something that misses and then she's down and Alexa hits the backflip kneedrop thing and Sparkle Splash. This was dreadful, but fanservicey.

Joe meets with Generic Brunette Man and Joe just leaves. Good for Joe. Joe beats up Danny Birch and Bull Dempsey. He's coming for Balor and he's gonna take HIS CHAMPIONSHIP. American Alpha talks about their rapid ascent. Jordan talks about being unbeaten in college and expecting to win a national title - and failing. Chad talks about losing at the Olympics. They're setting them up PERFECTLY as the guys who will win the gold now. Next week, Riley faces Crews and Joe gets to mangle Bull Dempsey!

Emma-Asuka is up and Graves has a fine theory on why Emma comes out in Aviators and gloves - you never know when you'll need to fly a plane. Corner tie-up almost leads to a corner kick - but Emma evades.  Asuka rolls out the way, pops up and shakes her ass to mock Emma. Lots of excellent matwork here. Fujiwara armbar is blocked, but she gets a small hammerlock. Kneebar into the ankle lock! Emma rolls through and sends her to the floor before tripping Asuka up on the apron. Chinlock into a surfboard by Emma. Tree of woe leads to some kneelifts to the back. Emma pulls the hair for 4, so she distracts the ref so Dana can do it more. Emma sandwich gets 2.

HIP ATTACK BY ASUKA and some kneeling kicks! Great sequence where they exchange strikes, including Emma knocking her down with a big Misawa forearm, but eating a hip attack for 2. ANKLE LOCK GERMAN! Shining Black hits! Asuka lock wins! This was outstanding!

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TNA Impact Wrestling 3-22-16

A ONE MINUTE recap of last week's insane show starts the show off. Jesus. Within ONE MINUTE, they got to Jeff's return, Jeff getting in the main event, being taken out, Matt losing, Drew cashing in, and Drew winning. "IT'S A NEW DAY, THE DAWNING OF A NEW ERA AS DREW GALLOWAY IS WORLD CHAMPION!" Jesus. Drew talks about his career and heartbreak and now BEING TNA CHAMPION, makes it all worth it. He paraphrases JFK and says you shouldn't ask what the title can do for you, but what you can do for the title...and then says his goal is to put TNA on the map again.

Matt and Spud come down, with Spud in a wacky leather getup. Drew says he had a raging afterparty when he won the title. Yup. Slurpees for everyone! Drew says he partied WITH THE COPS that Matt says should have been called due to the robbery on Impact. The Matt Hardy Brand will destroy him. NOW WE GET JEFF HARDY TALKING. Jesus. Jeff in his street gear is amusing since it's 90% similar to what he wears in the ring, and yet he looks younger and better with this stuff on. Heel goon squad beats up the faces, with EY and Bram joining in. After a break, including an AJ DVD plug, we see EY crotched on the ropes.

I think this is now a tag match. Nope. Everyone's just hitting stuff. EY goes to piledrive Drew off the apron through a table, but EC3 waits until his theme hits to save. EC3 says that he is a two time TNA World Champion - but was never pinned or submitted to lose it. EC3 says that he respects Drew, but seeing the belt on his shoulder pisses him off and he wants a title match. Mike Bennett, who last week basically lost to Gail Kim, came out to get into the WORLD TITLE MIX. Dixie comes out and says that she's heard a lot of talking - but it's time to FIGHT for a shot in a gauntlet match.

Probably a TNA gauntlet match instead of a regular gauntlet, and TYRUS WON THE LAST GAUNTLET MATCH AND STILL HASN'T GOTTEN HIS SHOT. Beer Money talks about who could face them tonight in the invitational - and name-drop Pac-Man and Truth, AMW, The Naturals, 3LK, and the Rock and Rave Infection. Storm was fun here. JB is backstage and TALKS MORE. Now we get to see the order of entry. And a Mike Bennett promo. Joy. Maria's acting is awful and Bennett is happy with his number.

 

Beer Money is out. Robbie E is out and talks about Beer Money being a great team - but there's another big team. The Bro-Mans! Oh yeah, remember when Robbie and Jessie were feuding? And when Jesse was The Man, and when Robbie was this underrated guy who was fighting for respect? They bring up Pope being speared last week. Dammit. Why couldn't that have led to an injury angle? Preferably for a couple of years, at least. Double boot to the corner by the BroMans and they talk about this being Robbie's debut on Pop. Yes, THAT is important. Josh talks about how Robbie was on one CBS reality show while Jessie is a regular on Big Brother.

Roode runs wild for a bit, then Storm comes in and punches dudes. Hart Attack gets 2 for the BroMans. Jessie lands a beautiful dropkick. Adonis Crab on Roode leads to Storm superkicking him. Super-shitty DWI hits for the win. Rosemary sings about taking out Davey. Abyss says that he's with Steve and Rosemary for reasons no one can understand. Rosemary talks about eating faces and spitting out souls. And things end in DECAY, DECAY, DECAY while some audio guys chats a bit behind them.

