Thursday, July 10, 2014

TNA Impact 7-10-14

The pre-Impact Cops has prescription pill selling - OF COURSE IT WOULD! There's also a bad motorcycle wreck with a woman fleeing the scene. They apparently found her and she's in the back of the car - although she says she's not the driver. She's got a few different stories about all this, and her arm's cut up with blood on the driver's-side door. She's drunk, hit a guy, and he might lose a leg. NEW COPS RETURN ON SATURDAY! They started with an awesome epic video hyping up tonight's night of champions - two titles are on the line in the KOs, X, and Tag titles, and a 20 man battle royal will determine who faces Lashley. Kurt's out to hype up the X title match as the match he's looking forward to the most - and instead of just showing him, they're showing highlights of everyone involved. This is an awesome little touch that I love. Kurt called out Willow, who didn't get his wacky druggie intro until he was halfway down the ramp. Angle said he wanted Jeff Hardy to return since Dixie is gone - oh yeah, THAT'S WHY WILLOW WAS BORN. Angle's explanation of just what this character is was glorious, and after a Hardy chant, he's back. Aries cut a backstage promo about how he only has to beat one guy to get a world title shot, while the battle royal guys have to outlast 19 - sound logic. Bram and Magnus are out to get their tag title shot earned by beating Willow and Abyss - ever the top-tier team. I'm going to call them British Home Invasion since they've got this wacky criminal vibe to them. 

Wolves came out being all intense. A ShopTNA ad aired - they've got 40% off random crap, and now sell a blue and yellow EY beard shirt that's so bad, it's good. Corner shots from Magnus lead to a chop/round kick combo from the Wolves. Magnus ate a drop toehold into Bram's crotch. Instead of a "bonk his head into my boot" bit, Davey did a headbutt. MORON. Magnus trapped him in the ring skirt and nailed some body shots. Bram missed a big elbow that looked funky. Nice European uppercut from Bram. Taz said that Europe is Bram's hometown to Tenay's amusement. Davey landed a wacky back spin kick thing to Magnus after getting his foot caught. Eddie's landing some machine gun chops to Bram. Missile dropkick from Eddie - it's so weird to see that back-bump dropkick become the norm. Super rana from Eddie gets 2.9. Davey saves Eddie from a double suplex and they land a double suicide dive! The Wolves' howling is a bit stupid. Davey and Bram do stuff, but Eddie slides in for a quick win since he's legal - that was a bit heelish there. The Brits attack with the belts anyway, so the win really didn't matter much. Bobby Roode was backstage looking a bit old with all the lighting beamed right on his face. Roode said he was going to call MVP out.

Roode came out and they showed clips of the King-Roode deal. I love how they're maximizing their airtime with that setup - if there's just basic stuff going on, they show clips to further the storyline. He cut a promo on MVP, saying he has until a 10 count to come out here to get his ass kicked or he'll go backstage, find him, and kick his ass there! MVP wheel himself out there with his "3,2,1" theme going off a second early before they got to 4. Bobby shoved MVP out of the wheelchair and broke it before King came down to defend his crippled friend. Then EY came out to brawl with EY before Lashley speared him. EY's selling of the spear is some of the best out there. Everything but the spear was just stuff though. Storm talked to Sanada and basically acted as the devil in his ear about him disgracing his culture and Muta if he loses the title tonight. He said that Sanada is controlled by Muta, and he's coming to NY just to see him defend it. Storm likes him though, and wishes him luck. Storm as a demented mentor is amusing. Aries-Sanada is next.

 They plugged the Global Impact 2 PPV and basically just told you to WATCH THIS PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT via DVR and not worry about watching it live since it opposes SD. They recapped the Hardy deal. Kurt says he hopes he got to Jeff Hardy tonight - Willow brings the violence, BUT HE NEEDS THE MOST COMPETITIVE MAN ON THE ROSTER. In what way is Jeff's character the most competitive in TNA? Sanada and Aries started off with fantastic matwork and a perfect dropkick from Sanada. ARIES MOVES FROM A BACKSLIDE INTO THE LAST CHANCERY! AWESOME. Sanada was next to the ropes though. Sanada locks on the ab stretch before the rolling cradle for 2. A running lariat sent Aries to the floor, but Aries runs in and avoids the springboard chop. Aries sends him to the floor with that before nailing him with the double sledge. Big elbow drop from Aries gets 2. Sanada kinda missed a dropkick to counter Aries's dive, but Taz covered by saying he grazed him. Snap rana sets up apron wackiness to set up a Sanada flipping senton off the apron to the floor. SPRINGBOARD CHOP GETS 1! Aries counters a dragon suplex into the knee breaker>back suplex, but Sanada counters the back suplex into a crossbody for 2! Overhead chop from Aries! Sanada hits a straight up boot to counter the corner dropkick. Backbreaker>moonsault is countered into a sick head bonk into the buckle, then the corner dropkick. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but it's countered into the Tiger suplex for 2! Moonsault gets 2! A second one misses, leading to the roaring elbow, the dropkick, AND A BRAIBUSTER! 2.9! 450 barely hits, but gets the win! This was a must-watch match - first one on TNA since probably the Wolves' ladder match, and it was far better than that. Bully cuts a staircase promo about Rhino...until they cut away 10 seconds in. Well, that served no purpose.

