Sunday, June 29, 2014


Renee is the new host of the Kickoff and Booker T is getting a massive chant to start. Renee calls Christian the prince of ladder matches - he requests to be the FRESH PRINCE OF LADDER MATCHES. THE FRESH PRINCE OF LADDER MATCHES! Fucking Hell Christian, IT'S 2014! Tom Phillips is in the social media lounge now and said nothing of note. NOW we get a hype video for everyone in the title ladder match. Why they couldn't do this on their prior FIVE HOURS OF TV TIME this week, I have no idea. LOL @ Myzteziz going through the ladder. NUMBERS VIDEO. Again, not on TV before the PPV. They did some stuff, and Bryan came out live. He has no timetable to return and brought up losing strength and possibly needing more surgery. BO DALLAS BELIEVES HE CAN RECOVER! Bryan says he's acting like a I can't wait for HHH's promo about even he and "the old man" could come back from injuries quickly, while Bryan needs more surgery.

Nice hype vid to start. CHANGE IS GUARANTEED. THE CENA ERA COULD FINALLY BE UPON US! The use of replica belts in these videos looks terrible. They showed a cute blonde in a World Gym shirt before the Usos came out in sweet new silver and green gear. It's a unique color combo and it looks fantastic! KING HAS UNSCREWED THE DEW! Cole and JBL have not. One Uso got really ripped. Wyatts have the Raw kids singing the song in their intro, with ANOTHER NEW and shitty theme. I like the ankle and arm sleeve look for whichever Uso this is. JBL referenced Fritz when Rowan did the claw. Jimmy hits the Samoan drop on both guys, meaning Jey's in the rash guards. WHISPER IN THE WIND FROM JIMMY! Rowan catches one Uso, but the other does the USO CRAZY dive to the floor onto them! Running superkick from Jey sets up a schoolboy from Jimmy for 2. Harper bomb gets 2! Harper missed his dive, but it was sold and that had to hurt him. Double Simmons spinebuster from the Family gets 2.9! Rowan goes up top but gets crotched. Rowan is easily the most improved act this year. It's amazing how good he's become. DOUBLE SUPERPLEX TO ROWAN! Jimmy and Jey do back to back splashes for one, two...rewind...THREE! 3+ star match there. Of course I got a stream rewind right at 2.9.

Oh goodie - RAW REBOUND on the PPV covering the Shield breakup. Ambrose cuts a backstage Shield-style promo in his gear and the leather jacket. Reigns should really be doing these promos too - he seems like just another dude doing the regular ones. They fit Ambrose nicely though. Naomi and Cameron came out. Shocked to see them not in the death slot! They started this with the Benoit-Finlay inside-out collar and elbow tieup, then Naomi did a giant dive over the top! They do the super crossbody rollup shown in the Main Event recap, BUT played off it here by having Paige counter it. Naomi's ass fell out of her pants during an O'Conner roll reversal. They went for a superplex but fell to the apron and the floor. Ouch. Paige locked on a stump puller-ish thing before doing some nice running ranas. Paige won after killing her with death via the 187. On the WWE Network, Cole put over how amazing the WWE Network is and what an amazing value the WWE Network is and how the WWE App is the Gateway to the WWE Network. Big echo for the panel. NUMBERS VIDEO AGAIN!

Sandow came out as Paul Revere insulting Adam Rose. Good lord. Rose came out. There's a Nacho Libre outfit in 2014. Adam Rose looking like a middle-aged party-goer is just sad. JBL and Cole had a bit where they ignored each other. King said nothing. No one cared about any of this. Rose stole Naomi's face-to-ass move in the corner.  Rosita looks cute in her dress. THIS MATCH IS AWFUL AND THE COMMENTARY IS AMONG THE WORST OF THE YEAR! After 500 hours, THE ELBOW IS COMING, which ruled. Party Foul got the win. SILENCE for the victory. Lawler buries the notion of this match getting a replay. Jerry Lawler, who faced Frankenstein, dressed as Super King, and cut a promo on Batman thought this was stupid. OH GOODIE! GENERIC PROMOS OVER MUSIC!

