Thursday, July 31, 2014

TNA Impact 7-31-14 - Destination X 2014

I've been playing a ton of Super Mario World today, and I didn't watch much of the pre-show Cops. I caught an old-looking dude getting caught in what would seem like a lie about hitting a pregnant woman. First he didn't touch her, then he pushed her back in self-defense. He "downsized it". And he's got weed on him. The last story is about a trailer that apparently has 52 cats, rabbits, and rats. Old men lived her, got evicted, and left the cats alone. The trailer is just covered in waste. A KITTEN IS STUCK TO THE FLOOR. Everyone has to watch their step to avoid stepping on a live kitten. Wow. They've got a Comic-Con show on tonight after TNA that I'll probably check out. Now there are cats in the wall! The cops and the neighbors are doing a hell of a job getting all of the cats in cages.

Aries starts the show with a pre-show in-ring promo talking about how he'll cash in Option C to win the world title again.  Good promo. Spud in his red, white, and blue getup, Dixie, and EC3. They recapped THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS BIG ZEKE and Snitsky's debut. Dixie's very echoey here. Zeke and Snitsky in Dixie Land shirts is funny, as is her saying the fans are living in the past. Rhino as a corporate suckup is shockingly funny. Dixie says if you want to chant EC-Dub, she'll let you - WITH THE TRUE EC-DUB. Good lord, this is shameless. She at least uses this to put over EC3. EC3 brings up his army of extreme. Buries Ezekiel Jackson's name coming out of a generator - his name is Ryclon. "EVERY TIME YOU CHANT ECW, YOU'RE CHANTING FOR GENE SNITSKY!" This was hilarious, and we've got a tag match. The Hardys-Wolves match is up, and the Hardys have Matt's shitty TNA theme for God knows what reason. At least use of Jeff's memorable themes. They go no reaction with that shit.

Matt looks really good wearing his '07 black, silver, and white gear. Eddie moves around a ton for Matt before Jeff comes in and they double team Davey. Arm wringer and tag sequences wears on a bit. Poetry in Slow Motion countered. Well, that Davey double rana sure is ri-goddamn-diculous. Double dive to the floor sends the Hardys down to the ramp. Davey lands a corner running forearm, while Eddie hits a flying back elbow - I'll need to adjust some FPR movesets later. Matt saves Jeff from a double suplex setting up a poetry in motion TO THE FLOOR! Side Effect sets up a swanton, but Davey saves. Matt nails a moonsault, but overshoots a tad and gets 2 thanks to Davey. HARDY LOCKS ON THE ICE PICK! DOUBLE ICE PICK WITH JEFF HELPING, but Davey drops Jeff on the pile to break it all up. Matt nails some forearms, but eats a double Alarm Clock. Double stomp from Davey, then Eddie for a 2.9! Eddie hits a somersault dive to Jeff, Matt gets the Twist for 2! Backslide gets 2. Matt goes for a Super Twist, but Eddie kicks him down into a super powerbomb>backstabber. This was good-ish, but I had this match in FPR twice and enjoyed it more there. The post-match was excellent, with the Wolves bowing, putting the belts down, and shaking hands. A Low-Ki hype video aired for the X Division 4-way later. Low Ki hasn't aged a day in 12 years. This was an excellent hype vid. Low-Ki and Joe exchanged looks, so I guess it's 2 singles matches and not just a 4-way.

They showed highlights from the tag title match to make it seem like an instant classic. DJZ's in the ring to face Manik. Manik's theme still sucks - they always should've kept the Suicide theme and just either changed or nixed the lyrics. Nope, it's a 4-way. Low Ki stomps his way out there like he's a seven footer. Like Ronda Rousey, he really projects being an ass-kicker. So it's a 3-way, why was Joe doing stuff with Low-Ki backstage? Are we getting 2 3-ways? Why is this so unclear!? They've got time for a graphic for goodness sake. I want Seth to steal that outside-in curb stomp that DJZ just did to Low-Ki. Tenay hyped up "the qualifiers". HOW MANY ARE THERE?! WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO EXPLAIN!? Manik did a wacky sliding stopping kick to Low-Ki before doing a spinning headscissors to Z. Manik locks on a Christo to Z before turning it into a Muta lock where he's kicked down by Low Ki. Northern lights to Low-Ki during the move. This is Nova-levels of wacky. Low Ki hits a dropkick to Manik that sends him into Z into the buckle. DOUBLE SLIDING KNEES FROM Z! Low Ki hits a handspring kick to the ass sending Z to the barricade. Ki counters a facebuster with the double stomp and a Ki Crusher for a win. Okay, so we've got three triple threats tonight setting up a 3-way next week.

Storm's out while they recap the Muta-Sanada deal. Storm calls himself THE LEGEND! Storm says he's Sanada's new mentor and friend. Storm as a hype man for Sanada works for me. Sanada walked with an arrogant stride...and he's facing some jacked up motherfucker. Brian Cage. And they're in a 3-way with Crazzy Steve, who came out with balloons and a tricycle. Cage hit some crazy shoulder-mount backbreaker>reverse DDT things on Sanada. Steve challenged Cage to a test of strength so he could stomp his foot. DOUBLE FALLAWAY SLAM FROM CAGE with Steve in a fallaway slam setup and Sanada on his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Delayed superplex from Cage was met with an ear clap by Steve. Goofy sunset flip from Steve to Sanada into the buckle. Euro uppercut from Cage. Uranage into a Hunico-style Angle slam. Sanada rakes the eyes to win with a Tiger Suplex. A moonsault finish would've made more sense. They replayed EC3's challenge to Team 3D and Dreamer, which was hard to hear due to Sanada's theme playing over it. OG ECW crew accepted backstage. Cage should've earned himself a contract here, and maybe with them being in a hiring mood - granted on per-appearance deals, he'll have gotten one. Dude was seriously impressive here.

