Sunday, January 25, 2015

WWE Royal Rumble 2015

The pre-Rumble countdown show covering great Rumble moments was a good watch, even after watching the '90 show today. Byron, who has no energy, picks Bray to win. Corey picks Roman and Renee picks Bryan. Byron must need some Mountain Dew Kickstart - the official unopened beverage of WWE. Renee cut to "Human Friend" Tom Phillips, and we'll apparently hear from the fired 3 in the social media lounge later. Road Dogg's going all smarty-pants here. I don't know who wrote this promo, but they've never heard any of these men say words before. OH MY GOD, THIS GUY'S NAME IS ACTUALLY FRED! I thought it was just Tom Phillips again. Booker takes this opportunity to put over Anthony "Rumble" Johnson for killing Gustafsson last night. Well, that was hilarious.

Booker's interview with HBK wasn't much. Booker is one of the most inspirational stories in wrestling history though. He came from the bottom and is still around in the biggest company in the world. Looks like we're getting WrestleMania: The Movie for WM 30 now called WWE 24: WrestleMania - cool! New Day's out and the tag match has been changed from a 3-team elimination deal to just Kofi and Big E against Kidd and Cesaro. BULLET CLUB MERCH HAS INVADED WWE! BRASS RING CLUB shirts! Cole buries PPV here on the pre-show.

 Swinging dropkick lead to an ad break. THERE'S A FIGHT NOW ON THE ROYAL RUMBLE KICK-OFF SHOW. Yup. I've seen many fights with chinlocks. Cole shills the Network again. JBL buries PPV. This is the second time IN THIS VERY MATCH they've buried PPV, and now King is blatantly lying about having all of WWE's back catalog on it. Rocket launching larait from Kofi things to Big E to the floor. Kofi would be wise to never do that again unless he'd like to blow his knees out. Big E spear. HUGE pop for a Cesaro dropkick. Brass Ring Club better win this - it really doesn't matter, so just have the fans get the win they want to see. Cesaroplex and the flying elbow get 2! Great spot with Cesaro leaniing into Kidd for a sunset flip, but he gets caught. SHARPSHOOTER'S ON! ADAM BLOSE sign! Fisherman Neckbreaker wins for Kidd! After a numbers vid, we get more generic banter and they do the social media lounge crap. "It's not how you handle a situation, IT'S WHAT YOU DO ABOUT IT!" Isn't that the same thing? WWE Title hype too. They close with Vince's tweet about the Rock.

IT'S TIME TO BEWARE! PPV time! Great hype video for the Rumble match and the title match. Outlaws are out with Philly Fanatic hats on. Gut sells a good punch, but Fivehead is doomed. He's too skinny and short for this gimmick. JBL is now referencing BUDDY COLT numerous times in 2015. They did some slow, plodding stuff after Billy did an armbar and said THAT'S ALL I GOT. This was a terrible choice for an opener. JBL got in his reference on Billy not aging, so you can mark that off your bingo card. The Ascension use the numbers game to beat the Outlaws. Wow did this hurt everyone involved - except for Billy, he looked good. One match in - TIME FOR AN AD!


HHH and Steph do a bit talking about how STING WON'T BE IN THE RAFTERS HERE, THIS IS THE HOUSE OF MCMAHON! Sting's jobbing at WM. Tag title match is up - Mizdow's hugely popular. Usos have swank red and silver shorts now. Sidewinder into a double sledge gets 2. Miz got crotched and Mizdow did the same. Nasty low bridge spot sends an Uso throat-first into the rope. O Connor Roll back and forth gets 2. Miz gets the kneeling DDT for 2, but does it like Dean's finisher. Crazy Uso dive gets a YOU FUCKED UP CHANT since Miz missed the catch. Finale gets 2. An Uso gets a five star superkick and a superfly dive for 2 thanks to Mizdow! Mizdow gets the Finale! IT GETS 2! Blind tag leads to a sunset bomb and a mid-air switching superfly dive for the win! This was pretty fun.

