WWE WrestleMania 31

I want to thank everyone for the kind words on the Hall of Fame coverage. It was tiring, but a good test and it led to me being in rare form on the Hardcore Gamer Show. All told, I was up until about 3AM, but slept well. Booker starts off the kickoff plugging his book - glorious! What a worker. Excellent Cena-Rusev hype video led to the return of Lana - she says she'll never show compassion again. Cena's appearance on Kimmel is shown - he was really great.

Some idiot yells BOOOKER TTTTTT WOOOOOO! Eden goes to HHH's office, but Kane without a shirt tells her no and that he needs to prepare for the battle royal. Fantastic bit with J and J against the Stooges. Excellent Seth vs. Orton video package FINALLY sells this as the former future versus hte present future, on the day of the show.

An epic Taker-Bray video package is set to music and really makes that seem like a classic rivalry - or at least a really historic one. Buncha nothing for a while. The initial kickoff show features both Cole and JBL screwing up lines. Tag title 4-way is up. VINTAGE SHORTS for the Usos! Everyone has red and white gear to match the play button. New Day has white and blinding neon yellow gear. Kidd Cesaro have new hoodies with their shirt backs on them and Cesaro's in white and yellow with black trim. MASSIVE Cesaro chant here.

Kidd's new black and white gear is great - definitely gotta make it in FPR tonight. They write Jey off with Cesaro chucking him into the barricade while JBL talks about the injury. One-man superkick party from Jimmy. One man four-way assalanche! Love Kidd going with the Rude approach of airbrushing a belt on the gear. CESAROPLEX TO BIG E! Flip to Xavier from the bull, then Nattie puts the bull in a sharpshooter. Naomi attacks with SHE CALLS IT THE REAR VIEW! SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOMSDAY SUPERPLEX! Jey gets the frog splash, but Cesaro tosses him out for the win! Lita talks and talks and talks and talks. Something about Team Bestie vs. the Bellas. Christ this was awful.

Andre battle royal time. Uso doing double duty here. New Day too. Axel is body-surfed to the floor immediately. Adam Rose's gear went from great, to Hollywood Hogan, to indy-level Jimmy Valiant. Vertical barber pole stripes. Yikes. So why is Mizdow helping Miz here? A-RY! Mizdow chucks him out. Bo eliminates Ryder, in his throwback gear. Itami gets KOed by Show on the apron while Cole yells WELCOME TO THE BIG LEAGUES! NXT is part of WWE - he has by definition made it to the big league. Ascension gets ride of Henry. Ryback takes them out and he tosses out Heath, which they miss. They do something where Big E COULD come off like a star spearing Show to the floor, but instead, Show takes out all of the New Day, then Rowan. Cesaro takes out Kane exactly like he did Show last year. Show counters the Cesaro elimination and takes him out, while Ryback attacks Show. It's down to Miz and Mizdow against Big Show. I like Miz and Mizdow having matching gear, but Miz's being a higher-quality material. Mizdow chucks out Miz to a big pop...why wasn't this the last elimination!? Mizdow does the Benoit deal in the '04 Rumble, but Show still wins...okay then. Well, that went from exciting to whatever pretty quickly.

Booker has now gotten THREE WRESTLEMANIA PLUGS for his book. Hunter might've won the XIX match, but won the book war. The Kickoff show closes with Pat kissing the IC Title as it is raised high above the ring. Aloe Blacc sang "America the Beautiful". LL Cool J's voice over for the opening video package was fantastic, beyond the revisionist history of Hogan passing the torch to Rock.

El Else Cool J is his name according to King. "We open WrestleMania the way we closed last year's - WITH THE YES MOVEMENT!" Bryan had new gear, as did Barrett, while Dolph has a mohawk. Stardust has a goofy cape now. Harper has black jeans, a clean wifebeater, and a green and ref flannel vest. Goddamn is Dean ever over. Trust fall to the pile. Dolph tossed out. Harper dive to the pile. Dean diving elbow to the pile. Truth gets taken out by Barrett, who is dropkicked by Bryan. Harper climbs up, but gets locked in a tree of woe and kicked by Bryan! Great spot there. Stardust brings out the STARBIRD black and bedazzled ladder that Cole says has been speculated about all week. Somehow, WWE's commentators have no credibility.

Snake eyes by Harper to Dean. Barrett superplexed Cody off the ladder. Harper powerbombs Dean through the ladder at ringside. Someone's cut up - Luke's shirt is covered in blood. Dean's bump was replayed and was pretty nasty. Barrett pulls Dolph down into the elbow. Hits Stardust. Elbow to Truth. Bryan climbs, but Dolph and Wade nix it. Dolph and Bryan exchange headbutts on top. Bryan wins! Fun match, but not a classic.

