Sunday, July 20, 2014

WWE Battleground 2014

Brawl For All gets the Best of The Worst nod before the pre-show. The cropping showing just the top of the F is terrible. The set is literally just the regular HD set. Christian's back on the panel and has a greying beard. None of the panel can be heard easily - they're all being drowned out. Booker named Naomi-Cameron as his SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK MOMENT OF THE NIGHT. VINTAGE SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK! In a surprise, Fandango-Rose is on the pre-show and not on the PPV as was expected. Probably a good move. Summer Lay are out with Rose. The express dances around like goofs taking all attention away from the actual match, leading to Fandango being slapped on the floor by Summer Lay. Rose hits a spinebuster and the Party Foul. THIS SUCKED. Didn't they just do this exact thing on SD?! An awesome Shield hype video set up Rollins-Ambrose perfectly - this should've aired on TV. Cameron's out as a wrestling schoolgirl.
Good to see Cameron get gear that works as both ring gear and fetish gear for after the show. Cole pimps that this match came about DUE TO SEEDS PLANTED ON THE HIT E SHOW TOTAL DIVAS. Naomi's checkered flag gear is blinding. They exchanged a variety of terrible strikes while a mild CM Punk chant broke out. Cameron runs FACE FIRST INTO THE ROPES to bounce off of them. Cameron gets a schoolgirl and wins. Good God this was terrible. Well, they did a great job killing the crowd before the opener. According to Booker, KOFI'S LOOKING TO BREAK THROUGH TONIGHT. BY WINNING THE IC TITLE FOR THE 90TH TIME! WWE Title issue recap. Tonight, JOHN CENA WILL HAVE TO OVERCOME THE ODDS! God, Roman's hair in the pre-show closer shot is amazing! He's letting his soul glo.

The Battleground video hypes up ONE MAN'S RISE, AND HOW ONE MAN SEEKS HIS FALL! For reasons that have never once been explained over the past month. Cena could lose everything without losing anything. The video stated that Plan B would be Seth with the case. Usos came out with different paint than they had backstage before the show, and the Wyatts still have their shitty theme. One of the Usos is really trim, and the other has a tummy. Nice corner chop and eye rake from Harper to an Uso. JBL, the ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY COWBOY, grading the Usos' appearance. Harper is such a modern-day Brody, it's amazing. Sure, guys have looked more like Brody, but none of them have had the versatility like Brody that Harper has. Big boot gives Harper the first fall. Uso gets up and eats a corner avalanche before Rowan comes in. Missed corner boot results in Harper eating a cradle for a loss despite Harper's shoulder being up. USO CRAZY DIVE! ONE TOWARD THE TABLE. ONE TOWARDS THE AISLE! DASHER BOARD DIVE TO HARPER! CROSSBODYOFF THE TOP GETS 2.9! Uso comebacks are so awesome!

Assalanche hits, but Harper eats it and nails him with the avalanche! CORNER BIG BOOT SENDS JIMMY OVER THE TOP! HARPER TOPE! A second one gets a kick counter and a schoolboy for 2.9! We've already had two schoolboy finishes on the show. Flying couch dive from Rowan misses! BIG SPLASH FROM AN USO GETS 2.9! He's in disbelief, but waits too long for another dive...and it rewinds! Uso gets prevented by Harper, leading to a blind tag, then ROWAN HITS A SUPERPLEX TO BOTH USOS! They set up the double crucifix bomb, but a superkick prevents it. SPINNING LARIAT MEETS A SUPERKICK, BUT HE EATS IT AND HITS THE MOVE ANYWAY FOR 2.9 THANKS TO A SAVE! Superkick! DOUBLE SUPERKICK! DOUBLE SPLASH FROM THE USOS GETS THE WIN! Holy crap this was incredible. Goddamn! That developed into one hell of a match!

Seth-Dean is up next with that awesome hype video before it. Seth cut a promo backstage that didn't really do anything for me before Dean showed up and attacked since he brought up the MITB case. Agents take Dean away. Steve Keirn makes TV. HHH apparently threw Dean out, so that does something to the match. Paige-AJ is up. Paige came in to show off her cleavage while entering the ring. Paige dominated and kept getting frustrated about AJ not offering a challenge. AJ gets the black widow, but a hiptoss saves her. Paige Turner gets 2! AJ countered the PTO with a cradle, and then hit the shining wizard. There was a lot of story here, but it wasn't the best match out there. A nice Summerslam hype video aired. Orton and Kane had a badly-acted bit backstage. Cole hyped up the kickoff, leading to a panel bit where they DISSECT THE ACTION. They recapped the Swagger-Rusev deal.

Rusev's out. Putin photo is still in the tron. The Russian flag colors in the gear really help the overall look - before, it was super-basic. Now, it looks like some effort was put into it. Lana brought up RECENT CURRENT EVENTS, and then brought up the war. Well, they're not toning this down. Swagger and Rusev went at it as Lana slapped Zeb.They had a God-awful match that went on for ages with nerve pinches, DOUBLE NERVE PINCHES, and other shit. The countout finish was intense...until they did the camel clutch anyway. Seth came out to get a forfeit, so Dean attacked him. Loved Seth's "CMON YA PIECE OF SHIT!" This brawl ruled, but I'd have rather had the match.

