Monday, June 15, 2015

WWE Raw 6-15-15

Cole starts the show talking about Dusty and they recap last night's tribute to him. They went to the usual intro after a Dusty chant, so that might be the extent of this - still nice to see. Seth comes out while JBL talks about how Seth defended it without any help. Seth's mid-ring and he'll talk after the break. Seth welcomed us to MONDAY NIGHT ROLLINS and thank God, he had a list. He thanked himself for victory. More Authority stuff. I like that I'm supposed to care about them splitting after MONTHS of teasing it and already doing the "they're broken up for realsies" bit. He cuts a promo on Cleveland. Poor Johnny Idiotface. Also, poor Seth for being reduced to local sports team heat as the World champ. Dean and Seth brawl for a bit. Dean alternated between being hurt or healthy depending on the second. Oh good - a sit-in. These were so great in 1996.

So that's how you stop a sit-in - just cut away from him. Authority talks to Seth for a bit, and during the deal where they try to separate Seth from them, he cow-tows to them. Dean sits some more. Sheamus came out and we're gonna get Dean vs. Sheamus, and Dean just...throws the chair out because I guess he cares about the result of this match he didn't ask for. Sheamus attacks the leg for a while, but Dean gets the elbow for 2. Sheamus goes to leave, but Orton prevents it and Dean beats him. ORTON VS. SHEAMUS!? CUE THE N64 KID!


I guess Dean's sit in is over - he won a match. Seth called J and J Harry and Lloyd. So why are J and J still around if they're hired by Seth? Mercury cuts a nice promo on Seth. Dusty tribute at the desk. We see Dusty beating Harley for the NWA World title and they plug the doc on Dusty. Truth's out as a king, or something. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! Barrett's out. Truth's just doing commentary. Or not - he's in a match and I love him calling Byron "Coach". Truth beats him in seconds with a schoolboy, but he gets elbowed. Geeks talk to MGK. Owens is next.

Owens is out and Cole tells us that Cena has suffered BRUISING. Owens points out that Cena's not here due to his own actions and not Owens powerbombing him. Cena, unlike he, couldn't just leave after a victory - he had to put the spotlight on him. NOW Owens wants the US Title. Kevin says that since Cena can't do his challenge tonight, he'll issue one. Dolph's out to be developmental champion. Owens dominates for a break. And we find out it isn't a title match after a chinlock after the break. DOLPH TOSSED OVER THE RING BELL TABLE! OH THE HUMANITY! Dolph's DDT gets a break. Post-break chinlock and we see a FALLAWAY SLAM ON THE BARRICADE. Superkick counter to the cannonball gets 2. Zig Zag gets 2!

Jesus. Did Rosa literally just get implants backstage? She looks ridiculous. Paige is annoying them by saying stuff, and then I think Naomi turned face. Or not. The Bellas arrive and act bitchier than the rest of them. Everyone abandons Paige, who now has to face the Bellas in a handicap match. Paige leaves and Nikki sits down. She needs to TAKE A SEAT!? Isn't Swerved premiering soon? I sense a bad comedy skit. Recap of Dean beating Sheamus in a nothing match.

Orton's out to face Kane, who clubs away back and forth until Sheamus comes out and they make it a handicap match and Kane wins. Seth talks shit to Kane, who tells him he needs to win match after match. Seth wants Kane next. Ryback's on commentary for Miz-Show. Cole horribly shills for Complications during Miz's intro. Roman addresses Bray next. Roman talks and then Bray talks seductively. Love one guy chanting boring here. Bray sang "I'm a little teacup" to Roman like he did to his daughter in the ad, which was shown again tonight.

 Bellas beat Paige in a fine little match. MGK is next. MGK came out and sang to zero reaction. Owens comes out and kills this fucker. PUT THE TITLE ON THIS MAN! Celeb gets killed. HERE ARE OUR SPONSORS! Terminator clip. New Day is POSITIVE they'll regain the titles. New Day's out to face Neville and the PTPs, who do an inset promo ripping off New Day and the Outlaws. DY gets a discus elbow to Woods. Titus tossing Kofi around and the crowd does the dog bark.

Byron talks about The Big E's tweets. Great snake eyes by E into a high kick by Kofi in the corner. Xavier hits a snap complete shot for 2. DY gets the double knee gutbuster to Kofi's bad ribs, and the Red Arrow wins. Recap of Owens destroying Cena last night and MGK tonight.  So a regular guy on the roster gets rushed to the hospital, but a civilian eats a finisher and he can just be evaluated by WWE's doctor? Kane and Dean said some words. Dean asks Kane what he lives for. I hope Kane lives for the thrill of one day receiving his new gear. Authority comes out to announce Seth's opponent.

Seth comes out and says no matter who it is, he'll make The Authority proud. Steph talked some more. HHH talked some more. HHH talks about pressure making diamonds. DOOM comes down in the form of Brock Lesnar. JBL brings up Brock being reinstated. Oh yeah, Brock was suspended in storyline. Brock's suplex city shirt appears to be customized for each city they'll be in - smart way to make easy money. I love Brock just staring at him and Seth backing away.

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