EY and Bram get their numbers before Willow and his umbrella appear to only EY. They hype up tonight's gauntlet match by SHOWING CLIPS OF IT.Well, that's stupid. Eddie comes out to challenge a Decay member. It's Steve, and he gets a brief edge thanks to a Rosemary distraction. Nice running kick by Eddie to Steve. Eddie takes a fucking bump on the steps off a Rosemary distraction. DO NOT TAKE THAT BUMP IN TNA. Steve tosses a chair at Eddie's head. More chair throwing. Ugh. Eddie tosses Steve's head into a bunch of corner-mounted chairs. Rosemary prevents a pin by pulling the ref out. Eddie avoids a charge and Steve runs into Rosemary and a schoolboy wins this. Goddamn this was an annoying match.

 

Maria's cleavage and ass talk about being the face of the Knockouts division. Dixie talks to Lashley about how he's lucky he only got fined. And then she says "if you want this, you got it". I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS REFERS TO. CONTEXT GODDAMMIT! Recap of the Hardy drama. Jeff Hardy talks about how the same things keep happening to him over and over again. EC3 and Jeff get their numbers. Gail vs. Maria is up. Maria's gear is amazing. Maria says that beating Gail again would change nothing - so she went to management and got her wish. And she has special guests - THE DOLLHOUSE! Rebel's intro now involves bending over and smacking her ass. Between Maria, Jade, Marti, and Rebel, this is quite the bootyriffic show.

Maria says the Dollhouse hasn't done much, and tells them to break up the Dollhouse to become women. Marti says she's crazy to think they'd do that. Maria says she sees potential in the Dollhouse and says that she asked if she could give her title shot to a Dollhouse member - and the winner of a triple threat gets her title shot.

 

 

Maria does commentary during the battle of the Dollhouse. Marti and Jade dominate Rebel. Lots of awful-looking stuff here. Josh openly mocks how horrible this is, while Josh talks to Maria about how they say "dollhouse" the same way. This knockouts triple threat could be one of the worst TV matches all year between the action and the commentary. Rebel goes for Christy's finisher despite Marti...moving out of the way before she attempted the move. Jade kicks Rebel hard twice and gets 2. Maria says that she can get the Knockouts some big deals - and they talk about Trump being off the show and Pope says he read the Playboy for the photos after Maria says he read it for the articles.

 

 

Maria talks about inspiring the division tonight. Josh talks about it being a curse to be leading the Dollhouse, and Josh says that he wishes Pope would run it while Maria says she doesn't want to see Pope in those outfits. Jade wins and gets the title shot. Hardy, Tyrus, and Spud are backstage. Spud has a lollipop now for some reason. Matt draws AN EXCELLENT NUMBER!

Grado does a skit with Shera and walks to invite his friends Scott and Phil from Chicago. Shera says that Odarg owes him $50, while Grado says he's owed $55 and then pulls out the Odarg mask. Drew comes out to talk about how everyone talks and won't shut up in TNA. Lashley comes out - hopefully to not talk. Lashley calls him The Cham over and over. THE GAUNTLET HAS STARTED!? Lashley is number 1 and EC3 is 2.

Seeing EC3 and Lashley go at it shows how gigantic EC3 is and how trimmed down Lashley is. Spud jumps EC3 and EC3 chops the shit out of him. EC3 eats a beating from the two heels and Bennett is out. EC3 takes him down, but the other heels save Bennett. Lashley crossfaces him in the ropes a bunch. EY is out. EC3 has a 6-on-1 disadvantage and he's just not good at playing babyface in peril. EY and Bennett go at it a bit. Tyrus is out and EC3 tosses Spud out. Bennett eats a spear. Lashley spears Tyrus from about a mile away. Lashley tosses Tyrus out. Bram tosses EY out and Lashley spears Bram to take him out. Pope eliminates Lashley.

Pope jumps off the apron and attacks Lashley. Pope vs. Lashley - the mid-card SD feud you didn't even know you wanted nine years ago. Now in TNA! Matt's out and eats some boots from EC3.
Jeff is running like Mick did at the Rumble in 2012. EC3 eliminates Bennett - so it's down to Matt vs. Jeff vs. EC3 in a shot for the title. So it's like a less-exciting version of their nothing triple threat...yay... EC3 is gone, so it's Matt vs. Jeff. A "let's go Reby" chant breaks out. Matt drops some legs on Jeff. Sleeper to Jeff leads to a jawjacker. Pop-up dropkick hits in the corner for Jeff. Snap Twist hits for Matt, and gets a "Twist of Fat" - ha! Jeff eliminates him and Jeff vs. Drew is made for next week.


