Monday, July 15, 2013

Raw 7-15-13

They really need to update the Raw intro video - it seems weird to even think of the PTPs as being a big enough deal to be worthy of it. Brad Bischoff got a drumroll. His first decision, other than making Vickie a host now, is making Dolph-Alberto. What does the SD GM do exactly? It used to be that they'd be at least in charge of the US and WHC, but now, the Raw GM has power over everything. They showed pics of Henry tapping, and the shot of the belt made it seem like CHAMPION really should have some color to it. Cena's out and likes being booed BECAUSE IT'S ENERGY! Mr. Mad-ox has enjoyed Cena since he was a teenager and he'll allow Cena to name his opponent for Summerslam, leading to a YES chant. Cena said he could fight Dok Hendrix, Dutch Mantell, Cole OR EVEN A BELLA TWIN. Thank God, Orton came down theory minimize this monotony. Orton said he wouldn't be stupid enough to waste his case by giving someone notice like Cena did last year, so he'll do it by surprise. Fandango then came out and thank God, he got a huge reaction. Good to see him as a star again. Orton was gobsmacked by him saying he'd be WWE Champion due to the deal tonight and then he tried to teach Cena how to say his name, but was punched by Orton. Everyone was pretty good in this except Cena, and it dragged on a tad despite not being really long.

They came back with the match and Orton clothesline Fandango on the floor, which he sold by bending into a weird pose. JTG days of employment sign made TV. JBL called Fandango a mix of MC Hammer and GSP. Randy Savage chant, then a JBL one. This is like the post-Mania Raw, which ruled. Shoulder smash into the steps from Fandango led to the ad break and him posing on the steps.
FANDANGO HAS BEEN DOMINATING RANDY ORTON ALL THROUGHOUT THE WWE APP! according to Cole. Maddox, Cena, and Bryan are trending on Twitter. Big superplex got a pop, and looked a bit weird. Draping DDT off the buckles. Summer Rae's panic is hilarious, and a swank RKO wins this one. Fandango lost, but came off as a way bigger star here than he did last night. They showed AJ costing Dolph the match, and good lord did he look orange compared to his look on SD. He broke up with AJ and they showed Henry walking backstage in a glorious black suit with white and purple tie.

 He came out and said he gave it everything, but that Cena beat him. The crowd said he tapped and he said he sure did, and he'd tap them out too! He said he wanted to be his opponent again since he took him to his limits, then the Shield came out. Henry stood his ground. Viva la face turn! He fought valiantly, but fell to the spear and then ate the triple powerbomb. This got a holy shit chant and was an outstanding babyface turn. I was expecting that at some point, just not like this - Henry versus any of them should be pretty fun. Dolph-Alberto is next. 

MITB HAD OVER 35 WORLDWIDE TRENDS ON TWITTER! Jericho met with Maddox, who wants to pick up some food for his mom. Jericho has aged 5 years in a day, and Jericho will face RVD later because he's a former WWE Champion. Brad being booked as Ryan Howard from the Office is greatness. Alberto came out and a chick opted to check her texts instead of look at him. Dolph came out and I wondered if this was a title match or not. They've talked about it being a rematch, but haven't explicitly said it's a title match. Dolph hit ten (counted by the fans) elbows and King said they brought back bad memories for him. I'm surprised WWE didn't tell him to stop referencing that after the PPV. Cole plugged watching MITB photos on, viewable on your computer, tablet, or phone! Alberto's Stinger splash missed, but Dolph's didn't. His Hart Attack looked terrible, but technically hit. He then tried to kill himself by being thrown over the top rope to the floor and doing the world's biggest belly flop on the floor. He's going to have a Hardy-level pill problem in five years.

