Friday, February 27, 2015

TNA Impact Wrestling 2-27-15

As boring as this gauntlet match was live, it's worse as a rerun. BEATING TOMMY DREAMER MAKES YOU NUMBER 3 IN THE RANKINGS!? Gauntlet recap starts the show. We go to a crowd shot of fat guys in Bro Mans shirts. Josh and his stupid sweater with the script are show while Kurt comes down in a button-down shirt. The crowd is packed with people and yet they're still all covered in darkness. Angle calls out Lashley...didn't this just happen a week ago? Lashley comes out in his new shirt with some track pants on slapping fans - so he's a face. He's been a prick lately.  Angle says he wants a title shot and Lashley says it's not his bite! Or fight. Angle blames Lashley for him losing the gauntlet and tonight, he'll do to Lashley what he did to him - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. What in the hell. 

 Taz rightfully calls Kurt a sore loser and the BDC comes down. Joe says words, the crowd chants that he sold out and Lashley repeats it. They go back and forth saying words before Joe cuts one of his better promos in a while saying that MVP will beat Lashley down tonight by any means necessary and become the world champion. Love MVP saying the BDC stands in Manchester united. Taz and Josh talk and we get another shot of the script showing their ON CAM prompt. Tyrus shaving recap. EC3 and Tyrus are out and he's now got CORDLESS CLIPPERS! The heels face Spud and Ken Anderson. Joy.

Ad for TOO FAT TO FLY, exclusively on DA. Spud and Anderson came down. Anderson says ANDROCKSTARSPUD after Anderson, getting a huge Spud chant. Tyrus takes off the beanie and gets a YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chant. Ken's black, green, and gold gear looks great. Tyrus has a gigantic tattoo on his back now. Love Ken doing corner punches then tagging in so Spud can do it too. Spud jumps in for a crossbody, but eats a WSS. Earl takes the clippers away and Josh calls the brace a bandage, resulting in Taz giving him shit. Ken tags back in and Ken hits a flying clothesline. Weird spinning neckbreaker gets 2. Spud gets piefaced by Tyrus. EC3 comes in off a slam and tag and ges 2. The giant brace is a shockingly good look for EC3 and Taz brings up how odd it is that we've got all four guys obsessed with hair and that JB should have a mask on with no holes. Spud comes in with some running forearms and a shining wizard before hitting the Acid Drop called the Underdog. Ken low blows Tyrus and...gropes him...before a mic check leads to a Spud win. This was fun. Lashley-MVP hype video shows their history with Lashley turning on EY to join them. They put some weird video filter on this that made the footage look a lot worse. Lashley's title win in June is shown.

Tag match recap leads to EC3 yelling about how he's going to take Spud out. Taryn's out while Josh talks about how she's grown. Her boob window is quite distracting, as is her promo style. She's in a locker room. She respects. And that includes. Awesome Kong. If she wants. The title. She can come. To get it. Right now. Gail comes out and says everyone respects her, but Kong's the toughest woman in wrestling EVER. Blackout and Kong's mid-ring eating shots and taking her down with the Big Daddy belly bump and the Implant Buster. BDC talks strategy and kicks out the camera man when they see him. Riveting. Mountain Monsters: Bigfoot Edition looks like the fakest thing in human history.


They hype up a three way next week with EY facing Roode and Angle to determine a new number one contender. Oh thank God, we get a recap of Roode-Lashley III, which according to Roode, didn't happen. BDC breakup with Lashley from 1/21 is shown. Ki's double stomp to the back was great - they're doing a good job in theory of hyping this match up, I'll give them that. Aries in a glorious hat talks to a camera guy. DJZ's out with a goofy mask that Taz says makes him look like a Power Ranger, so hopefully Saban doesn't sue them. Everyone has selfie sticks! Brooke has a new wacky happy theme and a new cape-ish thing. Melendez gets a pretty big pop given the whole pro-US deal across the pond. Josh puts over Bully and Devon for training Chris. Taz plugs 3D's academy. Chris gets a big suplex and ROBBIE COWERS WHEN BROOKE COMES IN. Gloriouis. Robbie tags out, then in. Robbie pushes her down and gets armdragged before Love comes in. Love samoan drop gets 2. Brooke gets some forearms and kicks. Iffy flapjack hits. Robbie shoves Brooke off the top and wins AND DOES A CARTWHEEL! IN THE BEST THING EVER, they do an ussie with Brooke as she's down! EC3 goes to Spud's locker room with the clippers for a break.

