Thursday, January 22, 2015

WWE SmackDown 1-22-15

Show opens with a Sting-heavy video package that has some great shots of Sting in it. Bryan's out to cut a promo while King talks about WWE BEING IN THE FAST LANE! Bryan says they're on the Road to WrestleMania, THE VIGILANTE STING'S FIRST APPEARANCE ON RAW, or how the Authority flat out suck. Speaking of sucking, this verbiage is horrible. Ryback returns, then Rowan, who hopefully used his time off to come up with new ways to make great wine. Dolph comes out and man is it weird to see all of these guys fired from WWE back to wearing their WWE corporate merchandise. Bryan makes sure to mention that Cena did all of this, while Ryback credited THE MAN THEY CALL STING and the Universe too. Ryback's skin appears to be stretched over his body and he looks 45. Rowan says that being gone was sort of a blessing because it gave him time to think. He was a different person before, a puppet.

Dead silence for this. Now, he's seen himself in a new light and he refers to himself as we while looking at the sheep mask. Dolph talks to DB about eating stuffed crust pizza, watching the new WWE Fit Series, and then tells DB HELL NO! Goddamn this verbiage. 12 minutes in and all of this talking has literally accomplished nothing. Make that 13 minutes. Dolph said he'd rather be in the ring than being on some stupid podcast before the corporate demon Kane came down with Seth and the goons to make matches. Dolph says that SETH'S NOSE IS BURIED UP THE AUTHORITY'S BACKSIDE! What a badass. Seth buries Dolph for eating stuffed crust pizza. They talked and talked for a bit. Seth said he'd be champion on Sunday before shilling the WWE Fit Series.

Kane scolds Dolph for being disrespectful and tells Bryan that the Authority is in control and he still needs to go through him to get into the Rumble. We get a recap 17 minutes in of the WWE Champion turning face and destroying the Authority. Show rambles about giving guys a FIRST CLASS TRIP OVER THE TOP ROPE ON SUNDAY! Show talks about Kane-Bryan before Kane mocks Dolph with a silly voice and some fan yells about Dolph. Kane tells Dolph that he's back at the bottom, but tonight, he'll let him face Barrett - he won't punish him by making it an IC Title match. Cole says that this is a Rumble qualifier, which Kane didn't say.

During the break, Rowan and Ryback were told they'd have opponents too. They go through the motion with clubs and chinlocks while Cole reminds everyone that Barrett's endured a number of losses over the last two weeks. DON'T PUT THE CHAMPION OVER TOO MUCH NOW. Barrett gets a Fujiwara armbar, but Dolph escapes and Barrett tosses himself into the buckle and he eats the big DDT for 2. Barrett batters away in the corner while Cole tells us that it's only a Rumble qualifier and Barrett's already in. Why not just reveal the finish and save us all some time? Fameasser misses into a schoolboy for 2, superkick to BNB gets 2. A fan holds up a WE WERE PROMISED JETPACKS sign while BNB readies the elbow, he eats s dropkick and Zig Zag to lose. Cole talks about THE UPSTART TAG TEAM THE ASCENSION met with the Outlaws, APA, and NWO on Raw. They focused on the NAO destroying the Ascension, leading to Ascension-NAO at the Rumble. They run down Kane-Bryan being no DQ now.  The Big Dawg, The Juggernaut, THE POWERHOUSE ROMAN REIGNS is talking to someone backstage in pure silence.

Last week, SmackDown was seemingly above Raw based on this graphic. Renee met with Roman while cutting to a clip from Raw before asking a question. Roman of course waited until after a 65 year old man was attacked before coming down. Roman was pretty funny here with his mannerisms mocking Show saying he's a giant all the time - which Andre never had to do. Roman says that Show's talking about him wanting his spot (he does?), but he wants to carve out his own niche. He's gonna have the fist popped, cocked, and ready to unlock. He also has NO FRIENDS IN THE RUMBLE AND IT'S ONE VERSUS ALL. His friend, his so-called brother Dean Ambrose is in the Rumble too - what a prick. King says that it will be on PPV, BUT YOU COULD PAY ONLY $10 FOR IT INSTEAD OF $55 - WHY WOULD YOU SPEND $55 ON WWE PROGRAMMING!? WHAT KIND OF FOOL ARE YOU!?

Ryback's out for his match with Rusev. Randomly, we go backstage to Fandango getting a good number and being sleazy, while Dean uses the distraction to switch numbers with him. Byron is apparently a heel, and he's really bad at it. Cole's putting Dolph over as a badass rebel for saying THE AUTHORITY SUCKS. Wow. A graphic plugs HHH being inducted into the 2015 ISHOF and Ryback sloppily suplexes Rusev right on his shoulder and hip. Ryback gets some shoulder charges before Rusev gets a dropkick. During the break, they plug that you can watch SD whenever you want on the SyFy app - so if you'd like to skip all of these ads and the filler, you can do so legally. Rusev dominates while Lana in brown approves.

