I love Orton asking for more cheers before some mounted punches. ON THE APP, Orton did a dropkick. JBL compared Sandow's kneedrop to the one that TORE OFF YUKON ERIC'S EAR. In a couple of weeks, I'm sure he'll talk about Haku taking Jesse Barr's eye out during an eye rake spot. I really dug him saying that title shots mean so much that Henry threw his family under the bus for one, and both of the men in there now have one at any time they want. THE SNEAKING SNAKE Randy Orton won. No word on if he also left Batman and Robin tied up and left too. Also, Cody came out and presumably took Sandow up on being protector of the case because he grabbed it. Loved Sandow asking "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" and Cody responding with "Eh, I dunno" before the RKO. CM Punk is coming out to talk about stuff next.
Continuum's boob-heavy ad is very un-PG. For some reason, the Greatest Superstars of the '90s set is still in the top 10 sports DVD sales. Okay Punk promo. Best vs. the Beast is already catching on with signs. Punk talked about Heyman making him the dirtiest player in the game, which didn't get a single WOO. Punk teased that Brock may just be turning face after Summerslam by setting up Heyman as a weakness for Brock like he was for him. He's going to kick Brock over and over until he's A PILE OF FAILURE! Summer Rae's orange dress is murder even on HDTV. Punk is not amused by any of this. Punk GTSed him, and revealed his gear underneath his street clothes. According to JBL, FANDANGO IS NO BROCK LESNAR. And man did that ever make the existence of these two men in the same company seem weird. Wyatts debut in-ring later. 1-800-FELLA ad killed some time.
PTPs are doing their dance while Barrett basically tells them to knock that shit off and get serious. THEY'VE GOT TO FACE MARK HENRY! And the Usos too. Henry/Usos vs. the Shield for Raw is announced. Henry won with the slam. AJ gives a state of her insane mind later. Also, Alberto-RVD is happening, and mentioned for the first time tonight. Raw is hyped up with A DOUBLE MAIN EVENT. As opposed to its usual triple main event. Alberto met with Vickie in a goofy segment. I dig his jersey. Didn't dig RVD's acting. Sandow called Sin Cara vermin for not speaking English. RVD-Alberto is up next. Wow. That's sudden. SHARKNADO 2 IS COMING!
Cole talked about JBL being WWE Champion for a long time without actually winning. Loved Alberto yelling in Spanish, saying NO MAS, and buying himself time. Cheap superkick got the win for Alberto...wow was this not the match I expected at all. I love Sandow being nice to Booker and Henry. Booker and Henry wouldn't snitch! Tremendous. And Booker can't stand thieves. AJ and her Harley Quinn booty shorts came out. A fan dressed like Bray Wyatt was happy to see her. AJ had Dolph's keys, and she threatened to throw his shit out. He said his locks have been changed a couple times since then, and THOUSANDS OF TIMES total. She had his wallet. Cut up his driver's license, and passport. He didn't mind the latter because he could just go to the girl at the passport agency because she owes him a favor because he taught her a thing where her leg goes behind her head... Crowd chanted YOU ARE PSYCHO at her. This went on and on and fucking on. Then AJ left the ring and got speared to 20 kinds of death by Kaitlyn. Dolph hit the fameasser on Big E on the floor when he tried to help her up. No one in this came off well. Christian faces Swagger in an '09 ECW rematch, and the Wyatts debut next.
The same Bryan vid from ME aired. I like the Wyatts' "we're here" bit not getting any logos on at all - it's a little thing that helps make them seem special. One guy chanted HUS-KY HARRIS! at them during the intro. It is bizarre to see a guy in a WWE ring working in funky jeans, a tanktop, and balding hair. Nice discus lariat from Harper. Splash from Rowan got a win. This was fine. Tensai danced with Abigail and destroyed. This felt like a beating you'd give a guy leaving the company.
Loved Sandow yelling like a crazy man about the case. Christian's tan is about as crazy as Sandow is. Cole blatantly lied about how big a show this has been. They did some moves and went to a break. TWO COMCAST SHELLFISH ADS IN A ROW. God, it's like Impact with that one ad about the change-o machine. Killswitch won. This was nothing. Sandow was out looking upset. Also, it's 9:50, so I guess that unhyped nothing match was the main event. Sandow is threatening to have Cody arrested. Sandow said something about there being nothing worse than a thief in the locker room, which sounded like a rib for something. Cody stood next to the Gulf of Mexico in his swanks suit. I love it when they make use of the arena being right next to it. Loved the fans cheering Sandow on and him telling traffic to stop. Damien saying that Cody is smarter AND has better facial hair ruled. The case got chucked in and is so busted up that the contract is beyond useless now. He can't swim, and I wouldn't want to get in that water - it's got leaves and God knows what in there. He spit up water and...yeah, he probably had a rough night after the tapings. The case being thrown in and Sandow jumping in each got slow-mo replays to kill time. THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THE SHOW ENDED. This was a chore to get through.
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