Monday, April 6, 2015

WWE Raw 4-6-15

Raw starts off with the generic intro. A generic man says 'Welcome to Monday Night Raw" - it's BYRON! HHH and Steph are on vacation. We get a recap of HHH beating Sting. Big Show and his statue are at ringside while the Authority is here to of course talk to start the show. Seth puts over how Steph and HHH deserve a vacation and how they put on one of the best WrestleManias ever. Even when they're not around, the show still revolves around HHH and Steph. WWE TRENDED A RECORD 124 TIMES FOR WRESTLEMANIA! Seth talks about HHH hammering the final nail in WCW's coffin. Show calls Seth a CHAMPION OF HONOR! Orton's theme interrupts Kane. OH PLEASE, CAN WE GET ORTON VS. KANE IN THE MAIN EVENT!? PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE! 

Orton wants a title shot at ER. Wasn't that already made? Apparently not, as Kane made a triple threat between Orton, Roman, and Ryback. Also, each guy will be in a triple threat match - because the roster is that thin. Orton-Kane is on tap now. Uppercut FROM HAYEL sends us to a break. After several minutes of...things being done, Kane hit Orton in the gut with a chair. Well, at least someone had the sense to just beat someone else up with a chair. Roman faces Show and Harper faces Ryback. Poor Harper.

WWE, the most secure company in the world, DOMINATED TV ON MONDAY AND THURSDAY! Vince also has balls the size of grapefruits. Byron put over AJ for retiring while JBL put over her 295 day run as champion and they showed her Tweet about being a fighter. Brad is talking to Kane for some reason, while Seth is pissed at Kane for not protecting him. Kane points out that he got the case for Seth and Seth defending the title against a viable opponent is good business. Seth talks about how Kane should step down, and Kane talks about HHH and Steph being on vacation in a secluded island with no communication, so he's in charge. They talked for eons. Kane put Seth in a match NEXT! Byron talked about Brock's attack in the most boring way possible. Lance Russell's only 90 - can he please do commentary for a night instead of Byron!? Seth comes out to face someone. Please God let it be Kane!

Seth's mid-ring after the break and they hype up the Network. WWE - our product used to be worth $60 a month, but now it's either only worth $10 or nothing. Neville! It's amazing that Pac got to keep "The Man That Gravity Forgot" in WWE. That really is a great moniker. So do you have Neville beat the champion and make an instant star, or do you give him some wishy-washy deal like an interference DQ? Seth calls him "Pipsqueak" Well, they've dialed him down.  Neville runs wild with a cradle for 2, but Seth slows it down and takes him down. Running rana sends Seth to the floor before he hits a flip dive for a break.


After the break, Seth gets the flatliner into the buckle. Seth drops some knees while JBL talks about Richard Branson giving HHH and Steph his private island. Seth slows things down with more ground strikes. Nevile comes back with kicks aplenty. Seth gets 2 off a big lariat. Slap fight leads to a buckle bomb being countered into a corner rana! He goes for the Red Arrow, but J and J distracts him and he gets the buckle bomb and curb stomp. HHH to send Neville to Full Sail in a box next week. Post-match curb stomp too. Cena's open challenge is next.

Marine 4 hype video. WWE hypes up THE ROCK IN FURIOUS 7 after that Miz video. LOL. Cena came out - man does this challenge really freshen his whole act. They've turned the U.S. Title into the IWGP IC Title so far - not quite doing that with the IC Title though. Cena talks about Rusev wanting his rematch, and getting it whether he's champ or not. Well, by definition, it wouldn't be "a rematch" if Cena loses - so Rusev is right to be concerned since that would theoretically hurt the rematch clause.

OH FUCK OFF STARDUST! Goddamn - Stardust is like going from a good Mega Man 3 villain to the goofballs in Mega Man 6. JBL corrected Booker for being wrong about fighting Cena or Cody, or something and talked about "the flex capacitor". Cena did a long suplex after they did moves. Cena chinlock is countered with gut elbows. Post-break, Stardust gets 2 off an Alabama Slam. Over the shoulder Michinoku driver from Cena gets 2. Sick DDT by Cody, but Cena fights back and gets the STF. CrossRhodes after he gets to the rope and it gets 2. Trust Fall Stunner hits followed by the AA for the win! Iffy match, but that DDT was sick though - crazy for John to take that bump with his bad neck. Bellas are backstage for something next. Either a match or a promo with "She's nothing but a PUNK who QUIT WWE and ABANDONED THE WWE UNIVERSE just like her husband!"


Bellas are in the ring to face Paige and...Naomi. Naomi is black and likes powder blue...does she also love her some church and choirs!?Brie slaps Paige and Brie sells it? Odd. Paige takes a great bump off a Nikki lariat on the floor. Booker is apparently blind and back in 2011 thinking the Bellas look the same. BRIE MODE knee hits and Nikki gets a bodyscissors while JBL talks about Paige winning her first women's title from her mother and Byron saying that it wasn't the divas title and then Booker buries him for not being from the hood. Naomi's in and Nikki sells the spinning headscissor in the most unique way possible - falling in the opposite direction of the move, kinda like how some folks sold Inoki's high kick. The Rear View She Calls It gets 2. Headscissors facebuster wins.

