Thursday, June 19, 2014

TNA Impact 6-19-14

The pre-Impact Cops had a fantastic start with a DUI while someone is zooming all over the road and flips the car with flames shooting out. The guy is drunk off his ass and the woman is in hysterics. They tazed the guy about half a dozen times for moving. Jesus. They're telling her to lie down while she's probably got a concussion. PPV highlights actually aired on Cops, showing the double DVD, the double suplex, and the flying elbow off the cage - so it came off like a big show you should get the replay of. This ep is the same one they've aired a million times before Impact with the stepson arguing with his mother. This week's Impact is one of the few "as live as live can be" shows.

The show-opening video made the title match switch seem just about perfect. Also, after having Bray end the streak in 2K14, I think he really should've done that next year after beating Cena this year. Oh well - what might've been. I hope Brock or Heyman had "My Daddy Conquered the Streak" bumper stickers made. They gave the video package plenty of time and EY came off like a motherfucking T-Rex here. Show starts proper with MVP AND HIS GROUP TALKING. MVP, who looks his age now anyway, has decided to not dye the grey in his goatee. MVP buried gratutitous verbiage and responded to a "you can't wrestle" chant by saying he can't - HE'S INJURED!  MVP is talking a lot for a guy who hates words. MVP says that since there's no board of directors here, he's gonna do things HIS WAY. "Eric, get ya sawed-off ass out here so we can have a conversation!". Loved that, and I love how hot the crowd is. MVP said that EY colluded to get Aries into the title match so he could beat him instead of THE MONSTA Lashley.

Kenny King said EVERYONE WANTED TO SEE HIM AS WORLD CHAMP! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my God, this is actually the title match. Hopefully, it's just "a" title match and we get the real one later. EY hits the Austin Thesz press with punches and Tenay plugged the ring change for the NYC tapings. EY's friends in the Wolves, Joe, and Aries came out - they dramatically outnumber the heels. Kenny King, a poor X Division champion in a bad time for the division, isn't even a remotely credible contender as a gimme opponent for the heel group. Kenny hit a spin kick and Taz commended him for a fine bridge, but he ate a small package for a loss after EY countered whatever his finisher is. Between Bryan, Sheamus, Cesaro, and EY, I LOVE THIS BECOMING A FINISHER AGAIN!

They hyped up the NY tapings with Destination X and the Hardys. MVP slapped the timekeeper, who I think was a Phi Delta Slam guy, for ringing the bell. So why is it the timekeeper's fault that the ref counted three? The faces "brawled" with the heels for a bit. MVP said more words, including THAT HE IS A WRESTLING GOD and EY-Lashley happens later. Everyone in the building will be gone, except for his crew and EY, and the ref. MVP demanded that Aries and Joe face the Wolves and a third team after fucking up quite a bit and covering for it by being all pissed. Loved him saying Earl Hebner owed Moses a quarter. He fired Earl too. I think MVP's painkillers are either working too well, or not well enough. Or he grabbed some of WILL-OW's. Remember how great the Randy Anderson angle was in WCW? Well here's that in 1/10th time, with no buildup, and using his middle-aged son instead of his young kid. MVP said the TITLE COMES TO US...which means Lashley wins it, and then turns on MVP. Dixie cut a backstage promo defending her actions regarding MVP, while EC3 said he's the Hardcore American Icon now. Dixie treats her nephew like her boyfriend...weird.

Aries and Joe came out, so they went to EY saying how bad it is he fired Earl, so he's got Kurt as backup. Christy "introduced first" Willow and Abyss - the third team out. All faces in there, so the crowd isn't as responsive as they normally would be...if the heat could be sustained after the first quarter of the show. How nice of the Wolves to wait until the camera shot is done of the dual submissions before making a save. DOUBLE DIVE from Aries and Joe! I could definitely dig Aries-Joe vs. The Wolves, BUT WE HAVE TO CUT AWAY SO TOMMY DREAMER CAN ENTER! The Mountain Dew Baja ad is really annoying - it's an okay drink, but nothing amazing. Backstabber into a Demolition decapitation got 2. I love Aries chopping down both tag champs to try to make a tag. Nice enzuiguri by Eddie into a German by Davey into a double-leg jackknife cradle for 2. Abyss tagged in and squared off with Aries. God, Abyss looks short in there with Aries! Willow is doing jack shit in this match. THE UNPREDICTABLE WILLOW starts off doing Jeff's wacky kick dealie. They almost missed the Nestea plunge bump off the top. Swanton countered with knees, leading to the powerbomb backstabber for the win! Davey pinned Hardy! The Hardys are just about to reunited - WHAT A PERFECT TIME TO HAVE JEFF JOB TO THE TAG CHAMPS! Kenny King told MVP to not worry since KURT IS A CRIPPLE...while MVP is on crutches. Wow. The guy in the crowd is in a Bully shirt that is officially two sizes too big. They ran through the Dixie-Dreamer angle. Dreamer's going to drop HARDCORE PIPE BOMBS! Spud's got a crazy green card suit on! Better yet, DON FRYE'S PRICELINE AD IS ON!