ANNOUNCERS ACTUALLY DRINK DRINKS! Seth vs. Orton is up. Black and gold Tron gear for Seth. New red, grey, and black gear for Orton. They exchange headlocks and Randy nails uppercuts. Goons taken out with a double DDT before Seth dives onto Orton. JBL runs through his lines while Seth beats him down. Dive into nothing from Seth leads to the clotheslines and a powerslam. Corner uppercuts lead to an exploder and a network crash. Draping DDT position here, but Seth backdrops him over and kicks him down. Asai moonsault to Orton! Beautiful moonsault there - right out of No Mercy. No game since really got that move right. Superplex is teased, but it leads to a backdrop. Orton hits a crossbody and Seth rolls through for 2. Draping DDT hits! Sethwalker countered into an RKO for 2! Punt is teased, but the goons get RKOd. CURB STOMP HITS FOR 2! Phoenix splash into an RKO!? Nope - pop-up RKO WINS! SETH PASSED THE TORCH TO ORTON!

Ronda Rousey is shown in the crowd! Wow - Sting vs. HHH is up already. This video package really is setting up a Sting win. Sting gets a big drum intro. This reminds me a bit of THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH '89...but for Muta's intro. Sting looks great. HHH time. This makes Warrior's WCW intro look condensed. Dueling shoulder blocks lead to a hiptoss and dropkick from Sting. Sting takes him down for the deathlock, but HHH escapes. Dammit Hunter, take it easy on the hair pull. Nice outside-in suplex amazes Cole. HHH gets a chinlock. DX comes down to help after Sting gets the Deathlock on and he takes them out and dives onto the pile!

KICKWHAMPEDIGREE GETS 2! NWO VS. DX! HOGAN, HALL, AND NASH! HOGAN PUNCHES OUT X-PAC! Deathdrop to HHH! HHH's left thigh looks like Balor's painted back. HOGAN BUMPS AT MANIA! X-Pac shoved him into the rail! Hall bumps! LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT! HBK superkicks Sting! This is literally the WWE version of Sting vs. Hogan at Bound For Glory. It's now bat vs. sledgehammer! THE BAT BREAKS THE HAMMER! Stinger splash hits, but HHH hits him with the hammer and gets the win! Horrible finish, but this was a fun gimmicky mess. HHH, THE HEEL asks for a handshake and gets it. CAMP WWE!? What the fuck is? Attitude Era VOD confirmed in that graphic.

Pat, Piper, Steamboat, and Flair talk to Bryan. "Hel-lo Bryan, this is. Ricky. Steamboat. And I. Am Reading Lines." Then Bret does. This was so much worse than when Bret said Alberto was like the Mexican Bret Hart. I mark for Skylar Grey. Divas tag is up. Paige gets a nothing intro, while AJ gets a cool lighting rig pole getup. ALL OF THE DIVAS ARE ROLE MODELS! Rosa is a good role model for...what exactly? AJ rubs Paige's ass pre-match. Nikki falls during an Alabama slam for 2. AJ's taken out and Paige takes a beating. GREAT MOVE BY PAIGE...that we couldn't see due to the camera work! AJ comes back, gets tagged in and Paige dropkicks her back for a 2 off a Bella slam attempt. Shitty tornado DDT by AJ out of an electric chair. Black Widow! AJ WINS! A SUPERCOMPUTER determined that Roman had one carer highlight. HOF recap.

HOF stuff, but with "Pofo" and Nash getting the big intro. 2K15 intro gives away match finishes. Cena-Rusev hype vid from earlier airs. Can't wait for Rusev's intro. Rusev got an even better intro than HHH. Russian flags everywhere with soldiers marching behind Lana holding the flag! AND CANNONS! And tanks! AND RUSEV IN A TANK! He also has a red and gold track jacket that matches his gear. Five billion stars. Big America RAH RAH RAH video for Cena. Lots of Presidential footage - TONS of GW Bush stuff and a bit of Obama. After all that, CENA GETS BOOED!