Rusev pie-faces him, but he eats a slingshot back suplex that Ryback barely gets him up for. Weren't Rusev and Ryback feuding before the firing? Shouldn't that be part of this story too? Backpack stunner gets 2.  Rusev gets an Alabama slam for 2. Ryback gets a belly to belly, but he gets crotched going up top and superkicked. Rusev goes for the Accolade, but he can't quite lock it in. Ryback gets out and hits a spinebuster. Rusev avoids the lariat, but they brawl on the floor and Ryback beats the count. Ryback technically wins, but gets a beatdown before coming back, teasing Shellshock, but Rusev escapes. Everything about this match was unsatisfying.


Naomi's out while Paige and Nattie are on commentary talking about their match against the Bellas. Nikki came out to shake her ass while Brie's out to wrestle. Bellas inset promo was horrible while Paige's wacky mannerisms ruled. Paige takes offense to being called a vampire - SHE'S A GLAMPIRE DAMMIT! Brie gives Naomi a massive wedgie throwing her into the ring from the floor. Paige hypes up Total Paige, so perhaps she's seen the Youtube channel devoted to just her being on the show. Cole buries Byron for not naming sources regarding Paige stuff. Amazing. X Factor wins for Brie and Nattie says the Black Harts will win on Sunday. Harper says you can send in anyone, but he'll take Rowan out and take anyone else out too. DON'T BLINK AND THE MONSTERS WILL GET YOU! Harper's so much better at this than Bray.

Gold and Stardust have a wacky skit with the tumbler. STARDUST CAN FUCK OFF with everything he does. Stardust hisses while Goldust does his huffing bit. Rowan the winemaker's out to face Harper the unwashed. Rowan does a Bushwacker battering ram into the corner using Harper's head and pounces him down for 2. Corner charge sets up a dash off the ropes, but Harper dropkicks him down. Rowan hits a beal into the corner and then gets the corner charge. Spinkick hits for 2. Rowan goes for a full nelson, but Harper bites free. Rowan goes up, misses the splash, eats a superkick and the discus lariat and Harper wins. This was a damn fine short match - Harper and Rowan have good chemistry and Harper's a good guy for him to be in there with.

Kane meets with the guys and Kane asks Seth to borrow the goons to ensure he wins. I guess Kane vs. Bryan is up next despite it only being 9:25. NUMBERS PROMO. There we go - VINTAGE SD FILLER! This went on for ages. Miz and Mizdow talk about how Miz is the real star, not him. When they're chanting for Mizdow, they're cheering for Miz instead - and he screwed up his latte too. Uce and Uce talk about Mizdow should be his own star by throwing Miz over at the Rumble. Bryan gets his intro and we get another ad break. 15 minutes of basically nothing before this Kane-Bryan match. Cole runs down the pre-show match with the New Day in an elimination 6-man tag. At least they'll get whatever a PPV payday is now.

Recap of Bryan losing on Raw and Kane beating him up afterwards. King tells Byron to get to the Rumble now, so he's clearly overjoyed with this new setup. He's said maybe five sentences tonight too. Kane nails him a few times with a kendo stick - including a cool shot where he bonks him with it like it's HHH's sledgehammer. Bryan runs wild with a cane for 2. Post-break chinlock brings us back. ON THE APP, the goons attacked Bryan. Kane hits him with a chair a few times. Bryan fires back with punches before baseball sliding him on the floor, and then kind of eating a throat thrust on the dive. They fight on the table for a tombstone, but Bryan escapes, tosses Kane off the table, into the post and hits the dive. He didn't take his safe bump and instead did a header into the floor. J and J comes in during a Yes lock.

Bryan gets the corner to corner dropkicks on each, but eats a chokeslam for a great nearfall. Bryan kicks Kane's face so his head hits the corner chair, he hits the running knee and wins. We've got some time left, so Show cheapshots Bryan and bullies him down the ramp before throwing him into the ring for a 4-on-1 beating. After mere seconds, the fired guys come down to help and then mid-card heels come down. Then more faces come down. Ambrose runs down too before being joined by THE BIG DAWG, THE JUGGERNAUT POWERHOUSE WHO MAKES IT RAIN. Only with the help of Roman can they get rid of all of these mid-card geeks. Faces stand tall, BUT THEIR FRIENDSHIP MEANS NOTHING ON SUNDAY! Nothing show overall, sadly - they made SD seem important very briefly, but it's back to feeling like filler.

Screens -

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