Sunday, May 11, 2014

TNA Impact 1-17-13

After Walking Tall, it's time for Brooke to WALK DOWN THE AISLE. The show-opening vid re-re-aired Tenay calling the big guy Mike Knox, so hopefully they've figured out the name for him or not. It also brought up Hogan suspending Bully. I guess he rescinded that so he could just walk into the building at Genesis. This video also seemed to recap two months of stuff even though it was just the last week for the most part. They should've said the wedding was a match made in Hell's Kitchen. The wacky invite graphic calls him Mr. Bully Ray. Spike came in with his glasses, gave them to Bubba, and then TOMMY DREAMER SHOWED UP. He got Spike a double-small tie-dye tux. AWWW. Brooke's got the face KOs as her bridesmaids, so I guess she has no friends. Tess has a sweet mostly backless dress. Jeff Hardy, who wasn't brought up at all in the opening vid, came out. The crowd chanted that he still had it. Well, since he's only 35, that's good. Daniels and Kaz, WITH A NEW KAZAMANIA SHIRT, came out. They insulted Jeff, it led to a fight, and Storm came out to make a holla holla tag match. He can make matches now, so he should name himself the number 2 contender to the world title.

Pretty fun tag match, but nothing too special. Storm busted out a plancha. Quick Twisto won for Hardy over Kaz. Daniels hit the Angel's Wings on the belt then posed with the gold. The belt looks awesome on Daniels' shoulder. They ripped off 24 with a billion PIP windows on-screen for the Gut Check deal. Al's got a black velvet sportscoat on. Bully met with Dreamer and Spike, then Joseph Park came in and gave him some "not exactly street legal" cubans. Kay-fab. Tenay shilled the Gut Check Challenge as a way for the fans to pick a previous winner to get a shot at stardom...WASN'T THE GUT CHECK THING SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR SHOT AT STARDOM!? Brian Cage didn't get a contract, but Bradley still needs to win. Taz said no, so he had to kick out - he said he's humped so many highways, he owes some child support. That ruled. Also, the Boomstick trended worldwide and Al's wearing a purple jacket with a red shirt and black trim. Amazing. Bradley won the contract.

York came out with new silver, black, and neon green gear. Maybe he's trying out for DX. They recapped King's attack on York, which allowed this rematch to make perfect sense. Taz, who I think is a face, had no problem with King's attack on York at the PPV. York busted out a few nice clotheslines and the kneeling kicks to the face that Kawada did. They had a nice series of counters for moves, but it came off clunky due to York being so slow. King won via schoolboy with the tights. This is like the third match with that finish in a week in TNA.

Bully met with Sting to ask him to get Hogan there, "Because of what you mean to me, I'll do it". Wow. That was hilarious. Taz left to help Bully. Aries stripped his shirt off before Roode came in and they chatted about the wedding and fashion. There's a distinct homoerotic tone to this segment that is adding to the comedy. Also, Hogan was a dick to a camera guy. 

Got a huge chuckle out of Taz's PAUL SAID HE'D COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES bit. Spike would look eons younger with some hair dye. It just seems wrong for Spike Dudley to have grey hair - facially, he looks about the same, but the grey hair ages him a lot. Bully's glad to "have his brothers here tonight". Well, if they want the Aces to look like badasses, Spike and Dreamer are great guys to beat up.  Brooke/Bully recap. Sting came out to beg Hogan to come to the wedding. Hogan came out - loved the shot of him pointing to the cake in disbelief. Hogan came out and posed...for some reason. Director missed most of it. Sting laid out a perfectly logical reason for Hogan to let Brooke get married. Loved the crowd chanting DO IT when Sting said he should trust Bully. Then he said he always does the right thing. That might've been the funniest line all year. Gail met with Taryn, who pled her case about a rematch due to Gail's foot being under the rope. SO THE PPV MATCH MEANT NOTHING. Oh well.

They aired about 30 seconds of the bachelor party. Velvet's got more holes in her catsuit - I approve. They hyped up King Mo's special after Bellator since he's a two-sport star...I guess. Bob Holly came off as more of a two-sport star than what they've done with Mo. Gail's ass-centric headscissors spot rules. Gail hit Eat Defeat, but Taryn noticed Velvet's foot under the rope this time and Velvet hit the shittiest bulldog since early Trish then a reverse DDT into the In Yo Face, before hitting...another IYF. Not sure why it took two to win, but it doesn't really matter - they kept things going towards Velvet-Tara and seem to be setting up Gail-Taryn for her first TNA match. Dixie met with Brooke and cried as if Brooke was her own child. They cried and hugged, this was adorably hilarious. WEDDING-A-MANIA IS NEXT!

They recapped the Daniels attack on Hardy from earlier, which is good because I forgot about that world title match. They've really underplayed everything but the wedding here. Roode and Aries came out to invite themselves to the wedding. They were WHY ARE CHAVO AND HERNANDEZ TAG CHAMPS? Loved Aries saying that the company's ten years in the past due to its champions, and then listing every last one of them. Well, he's right. Chavo came out to object. Aries and Roode did some race-baiting, Chavo messed up a line, and Aries saved it by demanding a vegan burrito. Looks like Roode and Aries are the next tag champs - sweet. I liked Roode saving Aries from certain death via Hernandez powerbomb.

Hogan and Sting had a heart-to-heart about Brooke, and Hogan said that the issue wasn't about Bully, it's just that he knows how the movie ends. Sting convinced him, reluctantly. Dreamer came out with Tessmacher - VINTAGE WWE ECW! Runt came out with Mickie's cleavage. Those bridesmaids dresses rule. Taz appears to be gigantic. Bully's giant Joker grin here rules. Kenely called Bully's friends the EXTREME GROOMSMEN! Brooke's dress is quite cleavagey. The Bellator countdown clock is really killing my enjoyment of this. Loved one guy going GET ON WITH IT! Of course, the vows led to a huge YES chant. Bully's I do was the creepiest thing in human history. TAZ unveiled his vest. YES, HE'S OFF COMMENTARY. Also, he's a biker now. Doc and Knox grabbed Brooke while she struggled to keep her top on. This greatly exceeded expectations.

Screens -




No comments:

Post a Comment