WWE Raw 6-8-15

So we've got Byron replacing Booker and...some matches. Raw starts out with Cena and his broken nose talking about the broken nose and coming out for his challenge. Talk Cena Talk. After MITB, thank God, he'll still be John Cena and not Juan Cena. Owens says that people are tired of him starting Raw talking for 10 years, and tonight, they'll give them an NXT Title challenge! Cena accepts the challenge and Owens refuses him. I really can't stand this - and they've done a great job with these two so far. And then they have a pissing contest over which title to fight for, and THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE comes out. This feels like a thing where someone should punch someone else. WHY ARE THEY JUST STANDING SIDE BY SIDE? Neville wants Owens. Cena on commentary.

Fosbury flop gets 2 for Neville. Corner cannonball by Owens. The commentary is just dreadful here. Now they're talking about baseball and Babe Ruth. Asai moonsault is barely caught by Owens. Over the knee neckbreaker gets 2. Delayed German gets for Neville. SSP misses so he superkicks him. Powerbomb wins. This was a match. ONE HALF HOUR was spent on this. Cole said it wasn't Fight Owens Fight since Owens left Cena. How isn't this Fight Owens Fight? HE JUST FOUGHT A GUY. Dean-Seth recap. Let's get nostalgic for EIGHT WHOLE DAYS AGO! Well, that was a thing. Dean pic from Bourbon Street is shown. Byron's reaction - "I'm gonna hang out with SOME OF THE MEMBERS OF THE WWE UNIVERSE!"Not even Steve Austin could seem like a badass after that.

WWE humble brags about having half a billion social media followers. Seth looks at Instagram photos of Dean doing things. Seth doesn't need their help, but he's glad they'll be here as observers. So at MITB, one can say that HHH and Steph will be wrestling observers. Bellas-Paige recap. Twin Magic recap. SD Paige promo recap. Nikki cuts a promo on...this is a response to Paige's promo, right? Because nothing she's saying is in response to it.

Tough Enough pics. Nikki gets 2 off a slam. Rack attack wins. YES! BIG DOG NOT-QUITE-GAUNTLET RECAP! Big Dog promo next. Hour 1 has sucked. Roman said about two sentences before Kane came out. And then Dolph came out. This segment, like...every other one on this show, can fuck off. Kane makes singles matches with every MITB guy tonight. Truth comes out and says he's in the match, he isn't, Kane chats, Truth chats. "Y'all be good!" New Day said words. Then Sheamus did. Love Kane's "ANYONE ELSE!?" After a decade, Orton vs. Sheamus is made. Joy.

 

 Recap of last week's Orton-Sheamus match. They punch each other. Uppercuts. WWE Facts are recited. Post-break chinlock by Sheamus. Orton comeback leads to a draping DDT. CHAIR TOSS DQ. Wow.  They brawl around for a bit. We see Dean riding a mechanical bull. Wow. Seth talks to J and J. They accept his apology, and he's angry at them. THE AUTHORITY IS LEAVING SETH...for the second time since Seth won the title. Jamie slapped Seth and Mercury cut the best promo of his life saying they'll kick Seth's ass.

WWE STILL HAS HALF A BILLION SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS AND OVER A BILLION YOUTUBE VIEWS! WWE should be sponsored by Kleenex for how much they jerk themselves off. Kane and Dolph got no intro for their match. I'd have preferred intros to the actual Kane vs. Dolph match. They do their moves. Lana's out. I pray we get a "change the channel" chant on this show. Rusev's out. I sure hope Dolph isn't distracted and loses due to it.You'll never guess - but Kane chokeslammed him and won. Oh, and Lana was accidentally moved off the ramp and sprained her ankle. J and J talked and next, Miz TV has Show and Ryback.

Backstage, the move her ankle around. That seems like a bad idea. Miz is saying things. Ryback tells the fans to wake up. Oh, and we're getting Show-Ryback for the belt on Sunday. They argued about catchphrases. Show came down and talked too. Miz jumps Show, who shoves him and Ryback Shellshocks him ON THE FREE SHOW, so he's probably losing. Well, they had ONE CHANCE to get a pop for that PPV match and just gave it away. Seth vs. J and J recap.

WWE has teamed up with Little Caesars to give people seat upgrades - so WWE is on par with a $5 pizza joint. Bull fighters are out to fight The Family. Rowan now has brown patch-like things on his attire. Puerto Ricans get destroyed with 3D. They're talking about brothers - so maybe the Dudleys face the at Summerslam. Kane and Seth talked for a while about things. Sadly, none of these things was an order for a Little Caesars pizza. WWE congratulated themselves for being social media juggernauts. Dean has a ticket to the show and it says comp on it. Whoops.

Ted ad. For the bear - not the Turner. Titus and E had a really fun big dude battle. Xavier yelled about E being THE HASHTAG MINISTER OF MASH! He got an abdominal stretch AND CLAPPED. Big Ending wins. Roman is raining down with negativity to face Kofi. THE WWE LIST is after Raw! It's... a talking head show akin to I Love the '80s, but a decade too late. TRUTH-BARRETT ROUND 99 ON THE PRE-SHOW!

Roman beats up Kofi and sends him to the floor, but the odds work against him and Kofi gets the edge before the break. Heels cheat to try and win, but Kofi eats a mid-air Superman punch and the Big Dog wins at 10:53 - so the main event isn't getting much time. Dean comes down with beads and popcorn. Seth meets with The Authority, and Seth won't accept their help. Owens-Cena recap.

Loved a fan yelling "C'MON JAMIE SAN!" here. Noble gets a YOU STILL GOT IT chant off a swinging neckbreaker. Dean put popcorn on the champ. Seth goes for the Pedigree, but Dean tosses the belt in and Joey beats Seth. So Seth is retaining. Astonishingly bad booking even if Seth was the IC Champ, let alone the top guy. Dean hit his move and took the title again. Ugh. Dean got the belt, a ladder, climbed up, stood tall - you know the deal.

THIS SHOW FUCKING SUCKED.

Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/okvpqix3tlrdun39jv3rxc3989od9xjx