Friday, July 5, 2013

WWE SD 7-5-13

Second week in a row with them nixing the big preview videos for SD and just going with the standard show intro. Punk's out and his Second City Saint hoodie looks awesome. Cole calling him "Mr. Punk" sounds absurd. I enjoyed Punk burying Cena for his wacky rah-rah-rah promos. I liked him focusing on Brock and MITB. Alberto burying SD's fanbase for being fat and America for eating burgers is fairly amusing given that the company is sponsored by Hardee's. Punk burying him for the transparent MR. MEXICO FROM MEXICO gimmick was great. I also enjoyed Alberto's horrendous-sounding English. Teddy came out and appeared to be disappointed that he couldn't make a tag match. But Punk-Alberto should at least be good. Christian-Orton used to be a PPV semi-main event program, and now it's just a random match on SD with no build.

Punk and Heyman's meeting was amusing, with Punk nixing the "best friend" status to just a friend in a fairly subtle way. Usos came out and felt like just a team despite having what should have been a huge win last week. It's astonishing to think that the Shield is busted down to the pre-show. They're facing the Rhodes Scholars, and they showcased the WHC MITB. Cole asking if JBL would double-cross Ron to win a title to draw a comparison with TRS was stupid since THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID and it led to him winning the WWE Title. Usos won after a gorgeous double Superfly dive. Rollins carried their backstage promo nicely, while Ambrose focused on his deal. I loved Ambrose hyping up the MITB, the event, and the date while saying HE WILL OWN THE WORLD. He's probably the best guy to win that match given that the premise is it's "for the future" and he's the only guy in it with a rock-solid main event act right now.

Alicia shook her ass around a lot and Kaitlyn came out while they replayed the Raw angle. Strangely, they had Cole say that Kaitlyn was young and needed the money when she took risque modeling photos, which was goofy since he's supposed to be a face. They did some moves and Cole talked about AJ on commentary on ME, which was tremendous. AJ distracted Kaitlyn and let Alicia win with a schoolgirl after Kaitlyn ran off the ropes in slow-mo after a Cro Cop kick. They played the War Games DVD ad which really doesn't showcase much of why you should buy it and treats it like a goofy thing from the '50s.

The AJ deal led to a stupid skit with the Bellas, and a glorious one with Big E where she was panicking because Kaitlyn was after them but "her man-arms aren't aerodynamic" so they didn't have much time. Big E told her they'd be leaving Dolph, but she said it was okay, she text him, and demanded he run. KNEES UP! She and Big E rule. Bryan being a dick on Raw was replayed. Renee met with Christian and Ran-dy Or-ton. They're having this match due to the MITB match, which is nice to setup right before the match itself. I hope Cole calls it the most evenly-matched rivalry in WWE history again. I think Christian won like 2 out of 10 matches. I liked Orton re-using the "one more match" deal for this. JBL and Cole hyped up the Wyatts' debut on Raw.

Orton's Strike First tron is outstanding, and Cole plugged Revolt, some music streaming thing that WWE is either sinking a bunch of money into, or has to plug due to Diddy. Cole talked about what MITB was, which would be better setup by showing clips - something they haven't done at all to hype this year's event and I think has hurt it quite a bit. I loved Cole saying that Dolph held it the longest before JBL said that Edge actually held it the longest - and he was the first guy to ever cash in. Backdrop to the floor after a couple minutes of action led to a break. Christian dominated ON THE APP, and he seriously needs to get new black, red, and yellow gear because the red on this gear from '09 is beyond faded. Cole talked about Christian being older, which fits in with what Ambrose said about him being an old man before, and is again odd because HE'S A BABYFACE.

