Monday, February 2, 2015

WWE Raw 2-2-15

They recap THE CONTROVERSY of the Rumble - no, not the boos. The Rock coming out and HHH's announcement will apparently start the show and SHAKE THE UNIVERSE TO ITS CORE! Shockingly, the Authority starts the show with a promo. I'm really considering skipping the HHH podcast because it's just more HHH talking. The roster is backstage turned to their side to watch the ring on TV and JBL says that Rock caused all the controversy and made it hard for the Authority to enjoy the Super Bowl and then Booker talks about Steph tweeting about the Super Bowl. Steph and HHH talk about how the Patriots, THEIR TEAM BOSTON STRONG won. HHH talks about the CANCEL THE NFL NETWORK MOVEMENT. Ha. They re-replay the Roman elimination of Show and Kane. They talk and talk and talk and HHH buries guys coming in because they have a name. Steph says that Roman will go down as the Rumble winner, but should he go on to face Brock for the title? The outcome COULD have been different if Rock hadn't come out. Roman comes down. How is it Rock's fault the announcers didn't know Rusev was still in? He did NOTHING TO RUSEV, THE LAST GUY IN THE RING. Steph talked about Roman talking about his family last week - NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO CARRY ON A LEGACY EXCEPT FOR STEPH!

Bryan comes out in his new shirt to a huge pop. THE BIGGEST LITTLE DOG IN WWE HISTORY, DANIEL BRYAN! Massive yes chant for him. Bryan says he was stripped of the title and never given a rematch for it. Bryan says he wants a shot at WM since he should be getting one. Seth's out now, so I guess we're getting a 3-way. Noble with his ear piece is hilarious. Seth walks down and we go to break. Man it took Seth a long time to enter the ring. 21 minutes into this and Seth says Brock would eat Bryan alive. Seth said he broke Brock's ribs and deserves a 1-on-1 match with Brock while Roman says he'll knock him into next week if he comes closer. THIS ISN'T WHAT WE CAME HERE TO SAY. I've nearly completely forgotten about this whole thing. HHH proposes that tonight, the winner of Bryan vs. Rollins faces Roman Reigns, and the winner of that gets the WM shot. HHH says that Roman has everything to lose, BUT HE CAN SHUT DOWN THE CONTROVERSY AND STOP THE BOOING! HHH asks if Roman accepts and of course a big YES CHANT breaks out. "The most defining moment of your career" is everyone chanting for Daniel Bryan. OH THANK GOD ABOVE ROMAN VS. SHOW AGAIN!

The match began on the app and we come back to a bearhug. Booker talks about how Roman's willing to put it all on the line here. Roman fights back with a neck snap, J and J distracts him and he eats a Show spear for 2. Roman is a great video game wrestler when you've got all the specials turned on. In an actual match, not so much. Superman Punch. Seth bonks him with the case, Show chokeslams him and wins. Wow. Big Show just beat Roman Reigns by pin here in 2015. Roman is doomed. Nothing they do with him beyond reforming a Shield-style unit with Ambrose and someone else can save him. Just do that for a year and save his main event push for next year. HHH and Steph are addressing logic flaws...I think. HHH sets up Seth winning tonight, winning at Fastlane and he then hypes up the Austin podcast. They kissed and Eskimo kissed to go to a break.


"DON'T TURN THE CHANNEL, I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY!" Axel says he was never eliminated in the Rumble, and HE WOULD HAVE WON IT. He wants Brock Lesnar at WM and POINTS TO THE SIGN! Ambrose runs down and tosses him out.  He took a look at a wall in WWE HQ and said he loved seeing all the IC Champs, and since he takes a good mugshot AND HE'S AFRAID HE'S GOT SOME BAD NEWS for Barrett. Cole talks about WWE honoring black history month by having blacks on the announce team...err..a Ladd video. It's the same one as last year, but it's a damn good video.

C-I-T-Y YOU CAN SEE WHY...oh wait, it's a Fastlane ad. Ascension get a jobber intro against the Dust bros. Booker says that you gotta give Ascension a shot, John and John says they're better than Harlem Heat and then Booker says that he wouldn't go that far. So that didn't do any good.  Fall of Man beats Goldust. Stardust bitches at Goldust for losing. THE FIRED GUYS ARE BACK...AGAIN! NEXT!

Stardust rambled to himself backstage before Goldust slapped CODY and then Stardust hissed. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF STARDUST. CAN FUCK OFF! Cena came down and they announced the Fastlane match is now a U.S. Title match. If Roman's going to be in the WWE Title match, you might as well have Cena try and add importance to that title since you can then re-market either the old spinner US Title or make a new one. Cena's right eye is busted up and Cena talks about the HHH podcast. Cena puts over how HHH has made NXT a breeding ground for guys to take his spot. Cena says that nothing will make him quit and he's gonna keep fighting! Sting on Raw recap. "LOOK AT WHAT CENA DID!" Yup - came from behind and beat a heel like a coward. Cena says WE MADE HISTORY AND NOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN...with the return of Dolph, Ryback, and Erick Rowan. Steph interrupted the faces while standing in front of her DVD. Steph made Dolph-Wyatt, while Rowan faces Rusev, and Ryback faces...someone next. And it's against Harper.

Harper starts this off with a suplex leading to Ryback doing a delayed vertical. Ryback slams him down and does the falling sofa splash on him for 2. Booker buries the faces for not giving into the heels. Why is Booker supporting the heels here? Big boot hits and Harper falls down too. Outside in hilo leads to JBL saying it's like a zombie Eddie. WHAT!? Ryback comes back and gets a splash for 2. Black hole slam hits for 2. A fan yells YEAH GO BRODIE! Ryback gets the spinebuster, but Harper superkicks him for 2 off a meathook. Ryback gets a shellshock, but Harper slides down and then eats a meathook. Now the shellshock hits and he wins. Good little match here thanks to Harper.JBL said "They don't care who wins, they just care that the Universe is happy." Jesus.

