Sunday, October 2, 2016

TNA Bound For Glory 2016

TNA's WrestleMania begins with Matt Hardy and his son playing "La Cucaracha" on pianos - so this is already quite the mindfuck. Trevor Lee is out to face DJZ in an unannounced X Division Title match. These two are excellent and should have at least a good match - and they do. Lee lands an impressive mushroom stomp to avoid the DDZ, leading to him getting mad at the ref for it not ending the match. Josh's "YOU BETTER WATCH IT YOUNG MAN - YOU COULD WIN THE TNA X DIVISION TITLE AT BOUND FOR GLORY!" amused me for all the wrong reasons. DJZ hits a destroyer and the DDZ wins it. Drew says that Corgan is buying TNA and bitches a lot.

Bound For Gold is less bad than last year. Grado flew halfway across the globe to get thrown out like a Bushwacker. Eli wins and holy Jesus was this awful. Rob Irvine talks to JB and gets insulted by Maria and JB. Bennett comes out in new, worse-looking dark blue gear with a pineapple over his ass. A football team in full garb does the MOOSE bit. Superkick out of the Game Changer, but he eventually gets it and wins. God is that finish stupid - the Rainmaker works because it's a snap move with a ton of velocity. This has ZERO velocity to it.

Eddie Edwards faces Rex, and we get visible judges and FIVE MINUTE SPECIAL EVENT ROUNDS. They have a nothing match until the lights go out and the fans chant "PAY THE LIGHT BILL!". The look of this is actually pretty cool as it's so minimalistic. They come back as Rex goes for an Edgucator - and I just noticed that they've got the lights on full blast. So they CAN do it, they just choose not to for the TV show. Rex wins via split decision - and a botched graphic. He cuts a nothing promo. BOY what a title this is.

Christy Hemme comes back to induct Gail into the HOF. Taryn returns pregnant with her second child, as does KONG! Dixie comes out and gets booed! Robert Irvine tears up at her speech and it's now time for THE GREAT WAR! Reby plays Matt's theme on a piano on the ramp before Matt comes out to a "DELETE" chant and Nero sings the "Obsolete" song. This is just anarchy with brawling all over the place. Steve spits in a water bucket and tosses it on "Jeffrey!" Jeff disappears and then Matt and Abyss fight at Universal. Jeff is off screen SMASHING PUMPKINS by throwing them at Steve, before we cut back to Abyss and Matt fighting near a Ferris wheel. Willow the Wisp/court jester comes out and cusses and says "I CAN'T EVEN SEE SHIT MAYN!" after putting on goggles.
The crazy redneck that Decay beat up in Cameron returns to get his ass kicked, and his crack revealed, by Rosemary as he's tossed into the bushes. Willow unravels his umbrella to beat Steve up. Matt throws fireballs from his hands to light Janice ablaze before she's tossed into the bushes. Matt and Abyss fight on the road in a truck before Vanguard 1 initiates Poison Mist Protocol on Rosemary. FINALLY, they fight back to the ring and Matt Side Effects Abyss into a barb wire board. Chair Twist by Matt leads to Jeff hitting a crazy swanton off the top of a super ladder through a double table stack to win the TNA World Tag Team Titles.

Maria has new super-short green shorts on. Nice. Josh tells us that BFG is IN FACT TRENDING WORLDWIDE. You fuck off now. Maria spinebusters her and gets a wonky cover for 2 because she falls off. A brace shot lands for 2. Ringpost figure 4 is on. Gail hits a sloppy Eat Defeat and wins the title. Bennett bitches and moans before Cody debuts. "CODY AND BRANDI RHODES ARE ENTERING THE IMPACT ZONE!" Cody takes him out with the Beautiful Disaster. Oh, and Lashley and EC3 had a long, awkward match that was devoid of good and Lashley won. Well, he's the best thing in the company - so the right man won.
Screenshots -

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