Friday, January 23, 2015

TNA Impact Wrestling 1-23-15 - Feast or Fired

Destination America is running every DA-run episode of the show so far before Impact, so they're certainly giving them airtime. The airing of TNA Unlocked right before the first-run show is smart, but beyond the little pop-up video bits and the Tenay-Magnus interview, this is just Impact - they could easily put that stuff in the main show since they don't pretend to be live now. The feast or fired reveals will be on tonight's show, which was hyped up with a #tnafact.

Josh talks about 12 people risking their careers tonight - IT'S IMPACT WRESTLING'S VERSION OF THE HUNGER GAMES TONIGHT ON FRIDAY NIGHT IMPACT! Christ. As if IT'S WWE'S VERSION OF A DEMOLITION DERBY wasn't bad enough, now we've got TNA copying that and the Friday Night SmackDown moniker. FOF battle royal starts the show with the BPs and BroMans in there with Shaw, while Gunner and the Wolves get an intro followed by Bram and Magnus. Aries gets the last intro and Spud's in there too. Velvet's in a new super-short skirt doing stuff with Crazzy Steve while the camera man gets a bunch of upskirts. Velvet gets the case for Robbie and they leave. Bunch of nothing happens until Spud climbs up and grabs a case. Angelina tries to prevent a Wolves dive with her ass, but they beal DJZ over the top to a pile. Aries grabs a case and does a suicide dive on the pile too. Taz compares this match to Russian Roulette - only this has a payoff. So getting a TNA World Title shot is now officially better than blowing your brains out. London Tower of Doom to Gunner leads to Magnus getting the case. Okay, so it's 9:11 and the one match they've really hyped up is over. They cut to Lashley in a horrible-looking part of the building with tons of chipped paint and missing boards on the wall - HE'S COMING TO GET HIS DAMN TITLE BACK!


Magnus talks backstage while Bram yells at him for taking the case. Lashley comes out and Josh says KEITH HAS SOME FOOTAGE HE WANTS US TO SEE. It's an MVP-Lashley beatdown video and it was nothing special. Lashley says "I want my tithle back. Now." Oh God. Then Kenny King says ANYONE IN THE BDC CAN BE THE CHAMP AND THAT HE'D BE A BETTER CHAMP THAN LASHLEY! Kenny says he doesn't want to wrestle in front of losers, so he brings out the BDC and we get to hear that song yet again. Lashley and King have a match where Lashley tosses King to the BDC. Great beal from Lashley to King out of the corner. Big spear hits, but the BDC attacks and MVP challenges him to a street fight, and the BDC theme hits again. Show's not even 1/4th over and I'm ready for it to be done. Nothing is clicking here at all. Havok-Kim is next. We've traded in sex toy ads on Spike for KY ads on Destination America.

We get a recap of the Lashley beatdown from just now. Lashley walks around in yet another beaten-down part of the building. Josh cuts to a recap of Kong's TNA highlights, which are many. THIS VIDEO RULED! TNA needs to make a best of Awesome Kong show ASAP. Havok comes down and then Gail runs down and kicks her off the ramp, leading to Gail resuming her hand-slapping - what a great babyface. Axel-style running knee to the face from Havok. Havok shoves the ref so Gail wins by DQ. Havok alley ooped her on the bell. Kong makes a save here. Seeing them side by side, it's like watching Vader in there with Big Slam. Angle and Roode face EY and Low Ki later, which Josh hypes up as a match with POTENTIAL RAGE. Okay then.


We get a recap of the EC3-JB stuff from last week before Tigre Uno comes out and Josh talks about him being in AAA before signing with FRIDAY NIGHT IMPACT. Fuck off with this WWE ripoff stuff. He's facing Koya and Josh goes over how Storm is trying to erase the man's life with this rebranding. Koya is green as all hell and won with a Sky High after a minute. Storm talks about Matt Hardy conquering demons and addictions, but when he faces Storm, he'll be one demon that Hardy can't conquer. Storm is far better overall at this cult leader gimmick - he's a better promo than Bray, but he has nothing to work with due to the crew and this company. Angle and Roode chat about their storylines. Angle says very little before Bobby makes it all about him, and then Kurt says he stepped down to make things right. So yes, we've got a tag team in TNA that can't get along.


