Thursday, July 25, 2013

TNA Impact 7-25-13

Before the show, it's hard to really think of anything involving TNA other than all of the releases. The pre-Impact vid has Tenay's HE HIT HIM WITH A HAMMER! bit. Way to show Sabin earning the title. The title match recap showed that Sabin couldn't have won without the Mafia or the hammer. MEM theme hits and Tenay fucking immediately talks about THE POWER OF THE WORLD TITLE! Sting must be a better actor than he gets credit for, because he was able to say that Sabin winning was the highlight of his entire career. Angle sounds like he got done smoking nine cartons of cigs. Then he said that Sabin-Bully WAS SABIN'S BEST MATCH OF HIS CAREER! Sabin came out in a basic black shirt with Adidas shoes and blue jeans. At least he's got a belt on. He's dressed slightly better than Rampage, but looks 12 in there with all these guys. Sabin cut a bland promo and then Bully came out with Dean Hill, who got a DEAN HILL chant. Dean is great as a face commentator or as a really smarmy heel. DON'T MAKE HIM ROCK YOUR WORLD!  Ultimate X is up. Greg M got a video and I think he's a heel now.

Very compelling video on Manik with him talking about being homeless three years ago with his family (despite ALWAYS BEING SUICIDE) and that he slept in any dorm room he could eating rice because that's all he could afford. He's been wrestling since he could drive, and that he was robbed at gunpoint in Mexico just to pursue this dream. This was great, and would've been better if they hadn't rushed through it in like a minute. They TALKED ABOUT the new X Title belt, but didn't show it. Then they hyped up FOLLOWING DIXIE ON TWITTER. Be sure to ask her #wheremypaycheck. JB talked about Greg M being in the Super Jr. tourney in New Japan. They talked about Greg's Abe Lincoln kneepads which led to JB talking about him being the best promo ever with the Gettysburg address, then Tenay said he was a wrestler and JB called him the #historymaker. In the ring, everyone did wacky double moves that looked silly.

Greg M hit whatever his version of the Fade to Black is on the ramp when they came back. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO A MOVE THAT SMASHES YOUR KNEES ON THE RAMP IN A MATCH WHERE YOU NEED TO CLIMB SOMETHING!? TNA 10: the Reunion, celebrating in ELEVENTH YEAR of the company's life airs in a week. Great superkick sell from Greg after he hit a running knee in the corner. Greg and Sonjay fought on the steel structure, they teased a superplex off of it, but thankfully just fell through it. Things got way too wobbly there at times, and Manik won by sneaking through and grabbing the belt after knocking Greg off the cables. Bully and Anderson had a meeting in a shitty-looking part of the building. Bully would've voted for him, and he's glad to have him as VP. Anderson-Hernandez is next.

Tessmacher is live-tweeting, and Hernandez is coming out with next to no intro. I'm digging the new Super-Mex tights, with a giant gold H instead of a red S. JB said "it's not always the number 1 points getter who wins the BFG series.". He was trying to say early on, but it came off as somewhat stupid since by definition, the number 1 points getter wins. Air Mexico is avoided, then the Mic Check hits and Anderson wins. This was a match. KOs title match with Gail and Mickie is next.

 But first, a recap of Dean Hill and Bully Ray! Dixie and some girl named Hayley met with a camera guy. EY showed Joseph Park some porn, which Park said wasn't his and it must be his secretary's doing. And then he was shown himself turning into Abyss, which he has no memory of. Velvet's tits and ass came out. A really fat guy is wearing a Taker It's My Yard shirt in 2013. She'll be ringside and after THIS BREAK the match is up. Hopefully. Velvet only had to say about two things and said them both in the most wooden way possible.

JB said that Gail, Mickie, and Taryn have raised the bar for women's wrestling. It's quite true - so please have Velvet not face any of them. I can't stop looking at the balding dude in a green shirt next to an old chick in pink. Dean Hill is just Aces and 8s Lawyer. I hope his assistant is RDX Lawyer. Some great stuff with Mickie blowing a kiss, then missing a dropkick, getting hit with one, leading to Gail blowing one at her. Loved Mickie counting along with ODB. And then some goofy bullshit happened with ODB fighting with everyone and Mickie cradling her. Brooke came out and called Gail LITTLE MISS PINK. You know that compelling storyline they did with Taryn  months ago? Yeah, they rushed through it here. ODB's back as a wrestler. They showed a few seconds of Sabin's celebration, and then they showed Hogan's gut with Dixie. Dixie played super-nice chick with a heart, which sure plays differently after the past week.

Daniels-Joe is up, YAY! Tenay said that in one on one action, Daniels has never beaten Joe in TNA. Great JOE JOE JOE chant here helps make this seem important. Sumo slap rush by Daniels was countered by ONE SLAP by Joe that took Daniels out. Really fun by-the-numbers match here. Anderson came out, Joe got his knee clipped by Daniels. BME got 2, but a second got 3. Anderson kept Joe from doing well in the tourney, which is smart. AJ walked backstage. AJ-Hardy is next. Hardy is in a white wifebeater with white and black neckpaint.

Joseph Park is live-tweeting, and Sting's talking with Kurt about how Bully has no legal leg to stand on. Hardy came out and must've decided that white and black was bland, so he threw pink paint on his face and got it all over the fans. Hardy feels like such a big deal with them having signs all over for him and going nuts when he does his pose. And then they pimped the TNA WORKOUT APP and he felt like a flea market wrestler.They hyped up TNA 10 with Joe saying "tonight, Angle, I MAKE YOU CRUMBLE". Maybe they should've changed that ad. SPINEBUSTER from AJ. I don't recall him doing that before. Snap alley oop gives Hardy the edge. AJ in the shirt looks like Anderson - just having given up completely and dead inside. Middle rope splash from Hardy gets 2. SNAP SUPLEX INTO THE TURNBUCKLE FROM AJ. Holy shit. That was something else. Hardy looks like a rough 40 year old with the facial hair. Twist is countered into the Pele! This match is getting very good. Fuller Lock into the Calf Killer gets 10 points for AJ. Good thing they mentioned Bellator there, because I had no idea it was on this Wednesday.

Loved Bully being outraged over being hit with a hammer, after winning and defending it using one. Sabin came out in his Tony Hawk Pro Skater getup. Sabin called him a BIG FAT CRYBABY. Wow. Sabin is really unlikeable. Hogan came out with ONE PIECE OF PAPER. It's a contract, which he ripped up. Hogan kept the title on Sabin. However, Bully gets a rematch in a cage match at the Hardcore Justice TV show on 8/15 in VA. Shame it isn't closer to me. Also, the naming scheme for HJ gets even weirder since the PPV was just called HJ 2, but was the third one with that moniker.

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