Christian doesn't look old and isn't viewed as a legend, so there's no reason to talk about his age being a factor right now. Cole rattled off Wikipedia hype about RVD and picked him to win. Orton got 6 mounted punches in the corner. Christian hopped into the ring but was met with a boot to the gut and an over-the-shoulder-backbreaker/neckbreaker combo. Orton wasn't quite able to get his elevated schoolboy counter in the corner to look good, but got 2 anyway. Big spear got a 2.9. Orton did a panicked draping DDT, which he sold by...delaying as long as possible. Diving nothing by Christian led to him walking into an RKO and doing a flip bump for it. This was pretty good overall, but weird in places. Teddy was backstage talking to some human about tonight's main event. Heyman came in and Teddy ordered him to do commentary. YES, HE IS AMAZING. Teddy seems to be doing this just to piss Punk off, which is odd since he's a guest and Teddy should in theory be happy about him being here.

Last week's SD was socially-active. This was credited to JBL tweeting. Dolph came out and wore AJ's shirt, which is nice since she was wearing his earlier. They showed Dolph and AJ talking on Raw on the app, which they never even talked about there. It was really hard to hear with all the background music going on, and this was apparently supposed to explain them not coming out together anymore. Dolph cut a promo and his hair looked so yellow. Then he exposited about the world title. I think he impersonated Alberto with a silly pose and shriek. This was terrible. Dolph's facing Drew as a result of him being Zig Zagged on the floor during their comedy routine, which is more of a reason than the Christian-Orton hour 1 main event had for happening. They went to a break before the match began. Great, so THIS we get to see all of, but Orton-Christian gets cut up.

Nice snap suplex from Drew. It's hard to believe that he was once a near-main event act given where he's at now, and that he has the feeling of a has-been while still in his '20s. JBL teased that AJ would be leaving Dolph for Big E since they're always together. Stinger splash>running dropkick combo got 2 for Dolph. Zig Zag got a glorious flip bump from Drew. They tried to get him again, but he evaded them, and then did it again. This feels like they shot an hour of material for the show and had to fill time. Dolph as a goofball babyface isn't quite working. Cena-Alberto was talked about briefly and then they hyped up a vid of it only to show the Henry one again. I'm fine with that - it ruled. The Cena-Alberto portion was limited to just Henry pointing to his wrist after it. Holy hell did this make that whole match seem worthless. Fandango is up next.

But first, a Cena highlight vid showed that Cena could buy stuff on the WWEShop app! They showed five people Fandangoing. The pyro outline was back, with the MITB case amusingly placed around his crotch. Gabriel, who last week DESTROYED RYBACK'S LEG TO THE POINT WHERE HE HAD TO VERBALLY SUBMIT TO THE MIZ ON RAW, is now back to just being a job guy. His hair screams jobber though. It's completely ridiculous. Floor-to-apron kick set up the diving legdrop, which looked worse than ever. Zeb's crew had a green screen speech. Zeb made some great points about people only enjoying the 4th of the July without thinking of the reasons behind the day, and how people buy cheap fireworks and cross the border because those fireworks don't meet the U.S.'s safety standards. He raised a shitload of valid points here, and talked about the MITB match too. I liked the personalized Punk and Alberto graphics that took up the whole screen here.

They hyped up the JBL and Cole show with Heyman and Punk. Cole wanted to know why Heyman asked to be out here, and Heyman said that he was forced out here, which is true. JBL and Heyman called him out on that idiocy. Alberto wearing gear that matches the belt looks so great, and Lilian is so good at announcing Alberto that I can see them not doing as much with Ricardo as before. JBL likened Punk to not needing Heyman to being like Tyson not needing a cornerman until he lost to Buster Douglas, which was nice, although super-outdated. Punk dominated and then Alberto left to avoid the flying elbow and get an ad break. Loved them coming back to Cole saying Heyman is Punk's so-called best friend, leading to them each yelling SO CALLED at the same time. Cole said that Heyman was only in it for the money, and then Heyman said that Cole was once a Heyman guy, and then Cole admitted that was the case and that he didn't ask for any money for his help. Heyman was outstanding here. Flying axehandle from Punk was avoided with an enzuigiri that led to Punk flailing about on the entire turnbuckle and rope area which looked cool. Alberto threw Punk over the announce table. Great stuff with a shot to Alberto getting Punk super-pissed, hitting a wild double axe, ground and pound, and then GTSing him. After this, they really did a great job setting up that Punk cares for Heyman, and everything but the actual match was quite awesome.

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