Cole hypes up the pre-show panel before throwing to them for more generic words. J and J Security shilled WWE Immortals, where WWE Superstars can do battle in the outer world or some shit. Bellas are out and we get a recap of this feud. This feud of all things needed a PPV recap video. Double suplex to Brie while King ponders which Bella is older. Crowd sang Generico's theme here. Brie botched a slam counter badly and got 2. Botch Mode. Throughout this, the ref counted a tag, didn't count it. Nikki "hits" an elbow for 2. This is awful. Nikki goes for a rolling leg thing, but Nattie tries to turn it into a sharpshooter. Bellas win by taking Paige out and Nikki nailed the forearm.

They plug WWE 24 - Steph's yelling of WRESTLEMANIA was just terrible. We get a Rumble hype promo with Roman talking about winning THE WHOLE THING. The Dust Bros are here, and of course Stardust dominates it. Rusev says he'll take out Cena, Rollins, or Lesnar. Miz says words too and Mizdow pisses him off by saying "I'll win the Royal Rumble match" after Miz did. THE NEW AND IMPROVED FANDANGO said things too. It's not even 9:00 and it's time for the WWE Title match...with a recap video of Brock killing motherfuckers.

Cena's out first and gets the crowd singing JOHN CENA SUUUCCCKKKS! alongside his song. JBL has the balls to say that Cena could join THE GREATS like Thesz, Gotch, and HHH. Brock is bigger here than he was on Raw and is far more tan too. He's also got knee pads on, wisely. Brock starts with a German to Cena and then another before Seth comes in and J and J save him, but take a beating. Brock knees Seth to the gut and Germans him too. German once again sends Seth right on his left shoulder and head. Brock batters Cena and gets the Kimara. Brock eats a flying knee that Seth hits nice and hard. They fight on the floor for a bit working on Brock's arm. Cena goes after Seth and gets 2 off a Michinoku driver. Seth eats an F5 and takes a VINTAGE STOMACH BUMP, but Cena breaks it up. Brock destroys the Spanish table to do more destruction. AA, Brock's up, AA, Brock's up. THIRD AA and it gets 2 thanks to Seth. CURB STOMP! This is like minutes 25-35 of a match 10 minutes in.

Cena sends Brock through the timekeeper area and Cena bonks him with steps to the table. SETH DOES THE SHANE-O ELBOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Seth leaps out of the AA, but Cena gets a Batista Bomb for 2. Corner to corner buckle bomb from Seth gets 2. J and J attacks Cena. Brock's about to be carted off and SETH AND THE SHIELD 2.0 POWERBOMB CENA for 2. DOUBLE AA TO J AND J! AA TO SETH GETS 2.9! Cole says they've said Brock's got a broken rib. They've diagnosed a broken rib on the floor without an X ray machine? CURB STOMP TO CENA gets 2.9! SKYTWISTER PRESS FROM SETH makes its main roster debut, BUT BROCK GERMANS HIM! Seth kills him with the case twice, but BROCK SURVIVES AND F5S HIM FOR THE WIN! Holy crap did this rule. Can't believe Brock won - amazing. Post-match, Seth was consoled by Mercury - I was hoping for a big post-match reaction ala Benoit in '03 against Angle, but it didn't happen.


The same numbers video aired again.Miz is out as one while TRUTH GETS 2! AWESOME TRUTH COLLIDES! The What's Up bit went on forever, which Miz mocked. BUBBA RAY RETURNS, does some Devon spots with Truth and then goes toe to toe with Harper. Bray's out. Wyatts vs. the Dudleys here. Nope - they chuck Bubba out. Axel comes out and Rowan attacks him. Then Rowan comes in and Harper does stuff with him. They tease attacking Bray, but the heels attack him. "This is gonna be good" is something that has never been associated with Boogeyman. IT'S THE EATER OF WORLDS VERSUS THE EATER OF WORMS...Bray takes him out. Then Sin Cara. Ryder returns here and gets no reaction. HUGE pop for Bryan and he runs wild on Bray with corner dropkicks, kicks. Fandango's out. Fandango is standing tall in the ring with these men why? AIRPLANE SPIN TO FANDANGO!


