Friday, April 3, 2015

TNA Impact Wrestling 4-3-15

The pre-show hype videos say that TONIGHT EY AND ROODE FINALLY FACE OFF. They've had TWO POSSIBLE BLOWOFF MATCHES in under three months. Unlocked is now on after the 11 PM replay, putting it on at 1 AM EST - yikes. We get quick recaps of the feuds alongside a new silly hand-drawn artwork version of a versus screen. Josh has a red sweater on and the Roode-EY match starts things off.

EY is going to write the last sad story in Roode's sad, pathetic career...okay then. Josh has the balls to say that EY-Roode is on par with Mayweather-Pacquio. Christ. TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION BELL-TO-BELL BEGINS WITH TALKING! They go back and forth about this and EY makes it a submission, that was announced before the show. Josh talks about the website video where the ref said that he'll allow things to go on the floor, but in the ring, rope breaks count. Josh points out that they've now had THREE matches, so there's one that I'm forgetting. Yikes. And then Josh says the ref told him that they need to get the action in the ring to get the win - SO THEN WHAT'S HE GOING TO ALLOW ON THE FLOOR!? Taz talks about EY having a new brace on his calf ala the Hammer Jammer.

We come back to Roode getting the mounted punches, and since he's not Dolph Ziggler, he gives the fans a chance to chant. EY tosses him down and gets a kneebar. Taz says that EY's always been a nuts, and he gets a knee breaker on the floor. EY gets an arm-based version of a figure four on the ringpost - nice. Roode gets the crossface, but EY gets the rope. Roode gets a Boston Crab. A kid yells C'MON BOBBY C'MON BOBBY C'MON BOBBY! EY smashes the knee on the steps and that same kid yells YOU SUCK. Chop exchange. Punch exchange. EY gets the figure four. This is technically just fine, but I just do not care about this match at all. EY bonks heads with the ref, and EY eats a crossface after a chugga chugga nothing spot. He taps, but there's no ref. EY nails him with the brace and gets the figure four. Roode says "fuck you" to EY here in THE OPENER and taps. Lashley walks around somewhere, as does Kurt.

Wolves come out and they say that Eddie busted his heel during a PPV taping and show the injury and X ray. Crowd chants "Wolves" and howls. Eddie says that his heel basically broke in half and he gets an 'Eddie Edwards" chant and he says that they have to vacate the titles. Davey talks about how they're the WOLVES, they're brothers, and THE WOLVES NATION...ugh. The promos here were terrible, but I loved them putting the belts in the corner and bowing to them. Then Davey yells some more about THE HUNT NEVER DIES. Christy chats with Lashley about him regaining the gold tonight. Gail faces Angelina next and we get a terrifying graphic for it.

Angelina comes out and Josh talks about Twitter and how you can follow everyone and how the show has met all of its expectations so far. Angelina, of course, talks. She is blessed with beauty, shakes it, and is a GREAT WRESTLER. Angelina gives Gail a wedgie off a lifting jawbreaker, and they pimp the Sting DVD. Taz is greatly offended at the thought of THE CHAMPION BEING THE BEST PERSON IN THEIR DIVISION. Taz refused to shut up about this for eons. Gail gets whipped into the steps. Gail responds with a Russian legsweep into the apron. They zoom in a ton on Angelina's ass. They yammer on about Taryn in movies. Taz and Josh tonight MIGHT be worse than Byron on Raw. Gail goes for a run-up rana that gets botched badly, so Love turns it into a near powerbomb for 2. Love hits the kick, but Gail gets the rope, while Gail gets Eat Defeat and wins. Very good little match on its own - but the commentary was horrendous. Destination America's Ghost Hunters find the Revolution. Storm sends them to die and fucking hell this was bad - but entertaining.


Bram-Magnus recap with a Drive-style fast cut for the violence. Bram's out first, followed by Magnus. They fight a bit to the floor. Ramp powerbomb is teased by Bram as payback, but Magnus backdrops out of it. Bram attacks the back and stomach with a chair. Lots of nothing here. Josh says NEXT WEEK IS SPECIAL - it's a live-tweet edition of the show. Josh talks about how great that idea is and then how great this match is. No. It's fine, but not great. Magnus talks to Mickie, and he eats a chairshot as a result. Bram goes for a conchairto on the steps, but Mickie goes into the ring and Storm comes in to save her - he won't stand for a woman being hit. Magnus comes back with kicks and a rabbit lariat. Chair to Magnus gets 2.5. Magnus avoids the DDT on the chair, but eats it for a 2.5. Magnus gets a chain of punches and a powerbomb before nailing a second one! Spine Shaker gets the win. This was an overbooked mess, but not bad. JB with a bit of hair back talks to Kurt about his match tonight. Ghost Asylum preview.

Magnus asks Storm what the deal was, and Storm basically says he only did it for Mickie and then winks at her. Lashley runs around backstage in new orange and black gear and we get a recap of their first match. Lashley's out first and his whole getup looks good. Kurt gets a nice intro and a break will bring us to the full match intros.

 Kurt and Bobby shake hands and Lashley takes him down. Angle rolls through into a smooth headlock. Shoulderblock takes the champ down and another one sends him to the floor. Angle gets a go-behind as Josh talks about Lashley's MMA record. Chancery by Lashley leads to a hammerlock. Clean break leads to Lashley going for a kick, Lashley going for a high crotch takedown and being evaded. Overhead belly to belly by Kurt and a German. Clothesline over the top by Kurt. Lashley pulls Kurt to the floor and hits a hard clothesline to take him down.

Corner charge by Lashley hits hard. Second one sets up a bearhug. Taz talks about the butterfly grip being far superior to locking your fingers together, and he's adding a ton to this. Angle is taken down for 2 and then Lashley goes for an inverter bearhug. Kurt gets wrist control and elbows free. Suplex by Lashley gets 2. So far, I'm digging this more than even their first match.

Snap suplex by Lashley gets 2. Angle avoids a charge and sends Lashley to the floor. Mid-ring punch exchange leads to the rolling Germans, but Lashley avoids a second one and gets a spinebuster for 2. Big swing is ducked and leads to another German. Two, but Lashley uses the rope to prevent a third. Leapfrog from Lashley leads to a powerslam from him for 2. Corner charge is missed and Angle gets a belly to belly and more rolling Germans. Angle slam hits for 2. Ankle lock is on and Angle goes mid-ring for it. Lashley rolls through and sends Kurt to the floor.


Kurt gets sent into the steps a few times. Stun gun to the guardrail to Kurt! Ouch! He rolls him in to a round of applause. Lashley gets a delayed suplex. Lashley gets the spear and only gets 2.5! Lashley goes up top, but Kurt meets him up there. They slip a bit up there and Kurt gets a scary super Angle slam for 2.5! Kurt goes for the moonsault and misses, and it leads to Lashley getting an ankle lock of his own. Kurt rolls through and Lashley's head bonks the corner, but he's cradled and has his shoulder up for the whole thing - so that's the hook for the rematch. Taz makes it clear that the ref blew the call by looking in the wrong part of the ring to make the call. They shake hands and we get a replay showing it. FANTASTIC main event. That might've been even better than their first match. Screwy finish aside, it was wonderful.


Screens -

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