Henry and the Usos got no intro. Henry's now mixing in his usual stuff with big man-face spots using his ass. Nice alternating stomps from the Usos and an awesome flying mid-ring headbutt. Cool double dive from the Usos. Not sure why Cole felt the need to do the WHEN I SAY US, Y'ALL SAY O bit. They came back with an Uso in a chinlock. Loved Rollins swimming for a tag during a sunset flip. They hyped up Total Divas, and it re-airing on USA tonight. Great stuff with the Usos saving Henry, then nearly getting the win with a superfly dive before Ambrose got his knees up and hit the headlock driver. Win didn't really mean much since Henry sent them packing right after it. Ryback bullied guys...in his gear...in catering. This looked ridiculous. Does "I'm gonna put Cena through a table like this one" mean it's now a Table With Food match? WM replay music videos on NBC on Saturday were hyped up. LOLed a bit at the Rock being shown with a NEVER BIGGER graphic.
WWE wrote a paragraph hyping up all they do for the military. Cole said WE HAVE TO WONDER WHAT OUR TROOPS ARE THINKING ABOUT THE WYATT FAMILY! Pretty sure they have other things to worry about. This was an excuse for them to show the Wyatts whooping some ass. Kane returned from the Wyatts' destruction of him to intimidate Brad. RVD's out in a swank white, red, and black singlet to face Fandango next. SD ad is just about RVD. They're doing a better job hyping up 40+ RVD than they did with 30+ RVD. They showed pretty much the whole RVD-Alberto match from SD with the flash superkick win. FAN-DAN-GO doing the RVD thumbs bit rules. Cole hyped up WWE Battleground, which badly needs War Games. Fandango's glittery camo gear is amazing. This is a really fun match. Each guy is just doing as many goofy things as possible that look impressive. Nice outside-in Fameasser from Fandango. RVD did a ton of VINTAGE RANDOM FLIPS before stuff, and then Fandango left and RVD won via countout. Well, that was certainly a finish. RVD looked so totally bummed. AJ had a wacky meeting with Big E, whose pecs are about the size of her head.
Kaitlyn's out to face AJ. Nice upkick from AJ after she got shoved down. Nice Mutalock armbar from her as well, and it's impossible not to like how she sticks her ass out as much as possible on moves. Lots of arm work here, including a Divorce Court DDT. Something resembling a shining wizard got 2, while Kaitlyn's spear got the win. Very lame spear, and it didn't have much of a setup. AJ's got a bloody lip from something, and is freaking out marvelously after the loss. Dolph wants Big E next, and it's apparently on. Total Divas was hyped up with "I'M FUCKED!" Very un-PG there. Cena's house is crazy awesome.
Loved Big E doing the catch on Dolph, then hitting a sweet side belly to belly on him. He's talking some smack here, ala Show/Henry/Brock, and fits in nicely doing it. Tremendous angry/sad face from AJ at ringside. Big E was great here, but lost due to AJ attacking Dolph. This was the best Big E's looked yet. Minus the Zig-Zag afterwards. Cena and Bryan had a silly meeting. They came back and Christian, who was "tweeting earlier" whining about wanting one more WHC match. After an hour and a half of build-up, they said JBL wasn't there due to a mountain climb. Christian faces Alberto here, which sure seems like an odd match to do out of nowhere given the E-level storyline of Christian wanting one more match for the title. Christian has new black, red and white camo gear on. Crazy bump over the top from Alberto, who gets the edge with some arm work to lead to a break.
Tornado DDT hit for Christian, but as Cole made sure to yell loudly, he couldn't hook a leg due to the arm. Bunch of moves. Nice buzzsaw kick while Christian got into the ring. Crowd chanted Si a ton - odd that they're doing that more now that he's a heel. Great finishing sequence with the Killswitch being countered into the armbar, then that was countered into a cradle for the win. This was a very good much, but I was somewhat numb to it. I think I'll like it a lot more on a rewatch on its own rather than as part of this exhausting show with no real hype behind it. Bryan's gauntlet was recapped. Cesaro match was once again reduced to one move. AWESOME ECW DVD/Blu ad.
