Tuesday, May 24, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 5-24-16 - May Mayhem

Josh yells at a frantic pace about it being MAYMAYHEMANDTONIGHTITSANXTITLEMATCHHOLYSHIT. Matt comes out as the phantom of the soap opera channel. All the grey in his hair has made him more dangerous apparently. He's also added a horrid English accent - joy. A generic theme brings out Spud and Tyrus to no reaction. Spud wants the Iconic Matt back, while Tyrus says that he goes where the money is - and Matt got beaten up last time. Matt says that Jeff will face Spud and Tyrus in a ladder match, and Matt will hang the FMM contract up for it. If Jeff wins, they will have the match that...Matt wants...and the goons won't be able to be with Matt anymore. EC3 comes out to face Matt.

TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM THE PPV, we get an ad for Slammiversary that actually looks cool. Good to see them not really do anything to build it up despite running like two PPVs a year and this being a pre-taped show. EC3 snap suplexes him down. They go through the motions of a match while Josh and Pope yammer on. Mike jumps EC3 - so EC3 can't face Bennett at the PPV now. Ugh. Maria and Allie walk backstage. Bennett cuts a promo on that beating being art. Or boring. Mike leaves because he knows his wife's on - so he knows who the star is.


Allie cuts a perfectly annoying promo mid-ring. Maria comes out in a long shirt and her tiny booty shorts on. It's odd, but hot. Crowd chants "we want Velvet" and she talks about checking social media and realizes that everyone loves Velvet - but she fired her and she's gone. Gail comes out and says she sounds like a broken record, while Maria says she is a broken record and should be thrown out. Gail says she's DAMN UPSET about Velvet and the fans LOVED HER. Doing a great job putting her over and building a return... oh yeah, she's actually gone. Maria tells Gail she beat her and it's her world and Gail says that she'll kick her ass. Maria says she'll fire her, and Gail says that she wants a match. Maria denies a match against her, but gives her a match against Sienna - and if she wins, she can stay. Sienna tosses her outside hard before scary music plays. So...why isn't this match now since she's hurt?


 Grado and Shera promo backstage.  Oh my God is Shera awful, while Grado is hilarious. He pulls out a turkey leg, says it's his lunch and then grabs a chain before saying...words in Grado-ese. Al vs. Grado in a street fight is up. But first, we get a wacky skit with Robbie where he calls Jessie and they wind up talking back to back against a gate not seeing each other. Robbie has a guru and then some stagehand tells them they're next to each other. Well, that was new and amusing. Gail is asked how she feels and she says she's angry. Al Snow-Grado video package really makes Al out to be a justifiable babyface and it's greatly aided by his great promos.

Al comes out and says you all know me as the prince of hardcore, right? YOU WANT TABLES, CHAIRS, LADDERS!? WE YER NOT GONNA GET 'EM - HIS WEAPONS ARE HIS HANDS and he's your mom's favorite wrestler. Al hides behind the tron to jump Grado - I love it.  AND IT WORKS! Josh rants about this being a "new era" and "Grado trending on Twitter" while Pope points out how none of that means anything and Al is just protecting his business. Josh points out that the pre-match beating stuff was actually legal - so why didn't the bell ring? Al slams him, goes for the moonsault and it misses. Don't do that at 53. Al gets the powder, but it's booted into his own face.

Shera brings out weapons and a can lid shot to the back gets "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HOLY JESUS!" Shera gives him the turkey leg and hits him in the balls with it and then a chop. The French Stallion and Marcus Louis pull Grado off of Al in giant blue FRANCE jackets. Snow Plow ends it. This was a blast, and then the heels just jumped around in joy. Glorious. Reby and Maxel meet with Matt in an artsy smoggy area and she expresses sadness over Matt rejecting his family. Boy is this storyline rushed.

JB is mid-ring recapping last week's main event and says that TNA officials have been meeting all week, before Lashley interrupts. Lashley and Drew yammer on a bit before Dixie interrupts. Dixie Bot says that one will walk away from the PPV as World champ - but it will only end by knockout or tapout. Lashley talks shit and a brawl breaks out. Claymore takes Lashley out and we get some more brawling. Excellent stuff here - Drew is bringing it physically and Lashley's the best he's ever been on promos. SPEAR TO DREW. SPEAR TO THE REF. Damn, it's a shame this didn't happen in the Spike era - it could be a legit PPV draw to some degree with how good a job they've done tonight. Fans are actually screaming at Lashley to release him - holy shit. TNA actually made something believable!


Ultimate X is hyped up and we're getting that next - but first, an X division highlight video. I like it. Eddie, DJZ, Trevor Lee, and Andrew Everett,  Josh says that IF YOU WERE BUYING STOCK IN AN X DIVISION ATHLETE, DO IT IN DJZ. Also, yes - it's a four man match and two of the guys are basically a team. They do very little - being smart. Everett climbs and gets cussed out by Lee. Great bit where Lee climbs on Andrew's shoulders, but the latter eats a jackjacker and then Lee takes an inverted atomic drop by DJZ. POPE COMPARES DJZ TO RICKY STEAMBOAT. Eddie double super ranas the Dynasty. Giant knee by Lee to Eddie, but DJZ hits a DDT off the second rope to Lee - who is shining more here than he has so far in TNA. Everett goes for a springboard spear to Eddie on the cable, but he gets kicked off. Eddie grabs the belt, but Lee steals it and "wins". I dig this - Eddie SHOULD be champ, so a PPV title match makes perfect sense. Maria talks with her girls while Allie parrots her. Not really much to this beyond a wacky heel meeting.


EC3 talks about how he's been kicking Matt's ass since before he was born and he tells Mike Bennett that he's used to playing rigged games - and there's honor in that, but none in going back on a deal like Bennett did. Maria distracts Gail a bit, but Gail isn't a total moron and attacks Sienna before she can do any damage. They brawl on the floor a bit and Maria gets into a really slow footrace with Gail that Maria wins as Gail gets attacked by Sienna. Maria posts her and Sienna goes for the cutter, but Gail gets a code red-style snap sunset flip to get a win. Gail briefly grabs Maria, but Sienna saves. Maria slaps Gail a ton. Spud and Tyrus talk strategy. Reby tells them to save Matt, and she'll take care of them.

BroMans meet their guru - Racquel, who is horrible at speaking, but hot. Racquel is. A new kind. Of horrible. Pro-mo. Heels are out, then Jeff. Jeff smears paint on his face and eats a bit of offense by Spud - but he rebounds against them with a ladder. Tyrus beats up Jeff and he says he'll climb - but his fat breaks the ladder. A really fat guy in the crowd mocks him, which Pope picks up on. Tyrus takes the worst bump ever for a Twist. Spud climbs, but gets stopped by Jeff. Twist ON THE LADDER by Jeff and he wins. Jeff celebrates while Matt impersonates a bat and flaps on the ramp while Jeff stands next to a very oddly-painted fan.


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