They replayed MVP making Lashley-EY and the Hebner firing. A lot of words were said when Aries and Joe were ejected. MVP made the Wolves defend the titles against Bram and Magnus - good. It made no sense for them to not be in the match before, but it makes sense now. Did Rockstar Spud raid Reeser Bowden's estate sale or did he just watch the DVDVR or WWE MSW set and fall in love with his fashion sense? Spud's casino-themed suit is due to them being in a casino - nice! Spud had no neck brace, and Dixie's burying Bully for using his little TWITTAH MACHINE! Dixie buried everyone for latching onto her for a buck. THE REAL STAR OF TNA IMPACT - DIXIE CARTER! The first hour of the show has been largely awful, AND THE CROWD IS STILL HOT! Dixie, owner of a company with THE BEARDED CHAMPION, and OWNER OF THE BEARD IP, buried people for making a buck off of her. Loved her burying Dreamer by not knowing his name, and Spud saying he rarely won. Dreamer got no theme for his Philly return. Dreamer talked about how social media started this issue while saying that she gave he and other ECW guys closure with their Hardcore Justice PPV. Tommy says he's embarrassed to say he's a wrestler because of the crap on TNA Impact. Dammit - she made TOMMY CRY! Tommy plugged House of Hardcore and says that he listens to THE PEOPLE! Someone, and I hope this is legit, say that a fan's doctor told him to watch wrestling to help him through cancer. Dreamer said that she was able to see Kevin Von Erich put the claw on and she marked out like a fan. Dreamer is honest to God cutting the best promo of his career here and if they wanted to reboot the company next week, they could. Dixie hugged him, then kneed him in the balls. DIXIE JUST TOOK OUT THE ECW LEGEND IN PHILLY! EC3 attacked, and Dreamer-EC3 in NYC should be a thing and should be really fun. KENNY KING TRIED TO INTIMIDATE KURT ANGLE! Kurt said he just wanted to talk to MVP, so he left Lashley with Kurt. Kurt made a dick joke about Lashley's pipe.

They came back and MVP met with Kurt, who made more pipe-related dick jokes. Wolves got a big USA chant here. The Wolves exchanged arm wringers and double axe handles off the top to the arm. If you buy a replica belt, you get a shirt, a hat, and $50 off! The TNA replicas are quite good and I dig the belt - still not buying it though. Nice round kick combo from Davey, including a running variant to Magnus! Magnus DDTd his partner thanks to a Davey dropkick. Magnus tossed a chair at Davey's head to cause a DQ. Moron. Do that shit after you win the belts! They set up a flying elbow Pillmanizer to the Eddie's head, but Willow ran and Abyss...did a Mark Henry run to the ring to stop it. MVP buried Brian for crying over his dad's firing. MVP put Brian in the world title match tonight. MVP is putting a guy who HE KNOWS HATES HIM in the main event slot for the world title. He is really bad at running a corrupt company. Sure, he's threatening his job, BUT HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE! Taryn Terrell's ass returned in a red dress.

MORE TALKING from Magnus and Bram! They were jumped by Abyss and Will-ow! Gail in a super-tiny pink dress brought out Taryn Terrell. Well, she definitely lost the baby weight. Wow! Tenay put over her series of matches with Gail. She got a nice welcome back chant. Gail put her over for the Slammiversary match a year ago and said she earned her respect with it. Taryn talked about taking a year off to have her daughter, and said that their series is tied 1-1 - they need a tiebreaker! The BPs came out being nasty. Angelina's promo is awful, her getup is terrible too - she's wearing ass-hugging jeans with no ass. BPs attacked, but were laid out. I can dig Gail-Terrell 3 at BFG after one of them wins the title in NYC. Kurt buried MVP for abusing his power, because we needed more talking. Kurt talked smack with Bobby, so they're teasing that at BFG or something.

JB talked with MVP about EVERYONE BEING GONE, so they kicked him out too. Tenay did his usual generic putting over of Lashley as an amateur champion, Army champion, and pro champion. Crossbody off the top to Lashley starts the match.  He gets caught doing it mid-ring, but Lashley turns it into the powerslam he beat EY with last week to have that turned into a cradle for 2. Within a minute, they told you that EY was legit against Lashley by having the tactics from a week ago not work here. Nice shortarm lariat from Lashley after the break. One armed delayed suplex got 2. This is by far Lashley's best run in-ring yet. They talked about EY's backing being thrashed during the break, but didn't show clips. EY got a dropkick and used it to set up a crossbody off the top for 2. EY hit the piledriver perfectly for 2, but Kenny pulled the ref out. Spikes Lashley with a DDT! The flying elbow misses, and Lashley hits the spear for the win! Belt looks good on Lashley. Lashley's surprise return run has greatly overdelivered. He's better now than he was before, when he was doing both MMA and TNA. His matches are better now and he's aided by looking exactly the same as he did in WWE. Well, aided now - maybe not in 5 years. They did the second Pillmanizing angle of the night on EY's arm, but Lashley wouldn't take part. Bobby returned, so I guess he'll win the title at BFG. Him being EY's buddy makes a lot of sense given their Team Canada history, and I hope he gets the BFG title win he was denied in 2011 so he wouldn't overshadow Hogan.

Screens -

1 comment:

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