Friday, February 13, 2015

TNA Impact 2-13-15

Going through Unlocked, and I'd forgotten about EY's "BOBBY ROODE, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU BLEH!" bit. Love Tenay throwing in a dig at Taz saying he was schooled in NYC after MVP buried their school system. Lockdown recap starts the show. They put some weird yellow filter over the video that looked awful. BDC talks outside the building with matching tracksuits and knit hats - so they at least look kinda major league now. EY has what appears to be a turban on. They're at the Hydro in Glascow and have a massive crowd compared to prior weeks AND LIGHTING! OH MY GOD THANK GOD! They've also got an okay-ish set too. Kurt's out cutting a fine promo about loving TNA, accomplishments, and he invites the champ Lashley out.


Bobby, with his golf hat, American Top Team shirt, and bubble vest are out. He and Kurt shake hands, and Kurt tells him he wants a shot at the most important prize in the business...the TNA World Title. BDC came out to a new theme and Wu-Tang font while MVP cuts a promo on both of them. MVP did not lose to a man sanctioned in the match, so the BDC didn't lose and he wants the World title. Lashley makes he and "Kurt Ankle" against 2 BDC guys tonight. They show the Hardy bump and Matt will update his condition later. Roode faces Aries tonight for...a reason we'll find out about later. Well good, BECAUSE A WEEK AGO, THEY WERE PARTNERS! Aries says they were the Dirty Heels 2 years ago and last week, they were partners. Roode says it's for a shot at the World Title - okay then. The backstage lighting is fantastic tonight and the presentation is a billion times better than it's been before.

Recap of the JB/Tyrus/EC3 thing last week. EC3 and Tyrus are backstage and EC3 says patience is a virtue that he doesn't have and as a man of wealth, doesn't need! He wants he and Tyrus to face Spud, Mandrews, and JB tonight. He pimps Tyrus as T-DIZZLE AND T-BONE, and man is his giant beard a big upgrade for his look. Val is the announcer and Josh says that Aries and Roode are 3 and 1 respectively, instead of that just being the story, we get some goofy gauntlet bullshit next week that somehow involves the rankings and order in the match. It's a number 1 contender's gauntlet match and the winner of the gauntlet faces Lashley the next week, so then the rankings really don't matter all that much. They exchange a lot of matwork and it leads to the chancery and then the big elbow, but they've got different color filters on things here. One camera is yellow-ish and the other gives you a natural look.

Roode gets a spinebuster and a grounded abdominal stretch. They pimp Unlocked and how the boys care about the rankings since it shows their importance in the eyes of the company. So do wins and losses matter or what? Bobby gets his ears boxed on a superplex attempt and eats a missile dropkick. Aries avoids the bomb, hits the discus forearm, BUT MISSES THE SUICIDE DIVE! Roode gets 2. Aries gets a sunset flip off the bomb for 2 and then eats a crossface. Roode gets cradled, but he moves that into another crossface with Aries' arm further away from the rope and he wins. Good little match - nothing amazing, but really good. Roode grabs the mic and says "that is pro wrestling". Oh fuck off. He puts Aries over as one of the best he's ever been in the ring with - now that I'm fine with. EY comes in and attacks him with punches and a piledriver and cackles. EY can fuck off, and since this feud is still going on, you know Roode's not getting a title shot after next week's match. I liked Roode doing a kinda of handstand on the piledriver bump.

 Roode is helped out by the trainers. EY comes out again and beats him up and hits a piledriver on the ramp. Now this I dig - he's officially nuts and doesn't care about anyone but himself. Maybe he can team with Sam Shaw - especially since he apparently stole his gear. Josh and Taz's closet has been greatly improved to a kind of metallic-looking doctor's office. Al Snow is mid-ring with a greying beard and we're told that he has issues with Grado, a contestant on British Boot Camp. Al's a bitter trainer character now who is angry that PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO WHAT HE DOES! TNA should really air a highlight video for this, a feud based around a show NO ONE IN NORTH AMERICA CAN WATCH before doing this. He calls out Grado, a fat tatted-up dude who tells him to shut up. Grado is over as hell, which helps this. "Hello Mrs. Grado" - Al rules. Al calls out his mother, Mrs. Grado slaps him and Al makes a match between them next week. They're having, I think, a respect match.


We get clips of the gauntlet during the break. Crazy Steve is out to face Bram...why? This is maybe an Xplosion match, so unless it involves Magnus kicking his ass, it serves no purpose. I like Taz actually making this match seem important by saying that Steve was brought up by Magnus jokingly, so that's why he wanted this. I like Bram talking smack to Steve and calling out Magnus on the mic too during this. Impaler DDT hits and gets the win for Bram. Hell, this went from something I didn't care about to a match that they had make sense minutes in and then made it stand out with the constant mic work. Spud's crew is backstage and Spud has a plaid kilt-style suit on.