MITB Case match is up. I hope Seth dives off an armored truck. Seth's tron and theme suck - the tron is just his name over and over. Swag's shirt's sucks. Too much like Barry Horowitz's back-patting one. First highlight was Kofi being knocked off the ladder onto the top rope for a dive onto the pile! BUTTERFLY SUPLEX ON A CORNER LADDER TO SETH FROM AMBROSE! How odd of Kofi to wear Redskins gear. Seth put a ladder through another ladder to take guys out - nice. SPINKICK INTO THE CORNER LADDER FROM RVD TO SETH! NICE SPOT THERE. ROLLING THUNDER ONTO A CORNER LADDER. WOW. RVD's definitely got something left. By golly, I think RVD's earned himself a win on Superstars with this performance! Kofi and RVD took Swagger out for a bit and then RVD struggled to get over for a flip over the top to the apron. Corner to mid-ring superplex setup from Swagger. What about this move makes any sense for Swagger? RVD escaped, but Seth prevented a dive leading to a SUPERBOMB OFF A LADDER FROM SWAGGER TO RVD! Seth's still up there, and gets superplexed off it by AMBROSE! I don't know if I'd go for a Windham-esque floatover for that kind of superplex. Swagger catapults Dolph into the ladder, causing it to bonk Dean. Swaggerbomb to Kofi on the ladder. King and JBL point out that being stupid. Dean and Seth brawled, Seth got knocked down resulting in Dean jumping down on Swagger with a tornado DDT.

Cool spot, but Dean landed right on his ass on that DDT. They had him sell the shoulder, leading to the doctor pulling him from the match and Seth teasing a win before RVD comes in. They brawled and Kofi, instead of knocking them down, built a ladder bridge. He backdropped Seth onto the bridge leading to a crazy bump AND HE NEARLY GOT THE CASE BEFORE DOLPH PREVENTED IT! FUCK YOU DOLPH! Dolph and Kofi go at it. DOLPH JUST MURDERED HIS SPINE ON THE ZIG ZAG! Every single one of them should think of what Mick's life is like now before doing this shit. Swagger gets the ankle lock on Dolph while he climbs. Dolph couldn't climb after that, but Seth knocked him down with a chair anyway. Crowd chanted for Dean. DEAN CAME OUT AND BEAT HIM UP WITH A CHAIR and swore. Dean nearly got the case, but THEDEMONKANE came down! I saw Seth in a glorified tin tool shed in Manassas, VA four years ago in ROH and now he's Mr. MITB after a year and half of main eventing in WWE. Amazing.

Orton buries Seth saying he needed all the help he could get tonight to win. Wow. They hyped up the Cougar Countdown. What the fuck is the color scheme on Ryback's singlet? I kinda dig Axel getting a singlet now - makes the team look a bit more team-ish now. Dos Dusts came out to Stardust's theme. Not even trying to pretend that Stardust isn't the star in this deal. Axel goes from fairly good trunks to a generic indy singlet. Yikes. I thought it was like a double Mr. Perfect singlet, and it kind of is, but looks bad. It's like an FPR singlet. THERE IS NO WAY TO SCOUT GOLDUST. Really now? Character's been around since '95, granted not that whole time, but there's a billion hours of him on the Network. JBL talks about the World Cup and Carlos on the SAT being so happy that his team won. There's a tag match going on too. "I STILL GOT IT!" Ryback Rules! Springboard elbow from Stardust! Shell Shock countered into Cross Rhodes for a 2.9 thanks to Axel. Axel misses a clothesline and bonks Ryback leading to a schoolboy win. Stardust's red contacts rule. This Bray Battleground video would be so awesome without the WWE logo in it.

