Monday, October 31, 2016

WWE Hell in a Cell 2016

The hype video actually references the HHH-Owens link, which amazes me. They've also got this slick playing card graphic for the matches. Shame they didn't do this before so things might feel slightly different than the norm. "There's the OMINOUS STRUCTURE!"...with pink ropes for breast cancer awareness. Rusev vs. Roman starts the show off. Boo Dog comes out to boos. Roman, the dickhead who set out to ruin a man's wedding celebration, then mocks Rusev with the title he took from him.

They have a long, boring Raw match. BUT IT'S INSIDE THE CELL! "THE BIG DOG'S HUNTING TONIGHT!". Way to make Roman seem cool, Cole. Cole rattles off STATS about the cell to drive home how intimidating it is. Shocked he didn't mentions the 420 pounds of pressure the steel steps have. Drive by is countered with a lariat and the steps are used in various ways. Rusev gets sent outside and the fans chant for tables.

Rusev ties him up in the ropes and grabs a kendo stick to attack. Roman goes from being trapped to being able to ESCAPE AND HIT A LARIAT. Okay. Rusev avoids the superman punch and kicks him before tossing him head-first into the corner steps! That step setup needs to be in 2K18. Rusev gets the Accolade, but Roman escapes and eats a Cro Cop kick. Rusev gets a chain, but gets caught and punched a ton.

Dueling LET'S GO RUSEV/RUSEV SUCKS chant. Roman gets the steps a couple of times and a superkick gets 2. This is easily the best match Rusev has ever been in - he truly comes off like a main event-level act here. EXCELLENT spot with Rusev putting him in the Accolade on the steps with a chain in his mouth. Roman recovers with a Samoan drop on the steps. IT GETS A USA CHANT! RUN UP SPEAR WINS IT! Roman actually got cheers and this was an excellent match - perfect way to start the show.

KO bitches about Seth a bit. Dana vs. Bayley is up. Dana is a "great athlete", but a horrible wrestler. BAYLEY HUGS HER, but Dana elbows her and then...doesn't and gets beat with the Bayley to Belly. Mild pop here. "IT'SSSSS BAYYLLEEEYY!" really needs to be her intro and outro again. Jericho bitches to Foley and Steph. Foley interrupts him and MAKES THE LIST! Certified Gs face The Club. Air Enzo takes the heels out. Enzo just wackily punches Gallows to bits, but eats a superkick. MAGIC KILLER HITS. KARL ANDERSON WINS A MATCH! WWE still hates cancer.

Kevin Owens Show vs. Seth hype video. Cole hypes up that this is Seth's 16th PPV match involving him fighting for a title...and yet he doesn't feel like a tippy-top guy. Slingblade hits for 1. PK leads to KO rolling out. He rips off the k tape on Seth's back...okay. I love him rolling out just to put his foot on Seth's face like a dick. CANNONBALL AGAINST THE CELL! Powerbomb is avoided by Seth, leading to KO avoiding the Pedigree. Superkick party to one another leads to KO hitting a lariat that sends them both down in exhaustion. KO sets up a wacky table setup against the cell, but eats a slew of planchas.  KO grabs a fire extinguisher and blasts the ref.

Another ref gets him, but Jericho comes in too and locks himself in. Jericho eats a Pedigree and KO superkicks Seth. He goes for a powerbomb through the double stack, but Seth reverses, nearly drops him, hoists him and tosses him! HIGH FLY FLOW HITS AND GETS 2 thanks to Jericho! Seth beats hm up. Superkick and powerbomb get 2.9! KO beats him with a flurry of punches. A chair is brought in and KO DDTs him on it before powerbombing Seth through two chairs to win. So far, the cell matches have been quite good - so this has been overkill for the stip, but they've been worthwhile matches.

Kickoff panel runs through the cruiserweight kickoff match. TJP vs. Kendrick is up. Nice matwork by Kendrick before some solid heel work. TJP gets the heel hook, but Kendrick gets the ropes. Kendrick feigns a knee injury just like Pillman  - leading to some great faces by TJP. And a CM Punk chant. Kendrick headbutts him and gets the Hook! TJP loses...boy what a horrible way to book him. He was given no time to really get the title over, let alone the division, and it just goes to Kendrick - who is great, but this whole story was told in fast forward and thus meant far less than it should. Nakamura vs. Joe is hyped up.

Cesaro gets Sheamus some tape and Sheamus compliments his suit. And then they argue - because them finally getting along MIGHT indicate development for the characters. The Halloween Booty-Os shirt is nice. They have every Raw tag match they've ever had - outside of Woods flying around nicely. Sheamus dives on the pile. Xavier taps, but E gets hit with the trombone and Kofi hits Sheamus with the kick - so the heels win by DQ. Goldberg returns to Raw for some reason - even though nothing can top what they did before.

Sasha vs. Charlotte main events next. Charlotte gets walked down the aisle on a caravan in a gold and black robe.  Cole reads STATS ABOUT CHARLOTTE. She's 13-0 in singles matches at PPVs since the beginning of her career and 12-0 in title matches - the longest PPV streak of any superstar. Eh, there are a billion shows now. Cole says that Ric has never done what Charlotte is doing by competing in a cell and never had her winning record. Odd to have wins and losses matter NOW, but that's better than nothing.
Charlotte stares up at the cell, and maybe at her departed brother as she lives his dream. Escalade intro for Sasha again. Charlotte jumps her as the cell drops and they fight on the floor. CHARLOTTE IS SENT INTO THE WWE UNIVERSE. They fight and fight and fight and then climb on the the side of the cell. Charlotte drops down and breaks her fall, then Sasha awkwardly falls into Charlotte's arms and gets powerbombed through the announce table. They go to cart her out, but she can't lose it like that, so she goes in the cage and the match FINALLY begins.

Sasha eats a nasty monkey flip into the cell. Sasha hits a crazy plancha into the cell. Sasha drop toeholds her into a chair. Sasha flies off with a double knee strike off the cell to the floor. Shotgun knees into the cell! Three Amigos get a nice Eddie chant. Frog splash gets 2, and the Bank statement crossface is escaped. Double knees with a chair hit for 2. Charlotte grabs her and rams her head either into the steps or the ring apron.

Charlotte sets up a table on the floor to superplex her - the superplex fails, but the mega wedgie doesn't. Sasha kicks her off lightly and she hits the table lightly, it doesn't break, and that just kinda fails. Sasha goes to get another table, but gets wedged against the cell so Charlotte can set the table up mid-ring. Figure 8 is on, but Sasha chairshots her way out of it. Sasha eats a slew of backbreakers and Sasha trips her up off a moonsault. A corner to corner powerbomb fails and Charlotte ragdolls her into the table a couple of times with more wedgies. Natural Selection ends it. Sloppy, but very good overall match.