Kurt and Gunner talk about the BDC match later. EC3 has his swank intro back and his blue and white gear matches the blue and white trim on Tyrus's gear. Love EC3 now having CORDLESS CLIPPERS! Spud has camo pants on and there's a new I'm With Spud shirt out. Dammit - I'm going to have to get each one of those for as long as my cat Spud's still around. Samoan Spike hits Spud instantly's just a transition for a tag to Mandrews. Josh talks about hair product, Taz talks about how JB's saving on that and Josh says JB's also saving on a gym membership. Josh talks about JB's MMA-STYLE KNEES, which were a bit better than Shane-O's punches. Josh talks about Mandrews being in a band and having a clothing company, but he does not in fact own a tanning salon. Perfect necksnap from EC3 to Mandrews. Spud gets a hot tag and stomps a mudhole into EC3. Josh says that Tyrus is trying to deflate Spud's head like a Patriots football! Josh says Spud's favorite worker was Spike Dudley after the Acid Drop. JB hits an awful dive off the top to Tyrus, who thank God caught him. Spud eats the headlock driver and loses. Tyrus appears to have a gigantic blue penis on the back of his gear. The lights go out before they can attack Spud and Anderson returns playing like he's on their side, and then low-blowing them. Gunner talks about winning the gauntlet next week. BDC jumps him.


Madion's out saying words that can't be heard over the sound system and she's being interrupted by Kong's stomping playing. Madison appears to have new ink on her left forearm. Kong came down and despite barely being able to move, she's still crazy over and exudes I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU UP RIGHT NOW. Kong slams her down, but misses a splash. Kong swats a missile dropkick away. She charges through her, hits the implant buster and wins.

Aries is backstage, but Kurt tells him he's in his seat. Kurt Angle is being a complete dick on this show. Aries HELPED THIS MAN A WEEK AGO and this is the thanks he gets. Lockdown tag match recap. JEFF HARDY'S THEME gets a huge pop when Matt Hardy comes out. Matt looks really lean in a nice button-down shirt. Matt talked about Jeff giving him a thumbs up, but not doing it last week. Whatever. The Revolution comes out and Manik has new all-black and white gear that looks quite good while Sanada has black and white paint. They had 80 camera cuts and various shaky cam bits just for Storm entering the ring. Storm says he did what Edge and Christian couldn't do, what Team 3D couldn't do, what Sting, Kurt Angle, or The Undertaker could do - he took out Jeff Hardy. Storm gave Matt a free shot that he wouldn't take it, and instead just punches his and he eats a beating from the whole group. Manik armbars him, but the Wolves come out for a save. I completely forget they were even in the company. Kurt and Lashley walk backstage for their tag match.


Aries talked to a camera guy, who asks him when he'll reveal the case cash-in. Aries says it'll be half-past a monkey's ass and a quarter-till his monkey balls. BDC takes him out and MVP throws the case out. Taz says they did it so Aries couldn't cash the title shot in tonight. Josh talks about Kurt re-signing a new long-term deal with TNA when rumors were HE'D GO ELSEWHERE. Why bring that up at all? If you know about Kurt's deal, then you also know he's said that he's done after this year. Lashley's out. MVP and Joe are the opponents and MVP has a new bodysuit.

Joe and Kurt start and Kurt hits an armdrag after eating a back elbow. Josh talks about Kurt ending Joe's undefeated streak in late '06. Hard to believe that was over EIGHT YEARS AGO. Lashley tags in and attacks Joe with strikes. MVP tags in and beats him down in his new red and yellow singlet. Sliding kick gets 2 and Joe tags back in. Joe attacks and then MVP comes in to attack again. Sleeper by MVP. Kurt tags in and runs wild with suplexes. MVP gets a schoolboy for 2. MVP hits a nice chain of forearms and a discus lariat for 2 - I like that, it's new. Joe tags in. Kurt gets an iffy missile dropkick off the second rope. He tags Lashley in and he hits some lariats. He spears MVP in the corner and gets a delayed suplex. MVP counters another spear with an elbow, but he eats a spinebuster. Lashley goes for a spear, but Kurt gets the ankle lock, and then gets rolled into the buckle thanks to Lashley sidestepping him and then MVP cradles Lashley to beat him with A DISTRACTION SCHOOLBOY. Lashley and Kurt argue and they go to the same video for next week's show which really gives you no reason to watch.


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