LOL @ Byron being interrupted by real men, the PTPS! PTPs mocked New Day and The Ascension! Harper's mid-ring to face Ryback. Harper gets 2 off the sideslam. Harper misses a corner charge and Ryback gets the Shellshock for a quick win. Renee met with New Day. Xavier is hurt by the fans, and Kofi is disappointed - but you won't find disappointment in their dancing or clapping. WE CLAP OR WE SNAP! Big E did a great bit impersonating a kid wanting his autograph on a menu. "OF COURSE I CAN, BUDDY BOY!" THEN THEY CLAPPED. Ironic bad New Day is such more fun than bad New Day.

New Day's out to face the Lucha Dragons. Lucha Dragons' theme is like an N64 theme with 25 seconds of material in an endless loop. NEW! DAY SUCKS! CHAIN OF TAGS AND MUDHOLE STOMPS! Amazing! Xavier and Big E are a great team. GREAT knee from Xavier there! Kofi kicks Kalisto on the floor, but Xavier only gets 2. Pop up SDS sets up a blind tag before a Fosbury flop. Sin Cara swanton gets the win! "I LIKE THESE LUCHAS!" Ugh. Roman battles THE BIG SHOW next.


Roman came down to face Show. They found one pro-Roman sign. JBL talks about how power always wins. And size. Show dominates and hits a spear on the floor before a break. Roman gets some lariats and eats a sideslam. Show chucks him into the barricade after doing a baseball slide to Roman. Show is quite impressive here compared to Roman, who is many years younger and working far less hard in this match. Roman gets three Superman punches and a ducking running hug for the win. Roman needs at least a year with guys who...well, he should outshine even a 40+ Big Show, but he didn't. So I don't really know what you do with him as a singles guy right now. Best thing for him would be to team with Ambrose again and work on carrying more of a tag match before going back into a singles main event role. Kane talks to some person on the phone about making sure that HHH and Steph know he's great. Nattie, Summer, Alicia, and Cameron met with Kane's Weird Tummy. Loved Kane holding his temples due to a migraine. Sheamus walked backstage.


Roman and his shiny Double R logo met with Renee. BIG SHOW COULDN'T STOP HIM - WAIT TIL YOU SEE WHAT HE DOES NEXT. Oh yeah, triple threat. Sheamus and his new fantastic theme and intro came down. Recap of his path of destruction on Raw and SD. Henry comes down to battle him. This could be a lot of fun. Sheamus goes to leave, but Henry yanks him back in. Henry ate the apron shots, but got out and had to wait a while for Sheamus to get into position for a back elbow. Sheamus got some knees, and then nailed the kick for the win. Simple, but fun match. Steph WM recap.

They re-made Bryan and Dolph vs. Barrett and Sheamus. Bray talks about fear - so now he's the Scarescrow. Renee meets with Her Guest at This Time Ryback to Say Words. THE BIG GUY IS BIGGER THAN EVER IN TEXAS. God bless their athletic commission. Miz is out for a death slot match against Mizdow.

Marine 4 ad after the break led to Mizdow coming out at 10:43. Mizdow gets a few rants about keeping the name while JBL talks about marrying many housekeepers...WHAT!? "Mizdow is finally breaking out on his own!"I don't think this counts when he's wearing his gear and doing his gimmick. This reminds me of an old MTV show with a Britney Spears impersonator talking about her career potential. Mizdow gets some nice corner blows, and Miz eats an electric chair. JBL talks about a pre-John Wayne Western star. Sub-Johnny Mundo takedown there by Mizdow. Miz cradles with the tights for a win. Thanks to Mizdow being over, this didn't die a death. Renee met with Her New Guest at This Time - Randy Orton. Looking forward to this show to end so I can make Miz's dark blue gear. At 10:51, we got a pre-break graphic for the main event.

Roman gets an intro while Orton's just in there like a jobber. Ditto Ryback. LOL @ Roman getting covered up by a Pentagon Jr. sign. Shellshock avoided early. Orton gets the backbreaker. Authority comes down after a minute. Ryback gets a powerslam to Roman. Ryback gives Roman the weakest-looking toss into a corner ever. Superman punch to Orton. Meathook to Roman leads to Randy doing Matt Hardy's goofy Twist of Fate motions waiting for him to turn into an RKO and then a counter. Reigns dives onto the heels. Belt shot sets up a KO punch on the floor. Heels come in for a cluster and Orton gets the RKO for a win. Curb stomp negates the win to some degree. Everyone but Seth looked bad in this match. Byron says the Podcast is on after Raw, but didn't say it's on the Network.

Screens -