They hyped up Xstravaganza on PPV, and this is the perfect time to air it. Roode and Aries talk about how Roode underestimated him. This was excellent stuff, and set them up as possibly having a friendly rivalry in the future. Stuff like this makes me really hope TNA makes it through the rough patch, because they've got some great matches brewing. TNA should really use crowdfunding to keep themselves going if they wind up with no TV - I want to see where this Aries-Roode stuff goes. 3D and Dreamer came out, with Bully being the thinnest guy there, and going back and forth on the ramp to milk the reaction. Devon looks fantastic with his shirt partially tucked in. It's a different look for him. Dreamer cut a promo on EC3 and shockingly didn't cry. Dreamer puts over how the TNA locker room has the same fire they did in THE ORIGINAL ECW! HARDCORE ISN'T ABOUT WEAPONS, IT'S ABOUT WORK ETHIC! Good promo from Dreamer, so I now assume we'll have a lot of hard-working action and not endless weapons, right? EC3 said the match would be on Carter Time - NEXT WEEK! Bully was annoying, but I did enjoy his "ETHAN, YOU'RE IN NEW YORK CITY, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" AND HE CAN START A MOTHER TRUCKING RIOT. This actually got a mother trucking chant! Bully demanded an 8-man extreme hardcore weapons war. Bully guaranteed that Dixie was going through a table next week. OH MY BROTHER TESTIFY! This was damn near perfect for what it needed to be. Joe talked to Kurt, and Kurt said that Destination X would have no limits. So I guess we're getting an Ultimate X match with no hype.

Tenay hyped up the August 5-7 tapings. Those will be very interesting given the past week's events. Tenay announced the Team Bully-Team EC3 EXTREME HARDCORE WEAPONS match. Dixe cut a promo with King Mo as her backup next week. They recapped Gail-Taryn, and Angelina's tits cut a promo on them. A hype video for H and some wacky letters aired. Samoa Joe cut a promo about being pro wrestling and being the next X Division champion. And he's in the match against Uno and HOMICIDE! His black and white American flag shirt is fantastic. NY crew high-lowed Uno. Joe snaps an overhead belly to belly on 'Cide. Tenay told the history of Homicide and Joe in TNA - Joe last won the X Title from Homicide. Double open-legged legdrop from Uno was really really stupid looking. Joe prevents the Gringo Killah by saving Uno and chopping 'Cide. Joe avoids Uno's dive with the "fuck off you land on your face now" spot. Muscle buster on 'Cide for the win. This made me want to have this match in DoR 2. Sanada-Low Ki- Joe face off next week, which I'll have to do later in FPR. A surprisingly epic Bram/Magnus-Abyss recap airs. Abyss cut a promo on his Monster's Ball with Abyss next week. Abyss sang "My Girl" and held up Janice - THAT RULED! An Option C/Aries-Lashley hype video aired to set up the main event.

ShopTNA has a sale - 75% OFF GUITARS! The X Title qualifiers were recapped. Joe-Sanada-Low Ki should be amazing. Aries and Lashley came out and they had a cat and mouse game here. Lashley has really overdelivered as a signee in every way. He came back with no hype at Lockdown, and wound up having better matches than ever before, finally finding a role that fits him perfectly, winning the world title, and now being in a company-saving role with the Bellator fight. Lashley takes Aries out on the floor with a big suplex. They went to a break and came back with Lashley choking him out on the ropes. Fantastic shoulder blocks in the corner send Aries to the floor. Lashley did a really impressive deadlift reverse powerslam into the post ribs-first. Anderson and Rampage will be on the Comic Con show next. He did another deadlift into a rear gutwrench slam then clamped on a reverse bearhug. Aries elbowed out of it and is playing the Ricky Morton role perfectly here. Lashley recovers to lock on a bearhug while Taz digs the match so much he actually starts describing the advantage of the grip Bobby's using. Aries claps the ears to escape. Lashley countered with the Ultimate press slam. DISCUS FOREARMS FROM ARIES! Corner forearms! Right after Taz pimped the Bellator fight and how this was like that for Lashley, Aries did the corner mount punches. DOUBLE SLEDGE OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR from Aries! The over the rope neckbreaker shown in clips last week was done here. Missile dropkick from Aries! Lashley counters a corner leap into the powerslam! ARIES COUNTERS THE SPEAR WITH A DROPDOWN AND LAST CHANCERY! This was timed perfectly! Lashley gets up, so Aries knees the hell out of him. Aries goes for a brainbuster, but Lashley just chucks him with a gourdbuster. Spear misses into the corner dropkick! Discus forearm! RUNNING DISCUS FOREARM! ANOTHER CORNER DROPKICK! Brainbuster with a really nasty landing gets 2.9! Holy crap this rules! Lashley rolls out to avoid the 450. SUICIDE DIVE MISSES! Cripes! That was nuts. Spear with a twisting sell gets the win. This was a fantastic match. This show wasn't the best bell-to-bell show in TNA history, but it was an amazing overall show that made me feel good about TNA's future at a time when that is really needed. The show ends with them doing something super-weird - giving away that Dixie gets put through a table next week with clips.

Screens -

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