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WWE Raw 3-21-16

Raw is dedicated to Mary Katharine Stewart - a 21, maybe 22 year old who passed away. I presume she's the daughter of a long-time employee. Recap of the Roman-HHH brawl. They sure love repeating phrases in this thing. WEEKS FOR THIS! WEEKS FOR THIS! WEEKS FOR THIS! WEEKS FOR THIS! Steph mom dancing to her own theme is amusing. Thank God that's more important than the show being actually good. Steph says that HHH won't be here because of CORPORATE RESPONSIBLITIES - not because Roman kicked his ass or anything. Roman interrupts and gets booed out of the building. Once again, coming out of the crowd - which is something he should only do after he turns heel. Roman says he's taking the title and stops Steph from slapping him. SKYLANDERS SUPERCHARGED PRESENTS AJ STYLES VS. KEVIN OWENS!

 

 

Recap of AJ losing to Owens thanks to Jericho on SD. Basic stuff to start and Owens tosses him into the barricade for a break. Chinlock city after the break. POP-UP RANA BY AJ! AJ eats a big lariat and responds with big forearms for a second break. KO wins via distraction finish again. Owens talks about KOMania and Dolph comes down, then Miz does, Sami too. Dean vs. Braun is coming tonight. DEAN AND TERRY! Dean is so the top guy right now and they don't even know it. Dean chainsaws up a table good! Owens asks Steph for permission to make a triple threat and the guy who wins gets to face him at WM. Legends yammer on about HIAC for a bit.

League of Nations are out and yammer. New Day is out and has jokes. LoN laughs at them to mock htem, which was great. E vs. Rusev is up. Big E murders him with the apron splash. E is a scary-strong dude and overhead belly to belly suplex Rusev. Giant jumping spinkick to E! ST-Joe by E. Rusev lands a big Cro Cop kick after kneeing E in the head to avoid the apron spear. Warrior splash by E gets 2. Rusev goes for the Accolade, but E electric chairs him down.  Suicide spear to Sheamus. RIP Big E's neck on that suicide spear. Faces, of course, cheat to win when Woods attacks Rusev and the Big Ending wins. Wyatts say big scary words for a while.

Thank God, here is the Big Show to add excitement to Raw in 2016. Social Outcasts interrupt him. THIS IS SOMETHING ON A SHOW TO WM. Geeks beat him up, but Kane saves. #herecomesthedemonkanetosavebigshow is trending. Show and Kane hugging was amusing. I sense a heel to turn to end the amusement. Yup. Kane turned on Show. Stan Hansen HOF announcement. God, even the HOF stuff feels like pure filler. They used to at least do profile videos to make you familiar with the acts. Now, it's "NEWS COMPANY X REPORTED PERSON Y, HERE'S 20 SECONDS OF FOOTAGE. CARE DAMMIT!"

Fandango vs. Jericho is up, yet not announced as a WM rematch. Fantastic selling of the Codebreaker wins. Jericho threatens a guy and AJ says that Jericho's the best in the world at running from him. AJ says he's competed all over the world - but hasn't competed at WM yet. "GET OFF YOUR PHONE, IDIOT!" Jericho is great berating the fans. Taker vs. Shane nostalgia trip video. We aren't getting Shane flying off shit or Taker diving over the top. Just show Taker beating the shit out of people to keep expectations reasonable for this thing. We get Shane O training muay thai and BJJ with Renzo Gracie hyping him up. Yet another airing of the first Shane-Taker video. 

 

 

 

Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. Stardust is up for KOMania. Owens's parade of geeks is definitely going to be changed to ALL OF THESE GEEKS, AND MORE at WM. Owens says that each of these guys COULD get a shot here. Owens gets involved and we get a NO CONTEST IN A TRIPLE THREAT. Two hours ago, we had no KOMania and we still have no KOMania. Amazing use of TV time. Steph helps Owens lose some weight by cutting his balls off and makes the multi-man ladder match for the IC Title at WM. Steph being anti-heel makes her a face...right?

Steph meets with HHH in his car...and Roman jumps HHH and beats his ass in a cowardly attack. SmackDown recap of the divas talking segment. Becky looks far better in jeans and a tanktop - and that's not entirely due to her ass hanging out of the jeans. Nattie vs. Charlotte is up. Natural Selection wins. Usos vs. Dudleyz is made for WM. Bubba gets an ECW chant and says he'll bust Truth up. Bubba is great at talking smack mid-match. Bubba wins with the full nelson bomb and Goldust makes a save - but he gets beaten up, so the Usos save. Vince is out. "Shane is the most formidable opponent The Undertaker has ever had at WrestleMania! Vince calls Taker his bitch and says that if Taker doesn't win, it will be Taker's last WM. Dean vs. Braun. Dena low-bridges him. Dean gets his ass beat until he beats him up with a chair. "THIS IS BO-RING!" chant. Wow. This was a clusterfuck of a show and just so boring.


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