Usos are out. An Uso faces someone who we don't know since they didn't show the opponent. It's Cesaro. Nattie tried to get Tyson and her on a double date with Naomi and Jey and they're apparently now friends ALL THE WAY BACK TO THEIR TOTAL DIVAS DAYS. Guys did moves. Booker talked about how strong Cesaro is. Cesaro leapt into a superkick, goes into the corner for the assalanche. Cesaro counters the splash with an uppercut and that's it. Nothing match with a good finish. Cole did a horrible blatant plug for the free WWE Network month.

Miz and Mizdow did stuff. Miz bullied him over blueberries and then Miz fired Mizdow as his stunt double - so he can be his personal assistant. Miz actually outshines Mizdow for a change. Cena sat backstage while Rowan walked in and talked to him. Erick respects him for standing up for him - no one else had before that. Rowan talked about MY TIME AWAY. They were gone for what, two weeks?  Dolph's out and we cut to Austin after a break. Some goober hands him about a dozen pages of notes. Yup - skipping that. Bray's out with one of the cooler firefly intros yet.

Cole hypes this up as a great match. Bray dominates with choking. Now a vulcan nerve pinch. Suplex to the floor leads to a break. POST-BREAK CHINLOCK! Bray rides it for a century. Shotgun lariat leads to JBL pimping Tenryu's birthday. Dolph gets a running superkick to the gut that somehow sends Bray spinning around. People actually chant THIS IS AWESOME. 2 AND 99 PERCENT count according to Booker. Bray get his finish out of nowhere. This wasn't good and if Bray is boring in there with Dolph, it's terrifying to think of Bray-Taker. AND SPEAKING OF THE AUTHORITY, EVERYONE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THE AUTHORITY! Long recap of the opening thing. HHH and Steph met with Seth and clearly set up Seth losing tonight to face Orton at Fastlane after bashing the latter and bringing up the injury angle - likely with Orton costing Seth the win.

Bellas are out for commentary on Paige-Alicia. Bellas talk about Paige loving to spill out leading to her yelling at them. A Bella talks about Paige hating on the Bellas. Nikki talks about all the other divas wearing tons of makeup. Nikki's waxing philosophical about hashtag length. Alicia hits a backbreaker, which of course leads to Paige getting an immediate cradle and winning even tied up in the ropes. Alicia holds her in place while the Bellas put what they call tanning spray, but looks like black spray paint on her.

They hype up Miz on Sirens. Glad to see Miz get any kind of SAG work and I liked them tying the character into it. Miz is out to face Sin Cara. Nice yellow, black, and blue gear on Cara. That theme is fantastic too. Nothing much here - it's just a backdrop for the Mizdow angle. Mizdow's got some titties on him. You'll never guess, but this mid-card Raw match ended with a distraction rollup. Bray cut a promo about being the new face of fear and told SOMEONE AROUND WM SEASON to find him. Bray-Taker is a fun video game match - THAT WILL NOT TRANSLATE TO WM.

DID YOU KNOW THAT WWE IS THE NUMBER 1 SPORTS CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE!? Rusev-Rowan time. Christ, this show just won't end. Cole hyped up Raw episode 1,132. Shocked he didn't way it was historic. Rusev came out to a good reaction. Rowan got a mild pop for his theme hitting and then nothing as it played. Rusev attacked before the bell, so we might not even get a match here. Rusev beat his ass and the crowd chanted for Lana. Rusev got the camel clutch over the beard. Lana is fucking this up something fierce so far. She showed a trailer for Rusev: THE ASS KICKING JOURNEY! Great video. Lots of Kofi in this. IT'S A NYET DAY! The flag got caught up and it pissed off the heels and popped the crowd huge. STUPID AMERICAN EQUIPMENT FAILURE!

Roman is pissy backstage, and then he's a complete dick to Bryan. Seth's out and they announce on SD that Roman and the winner of this match will be on Miz TV. Bryan came down and Cole recapped Bryan's match with THE MAN KNOWN AS KANE! Why the hell is JBL pointing out things like THE HEELS KNEW A PARTICULAR CAST OF CHARACTERS WOULD COME OUT!? Cole says that this has a title match feel to it. No, it doesn't. Loved Bryan's mat work - he's so fast with it. Boy is this Daniel Bryan guy a good technical wrestler. Goons help Seth smash Bryan into the steps.


Seth gets a neckbreaker after the break. Bryan gets some punches, but they do a double down off a double lariat. JBL talks about how lightning can't strike twice - IT SIMPLY CAN'T HAPPEN. Bryan gets the corner dropkick and a super rana. Seth gets a flash cradle for 2. Bryan sends Seth onto the goons on the floor and then dives on them. Seth splayed himself on the table gloriously. Super back suplex from Bryan gets 2.9. Bryan goes for the knee, but Seth catches him, hits the buckle bomb and the kneeling superkick for 2.9! This is an excellent match. Seth kneels down for a cover, but he gets put in the Yes Lock! Seth gets his feet on the rope and escapes. Roman runs down and hits a spear near Show that is GIF-worthy. Spear to Joey, Jamie gets caught with the case. Roman Superman Punches Seth and Bryan hits the knee. BRYAN WINS THANKS TO THE BIG DOG!

Bryan points to the WM sign and Renee meets with HHH who says he'll respond to this on the pocast RIGHT NOW. Cole meets with Bryan in the ring, who promises to beat Roman - which gets boos.

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