They came back with Cole being flustered over the MITB match...PPV...last week...last night... Dolph countered the corner kick with a tornado DDT. Rope avalanche from Alberto missed, and he got dropkicked into the ring trying to get back in. Alberto hit a German suplex that Dolph couldn't take 90 bumps for because he held onto it. Standing armbar setup was countered into a swinging neckbreaker for 2. The hot crowd is making this already-good match seem like something special. Dolph hit a crappy Fameasser off the second rope. The bell rang thanks to AJ, leading to a superkick and a win for Alberto. Cole was confused as to why this happened, and JBL pointed out that it was for revenge OBVIOUSLY. AJ sissy-slapped Dolph a bunch before Big E steamrolled him. Big Ending led to AJ kissing Dolph as he was out cold. Great stuff all around here. I'm really looking forward to seeing Big E doing his Dolph catch spot again and then just chuck him wherever.

Truth came out for his first appearance since the death of his sister with the rap and two fans in Sandow shirts going nuts for it. The Wyatts came out, and man is their theme easily the best theme in ages to listen to outside of a wrestling context. Rowan and Harper destroyed him. Crowd popped huge for Wyatt leaving his chair. Truth came back with a chair, stood up to Wyatt in mid-ring in a Christ pose, and then got trapped and beat down and taken out with a Knox Out. Nice little touch with him kissing Truth's head before doing the move. FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS! They're over TNA HQ. App vote involves picking someone to face the Real Americans next.

They showed the same Performance Center vid from MITB. HHH was shown as EVP, so is he that or COO on-air? Zeb is against hearing Chinese and Greek, and if this is the melting pot...ty, it should be called the porta-potty. Zeb asked Cena to pick one of his men. A lot of people did the We the People bit. The Usos won the vote, which is a minor shame since I was hoping we'd get a promo form Zeb on America's caloric intake. U-SO bit actually got a huge reaction, so their push via actual TV time and the Shield feud has done them some good. King used JBL's "speaking Dutch" joke from last week. Cesaro's deadlift gutwrench suplex was countered into a sunset flip after a couple minutes into a pin. Well, that was certainly a thing that will likely lead to a Main Event rematch. 

They said Jericho-RVD would be RVD's first match on Raw in 6 years. Pretty sure he faced Santino in very late '07. Be a Star ad aired. Bullying can happy anywhere, like on the show talking about how bad bullying is. Sandow came out to sadly not talk, but instead face Christian. I like that he's out in gear that matches his shirt. Sucks that his teeth got all fucked up though - dental repairs are expensive as shit. This should be Sandow's best match yet, and a big enough name for him to get a believable win over now. A "you screwed Cody" chant broke out. Maybe he'll cost Sandow this match. King called Christian, who's nearing 40, young. Elbow of disdain was countered into a jackknife pin for a flash win. I'm shocked Sandow lost clean, but at least it led to him still being YOUR INTELLECTUAL SAVIOR OF MONEY IN THE BANK! Cody, in his wacky commentator's outfit, attacked Sandow. 

A moving Cena vs. Roster graphic aired to hype up Summerslam. If it was Hunter, he'd just face all of them instead of just one. An ad for Suits talking about "goddamned loyalty" aired. Cody should've said that. 1-800-FELLA and the Brogue kick cure the hiccups. What the hell do these goofy skits have to do with Sheamus's current character? Vickie annoyed the shit out of fans asking for them to vote for her to be reinstated, complete with sandwich board and megaphone. The Bella with pelvic tats faces Naomi. King advocated watching Total Divas via DVR. The crowd wanted puppies and Cole talked about the Bellas only getting breaks because they're good looking. Cole talked about them also dating WWE superstars. My God, the hype for this show makes it seem impossible to care about. The crowd OLEd and Naomi won with a crossbody off the top. Cole said that Heyman PERHAPS cost Punk the case last night. PERHAPS!?

