Tuesday, May 17, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 5-17-16

The show starts with Lashley walking backstage in a Bellator shirt, and then a brawl breaks out - as it often does. Willow comes down and cuts a promo with a wacky voice box effect. Jeff is greatly offended, as Willow comes from his imagination. Willow lands a Twist, then Jeff recovers, hits one and wins. Riveting. Jeff goes to unmask him, but Willow 2 attacks. We get a third one, with Matt Hardy's super-fake teeth killing the mystery. Matt unmasks and gets all emo on Brother Nero. Matt has a white streak in his hair now, and looks even worse. Jeff eats a beating, and he's a great Ricky Morton. RNC by Matt.

Velvet meets with Maria's apprentice Ally, and is told she'll face Sienna tonight. Ally is so great in this role. And oh yeah, if she loses, Velvet is fired. Dixie announces that Drew vs. Lashley will be a lumberjack match. Sky gets 2 off a series of cradles. Series of kicks with plenty of thigh-slapping. Flying neckbreaker gets 2. Velvet's stunner is countered and she loses to the backbreaker cutter. VELVET IS FIRED...again... 

Amusing Bennett and Maria video at home at the pool. Lots of Maria in a bikini here - so that's a win. He brings up the hall of fame, and we get a graphic for the main event. Bennett and his shiny gold jacket come down and say some words. He wants to be World champ, and a first-ballot hall of famer. He wants to call out a TNA Hall of Famer - and gets Earl out here. He wanted Earl to referee a match, and he got that - but he wants to fight him tonight.

Bennett punches him AND GETS 2! A boot gets 3 and EC3 saves him. Bennett makes Tyrus vs. EC3 in a last man standing match. Vulcan nerve pinch by Tyrus. Jesus is his offense bad. EC3 hits a flying crossbody, but eats a back suplex through two chairs. That was sloppy. Sloppy powerbomb by EC3 through a table. They fight around ringside and Tyrus grabs a piece of the guardrail. Tyrus goes through that and a set of steps is put on him. Bennett and EC3 jaw-jack. Lashley hype video.


The Helms Dynasty comes down and we get an inset promo by Helms. Eddie and DJZ come down, and boy is that a contrast in style and charisma. Everyone in this match is very talented, and no one is doing more than they need to - very wise. Backpack stunner gets 2. Eli's talk show is apparently next. God help us.  Drew hype video. It's time for the Fact of Life. Maybe five people clap for this. Eli calls out Bram and says he's an FBI's most wanted lookalike contest winner. They yammer on and we get a tease of a case cash-in, but Eli says nah - not tonight.

EC3 meets with Mike and his wacky gold jacket backstage and Mike says that EC3 will have to beat Matt next week to face Mike at the PPV. Grado vs. Al Snow and Ultimate X - no actual people announced for this despite it being pre-taped. It's a May Mayhem show. Lashley is out. Drew comes out and Pope talks about Drew defending it on four continents. Great point to bring up...so get some footage to show this for goodness sake.

Nothing special to start. Heels beat up Drew on the floor. Lashley hits an OHMYGOONESSGOODGRIEF! spinebuster as Pope calls it. Drew goes for the claymore, but the heels prevent it and it's a DQ. Fucking hell. DJZ flip dives onto the heels. WILD WILD WEST! COMBUSTABLE ELEMENTS! Trevor flips over the ropes because why not, and lands onto a pile. Eddie superplexes Everett off the top to the floor onto a pile...because I guess that'll be a program now. Jeff Twists Eli, and Matt attacks him. Drew does a flip dive too - which was at least the fourth of those in just five minutes.




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