Monday, March 2, 2015

Raw 3-2-15

It's the first Raw of March and WM is fast approaching and...I really don't care. I'm excited about the IC Title buildup because that's been fun. Ditto the U.S. Title, but nothing about how they've built up Roman Reigns as the reincarnate of Christ is doing a thing for me. Seth's theme hits. WOOHOO! TALKING! Cole talked about the Daily Show stuff. Cole's delivery of exposition is awful. Stewart as a parody of a wrestling personality is so much better as a wrestling personality than 99% of the roster. Seth says this isn't a Lawler-Kaufman thing. He's right - this isn't a Lawler-Kaufman situation. That was compelling and drew money. LOL @ WWE burying companies who give away seats. IT'S THE BIG DOG. THE JUGGERNAUT. THE POWERHOUSE! THE 2014 SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR AND THE 2015 ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER! Seth was amazing here saying he's better than Jordan, can outwork everyone, out-talk Cena, out-eat Henry, and outwrestle Roman! Roman teases that we'll get Seth added to the WWE Title match while a CM Punk chant breaks out. Roman punches out the heels and a giant EAT, SLEEP, NO SHOW, REPEAT sign is shown. Paige faces Nikki later and Dean faces Barrett next.


BUT FIRST, Seth berates the goons and Orton berates them. Orton tells Seth what he SHOULD DO is challenge Roman tonight and prove that he's better. I kind of like Orton being the straw that stirs up more shit between Seth and well, everyone else. Barrett got no intro and Dean came out with the title and there's a ladder on stage. Cole announces Barrett vs. Multiple Opponents in a ladder match at WM. Truth is announced for it and he says he doesn't like heights. Truth says HE WANTS SMALL LADDERS LIKE HORNSWOGGLE AND DEAN MALENKO! Truth is fantastic here, and we go to a break with Barrett grabbing his title after the rope-trapped knees.

POST-COMMERCIAL BREAK CHINLOCK from Barrett. Truth gets shoved and does his YOU PUNCH MY DOG, I KICK YO CAT AND STEALS THE BELT, while sneaking like Solid Snake. LUKE HARPER CAME UP BEHIND HIM. "Is there a big, scary white guy behind me!?" The IC Title as a parody title is so much funnier than it is as a joke title. Mizdow ad recap. Miz has invited random people here to watch...something he'll regret! A Viagra parody in 2015? Well, they set that up with the "this pill will set you straight" line on SD, so it was easy to see coming. Miz slapped Mizdow and said things that can't be heard. Titus's guffaw was great. Shame Miz talked into nothing for a bit there.


Bray's theme hits and he's on-stage with a casket talking about wanting an answer and Taker being ravaged by father time. So I guess we're getting a casket match at WM to avoid a real job. Bray puts lighter fluid on the casket he created and he'll burn Taker at WM. Six-person tag with the champs and Nattie against the Usos and Naomi. THE GALS WRESTLE THE GALS! Who uses the term gals in 2015? Nothing really much to the match beyond Nattie's leg being "re-injured", but she got tagged in again and beaten with a distraction schoolgirl. TWIX PICK A SIDE for Seth vs. Roman and Cena's WM future is addressed next. Booker T: Sentenced to Greatness is after Raw and looks excellent.


"John Cena Sucks!" I love this. Cena is going to do so much more good as an important semi-main eventer than he has as a main eventer for a while. Cena recapped last week's events and got a reasonable Cena chant here and said that okay, if he doesn't get his match, he'll still find a way to succeed. Cena is such a great cheerleader, and announced that he'll be in the Andre battle royal. Steph came down to get a face reaction and pose. Steph says that people can't just enter themselves in the Andre the Giant battle royal - Cena rightfully points out that Adam Rose and Fandango have done it, so there are free spots. ANDRE WAS HER FRIEND, so she's a face in this segment, or rather, for this sentence in the segment, she's a face. She then goes on a tirade about Austin, Rock, and Bret leaving, but WWE NOT BEING A SINKING SHIP. DON'T FORGET EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER, YOU OWE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO WWE! Axel's theme hit and he got a pretty big pop here. HE'S OFTEN IMITATED, BUT NEVER ELIMINATED! A massive Axelmania chant broke out. Well, in one segment, Axel got more over, while Cena got buried, and Steph was the biggest star.


Axel was such a star in this squash. He did Hogan's poses, leading to Cena getting more and more pissed, laying him out with lariats, an AA, and an STF. Then Rusev came out and said he had a decision, leading to a yes chant and him saying IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION, YOU IGNORANT AMERICANS, and saying no. Everything about this not involving Steph was great. Quick clip of Hayes and Arn talking about Sting. We got eons of Steph and 20 seconds of Arn and Hayes. HHH talks next.