JBL says that last month, regarding Cena - "He was just trying to win a title." STEEN CANNONBALL FROM RUSEV GETS 2! Cena gets the fistdrop, but it only gets 2. Uranage gets 2. Rusev really does carry himself like a main event guy. Cena gets the flying fameasser for 2. Big Let's Go Lana chant breaks out. I love that the crowd can actually be heard this year. AA countered and he gets the dropkick. SUPER TORNADO DDT HITS FOR CENA. Now I've got to give him that in FPR. A Rocky IV chant broke out. BOO YAY punches with Cena being booed and Rusev being cheered! Big jumping knee from Rusev is followed up with a falling Alabama slam hits for 2. STF is in, but Lana throws a shoe seemingly at his head, but it misses. Tony Atlas is logging onto WWE Auctions right now to get that shoe. DIVING HEADBUTT FROM RUSEV gets 2 - so that's another FPR change. Cena hops off the second rope with a trust fall Stunner for 2! Cena gets a cradle, but eats a superkick. Accolade is on! Cena gets up and shoves him into the corner! STF! Rusev gets close, so he pulls him back, but Lana gets on the apron and Rusev accidentally bonks into her and eats an AA FOR THE LOSS. CENA WINS! This was the best match on the show so far.

WM recap so far, including pre-show stuff. HHH and Steph announce that 76,976 people are there. Steph and Hunter as faces here is...well, no more bizarre than every other show. And then she turned heel. Yet another segment where they're the biggest faces and heels. HHH didn't just beat Sting, he beat every fan here. HHH vs. Raw Roster match reminder here. Rock came down and they talked about him being in NY last night and CA here. ROCK WENT FROM ONE COAST TO ANOTHER IN 24 HOURS. ASTONISHING! Rock tells him to either dress like Terminator or they can make a WM moment. Rock says he left his heart in San Fran, but HHH left his balls in Stamford. Steph tells Rock that without the McMahons, there would be no Rock. Christ almighty the insecurity of this company. Steph slapped him and screeched to him to leave. A big RONDA chant broke out. See? More proof that we need the Rock 'N Rowdy Connection! Anyway, Rock punched HHH a bunch, Ronda threw him and then grabbed Steph, but let her go. THIS RULED!

No recap for Bray-Taker, instead, Bray comes out with scarecrow/zombie things. Taker came down, but a guy ran across the screen and a camera guy coughed. Kinda hurt things. Taker's back in the leather pants. Taker looks so much healithier this year than last. The full goatee helps. Taker got a big boot and dominated in the corner with some punches before nailing OLD SCHOOL! Damn - whatever fountain of youth 'Taker's been injected worth is working. Taker did the standing over the top bump for the clothesline again! Apron legdrop for Taker. Bray gets snake eyes, BUT BRAY HITS THE CROSSBODY off the boot attempt!

Bray takes control in the corner. Bray on offense just KILLS matches. He made a Dolph match plod thanks to that. Bray launched himself into the post to...somehow hurt Taker's head. Bray's leg just gave out. Hell's gate is on, but Bray fights out. THE UNDERTAKER had more fire on offense than Bray Wyatt. Uranage gets 2. Bray did the corner grab and got Abigail, but Taker stood up during it and chokeslammed him! Glorious!

Tombstone hits for a 2! Taker calls for it again, but Bray avoids it and hits Abigail for 2. He goes for another, but gets Tombstoned for the win! 22-1 is his record, and that really does help make up for the loss of the streak. Taker redeemed himself here and really should've sat a year out for his legacy last year. Jericho Podcast on the Network after Raw on 4/6 with Cena. The Roman/Brock hype video was something else. It put Roman over HUGE. Roman comes down to huge boos and a YOU CAN'T YOU WON'T sign. LOL @ the fireworks display for punching the mat. AMAZING pop for Brock. Heyman - the greatest manager AND ring announcer in history.

Roman charges in, gets bearhugged into the corner, eats German, AND AN F5! No cover - Brock's too cocky, but he gets in some more suplex. SUPLEX CITY BITCH! Glorious. KNEE TO THE GUT! GERMAN! GORDBUSTER ON THE ROPES from Brock. Brock could get a slingshot suplex over tonight. Roman gets some knees in the ropes, then kicks - but one gets caught and he's clotheslined to the floor! OUTSIDE IN BELLY TO BELLY - that must be a game move ASAP! Another F5 hits and Brock takes the gloves off. Roman laughs at the punches. Uso-looking pride here from Roman. 3 F5s took out Taker, BUT NOT THE BIG DOG! Roman posts him and he's sliced up huge.

Superman punch sends him to a knee. A SECOND ONE! Third is countered into a German setup. Elbows and headbutts. SUPERMAN PUNCH TAKES HIM DOWN! SPEAR! HE'S ON THE ROPES! SECOND SPEAR GETS 2.5! SUPERMAN PUNCH IS COUNTERED INTO THE FOURTH F5! SETH! He hits the curb stomp, Roman gets a spear, but he chucks Roman out, hits a second stomp and PINS BROCK TO WIN THE TITLE! Loved this so so so much!