Fandango triangle recap. God, the verbal description of this feud is just terrible. THEN WE GOT A VIDEO RECAP! Make that two recaps AND A PROMO. Summer said Layla was fake, Layla said she was fake and they bickered while Fandango wore a bedazzled ref shirt. Lana and Rusev came out while JBL talked about a Russian athlete without an explanation. Lana's cleavage told the USA to shut up! Big E's Coming to America promo is getting old. Rusev countered the apron spear with a knee. German suplex debuts for Rusev. Big E hits the belly to belly and they sell it that he's never been hurt like that before. Big E avoids the thrust kick and hits an overhead belly to belly. BIG E HITS THE SPEAR! She yells at Rusev. I hope she's yelling LOOK AT MY TITS in Russian. Big E got a 2.5 with that. Cro Cop kick on the apron takes out Big E! RUNNING SUPERKICK! LANA ORDERED CRUSHING. RUSEV COMMENCED CRUSHING! Accolade! I hope E either escapes or passes out instead of tapping again. Big E almost escaped, but it got re-locked in. They've got something with this series - I don't quite know what, but Rusev and Big E have either guy's best matches. OH THANK GOD MORE OF THE PANEL!Riley talked a bout how it's a guarantee Kane's helping Orton tonight. Dammit - Kane's winning. King laughed at the horrible Bryan-Bo jokes.

The Bellas talked. Steph rightfully pointing out why on Earth this fired woman is backstage. Brie "showed her clips on her phone." This phone stuff is just too goofy. It's like a sitcom going above a character's head for a clip. Steph referred to Brie as "a person." You're not a real person to Steph unless you have implants. WOO BOY HOWDY FELLAS WE DONE GOTS US SOME NASCAR! Or Diet Dew. Fandango and co. are in the death slot. NATIVE AMERICAN DEATHLOCK IN THE DEATH SLOT! CM PUNK CHANT! Cro Cop kick won clean for Layla. Summer "cried." I can't wait for this to be recapped on Total Divas as a shoot. Cole basically said "If you're watching on PPV, YOU'RE AN IDIOT - BUY THE NETWORK!"

A nice hype vid aired. The real stars of the ladder match main event - HHH AND STEPH came out. Sheamus came out with a truncated intro. Everyone else got a full intro. Big CM Punk chant starts it off. Cole said that the belts are together - so we're not getting a "one guy grabs a belt another guy grabs the other" finish. VINTAGE HOGAN bump for that chokeslam from Alberto there. I think Matt Hardy wore Roman's pants on the ROH PPV. CESARO HAS KNEE PADS! His new gear rules. He and Sheamus got up top, hung off the top and brawled. CESARO HELD HIMSELF UP WITH ONE ARM before falling. They showed a replay of Roman bonking Orton with the ladder on the head and showed him getting treated - like a fighting face, he fought back into the match. Orton's got a nasty cut on the top of his head. Orton, THE MAN WHO HAS NO ABSENCE OF MALICE, hit the draping DDT off the apron-table ladder bridge on the floor. THREE GUYS TRIED TO CLIMB ONE SIDE OF THE LADDER in a really stupid-looking spot. Cesaro is main-eventing a WWE PPV. This is amazing to see. Outside-in clubbering to Kane. Sheamus hit the backbreaker to ADR and the White Noise to Orton really scarily. Kick to Cena! They did a crazy teatering ladder spot with Reigns tipping them in one direction putting Sheamus in Cesaro in a tough spot. SUPER CENA MOVED THEM BACK. Reigns spears Kane. A lot of nothing is happening throughout this. They're either chanting "CENA SUCKS" or "THEY DID STUFF!" SUPERMAN PUNCH TO SHEAMUS ON THE TOP! Roman did the sliding kick on the announce table and the spear to Cesaro. Reigns is like a video game character with five finishers at the start of the match. LOOKLOOKLOOK! Wyatt prevents an Orton win, so Kane takes him out. Sheamus knocks ADR off the ladder and into a kick. CESARO'S IN! UPPERCUT! NEUTRALIZER! RKO TO CESARO! Cole gets out a HOLY COW! Reigns prevented an Orton win via ass reveal. Orton's head is now bleeding quite a bit. Cena AAs Kane...why he didn't do that ON THE LADDER TO PREVENT THE WIN I HAVE NO IDEA! And Cena, who did the least of anyone, won the match. Cena wins the title after doing less than anyone. YIPPY! Cena's losing the hair on the back of his head now.

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