An incredible Wyatt-Jericho hype video made their feud seem far more epic than it should've. They tied the SAVE_US bit into everything far more here than they have on TV, and it made the whole thing more compelling. Bray came out. They've now added a phone light look to his tron - dig it. The lights led to a bit of a LOL here with a car visible. Gigantic Y2J chant before Jericho's intro. Bray's eye is still destroyed. Cole pimped SLAM CITY. This is the wrong match to plug Slam City on. Rose-Fandango, sure - SEMI MAIN EVENT - no.  Jericho and Bray had a good little match early on before Jericho DOVE OFF THE TOP ON ALL OF THE FAMILY! Basic moves once again set up an axehandle off the top from Jericho. Spinning gutbuster from Bray gets 2. That gutbuster was not exactly a thing of beauty - it was better as just a swinging facebuster. Jericho got the knees up for the senton and hits the enzuiguri for 2. I was hoping this match would save the show, but it's not going to be doing that. Some drunk guys sang "He's Got the Whole World in His Hnads" before Bray did the corner charge that was countered by a boot. Bray counters the Lionsault with knees to the gut. Corner charge lands from Bray. Bray talks smack resulting in a corner charge when he runs into the other corner for it. Jericho schoolboys Bray's head into the ropes - FINALLY, A NEW WRINKLE TO THAT! Abigail is set up, but countered into a Walls attempt that is also countered. Big bodyblock hits for 2.9 from Bray. CODEBREAKER! And that's it. Okay then. Normally, I'm all for a single finisher getting a win - but that's been a setup move for years now and tends to only be a finish as a counter.

Seth and some dudes walked around a very buzzy part of the building. Maybe it's where Nikki keeps all her vibrators. He sent security away, and then they stayed on him FOREVER before revealing Dean in his trunk. Seth and Dean brawled a bit and then Seth drove off and hit his luggage. They showed Barrett on Instagram saying goodbye to the IC Title. It's time for the BATTLEGROUND BATTLE ROYAL! I love the wacky shade of blue on Ryback's gear, and the enlarged heart. On the gear of course. Sandow came out, then Slater did, with the 3MB theme. Xavier Woods gets his own theme and it's on this show - so he got no reaction. Dolph came out. Miz didn't get the Hollywood intro here. Sin Cara's new red, white, and blue gear sucks. Barrett came out to DELIVER SOME BAD NEWS! The winner gets the IC Title. Oh, and when he returns, he's taking the title back. Ryder and Woods took great bumps for Khali to the floor. Guys did moves. Sandow was taken out. Sheamus kicks Ryback over the top. Miz goes under the bottom rope. Bo kneed Titus in the back and took Titus out! Cesaro and Kofi did some goofiness to avoid elimination. Cesaro belly to belly suplexed Big E over hte top - it reads as more impressive than it was. KOFI WAS KNOCKED ONTO BIG E'S SHOULDER FOR A CHICKEN SPOT. Cesaro suplexed him back in before he took him out. Heath eliminates Cesaro! Sheamus and Dolph are the final 2 in the ring, but Miz is still on the floor. Sheamus and Dolph brawled, but Dolph went a billion miles an hour. Sheamus shoulder charged him right in the balls in the corner. Sheamus landed right on Dolph's head during a sunset flip counter. Dolph superkicked Sheamus on the apron after countering Sheamus's attempt to do White Noise off the the hell would that have worked? Miz tosses Dolph out and wins. I look forward to his "I'M THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, DAMMIT!" promo.

Summerslam hype vid again. Fatal 4 way guys came out. Russo's dream has come true - the world title truly is just a prop now. ORTON HAS NEW GEAR. It's dark blue with black text and white trim. Black and OLIVE GREEN are not a good combo for Roman. I do like the newer look though. Cole being shocked about Kane and Orton's pre-arranged alliance being an alliance astounds me. Lots of punches and kicks here. Things got plodding. Crowd chanted for Daniel Bryan, and the Kane-Orton alliance broke down. Shitty AA to Kane, but Kane rolls out to the floor. Cena locked in a nine hour STF. Reigns pulls Orton out so he can't tap - smart. Reigns and Cena did a boo-yay punch spot. Cena counters the Superman punch into the Protobomb! SUPERMAN PUNCH, SPEAR GETS 2.9 thanks to a Kane save that Cena was on the lookout for. Sliding kick from Reigns to Cena. Spear to Orton through the timekeeper area. Spear to Kane after a chokeslam escape gets 2 thanks to a Cena save. Good AA hits for 2 before REIGNS MAKES A SAVE! Cena breaks up a pin at 2. Cole has the gall to say this is nail-biting. AA to Reigns...wait for it - TWO COUNT THANKS TO A SAVE! Spear to Kane - 2-SAVE! AA TO KANE AND CENA WINS! Thank Christ it's over! Cena's jump for joy is amusing.

Usos cut a promo on the post-show about every other team needing to get a number to get a shot. Cole CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT THE AUTHORITY HAS TO SAY ON NITRO...ERR RAW! Cena said that tonight was a BATTLEFIELD OF CHANGE! WHAT IN THE FUCK!? And that's it for the post-show.

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