Punk came out in his Gracie hoodie and shorts, which show off his ankle tat and make his legs look skinny. He said Paul and Brock were in the building and ordered them to come out. Heyman did. He cut one of his best promos yet. He said that CM Punk has no family, no wife, no kids, and is estranged from his mother and father. All he has in the fans, and he did what he did to take the title, the thing that validates him, away from him. Paul had to swear on his children, which was fine because they gave him clarity - why doesn't Punk listen to Paul like Brock does? Also, CM PUNK CAN'T BEAT BROCK LESNAR! Punk responded by swearing on Paul's kids that he'll get Paul. Other than Punk having one mad face here, this ruled. Paul did Punk's deal on the ramp then said IT'S CLOBBERING TIME! Brock came down and they brawled. It's Team Deathclutch vs. Gracie JJ. They brawled on the table, then he F5ed him on it without removing shit first. Punk refused medical help and got up using the announce table. This was awesome. 

They came back and had Cole recap everything at 10,000 miles per hour. And then they did a Total Divas ad. WHY HERE!? This is totally impossible to take seriously. Khali said something about Summerslam to Cena. Maddox was in his office with a MID-SOUTH WRESTLING DVD poster and Steph told him to be quiet because she was on the phone. Steph, after last week liking the idea of having the fans decide Vickie's fate, had an issue with Brad allowing Cena to decide who he faces. RVD came out in a new badass singlet while Jericho's intro will happen either after the break or on the app. 

RVD did the splits on the ropes, which is one of those little things that doesn't make him seem his age. Nice headstand into a kip up by RVD. "YOU STILL GOT IT" chant. JBL called Jericho and RVD ageless. Not sure I'd bring up their ages in any way. They did some moves before going to an ad break. An RVD bodyscissors brought the match back from the break. Jumping legdrop over the top rope to the apron was the app move. Walls was blocked, but led to a slingshot where RVD was slung into the corner and sort of did a Vader bomb on the mat. Looked a bit weird. Outside-in suplex was countered by RVD into a flip and superkick. Another bodyscissors by RVD. It's like  RVD's version of the chinlock. Double leg pickup cradle led to a powerbomb from Jericho. That didn't quite look as smooth as it should've. Apron moonsault from RVD looked good. This led to the third ad break for the match as a whole. Crowd chanted THIS IS AWESOME for the moonsault. This is awkward would've been more fitting given how clunky a lot of things are coming off. 

Generic armbar from Jericho brought the match back. I think this is the main event match, which is kind of surprising given that it wasn't built up much. But, it's a great way to re-establish RVD as a big deal. RVD went from jobbing to Kenny King with a botched finish to main eventing on Raw six months later. Kudos to him for that. Lionsault missed awkwardly. VINTAGE RVD DDT SELL! I hope Jake and RVD are in the Rumble together just for that to be done. Another superkick from RVD. Jericho got crotched on the buckle, leading to the split-legged moonsault to do a similar sorta-miss/sorta-hit deal like the Lionsault. SOMERSAULT BODYBLOCK OFF THE TOP from RVD. That was crazy. Rana led to a Walls. Cole called it a Liontamer for some reason. Five Star frog splash won and honestly, RVD should just retire right now, because that's about as good a match as he's going to have, with a super-hot crowd, and he won. They showed the same awesome, if a bit hokey Summerslam young-to-old vid from MITB.

The roster is on the ramp to be chosen. And Ryder's there too. Cena just can't choose yet. Apparently, EVERYONE's been coming up to him all night. Strange since we only saw like two of those skits. And he can't choose because THE WWE UNIVERSE WAS LEFT OUT! He needs the help of the Universe, which gets a YES YES YES chant going. Cena just loves the fans so gosh-darned much, even those that don't like him God bless 'em! Cena gave Heath a birthday shoutout, then did the "don't hinder Jinder" bit. RVD got a huge pop. Sheamus got tons of boos. They teased Bryan, then had a huge YES chant and DANIEL BRYAN chant. Cena picked Bryan in a sort of blase manner, but the giant chants made up for that. Bryan Danielson is about to main event Summerslam against John Cena for the WWE Title...gotta say I never figured that would happen ever.

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  1. always enjoy your reviews.. if you hadnt' seen yet, dvdvr is back up at

  2. Thanks - I had no idea it was back.