 Ken runs backstage, slips, and saves Spud from EC3. Okay then. Recap of Kurt's promo leads to Gunner basically calling him a prick who needs to be motivated, so he slaps him. Aries comes down and gets a big Aries chant leading to him saying he's got a first name too, so he gets a bigger "Austin Aries" chant. He says everyone else is busy being distracted by power, which he doesn't have to do because he's got the case. Joe comes down to the rather catchy BDC theme. Joe says all he needs to do is snap his fingers to lead to an ass-kicking while Aries calls him MVP's lapdog. Joe says tonight, instead of snapping his fingers, he'll go in and snap Austin's neck.

Aries gets a neck snap on the ropes and hits the Eddie hilo for 2. Snapmare sets up a seated dropkick to the neck off the second rope for 2. They fight on the floor and Joe chucks Aries into the steps. Aries fights off his back mid-ring with belly punches. Kidney headbutt from Joe sets up a shortearm forearm from Joe. Atomic yakuza kick from Joe sets up the senton for 2. Bearhug is locked on while Taz puts him over as being fast for his size. Aries gets some punches, but eats an eye rake. Froggy double sledge after a low bridge. Aries can't get a brainbuster, but Joe can't get a dragon suplex either. Thank God - NO ONE TAKE A DRAGON SUPLEX. Christ, Balor took a bad one in WWE and he's at least on a track to success. Pair of discus elbows sets up a cradle and a last chancery. Kenny comes down, but Joe gets sent into the case and Aries takes him down with a crucifix driver and wins with a 450. Very good match here - best thing on the show easily. Joe chokes him out and the goons set up a table. Double stomp off the top from Ki doesn't break the table, so Joe hops up and sentons him through it - that was very impressive given Joe's age, injuries, and size. Someone talks to Lashley, now in a Future Legend shirt. MVP talks to EY about helping him take Lashley out tonight.

Some guy named Noam Dar from BBC S1 is in the ring to face Rampage Brown, also from the show. WE NEED VIDEOS ON THESE GUYS BEFORE THEY'RE IN ANGLES AND IN MATCHES. Bram interrupts these jobbers and destroys them. Impaler to Rampage and Noam. Bram's new devil horn-style beard is good. Grado comes down to interrupt. We get Taz on-camera taking up the whole PIP screen for some reason. Grado talks smack, which we can't hear before getting some Dusty shots and beaten up by Bram for doing goofy shit. Josh says Bram just took out half the second season cast with ease - well, I'd hope so. He's a star and they're not.

Wolves face the Revolution next week for the gold. MVP and the Clan come down while Taz talks about MVP talking about his tough childhood on his podcast. We get a pretty cool shit of Lashley with the belt in his intro against the set. Tieup starts, but MVP goes for a cheapshot and gets countered. Delayed vertical from Lashley hits, seated punt doesn't. Ki interferes and gets kicked out while MVP kicks Lashley. They come back in after a break and MVP gets 2. FPR-style knees to the gut to Lashley. Seated Blackout gets 2. Lashley punches and MVP counters with forearms and a European uppercut. Joe chokes Lashley. King kicks him on the floor. MVP gets 2. MVP gets a top wristlock while Taz talks about MVP's submission training. Double-down off a double clothesline. Nothing special so far. Lariat and back elbow hit from Lashley. Big spinebuster hits. Corner Yakuza kick hits thanks to a King distraction. Kobashi corner lariats into an exploder. Man is it a shame MVP isn't 10 years younger, because he's something special and he just can't go at full speed. Spear takes out the ref and MVP sets up an EY chair shot. Roode prevents a piledriver on a chair looking like a junior APA member with jeans and a sleeveless shirt. Lashley gets a swinging neckbreaker. Corner hop into the powerslam, but Kenny takes the ref out. Joe gets the corner kick, but Gunner comes down for him. Play of the Day hits Lashley. Galloway prevents an MVP chairshot with a sliding kick. Spear hits for Lash and he retains. Good-ish match until the clusterfuck finish.

Screens -

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