Wade's in the ring excited to lose to someone. Cody Rhodes, it turns out. Recap of the Cody-Sandow stuff from SD. I have no idea how to describe the music they used over this before it switched to classical, but it this whole thing was glorious. They talked about SD's big happenings on Friday. One upside to them taping the shows in advance is they're able to make things seem more planned out and important. Barrett brought the slingshot backbreaker back out of mothballs. Top rope moonsault from Cody landed weirdly. Decent "Cody" chant after it though. Kick to the face led to the Holly gut kick. Then he hit a sorta Shining Wizard for 2. Pumphandle powerslam was countered smoothly into the Cross Rhodes. This was a fine showcase for Cody. Love Sandow's DAMN YOU, CODY! DAMN YOU! Then he insulted Cody's family for being a bunch of clowns and carnies. Kane passed the green room - Kane-Bryan is next.
The Greatest Stars of the '90s DVD is somehow still #1 in sports DVD sales. Bryan came out and a red and yellow YES sign made me want a YES-A-MANIA! shirt. Apparently, if Kane beats Bryan tonight, he'll be the number 1 contender after Cena-Bryan. That sure came out of nowhere. Curtis Axel tweeted that he'll bring The Hatchet down as Summerslam, so I guess that's the name of his new, Not-the-McGullicutter finisher. They talked about JR bursting into flames due to Kane after Vince's spontaneous combustion line earlier. Sorta-rana over the top from Bryan to Kane led to the big flying knee off the apron. An ad for Jobs aired. I'm shocked it's not the Zack Ryder Story.
The crazy-fast corner dropkicks sent Kane down and out - although it took 3 instead of 2 to do so. Bryan COULD have RUTHLESS AGGRESSION, which is back as a wacky buzzword after tonight's opening promo. Chokeslam was countered into a DDT-setup then a really shitty small package got the win. Post-match chokeslam from Kane. King brought up Kane being wrapped up "like Christmas present." Wyatts came out. Bryan...went somewhere I guess. Kane escaped Luke Harper and Rowan, and went after Wyatt, but was attacked by the gang anyway. Crazy big boot from Harper. Super-creepy promo from Bray after the dance with Abigail.
The WWE App ad is hilarious. IT IS THE MOST INTERACTIVE APP AND LETS YOU TALK WITH THE WWE UNIVERSE! Nattie was insulted by the Bellas, leading to Brie-Nattie. After being called an ugly duckling, Nikki distracted Nattie with a duck calling. King said WHAT THE QUACK. This was stupid. What wasn't was Heyman hyping up HIS CHAMPION, THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF ALL-TIME, CURTIS AXEL! Heyman cut a glorious promo about R-Truth, OUR TRUTH, the Punk-Brock match, and put over Axel huge. Something big is still not clicking with him. The Hatchet hits, but Punk took him out. Heyman getting stuck on the barricade trying to escape was glorious. Hunter and Steph walked backstage presumably to come out and bury the entire roster before Cena-Ryback.
This led to HHH meeting with...Vince...also backstage. Loved Vince saying he wants someone like HHH...only 20 or 23 years younger. Steph suggested giving Bryan a corporate makeover. That was fairly stupid. Cena came out and a guy, a full-grown man, jumped up and down in glee with a giant sign and Cena shirt on. Ryback abusing a man with food, and a spinebuster, was recapped. Ryback was named JERK OF THE MONTH, complete with a silly boot prop. Cole dared to call Ryback, The Intimidator. Cole said that tables matches are sometimes won with luck, and then things just went to a break while Lawler was mid-sentence.
That was super-weird, but apparently planned since they had King bring it up on commentary. Cena locked in the STF, with only about half a foot between his arms and Ryback's head. Nice spear on the floor from Ryback. Ryback teased doing...something to Cena on the steps. They teased an AA through a ladder bridge. But instead, they nixed that and had Ryback smash the table with steps to...prove some sort of a point to Cena I guess. AA on the steps. FISTDROP ON THE STEPS sure was stupid. Backpack stunner was brought out of mothballs. I'm amazed they couldn't find a better angle for that clothesline that didn't show Cena bumping before the move hit him. Ryback went for it again, but got AAed through a table. This was decent, but still not exactly good. Bryan came down afterwards to hand him the belt, but hold it back before Cena grabbed it angrily. That was indeed an ending to the show.
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