This match is up, but first, A WWE IMMORTALS AD. Josh has stepped outside the broadcast booth to the audio area with a white TNA logo. He recaps EY turning on Roode while annoying music plays and he talks about THE AUDIO TECHNICIAN JESS! Josh's hipster jacket is something else. Spud ran backstage with his case and said that now he's got a shot at a title or even if he's fired, he's fine because he'll punch out EC3. So far, half of the folks who could be fired are really fine with that fate. Hemme is shown backstage in a room to tend over the case reveals. We cut to the streets to hype up MVP, and then EY and Ki come out to EY's new generic theme. Taz pimps Angle by saying he's SUB-HUMAN. That doesn't mean what you think it means, Taz. "I don't mean to get all TMZ on you, Taz." Josh is now sub-Striker.

Ki and Angle do a bit of stuff briefly before Roode gets a floatover suplex for 2. Roode and EY chop away before EY beats him down. Hot tags in and Angle runs wild on Ki. Angle slam hits, but EY prevents an ankle lock. Roode comes in, gets the crossface for ages, but the BDC distracts everyone, EY hits him with a chair and Roode gets beat. Josh points out that it's odd for MVP to be out there since he's supposed to be outside. We come back and MVP is now on 34th street with a thick jacket on. Recap of EC3-Spud stuff. EC3's out in a shirt with a giant brace on his arm. Fans hold up an EC3 image as he gets in the ring - but the 3 is in the wrong direction. EC3 does his own intro and introduces JB from RECEDING HEIGHTS, BALDIMORE! JB's out in a Destination America hoodie. JB meets with Mark Andrews from British Boot Camp 2 and his fiancee Jade. EC3 asks Josh and Taz to stop talking while he commentates like a caricature of a '50s commentator. "The fans say you can't wrestle - BUT YOU CAN'T ANNOUNCE WORTH A DAMN EITHER!" This led to a brief flurry before EC3 ran him over. EC3 spits RIGHT ON SPUD'S FACE, and he eats a heart punch from Tyus. Mandrews hops in with a dropkick to Tyrus before he and Spud double dropkick Tyrus and Mandrews does an SSP off the top to the floor to Tyrus, who barely caught him.


Storm's out for his match with Matt. First, they do FRIDAY NIGHT IMPACT and now they're doing POWER RANKINGS. Jesus. Matt's got a bald spot going on the top of his head - kinda like Muta, but it's covered up more with his long hair. They fight on the floor while Josh and Taz talk about how OTHER REFEREES would call for a countout but, here, it's NOT ABOUT THE REFS, IT'S ABOUT THE WRESTLERS. And boy is there ever a lot of micromanagement in businesses too. Subtle. Lung blower from Storm. Matt gets a sloppy small package out of the eye of the storm for the win. Abyss attacks and then Storm gets the superkick, which lands perfectly. Abyss brings out Janice, but Jeff comes out to save and chants for Monster's Ball. Christy chats with folks while Robbie messes with the selfie stick. They show clips of Monster's Ball next week alongside Lashley defending the title against Aries, and holding the title - so we know what happens with the street fight that hasn't aired yet and who gets the World Title case.


Christy runs down Feast or Fired and looks fantastic - legit. She's in a dress here, but she's already doing bikini shoots a week after giving birth. Robbie sings "Wind Beneath My Wings" via selfie. Spud's called first, but he's scared to death. Spud gets the X Title shot and they cut to him saying it's the biggest moment of his career. Magnus is next and he gets the tag title shot - so of course, he and Bram split in that match. Christy tells Robbie he could be fired with this case. WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIRED BRO!? But we'll find out NEXT!

We come back and Robbie's scared about getting THIS STUPID SUITCASE! HE'S NOT STUPID BRO, CUZ VELVET GRABBED IT! She's fired. YOU'RE FIRED BRO. F-I-R...YOU'RE FIRED! We got to the selfie cam for the firing. Wow did Robbie ever make this great. Robbie was cut to back and forth being all wacky. A Double opens up his case as revealed by next week's clips. Street fight time. I can see this deal being how Lashley gets hurt - they're fighting around a lot of glass and on concrete. After a minute, they're back to fighting in the building. BDC attacks and takes him outside before Angle and Roode help. This was underwhelming. Roode grabs the title from MVP's clothing and hands it back to the champ. And that's it. Wow. Nice closing shot with Roode, but this whole show never reached the levels of last week, or the depths of the first week back. It just meandered along for two hours lifelessly.

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