Willow was...looked up to for a while. After that stupid Bully bit, they just replay the pre-ad part, and then the full part. Bully yelled about Rhino - who he'll talk about next. Bully talked about being young and getting advice from Bam Bam Bigelow about how he'd only need one hand to represent all of his friends in wrestling. RHINO WAS ONE OF THEM, but he's not now! Tenay and Taz made a joke about EC3 getting head or something. Bully talks about the HISTORY RHINO AND HE HAD. I can't fathom a single thing they ever did together. Rhino calls Bully a conman - he conned Devon, PAUL E HEYMAN, AND DIXIE CARTER. RESPECT HER NAME WHEN HE MENTIONS HER NAME! Rhino buried Team 3D for being in the hall of fame, while Bully says that Rhino's the reason he was fired from WWE and TNA. EC3 put over how Rhino's family needs money and how A CARTER WITH INFINITE RESOURCES paid him. Bully threatened EC3, but Rhino gored him. Dreamer came down and hit them with a cane, leading to a huge ECW chant. Velvet and Angelina's boobs said things backstage. I think Velvet's breasts grew since the last taping - minutes before this one. Oh, and the KOs title match is a 4-way with Rayne, Brittany, Gail, and Angelina.

WILLOW IS IN THE RAFTERS, BUT WILL HE BE WILLOW OR JEFF HARDY!? Knux talked about getting a battle royal gig so they can't be DQed and they'll have money then. Please no. BPs came out without the silhouette shaking their asses. Brittany jumped Rayne and they rang the bell despite Gail not being out there...for a few seconds. Madison and Gail toppled the heels and did some fun cradles and suplexes amidst themselves. FANTASTIC flapjack from Gail to Madison. Wheelbarrow facebuster to the floor from Angelina to Gail! Nice camel toe on Madison after the DDT from Brittany. Angelina talks Brittany out of trying to win and to focus on helping her. Angelina tells Brittany to look away, so she...does and Angelina gets 2. WHAT A STUPID HEEL - aren't you supposed to be smarter as a heel? Madison hits a yakuza kick to Angelina. Madison hits the Voodoo Drop on Brittany before Angelina kicks her down and Gail makes her Eat Defeat for the win. WILLOW'S MASK IS SPINNING IN THE RAFTERS - IS JEFF HARDY BACK FOR THE BATTLE ROYAL!?

Aries talked about having THE POWER now and it's become a year thing for having the title how everyone thinks he'll cash in for a title shot - BUT HE'S NOT PREDICTABLE. The X DIVISION IS ONCE AGAIN RELEVANT. So I think he's a heel again. A video hyped up how the champion has cashed in and won the World title - WILL IT HAPPEN AGAIN ON JULY 31!? This Lashley hype video is fantastic - MVP as his mouthpiece is so much better than MVP winning and being world champ when he really can't go anymore. Just showing Lashley working out and being physically-impressive with MVP hyping him up works. EY, EC3, and Spud came out to start the battle royal. Roode got a full intro, and the rest are going to be during the break.WWE needs to copy this EXACTLY when Brock wins the title. TNA is basically booking Lashley the way WWE should've booked Brock from minute 1 until now - it's amazing how good a job they're doing with him. Him being seen with the title in every shot further puts over both the title and him being the champion, and was a great little touch.

They came back with Storm getting a partial intro and Bully getting a full one. Well, I was wondering how they were going to fill time with the match being "next" at 10:25. JEFF HARDY RETURNED with wackier arm sleeves and a new, shittier theme. This looks like a clusterfuck with so many guys in the ring. Jesse dropkicks Crazzy Steve to the floor. Freak tosses Jesse out with one hand. Gunner through DJZ into Knux and Freak to toss him out. Freak gets taken out by Bram and Magnus. Taz talked about his battle royal plan being to always attack from behind...but he never won, so it sucked - and he's sure the internet will correct him if he's wrong. Magnus takes Sanada out, but Magnus is tossed out into chops from Sanada. Storm takes out Anderson. There's really nothing going on here beyond eliminations, but I love how much they're all tying into the storylines - they're not just random. Abyss comes out to attack Bram. MVP saves King, who takes out Manik by just throwing him over in a silly-looking spot. Oh, and Roode has new long gear that looks terrible.

A rushed JB ad hyped up the next NY tapings, then Roode eliminated Storm. Spud chops Bully, who responds by...grabbing Spud's balls in as Taz calls it "the 5 on 2!" Bully tosses him over the top and hits a rabbit lariat version of the Cactus clothesline to the floor to eliminate EC3 and himself. MVP hits Roode to allow King to toss him, but King's arrogance allows EY to toss him. Now it's down to EY and Hardy. They did some awesome HBK-style teases of eliminations before Hardy won with a triangle dropkick and EY took an amazing bump for it. I want a one on one match between them. Hardy cut a promo about "BEING EXTREMELY MORE DANGEROUS THAN MOST!" Whoa boy. This was a good show overall, but not amazing beyond the X Title match, Tag Title match to a lesser extent, and the fantastic Lashley hype vid.

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