Monday, March 14, 2016

New Day Rawks 3-14-16

New Day starts the show off to defend the tag titles against the two  LoN guys they didn't beat on Saturday. XAVIER WOODS USES KATAMARI DAMACY TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW DAY TRAIN! Big E hypes up Big E Butts - his new workout video, and...they're faces, right? They have to be. Amazing exposition dump by Cole here. Shocked he didn't run down each character in detail to further make this weird. Xavier worked this match, which is fairly rare for him nowadays. He takes an enzuiguri and we go to a break. After that break, Rusev bearhugs Xavier. Nice snake eyes by E into a high kick and then a slingshot tornado DDT by Woods. Woods retains by...cheating and using the tights...and yet they're faces. League beats up the lot of them. THE LADS attack more. BARRETT HITS THE ELBOW! BARRETT HITS THE ELBOW! Brogue kick ,wacky stomp, and the Accolade. This would've been a nice way to take the titles off of New Day and get a pop for a WM title why not have the League WIN AND THEN DESTROY THE FACES?! This beating went on for decades, we came back , and got a replay of said beating.

Then Dean Ambrose just comes down. For the second time, they use this weird "WWE NETWORK-ONLY SPECIAL, WWE ROADBLOCK!" wording for that show. Dean said he beat HHH up a ton, and lived by his sword and died by it - so I guess he's okay with losing. Digging Brock's yellow and white Suplex City shirt. Heyman hypes up the Network's key lure being WM and ANY FIGHT THAT FEATURES BROCK LESNAR IS THE MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING. I love Heyman. They talk and talk and Brock walks and walks. Ambrose holds him off with a crowbar.

Ryback faces Sin Cara, in all-black. After a suplex, and long chinlock, Ryback Shellshocks after a slingshot and hits a second one to win. Steph walks backstage and comes out for the top of the hour talking segment. Steph's royal wave rules. Zero reaction to HHH. HHH tells a long, meandering tale about guys like Roman HOPING to beat their bosses, but they can't. So then SERIOUS DOLPH ZIGGLER came out in a suit with a pink shirt and Converse on... B-lee in D-zee He cuts a promo on HHH and gets slapped by Steph. Steph just...names Dolph vs. HHH tonight. Steph...I guess goaded into putting her husband into danger?

Owens comes out and does commentary and says on the Kevin Owens Show, Sami Zayn is nothing and he walked away from Sami because Sami is nothing. Sami-Miz is up. Nice pop-up move from Sami. MOONSAULT OFF THE BARRICADE TO MIZ. Sami hits the pop-up dropkick, but Miz lands the kneeling DDT for 2. Clotheslines sends Miz over the top for the dive, and Miz cradles Sami for 2. Helluva kick hits Miz because MIZ WAS LOOKING AT OWENS - so Sami gets a kinda-tainted win over Miz. LoN recap. The league of shirtless gentlemen yammer a bit. Brie and Foxy take on Team BAD. KILL THIS SHOW.

Lana is now dressed like a hooker with a bit of a budget to work with. Heels win thanks to a double team powerslam thanks to Lana appearing and kinda distracting Brie. Social Outcasts plug Burger King and steal Axel's food. Lana looks pretty hot...and then interacts with Paige looking both hot and yet a bit trashy. Ric Flair looks like he's getting ready to sell you a used car, which I guess is fitting since Ashley Schafer from Eastbound and Down was based on him. Nothing of note was said and the Usos came out.

Bo has a new, awful singlet that is somehow better than his first one, but fits worse. He flies over the top and lands on his feet - resulting in a group run in celebration. MICK FOLEY MEETS WITH DEAN AMBROSE. They may have never been able to have a match, but this rules. After a long buildup, Mick gives him Barbie. Looking forward to CZWM. Dolph vs. HHH is next. TAKE THAT ALL YOU UP-MARKET ADVERTISERS! WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN THE UFC AND KIM KARDASHIAN!

HHH vs. Dolph is up. HHH lands a suplex and gets a knee after some basic matwork. Dolph gets a couple of 2.5 counts off of a fluke cradle and a fameasser. Jumping DDT gets 2.9. 2.9 OFF A SUPERKICK! HHH sends him to the floor, goes for a pedigree when he comes in, but gets backdropped before hitting the Pedigree and winning. The nearfalls were pretty good at points here - this should've been a Fastlane match for HHH. BIG DOG'S THEME HITS. Roman stares, slowly walks down and...hits a thing that he wanted to be a double leg and some punches before tossing HHH into the barricade. JBL logically points out that Roman picked now, AFTER HHH HAD A MATCH, to attack a weakened man. Roman repeat with the face smash on the announce table. Roman attacks. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Roman punches away. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Roman attacks guards and "busts open" HHH. This is such a fucking clown show. Recap of Roman attacking HHH.


Jackie HOF video. THE ONLY FEMALE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION WHILE IT WAS UNDER THE WWE BANNER. This is a bragging point on par with Gregory Shane Helms - greatest cruiserweight champion of all time. Truth dresses like a penguin for Goldust since they're in Pittsburgh. Goldust refused Truth's offer to be his partner.
Jericho's out to face Neville. Neville gets hurt legit and Jericho shoves the ref so we get a DQ. Great save there by Jericho. AJ comes out and lands the Phenomenal Forearm off the top - about time that get a name. They tell you to stop Dish from dropping USA networks. At 10:51, the main event segment is announced. Vince says that Taker is his most sadistic creation and comes out. Taker just coming out at WM every year until he can't walk is worth a million each year. God, this intro rules. Vince tells Taker to never touch him again. Taker takes off the jacket and hat, and gives him the bug-eyes and apologized to Taker for this and the events of a few weeks ago. Shane comes out in a denim jacket and HE STARES DOWN WITH TAKER. Boy is this gonna be ridiculous. "You're gonna hit me, AND I'M GONNA're gonna miss..." So this promo is going well. Shane's going to use THE POWER OF HEART to win. YES! Shane is going to use the power of HEART to succeed. Captain Planet run-in confirmed! Shane and Taker stare down more and they tease a chokeslam. Okay, we've seen Shane get...I guess we'll call that physical with Taker. Nothing to see from the match beyond HD versions of shit we've seen before. Chokeslam ends it. Lordy is this build doomed.


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