Cole recaps Fastlane's Sting-HHH thing. HHH is out in a suit here. In '95, HHH told Vince he just wanted an opportunity and got 13 World Titles and is COO. He made the most of that, and he offered Sting an opportunity too. HHH's nearly bald head is really distracting, mainly due to his neck folds. Booker looks better at 50 than HHH does at 45. HHH shoots on the marks on the internet on their keyboards who think they know the politics of the business. HHH is saying words and annunciating man. HHH fires Booker, and doesn't even plug his WWE Network special in the process. HHH un-fires him to say he has control. HHH is going to kill WCW here in 2015, 14 years after its death and with maybe 10% of its final roster even doing indy dates anymore. Paige-Nikki is next.

Paige vs. Paige's Top - THE BATTLE CONTINUES! They did nothing and went to a break after two minutes. During the break, Nikki hit an Alabama slam. Double D Spinebuster gets 2. Yakuza kick to Brie. Superkick to Nikki leads to the PTO, but Brie attacks. MASSIVE AJ chant. AJ hits them with flying forearms, I think while Paige and AJ team up to fight off the Bellas amid a loud CM Punk chant. This was fun. AJ chatted to Renee and Paige was upset, and AJ said she doesn't do what she's told, but she's here to give divas a chance. A MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN REFERENCE IN 2015. Paige wasn't born when they became stars.

 Seth is mid-ring with the Daily Show, recapping what happened on the Daily Show. Seth buried Stewart's movie for doing poorly. Stewart should quote WWE movie results. Stewart came down looking like Bret Hart to no pop. He did got a pop mid-ring when he yelled NEW JERSEY. Stewart talked about THE GREATS like Mick Foley, Gorilla Monsoon, and Bruno Sammartino. He put Taker over huge for fighting through tons of injuries and becoming a legend. Stewart was already the best promo on an iPhone promo on Fastlane, and he's better now. "Settle down, Cats and Jammers!" Stewart said that Kane basically gave Seth the case and then Seth dropped the mic and they back Stewart into the corner. Orton came down and Stewart low-blowed Seth. Stewart waved his jacket around on stage while Orton walked to the back - so you can see them logically building to Orton-Seth with Stewart in his corner.


Low blow replay led to Stewart talking about "the left footer to the groinal area" and then getting nervous because of the unprotected hallway. Harper walked out with the IC Title, which might as well count as a reign. Actually, no - these non-title reigns seem more important than actual IC Title reigns. YES! We're getting Brodie Lee vs. Bryan here, and the Yes chant is back over huge. Big boot starts this off, but Bryan gets a kick, but gets thrown out. Nasty falling snake eyes and a DRAGON SUPLEX by Harper gets 2! Harper got a swank crossface variant on, but Bryan countered into the Yes Lock. This was among the best, and easily THE MOST TERRIFYING five minute match ever. Barrett takes his belt back, but Dean beats him up, but Harper beats him up, and then Truth strolls down and takes it. Harper tells him to drop it, he does, and he drops him! Crowd chants for Dolph, who runs out and superkicks him to steal it! We got some cool ladder shots and then they went to an HOF video. ONE WOMAN SET THE WOMEN'S DIVISION ABLAZE! Horrible logo blurring here and they went with some bullshit about her being at the forefront of the WWF. Heyman said the title belt going in the trash was something that showed what women could do. They should've shown more of that American flag motorcycle entrance from what appeared to be a Tokyo Dome show. Great video overall though. Orton tells Seth to be thankful for what happened because he'd have lost his job if he attacked Stewart, and tonight, if he needs help, just ask him. JAMIE NOBLE BOWING UP TO ORTON IS AMAZING!

Heyman came out to "shoot from the hip" and say that Brock will be at WM and will be anywhere he wants to be BEFORE WrestleMania and after it, as the Undisputed WWE Champion of the World. He well be champion until he chooses to not be, and AT WRESTLEMANIA, HE'LL RONDA ROUSEY ROMAN'S ASS! This was one of Paul's best promos ever and led to Roman coming out. He got no reaction, and then got a "you can't wrestle" chant during a headlock. Goons get taken out, so Orton comes down to help.

 Post-break leads to a fallaway Samoan drop being countered by knees and kneeling elbows. Seth gets a chinlock. "YOU SUCK IN YOUR LIFE!" Show is great. Mark of Excellence out of the chinlock. Flying clothesline to Seth leads to a corner lariat chain and a tilt a whirl for 2. This is a lot better than the last Seth-Roman match on Raw - still not great though. Roman just always seems like he's in first gear. Seth jumps off the top and gets a rolling schoolboy into a falling Backlund lift bomb for 2. Kane chairshots Roman in the injured tummy, but it only gets 2. Roman avoids the stump, hits the Superman punch, AROOOS, but Orton tugs the leg and he loses via distraction schoolboy. Deadman dive to the goons. Spear to Kane. Spear to Seth. Damn, Roman's hitting Y a lot! Really good show overall - far better all of 2015's Raws so far.


1 comment:

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