Kidd comes in and runs wild with a flying dropkick to Bryan and corner shots to Bray. Kidd making use of every single second he's given to shine here. FUCK OFF STARDUST! He's now twinkle-toeing along with his theme. Stardust and Fandango exchange skin the cat spots and Kidd takes a five star bump over the top for Bryan. Bryan dives to Bray through the middle rope while JBL buries Mil Mascaras for eliminating himself. DDP's out looking pale. Amazed that DDP passed the physical. Cutter to Cody. DDP crotches Fandango and hits a super cutter. Bray jumps him. CUTTER TO BRAY! It's a damn shame Dean Ambrose isn't nearly 60 and retired - he could get put over strong like this too if he was. Rusev's new black, red, and gold gear rules! Rusev kicks DDP and throws him out. Fandango's out too. Bryan flies in and gets the dueling kicks to Bray and Rusev. Holy shit - they actually had Bray Wyatt eliminate Daniel Bryan. Goldust's out and he and Stardust fight when Stardust tries to take him out. MASSIVE Daniel Bryan comes out. LOL at the boos for the New Day theme. Kofi's out. Adam Rose is now a Hollywood Hogan cosplayer. Rosebuds catch Kofi, but not Rose. Kofi eats a nasty kick and takes a huge bump to the floor.

Roman's down and he gets booed on the way to the ring, and in the ring. Okay - time to call an audible and have Daniel Bryan be eliminated, but the mysterious Mr. Small Package debuts and wins. New Day theme hits and Big E gets booed. Mizdow comes out and Miz stops him saying it's his spot. Miz is tossed out AND MIZDOW RUNS IN! Rusev chucks him. Swagger's out to no reaction. Ryback's out here hitting Reigns and getting cheered. CM Punk chant breaks out. I hope Ryback busts out a GTS. THE CORPORATE DEMON KANE'S OUT and nothing happens for a bit. Dean's out. Titus comes down and the Shield reunites to take him out. An Ambrose win could save this - but it's not October when he had momentum. Bray's being put over really strong here. I GOT SOME BAD NEWS FOR YA! IT'S TIME FOR SOME BAD NEWS...he's still the Intercontinental Champion! Not much happens here. Cesaro's out. Rusev takes out E. Show's out at 29. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED IN AGES!

Kane chokeslams Dean while Show takes out Reigns with one. Show and Kane get an elimination here. Dolph's 30. SUPERKICK PARTY! CESARO SWING! It leads to a clothesline, but he doesn't quite send him over the top. Superkick to Cesaro takes him out. Dolph jumps into a KO punch. Kane sends Dolph out to break the all-time record for lifetime eliminations. Bray's out by Show. It's now Shield vs. Authority. Roman looks kinda cool with blood on his face. Kane and Show take Dean out like it's nothing and the crowd boos because they know it's time for Reigns to get his hand-picked win. This guy BULLSHIT is a huge star. Kane and Show do the dual choke and Roman gets the most anti-climatic win in Rumble history.

He gets beaten down by Kane and Show, so Rock should save him soon. Rusev never got eliminated. Rock's out. Rock runs wild on the heels, Rusev's in and gets tossed by Roman for the official win. WE HAVE WITNESSED THE ADVENT OF ROMAN REIGNS! Brock looks on from his dressing room. Roman hugs Rock and they point to the sign, while HHH and Steph look on angrily. Crowd boos all of this mercilessly. Cole said it will be Roman vs. Brock at WM 31, and his voice is shot. We got the post-show starting at 10:45. Cena gets a promo, but Rusev interrupts - so we get the start of that feud tonight on the post-show. Corey says that tonight, they redefined what the WWE Title meant. JBL says Brock was "hitten by steel stairs." Human Friend talks to Rock and Roman. Roman says that you can count on FAMILY. No, NOT DEAN AMBROSE, HIS BROTHER - but the Rock. Roman is quite awful on this promo and Rock actually comes off like a bit less of a star here.

Screen Gallery -


  1. Were is the match card pix of the triple threat match for the title pix

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